Charm-O-Ross

Ross watched Rachel as she left to throw out some empty pizza boxes, while everyone else returned to the couch to watch the end of "Law and Order". All of them desperate to see how Joey was going to tell his grandmother that he was cut out of the show. Everyone fully engaged in the minutiae of the evening. Everyone that is, except for Ross, who found himself alone in the kitchen. He didn't really have the motivation to join the rest of the gang in the living room and put on a happy face, or do much of anything else for that matter. He wasn't even sure when he started to wash the dishes that were in the sink. Somehow, he must have unconsciously meandered over there after being shot down by the Caitlin. Although, shot down would imply that his flirting had ever gotten off the ground to begin with and that he somehow actually asked her out. No, he never got that far. All he had done was mumble out some verbal diarrhea that chased her away, down the stairs and into the street; running for her life without getting paid. Trying to cheer himself up, Ross thought, "Maybe this could be my new calling. People will order pizzas and then I will scare off the delivery person before they can collect. Earning tips and free slices along the way!" His amusement at that idea was short-lived as he became acutely more aware of his dire situation. Standing there at the sink, in his sister's kitchen, he couldn't help but wonder to himself, "Is this really my life? What the hell happened to me?"

He found a perverse comfort with the knowledge of at least one absolute in his life; which was proven after tonight. There was no denying it any longer, he was a loser. A sad, pitiful loser who couldn't even get a pizza delivery girl's phone number. A girl that, if he was being honest, he wasn't even that interested in. Sure, she was cute, but she also reminded him of Chloe just a little too much with her pixie hair cut and her whimsical, independent spirit. He was certain it would have been very distracting if they had actually gone out on a date.

Worse yet, his certainty that he was such a loser was bolstered by the fact that none of his friends even noticed that he wasn't right there next to them in the living room. Not even his sister, who seemed much more interested in going to dinner with Chandler than in consoling her own brother. Throughout his life and through all of his pitfalls, her and Chandler were always his main support system, but now it is as if they can't see how sad and pathetic he truly is. They can't see how much he could use one of their ego boosting pep talks right about now. Couldn't they spare a few minutes to check on him? Has he fallen so low that even they don't notice him anymore?

Just a little less than a year ago he had everything he desired. A great job that he was passionate about. A beautiful woman who wanted to marry him. Two best friends fighting over which one gets to be his best man. A sister who was in his corner the entire time, encouraging him with every step he took. Even his ex-girlfriend, who at one time he thought would never speak to him again, had actually set him up with the woman he was going to marry.

But now? He's single, alone and jobless. He has no prospects; romantic or otherwise.

Ross thought he had everything already figured out a long time ago. After college, while everyone else he knew was still working on who exactly they were trying to be, Ross was already there. He married his college girlfriend and he couldn't have been happier. She was smart and beautiful, she liked all the same things that he did; and most of all, she liked him. They had fun together. His parents were crazy about her, and his sister and best friend were really supportive.

The four of them spent a lot of time together in the beginning of his marriage, and there was a part of him that loved being the benchmark that Monica and Chandler could aspire to. Monica, who was always obsessed with finding a boyfriend and a job in her chosen career. Chandler, who was never motivated by his work and awkward around women. Ross felt that if they just took a few pages out of his book, followed his example, they could one day find their own slice of the good life. After all, he was the golden child. The miracle baby. Who wouldn't want to be just like him?

In those days, when he was still married, that vision of his future that he always had in his mind, ever since his first crush in junior high, was finally staring right back at him. They had a fantastic apartment in a great neighborhood; there were quaint shops and restaurants all around them, and it was also walking distance to this amazing little movie theater that showed foreign films and documentaries. They were beginning to have conversations about starting a family and his career was starting to hit its stride. It seemed all his hard work was finally paying off. Late nights and weekends lost to studying and skipping a grade when he was younger; it was all worth it now that he was right where he wanted to be.

