She'll Always Be There

"No, it's too soon for you guys."

Chandler had decided to take a longer than usual walk back to Greenwich Village from Gary's precinct. He wanted to take his time and let those words swim around in his head for a while as he thought about his relationship with Monica and where they were. It was quite a turn of events. He was originally sent there with a strict set of instructions. He was supposed to talk Gary out of wanting to move in with Phoebe, but instead, Chandler now felt inspired by Gary's convictions; and all he has done, ever since he left, was wonder when he and Monica should consider living together themselves.

While the idea of making that kind of commitment still gives him pause, it does not scare him nearly as much as it once would have. Chandler, from a year ago, would be filled with dread and anxiety. Instead, it actually sounded kind of nice after listening to Gary talk about it. Was how Gary felt about Phoebe so different from how Chandler felt about Monica? Couldn't Chandler say the same thing that Gary had said?

"I was lucky enough to find someone I really love. I want to be around her as much as I can."

Chandler could certainly relate to the sentiment. He has known for a while that Monica was the best thing that has ever happened to him. She was the only woman he wanted to be with, and he was starting to feel like he meant that in a "forever" kind of way. Lately, whenever he closed his eyes and envisioned his future, she was right there with him. She is the best thing he has in his life. As far as he was concerned, she has given him a life. And in some ways, he truly believed, she saved his life.

Before London, and Monica, he was a mess of uncontrollable self-destructive behaviors. Throughout the last few years, he had sabotaged practically every relationship he had been in. He would obsess over the most insignificant of perceived transgressions in order to push someone away. He could never let himself be happy. It was as if, somewhere deep in the recesses of his subconscious, he never felt as if he deserved to be happy. When it came to relationships, he was his own worst enemy.

In addition to a woeful love-life, his health was not always great either. At one time he lost a dangerous amount of weight, he smoked on-and-off for most of his life, and he worked long hours at a mind-numbing job. His sleep habits were terrible, staying up late watching television, or, before the Perk opened up, he would spend his nights drinking at the bar. His diet consisted of beer and take-out food. Poor habits that he still indulged in up until they left for London. He simply was not taking care of himself and he was no longer twenty-five and impervious to the ill effects of a terrible lifestyle.

Now? Well, Monica definitely would not stand for any of that. She has made it very clear how she felt about smoking. Because of her persistence, he has not smoked in months, as long as you don't count the drag he stole off Rachel's boss' cigarette right around the time of his birthday as smoking. She also kept him physically active, more than he has ever been before. Mostly it is due to all the sex they have been having; but also, thanks to their long walks through the city or the occasional afternoon spent down at the tennis courts.

She fed him well, not take-out or pizza or some fast fried, barely edible thing that some people might claim is food. Junk that he was accustomed to sharing with Joey. No. It was real food from actual ingredients that he could see. Homemade soups and chilis, tender chicken breasts, salads, fresh breads, sliced fruit, cheeses, tomato sauce from scratch. The variety of foods she provided on an almost nightly basis, seemed endless.

She has him on a better sleep schedule that leaves him feeling fairly energized most mornings. A concept that was foreign to him for most of his life. Some of that extra sleep was due to the fact that everyone found out about them. It meant there was no reason to sneak around between apartments at three in the morning anymore. They now could simply announce to everyone they were going to bed, slip under the covers in one of their bedrooms, have some mind-blowing sex, and fall asleep together, usually just around midnight. Sure, there were still some nights where Monica worked late and he would stay up to see her when she came home. Or, maybe one of them would stir in the middle of the night, looking to scratch a particular itch, but it was a far cry from the days when he would only get two or three hours of sleep.

He was even reading more now than he ever has. Monica will come home and find him, providing him with a book or a magazine, something that caught her eye while she walked past the newspaper stand that she thought he would be interested in. Then, on one of their lazier Sundays, the two of them would lie with their heads on opposite ends of the couch, their legs entwined as they both read. Sharing a light snack and some mischievous grins when one of them would allow their foot to travel just a bit too far up the other's leg.

