Road Trip Baby!
Monica and Chandler hugged and spoke softly to each other as they stood outside Phoebe's grandmother's cab. Sharing a final, intimate goodbye on the street in front of Central Perk. Rachel was chasing Joey over to the driver's side with her arms out, imploring him for a hug, which he deftly avoided as he hopped into the driver's seat and closed the door quickly behind him. He looked out triumphantly and offered her a smile and a wave from the safety of inside the car behind its plexiglass window.
Joey, satisfied with how he dispatched of Rachel and her eye-puss, focused his attention to his right as he turned his head to look through the passenger side window, in hopes that Chandler would be ready to start their trip. His face twisted into a scowl as all he could see was his roommate's butt, smashed up against the window. He averted his eyes quickly and banged his hand on the interior roof, in hopes to break up what he considered to be an overlong goodbye. "C'mon buddy! Move it or lose it!"
Chandler pulled back from his embrace with Monica for a moment and looked at her; the two of them sharing a puzzled expression. He smirked and asked her, "Lose what?" to which she could only shake her head.
She snaked her hands down his back, running them along his buttocks as she squeezed them playfully. "Maybe these? You better not lose them. I want them back here in time for our anniversary."
Chandler let out a pleasurable moan and planted one more kiss on her lips as he slipped out of her grasp, opened the door and sat down in the cab. He quickly rolled down the window and reached out so he and Monica could hold hands one last time before they drove away. She looked down at their hands as she realized that this was going to be the first time that they would be apart for a few days since they began dating. "I'll miss you. Promise to call me from the road?"
"Of course, I will. I love you." She leaned in through the window to steal one last, long kiss. Rachel, who moved herself to the curb, smirked and folded her arms as she watched them. Joey grew impatient and honked the horn, startling Monica and Chandler from their awkward embrace through the window. "Okay, I guess we have to go now." Chandler shot Joey an exasperated glare. Joey could only respond with a sheepish grin as an apology.
Monica stepped back and exaggerated a frown as they started to pull away. "I love you! I'll miss you!" Chandler waved out of the window and she returned the gesture by wiggling a few fingers in his direction as she wrapped herself up in her arms. Already missing the fact that his were no longer readily available to do that for her.
"Oh brother. He isn't going off to war!" Rachel rolled her eyes and started to walk down to the corner.
Monica narrowed her eyes and shot her an indignant glare. "Well I am sorry if some of us have boyfriends that we are going to miss. Do you realize this is the first time we are going to be apart since we started dating?"
"Really?"
"Yes." Monica paused in the street for a moment and smiled to herself as she started to seriously ponder how well her relationship with Chandler has been going. In another ten days they will hit the one-year mark. One year without spending more than a few nights apart. And since they came out as a couple seven months ago, there has not been a day or night where they didn't see each other, even if just for a short visit.
She started to giggle a bit at the revelation and covered her mouth. She could not imagine how, one year ago today, she was at her lowest point. About to fly off to London, feeling as unwanted and unloved as she had ever felt in her entire life. Confident that she was never going to find love again, and considering desperate measures to tamp down the ache she had been feeling for months. To think, the answer to everything was just a few feet away, someone who was always at arm's length, so close she could have reached out and touched it, yet so blind that she could not see it. Not until that fateful night. Not until the veil was lifted and she could see with clear eyes for what felt like the first time in her life.
"Earth to Monica. What is going on with you?"
Monica, stirred out of her reverie, looked over and smiled at Rachel. "Sorry." She looked up, they were standing on the corner, across from their apartment building. "Hey, why don't we go home and you can try to give these drops a chance."
"Oh, that can wait. I mean, the doctor did say it would take three months for me to lose this eye. What's another day?"
Monica frowned and shook her head. "Come on missy. March." She put her hands on Rachel's back and started to push her towards the crosswalk.
"Wait, wait. I thought this would be a good time to talk about what's going on with you."
Monica stepped back for a minute, allowing Rachel to turn around. "Really?"
"Yeah, I mean, the big anniversary is coming up. That's pretty huge. You guys are still okay, right? You're going to last a few more days, right?"
Monica tilted her head suspiciously at Rachel, but then started to think about where she was in her life and smiled. "Dream job as a head chef? Check. Boyfriend that I'm crazy about? Check. Happier than I've ever been? Check." She turned her attention back at her roommate and smiled. "Yes. We are really okay."
"Wow. You and Chandler. A whole year. I mean, I knew this would work out, not like some other people."
Monica stopped mid-step and grabbed Rachel's shoulder to turn her around. "What? What other people?"
"Huh, oh nobody. That's just an expression. You know, like when someone says 'they say', There is no they." Rachel watched until Monica submitted to her excuse and nodded, seemingly satisfied with her answer. "So, I know this might sound bad, but I have to know. Chandler? Really?"