Then, it all started to fall apart. His wife not only fell in love with someone else, but she came out as gay, kicked him out of his home, and wanted a divorce. Thanks to a final goodbye between the two of them, which included one last drunken night of sex, she also found herself pregnant with his child. A child whose life he had no idea how much he would be allowed to be a part. He wasn't even sure, even under normal circumstances, if he had it in him to be a good father. But now? How do three people in such a strange situation raise a child together?

It was devasting, and if it wasn't for his sister and his best friend, he is not sure how he would have gotten through it. Ever since college, Monica and Chandler were always there. No matter where he was or what had been going on, he knew he could reach out to them, and they would take him in; ready to lend a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. It was a comfort to know that they were in a constant state of arrested development and thanks to their own individual, specific brand of idiosyncrasies, would never be too involved in their own lives, leaving him to deal with his misery alone.

Then, just when he was certain that life was some cruel joke, and he was the punchline; everything changed. As if the great hand of serendipity reached out to reshape the fabric of his universe, causing Rachel Green to walk back in; or more accurately, run back into his life. Well, really, into his sister's life, but what did semantics matter when all those old feelings he had came rushing back almost the second he saw her in the lobby of Central Perk wearing that wedding dress.

He has never been one to think rationally when it came to romance; instead he would follow his heart. He was much like his sister in that regard. He left the cynical realism of relationships to Chandler, who never seemed incapable of throwing cold water on a grand romantic gesture. Sure, maybe his resurfacing feelings were just the result of everything that was going wrong in his own love life. Maybe he felt some sort of unfinished business with his childhood crush that he needed to get out of his system. Regardless of the reason, he knew in that moment that he still loved her, and he was so certain that this was why things went down the way they did with Carol. Because he was supposed to be with Rachel.

And then, as unlikely as it seemed it was going to be, and through all the hurdles they had placed in front of themselves, he was with Rachel. He was actually with Rachel and it was perfect. Well, it was perfect, until it wasn't. Until she became so angry and distant all the time, when all he wanted to do was love her. Prove to her he was the best boyfriend she ever had. Instead of appreciating all he tried to do, she pushed him and pushed him until finally, she pushed him so far away that he fell into bed with another woman. Sure, they tried to make it work a second time, but once he realized she was unable to take even the smallest amount of responsibility for her own part in their relationship's demise, he knew it was truly over. He wasn't a bad guy, and he didn't want to be in a relationship where he would always be known as "the bad guy".

Great love number two; down the drain. Back to his support system, back to Monica and Chandler. The two lonely satellites that revolved around him and his life. Even though this time it was a little different, with Rachel still a constant fixture in their lives, but somehow, they made it work. He and Rachel both seemed to be on the road to recovery. At first, all he wanted was for them to be able to stand in the same room together without fighting, but it eventually blossomed into a very close friendship. He even wondered, at times, if they could ever find themselves back to that wonderful place they were in, after enough time had passed. Their passionate, often times adversarial love affair was the kind of stuff Shakespeare wrote sonnets about. Surely, the spark would ignite once more.

But that was before he found love again. Before he found Emily.

Emily was everything he was looking for at that time. She was smart and beautiful. She had that outrageously sexy accent. She got along with his friends and she supported him in every way. Sure, things moved fast with them, but it always felt right. They ran off to Vermont and fell into bed after only one date. He confessed his love for her shortly afterwards and even proposed marriage less than two months after they started dating. He knew it was crazy, but after years of unrequited love for one woman, and a long courtship with another, with neither one of those relationships working out; it was time to try for impulsive love.

Once again, Monica and Chandler were there, playing their parts of hopeless romantic and cynical loner. Neither one having their own love life to focus on, able to give him their full attention. Giving him just the right push at just the right time, helping him find his resolve to commit to this woman.