She has him dressing better too. She was always showing up with a shirt or sweater for him that she found while at the store, and as much as he hated to admit it, the clothes she would buy him always seemed to fit better. He looked better. And oddly enough, because of that, he felt better about himself.

And she loved him. She honest to God loved him. Despite all his jokes, his bad habits, his penchant for saying something stupid, or his overall dysfunction; she loved him anyway. She saw that it was all a part of who he was and somehow, that enabled him to learn to love himself.

But most of all, the greatest thing about having Monica in his life, was that she let him love her. And he did love her, with everything he had inside him. He finally found the right woman that he was able to love the only way he knows how. One hundred percent. Feet first. Over the top. He needed to be around her all the time. He needed to touch her when they were together, no matter where they were. Holding her hand, linking arms with her, placing a hand on her leg, anything. He needed that tactile confirmation that they were together all the time. And, no matter how intense it got, she always wanted more. She wanted to be loved in the way he loved her and no other person in his life had ever wanted that. No woman, no friend, no parent, no one. It was as if she not only showed him he was worthy of her love, but that his own ability to love was valued. He had worth.

And now, with Gary so wrapped up in this idea that moving in with Phoebe was the right thing to do, all he could think about was living with Monica. He told himself that it was a crazy notion when it first popped into his head. There was no reason to do anything drastic in a relationship that was going so well. Why rock the boat?

"No, it's too soon for you guys."

What did Gary know about too soon? He and Phoebe have only been together for a little over two months. He and Monica were closing in on one year. One whole year with the same fantastic woman. None of his other relationships had ever lasted even half as long as this.

And what is living together anyway? Sure, Chandler was trying to get Gary to freak out when he told him how Phoebe would always be there. But really, how different is that from what he and Monica were already doing? Everything he told Gary is true for him right now.

When he got home, she was there.

When he went to bed, she was there.

When he woke up, she was there.

She was already always there. And it was wonderful. His life, with her always there, was wonderful. In the morning, they would wake up in one of their beds, after having slept together through the night. Meet for breakfast after a shower, then a kiss goodbye as he went off to work. Maybe, they would meet for lunch or just share a phone call in the middle of the day. He comes home, he doesn't even go to his own apartment to change from his suit, he goes right to her. They kiss again, they have dinner. Maybe they go out for coffee, or a movie, or a walk, or they just snuggle on the couch while watching television. Then, they have the most amazing sex. They fall asleep in each other's arms and do it all over again the next day. How would sharing an address change any of that?

And too soon? Not only have they been dating for almost a year, but they have been living across the hall from each other for almost nine years. They've been best friends for most of that time. If anything, it isn't too soon, it is too late.

But Chandler does wonder; maybe they should reach one milestone in their relationship at a time. It made sense that before discussing something as big as living together they celebrate their one-year anniversary. Two weeks. Just two more weeks until they wrap up an entire year as a couple. Maybe it would be wise to do that free and clear of any other distractions that could take away from their celebration. Then, maybe a month or so after their anniversary, he could bring up the idea of living together. The two of them can rationally discuss it. They would need to figure out where they would live and how they were going to tell the others.

Just as he reached his apartment, he turned his gaze over towards Monica's door. They would probably just live there. It is rent controlled. Rachel would have to move out. Joey would probably not take it so well. But there would be enough time to think about all of that. Waiting until after they reach one-year together makes the most sense. Then, the two of them can have a rational, mature, adult conversation about their relationship and when to take the next step. Chandler chuckled to himself. If he and Monica really do this, and they were not careful, someone might start to think they were growing up.

As he walked into the apartment, his eyes immediately fell to the three people there; Joey, Ross and Monica engaged in what can only be described as an intense game of catch. Maybe people won't think they're that grown up after all.