I Woke the Beast

Phoebe liked to mess with the Gellers. Truthfully, she liked messing with everyone and anyone about anything, but screwing with Ross and Monica was a special treat. Once you wound one of them up, their indignation could last for days. Just a few words from Phoebe testing their worldview or somehow insinuating that they were lagging behind in some way, would force either one of the two to overreact, overreach and overcompensate. They would practically drive themselves mad as they attempted to get Phoebe to retract the perceived slight or offensive observation.

Even more satisfying were the times that they would cave after a long enough battle of wills and simply agree with her, just so they could end the conflict. That was Phoebe's favorite outcome, because then she could flip her position to the other side, confusing and confounding them; or she chastised them for giving in to her and betraying everything they stood for. It always provided her with endless hours of entertainment.

One of her crowning achievements in regards to messing with a Geller was just a few years ago when she was able to get Ross to go completely over the edge with only the slightest of pushes. All she had to do was question the validity of the theory of evolution and the rest was easy. It also helped her enjoyment knowing that everyone else could see what she was doing to him. Everyone except for Ross of course. They would be snickering behind his back, hiding their smiles, and Phoebe would relish in their amusement. He was so blinded by this perceived slight on his belief system, and on his entire profession, that he didn't pick up on any of that. Instead he spent three days trying to convince her she was wrong.

The more he tried, the more she egged him on. She does not know how she kept a straight face when he started grabbing random things while they were in Mr. Heckles apartment to prove his point. All she had to do was calmly rebuke his protests; add some outrageous theories about alien overlords and conspiracies about manufactured fossil placement, and she could see his mind explode.

He even went through the trouble of signing out valuable and rare fossil samples from the museum, just to bring them to her as proof of evolution. Who knows how he pulled that one off, but it must have taken a lot of effort on his part. She almost felt guilty, worried that if his job had found out about the frivolous reason why he had them in his briefcase he might have been fired, but it was too late for her to back down. He was still on the hook and she loved every minute of it. Then, the moment she got him to crack, she flipped it around. She was especially proud of the glorious maneuvering she had done to get him to admit that there could be the tiniest of chances that evolution may not be real. Betraying everything he had been saying and doing the entire time.

Yes, the Gellers were fun to screw up and twist into a tight bunch, and now that she just observed how Monica flung herself across the room to prove how hot she and Chandler were, her new plan was born, and it elicited a devious grin on Phoebe's face.

She did not even set out to do anything mischievous when she turned around and moaned about already missing Gary the minute he left the apartment. She was sincerely swept up in the excitement of a new relationship. New lips to kiss, a new body to touch. And a cop? That played right into Phoebe's hands of having a strong, authoritative man whom she could also take her own turn in dominating. Gary was almost perfect.

Her question to Monica about when that first stage in a relationship ends was innocent enough, yet, once she saw her reaction, and how she threw herself at Chandler to prove they were still in the honeymoon phase, her mind wrapped around the delicious concept of pushing Monica even further down the rabbit hole. The idea that she could manipulate her friend was too good to resist. Sometimes the most fun games are the ones that you do not plan.

Now, that the beast is awake, and Monica is on competitive overdrive, it will be an easy task sending her over the edge. As an added bonus, she gets to mess with Chandler too. Although, if the plan she is formulating works, he might buy her an expensive present as a thank you for all the sex he is about to have, or he might collapse from dehydration.

Phoebe, still watching her two friends in a state of overt passion; kissing and groping each other demonstratively, she cannot help but laugh. Monica actually slapped the broom and his sandwich out of his hand and onto the floor, giving Phoebe ammunition to pour cold water over this little tryst. She gets up from the couch, smooths out her skirt, grabs her bag and starts to walk towards the door. "I guess I'll leave you two lovebirds alone."

Monica can only respond in moans as she sucks on Chandler's neck, rubbing her body against his fervently., her leg already wrapped around his waist. Chandler cranes his neck in order to make some kind of eye contact with Phoebe. "Yeah, we'll see you tomorrow Pheebs."