Then he said Rachel's name, and it was like a magic word that canceled a spell. He suddenly became very aware that he was married to someone he barely knew. The sweet and funny girl he met turned into a very sneering and controlling woman, who wouldn't even sit on the same chair as Rachel once did. Forcing him to move, sell his stuff, and cut people out of his life. Even as Ross tried his best to save his marriage, it became clear to him, that he wasn't trying to save the relationship with Emily, he just didn't want to lose at love again. It was too late anyway. Strike three. Another divorce. Nothing to show for it but some papers to sign. No home to live in. And, for the first time, no Monica and Chandler available at a moment's notice to cheer him up.

He was alone. Sleeping on a very uncomfortable couch, living out of boxes. He didn't even have a place to take his son on the weekends that they were together, forcing him to travel to Long Island, and stay with his parents. How humiliating it was, to have to sleep in his childhood bedroom with his son because his life was knocked all the way off its axis. It is no wonder that, with his life finally reeling out of control, he snapped. Unfortunately, he snapped at the wrong person and lost his job. Sure, he can call it a sabbatical to everyone else, but he knew the truth. His career at the museum was over.

Now, he was no longer Ross, with his life together and his course charted. He was no longer the benchmark. He was no longer the best version of himself. He was no longer the golden child. The miracle baby. Now he was the worst version of his sister and his best friend combined. No love. No job. No home. Cynical. Depressed. Alone.

Only now, they don't really seem that bad anymore. That arrested development they were mired in for so long, was finally overcome. Monica has the job she always wanted; head chef of her own kitchen. All her waiting and sacrificing finally paying off, even if it took her a long time to get there. Her love life seems to be going great, she has the kind of boyfriend she has always been looking for, someone who wants to be with her all the time, someone who knows her inside and out and accepts every flaw. Someone who is never more than a few footsteps away from her, always available.

Then there was Chandler, who has never seemed more together than he has been these past few months. His work, while not his passion, is stable and pays him well; he never complains about it or brings any stress home. As if, once he leaves his office, he checks out completely. Chandler never seems insecure anymore, never complains about his future. He has this confidence that Ross has never seen in him. He walks around as if he finally figured out life in a way no one else ever had before. He never second guesses himself, or buries himself in worry and doubt. Not like he used to anyway.

Ross takes a moment to look at the two of them, and he realizes, he doesn't understand what their relationship really is. They should still be fighting about all this flirting stuff. He certainly would be; but it is like it never happened. How are they not mad at each other? Where is the passion? The fire? Instead, the two of them seem content. Smiling at each other, making sly inside jokes. Laughing together with just a raised eyebrow as a cue. Almost like they exist in this alternate reality that is just outside of everyone else. Seeing things and communicating on some level Ross has never seen before.

No, there is no resentment. No passive-aggressive tension. They're just sitting on the couch, ready to go out and celebrate their ten-month anniversary. Ten months? Neither one of them have ever even sniffed a relationship that lasted half as long, and now they're closing in on a year? How can these two, out of all people, make it work and look so effortless? After all the time Ross has known them to self-sabotage any happiness they ever had. Yet here they were. Love, careers, friendships, all perfectly in sync. And here was Ross, the former gold standard; single, unemployed, divorced, and living in an apartment building where everyone hated him.

For a moment he wondered if true happiness was a canard, or perhaps he doesn't deserve love, or maybe after all this time he still didn't know what real love was. Yet, there was his sister and his best friend. The two unluckiest lovers he had ever known. Showing him a different way to love. A different way to live. And they looked so happy, and it looked so easy. They just clicked together into place. All their waiting and insecurities and dysfunction and arrested development led to this. Every mistake they made seemed to get them here. And they couldn't seem happier. And truthfully, Ross couldn't be happier for them.

Ross picks up a dish towel to start drying some of the plates he had washed, and taking one last glance at his sister and his best friend, he smiles a bit. If they can make it work, then surely one day, maybe he could make it work too. Maybe, all those years, when he thought he was the benchmark, the one they needed to copy to have the perfect life, he had it backwards. Maybe, he should have been following their example instead. Because from his vantage point, here in Monica's kitchen, it looks to him like they have it all figured out.