"I know. It doesn't make sense. But really. Chandler."
"How?"
"Well, I told you about London, right?"
"Not really. We haven't really been able to talk about everything. Not like we had with the other guys you dated. Now's a perfect time."
Monica pointed up towards the traffic signal, alerting Rachel they can cross over to their block and continue home. "Okay. I'll tell you everything on the way home." Monica and Rachel started to cross the street and she took a deep breath. "Well, I was really depressed, and I thought maybe a one-night stand was what I needed."
Monica had just finished another sip of her drink, a bit of liquid courage before she walked out of her room. Was she really going to do this? Is this who she was now? The girl who believed in romance and true love and marriage and babies and family, now on the hunt for the easiest score. Looking for a quick thrill.
It had been a hard year. No one could blame her for doing this. Her job at the diner sucked and then she broke up with her boyfriend. Nothing was working out for her. When she finally did turn it around, and get a job she wanted, it was a fight just to get through every night unscathed. She had never been treated so terribly, made to feel so low, made to doubt herself. Maybe, if she had found someone to confide in who loved her, it would have been easier. But every man she tried to give a chance to backfired on her, making her feel even worse.
Was this her fate? To work with people who hated her? To never find love? If all of her life choices got her to this point, what good were any of those choices to begin with? Maybe it was time to make new choices, rash choices, irresponsible choices.
She grabbed her glass and made her way over to Joey and Chandler's room. One night. Just one night to feel something other than what she has been feeling for a year. One night to forget who she was and where she was and what was going on in her life. A numbing agent more powerful than alcohol. Of course, as her luck keeps running from bad to worse, when she got to the hotel room, Joey was gone. Her last chance, her terrible choice, her easy mark, and now even that was snatched away from her. Of course, only she could screw up a bad idea. Only she could miss out on a sure thing.
Then, it happened.
"You were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight."
And it was as if someone took a hammer to opaque glass that she was encased in and shattered it into a million pieces. Air got into her lungs for what felt like the first time. Her nerve endings tingled and she could see. She could finally see. The world of shadows came into focus and there was this incredibly handsome man who she knew. A man she felt safe with. A man she could trust with her most intimate self. In that moment she was alive again. She was awakened. And she was never going to go back to who she was before this moment ever again.
Then in a flash, they were in New York and he was walking back into her apartment, stumbling for a reason to stay and extend the moment they shared and she knew. He grabbed her and kissed her as if it was the only reason he existed and she knew. The world around them dissolved into nothing and she knew. She knew that everything she had felt that night, he felt it too. Everything she was feeling in the moment when he kissed her in her kitchen after everyone else had left, he was feeling it too.
They drained every second out of every minute that they could be alone together. Kissing, touching, making love, holding each other. It didn't matter where they were. Her place, his place, the hallway, the roof, a closet, the back seat of a cab; as long as they could be with each other, it didn't matter where they were.
It made no sense. He had always been there. All these years. Why did it take so long if he was always there? Did he always look at her with those eyes? Did she miss it somehow? Was he always available to make her feel desired? Wanted? Needed? Loved? Had she missed out on years of feeling this good? Or was he walking around in a fog, just like her. Maybe, he needed her to break his glass too.
It didn't matter. They were living together in stolen moments now. She wanted him. He wanted her. Every time she entered the room, he wanted her. He didn't want some nameless replaceable woman. A faceless, backless dress. It was her he wanted. Monica Geller. He wanted every piece of her, even the pieces she tries to hide from other men. The pieces of her that scare people. The pieces of her that she knew she could trust him to love. He wanted the entire package, he wanted all of her. He knew her and the freedom she felt with that knowledge was unlike anything she had ever known.
She wonders sometimes, that maybe, in that first second that her lips crashed into his on that fateful night in London, if they loved each other right then and there, but were too scared or too stupid to acknowledge it. That the reason that night was so incredible, so earth-shatteringly powerful, was because of this love they had always had for each other, somewhere under the surface of their friendship, and maybe they were just too blind to see it. Maybe, the reason why less than twenty-four hours later, her body ached with desire for his touch, with this singular need for him, when by all rights she should have been well satiated, was because she had been depriving herself of this thing that her soul required for years without her ever even knowing it.
He was everything she didn't even know she needed. He was attentive, adoring, sweet, handsome, sexy, insatiable, warm, kind, and he loved her with every inch of his heart. He held nothing back. He looked at her with a gaze that bathed her in affection. He looked at her as if she were brand new. Each and every time she would undress, he would react as if it were the first time he ever seen her naked. It was intoxicating to be that desired.