Phoebe saunters across the room. "Oh my. There's bread and meat all over the floor. Well, I guess you guys can clean that up after. I'm sure it won't make the floor all greasy and crumby. Oh no. Is that mustard? Oh well." She quickly exits the apartment, a childish grin on her face and she closes the door behind her. She leans against it as she tries to listen and see if she had elicited the desired reaction from Monica inside.

"Mon, we can get that after. You can't expect me to stop what we're doing now! You have me all worked up!"

"Chandlerrrr! You can't expect me to start what we're doing with this food all over the floor! This mess will have me all worked up! And not in a good way"

Phoebe smiles, basking in her triumph and makes her way across the hall. She isn't really ready to go home, and maybe Joey will be there. She'd love to tell him what she is doing, but he has a soft spot for everyone in the group and wouldn't understand why this is so much fun. It's probably why she never does anything like this to him. He is just too precious of a soul for her to corrupt this way.


As Monica and Chandler rush out of Central Perk, grabbing their coats and practically knocking people over as the scurry across the street, Phoebe cannot help but laugh out loud. Gary, tilts his head a bit from the other side of the room and walks over to her, bringing his coffee and a plate of cookies. Puzzled, he looks out the window and into the street, Monica and Chandler already out of view. "Where'd they run off to?" He sits down next to her and places the mug and plate on the table in front of them.

Phoebe immediately leans over and grabs a cookie. Taking a satisfying victory bite. "Oh, they are probably going to go have a lot of sex."

Gary shakes his head, and incredulous look on his face. "I gotta tell ya Phoebe; you and your friend have a really weird relationship. Nobody on the force would tell me when they were going to have sex. Maybe all you guys are a little too close."

Phoebe laughs. "No. It's not that. Okay, I'll tell you but you have to promise not to get mad."

Gary adopts a reprimanding tone. "Did you break any laws?"

Phoebe flails her arms down into her lap defiantly. "No, I told you I wouldn't do that anymore. Or at least, I wouldn't do that around you. Or, at least I wouldn't so it while you were looking."

Gary shakes his head. Already surrendering to the fact that he has no power over this chaotic woman. He is sure she will be the death of him. "So, what's this big secret?"

Phoebe inches closer to him excitedly. "Well, Monica is trying to outdo us in the sex department."

"I don't know what that means?"

Phoebe huffs impatiently. "I've been telling her how we have been having a lot of sex, and I may have insinuated that her and Chandler aren't able to keep up because they aren't new to each other anymore and don't have the same passion as we do. So, now she is going to try and have as much sex as she possibly can to outdo us."

"I don't understand any of what you just said."

Phoebe waves him off playfully. "It doesn't matter. It's fun"

Gary takes a sip from his coffee and a sly smile spreads across his lips. "Well, it will be for Chandler I suppose."


Gary and Phoebe had decided to cut through the park in order to get to the restaurant on time for their dinner with Monica and Chandler. Gary thought it might be a romantic setting and made sure to take her hand in his as they briskly strolled down the main path. He reaches an arm around her shoulders to pull her closer to him. Phoebe, liking this overprotective instinct he has, plays up to his ego by huddling close to him and enticing him to tighten his grip around her.

Phoebe's brow wrinkles in a contemplative manner, "Okay, so what is a naked person shoplifting?"

Gary looks off, taking his time to respond. "Well, we might say that's a 10-39 in progress or a 10-30."

"Okay, well, how about if someone has realigned a person's aura without consent?"

Gary stares off, a look of befuddled astonishment on his face. "I don't think we have a number for that."

Phoebe, her tone deadly serious, "Well you should. It is a big problem in the psychic community."

"I'll look into that. So, have you talked to Chandler and Monica yet?"

Pheobe shakes her head in response. "No. But I know they've probably been going at it like crazy. I bet Chandler is exhausted. Oooo! That gives me an idea." Phoebe starts to look around the area they are walking in and bends down to pick up a few twigs from the ground. "I'm going to put these in my hair and when she notices them, we can say we had sex in the park."

Gary screws up his face in confusion. "She's going to notice that little twig?"