Then, in the most unlikely of ways, he declared his love for her in front of everyone. Shouting as if his life depended on it. She could never have imagined someone loving her that much that they needed to scream it aloud for everyone to hear. And she knew it was the truest love she had ever encountered. Because he loved her even after she forced him to continue with some stupid competition that he wanted nothing to do with. He loved her even after he was exposed to her most irrational need to be the best. He loved her even though her pride almost cost him his job. He loved her even though she needed to switch hotel rooms until she found the perfect one. He loved her. And more importantly, she loved him.
She loved his stupid jokes, his nervous energy, his sharp nose, his imperfect teeth, his messy hair, his blue eyes, his soft, sentimental nature, the way he listened, the way he spoke, the way he would pout, his terrible taste in food, how sweet he was, how much he cared for the other people he loved. She loved all of these little imperfections that make him perfect for her.
Once they were free to be who they wanted to be, it felt right. They were always together. Every night they slept in the same bed. Every day they shared meals. Every evening they made love. They laughed. They felt safe. They felt wanted. They helped each other see themselves for who they really were, perhaps for the first time in their lives. And they made it so even if just with each other, it was okay to be a little bit of a mess.
They anticipated each other's needs. They could make jokes at each other's expense, they protected each other from their own worst tendencies. But most of all, they knew each other. They knew each other in a way that no one else ever could. They never felt more whole than when they were together. If all of her life choices had finally gotten her to this point, then all those terrible choices were worth it.
Monica wiped a stray tear from her eye and smiled at Rachel, who was also swept up and feeling emotional as Monica tried to explain why, after all these years, it was Chandler that she loved. Rachel grabbed a tissue from the coffee table and chuckled. "Wow. So, Joey, huh?"
Monica laughed and slapped her on the knee. "Shh! Please don't ever tell anyone about that."
"I'm just teasing. I didn't really know. We all see how close you two are, but I don't think we really understood how it happened. I guess we had trouble understanding how a one night of sex could have led to all this."
"It really was more than just one night of great sex."
Rachel smirked and waggled her eyebrows. "And he's really the best? Huh?"
"I had more sex with him in one night than I did with Pete during the entire time we dated."
Rachel, leaned forward, complete shock on her face. "Nooooo. Really?"
Monica nodded. "Well, I really only dated Pete for a few weeks. He was away a lot, he never stayed over here, and then when he trained for the Ultimate Fighting Championship he was forbidden to 'make boom-boom'. It was crazy. Months trying to get me to find him attractive and then when I finally did come around, we were barely intimate. With Chandler, I mean, I always thought he was attractive, but after being friends for so many years, I guess it dulled that attraction, and then all of a sudden," she clapped her hands together loudly, "BAM! We have sex seven times in one night."
Rachel offered up an impressed expression. "Way to go Chandler."
Monica raised an eyebrow at her roommate. "Uh, way to go Monica."
The two women were quiet for a few minutes. Monica, almost feeling a cathartic release in finally sharing everything with her best friend. Rachel, sat up and placed her hands on Monica's knees as she made eye contact. "Mon. Do you…do you think this is it?"
A grin slowly spread across Monica's lips. "I think so. I mean I haven't really thought about it like that. I know that is hard to believe, but I also know that, its Chandler. And he needs to get there first. But for the first time ever, I am not thinking about it."
"Do you think he is? Thinking about the future?"
"I don't know. I think so. I hope so." Monica sat back again and looked over to the side as she pondered Rachel's question. "What I never realized before was how he commits one-hundred percent to a relationship. He says commitment scares him, but I think what really scares him is being hurt or rejected when he does give all of himself to someone. Like Janice leaving him to work things out with her husband or Kathy cheating on him. I think he was always afraid that how strong he loved them is what really pushed them away. But the way he loves me isn't scary. All he wants is me. All the time. He just wants to do things for me and be with me and touch me and talk to me. Do you know, when I work late, he stays up? Sometimes right here, watching the TV on mute so he doesn't wake you. He waits for me to get home just to say goodnight. It's been almost a year and he still does it. I guess, that could scare some women off."
Rachel laughed and shook her head. "But that's like a drug to you."
"Oh god yes. I want all that attention and I want to be needed all the time. Like how I know you need me right now to help you get these drops in your eyes."
Rachel stood up and started walking towards the kitchen. "I can't do it right now. I've been crying. My eyes are all teary. Let's go back downstairs and get some coffee, then we can come back up here when my eyes dry out."
Monica shook her head and glared at Rachel suspiciously. "Okay. One cup. But then we come right back here and do these drops." Her stern tone a stark contrast to the gentle one she had throughout their conversation.
Rachel smiled triumphantly and opened the door to the apartment. "Oh Mon, don't be such a grouch. You just told me how you're in looooovvveee!" Rachel ran out into the hallway laughing with Monica shaking her head, close behind her.