Phoebe laughs as she shakes her head. "Who, Monica? Oh yeah. Monica would notice a stain the size of a pin head fifty feet away."

"Maybe we could use her in our crime scene investigation department."

Phoebe laces her arm inside his and squeezes tightly, her smile beaming with childlike excitement. "This will be great! She'll think we had sex in public and then she will force Chandler to have sex in public."

Gary uses his free hand to pinch the brim of his nose. "Phoebe, I'm a cop. I can't just let people I am with have sex in public."

Phoebe purses her lips in disappointment. "Okay, what if I let you do that special thing you've been wanting to do in bed?"

Gary perks up, his eyes open wide. "Really? The special thing?" Phoebe nods seductively. A large salacious grin spreads across Gary's lips. "Okay! I'm in."

Phoebe mood returns to an excited, childlike demeanor. "Great! Now, when she notices it, I will tell her we had sex and you say something cop-like about it to make it sound believable."

"Something cop-like? Like what?"

Phoebe tilts her head and looks off to the side as she tries to think of something. "Oh! I know! Say we violated section twelve of paragraph seven of the criminal code."

Gary allows a playful look of shock to wash over his face. "Wait, how do you know that? Is part of your record expunged?"

Phoebe avoids his stare and concentrates her eyes on the ath ahead. "Uh, I plead the fifth officer."

Gary laughs and turns his own gaze forward. "So, I have to tell them I broke the law, look the other way when they break the law?"

Phoebe smiles up at him. "Just this once?"

Gary shakes his head, utterly powerless to resist this woman. "Okay, but maybe you cite the criminal code. I don't think I'll remember that."


As Monica excuses herself from the table and rushes off, Gary and Phoebe share a mischievous look with each other. Gary takes her hand in his. "Maybe we should have sex in public."

Phoebe smiles and nods. "I can't believe she's actually going to go find him. Do you think they're gonna do it in the men's room?"

Gary smirks as he plats with some of the food on his plate with his fork. "But I thought you said she was a neat freak? She's going to go to a public bathroom and do that?"

Phoebe pulls her margarita glass up and takes a celebratory sip. "She needs to win more than she needs to clean. Should we say something to a waiter or someone else and get them caught! Won't that be fun?"

Gary shakes his head. "Nah, let them have their fun. I mean, we wouldn't want anyone busting in on us, right? Plus, just in case you forgot. I'm a cop. They might ask me to do something."

Phoebe mocks disappointment. "I guess. But I need to do something. Maybe when they get back you can get all angry-cop on them and yell at them."

"I could do that. A scared straight kind of thing."

Phoebe laughs into her glass. "More like scared celibate!" The two of them begin to pick at the food on their plates as they wait. Nibbling on some leftovers.

After a few minutes, Phoebe narrows her eyes as she can see Monica and Chandler walking back to the table from the far side of the restaurant. Monica has her arm linked through his, leaning her head on him, smiling broadly. They reach the table and Phoebe looks up, slightly confused. "Are you guys back already?"

Monica nods. "Hey guys, we were thinking about getting out of here. Chandler took care of the bill already and we figured you guys could finish up and just leave a tip. Is that okay?"

Gary stands up and reaches his hand out, offering it to Chandler. "Sure. No problem. You didn't have to do that."

Chandler shakes his head, dismissing Gary's protest. "It's no problem. Really. We should do this again. Pheebs! Always a pleasure."

Phoebe smiles and nods and then waves to Monica. "Okay, well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" Monica nods and then looks up adoringly at Chandler. He plants a light kiss on her forehead as they turn to leave. Phoebe turns to look at Gary, and shrugs her shoulders with a puzzled expression. "I don't think they had sex. Even for Chandler, they came back much too quickly."

Gary shakes his head slightly. "It was nice of them to pay for dinner. They rushed out of here really quick."

Phoebe watches them as they leave the restaurant, "They look really happy."

Gary nods. "They look like they're in love."

Phoebe looks over at him and smiles at the sentiment. "Yeah. They do." A satisfying feeling of fulfilment engulfs her as she looks down and she notes to herself that the only thing better than messing with her friends is seeing them this happy. "They really do."