This Trip Includes Me!

Phoebe does not really like the idea of taking responsibility for her actions. She prefers to believe that things just sort of happen, regardless of how we conduct ourselves. That there are events and occurrences that we simply cannot control. Try as we might, we cannot bend the universe to our will. We all dance across the lightning of the synchronicity highway. That the electrical charges of chance connect us all. That the universe will provide you with what you need exactly when you need it.

It was something she had learned to believe while living on the streets. It was during those years where she realized that the world does not follow any rules. There are no absolutes. Sure, there is a guiding hand of spiritual providence that helps with serendipity, but there is also chaos. There is fortune and hazard and we can rarely dictate which one we receive or when we receive it. It is why, when she lived a life of begging, borrowing, and sometimes stealing; she knew it was all going to work out. Her karma would correct itself.

As Phoebe saw it, the problem with conventional thinking about how the world works, and the problem with the people who believe in that nonsense, is that they can never see the unconventional world that they are actually living in. Depriving themselves of all the fun and adventure. They are all too busy walking on the sidewalks of life, feeling safe and secure in the rules, while she was dancing in the street. On the surface, the two worlds looked the same, but it seems that only she knew that at any moment, you could get hit by a car.

Her life never followed convention. Dead mother. Absentee father. Dead Grandmother. Absentee birth mother. Eccentric half-brother. Cruel twin sister. Incarcerated step-father. If Phoebe had bowed down to the almighty will of convention and followed the rules that everyone seemed to believe governed us all, would she be the woman she was today? Shouldn't she be some statistic by now?

Convention and rules and taking responsibility never would have given her the riches that life bestows upon her. She is gifted with the ability to see beauty where other people saw trash. She can find music and creation in everything from being stuck in a supply closet to sticky shoes. She had found a grandmother who she loved while she was alive. A grandmother who took her in, leaving her a pretty amazing apartment to live in after she died. While in her search for her father, she discovered she had a half-brother, and ended up giving him a family, which in turn, became her family. None of this happened to her because she plays by the rules.

Would she have made the friends she has if she lived a conventional life? These five people she relies on the most. She wishes she could convince everyone she knows to live like her. Living life her way allowed her to find these friends who have been with her through so many changes in her life. They support her, take care of her, and even though they may not always understand her, they accept and love her. Although, they really have no choice. She is Phoebe. They would be crazy not to love her.

If there is any problem with her friends, it is that they sometimes tether her to their world, and then she would find herself emulating them. And while there are benefits to that life, there are also many negative aspects. One of those being what she is watching Monica go through right now. Phoebe cannot help but look at her and feel sorry for her as she slumps over her seat, sipping at her drink, and feeling completely miserable.

And just watching Monica mope away another day, creates another problem that comes with being so close to these five people for so long, who all live their conventional lives. It is on occasions such as this, she feels the teensiest, tiniest pull of responsibility for her friend's dour, sullen mood.

Phoebe knows though, if you really think about it, it is Monica's own fault that she has ruined half of her anniversary weekend getaway. Her rules told her that she should hide her secret lunch with Richard from Chandler. Although Phoebe also knows that sure, maybe her blurting it out on the plane was not very helpful. Better yet, she could blame Chandler. All the rules he had meant that he has to be jealous and insecure. He has to be petty, and storm off. It's not Phoebe's fault Richard is such a sore subject for them.

Yet, even with all their faults, they are her friends. She loves them and she wants them to be happy. And because of how she feels about them, now she is thinking, what if she didn't switch seats with that nice man before the flight took off so she could sit next to Monica and Chandler. Maybe then none of this would have happened. Although, if Richard never bumped into Monica in the first place, then they would not have gone to lunch and then Phoebe would not have had to deal with keeping their lunch a secret. So, if you really think about it. This is not Phoebe's fault at all. It is Richard's fault. And, that works out great because he is not here in Vegas to defend himself. Unless he is undercover. Phoebe was pretty certain she saw a few suspicious looking mustaches in the airport when they landed.

So, even though Phoebe has now concluded that she is in no way responsible for Monica and Chandler fighting and missing out on an entire day of their trip together, she will have to help them. It is the least she could do. It seems so easy to fix too. Maybe they cannot see it, because they cling to the rules that are keeping them apart. They love each other, they make each other happy. If they could just live in the moment and allow that invisible hand of fate to guide them, they would be together right now.

If they just did things her way, then Monica would not have spent the night in Phoebe's room, going from barely talking to speaking a mile-a-minute. Tossing in her sleep or lying awake, grumbling to herself in the middle of the night. Monica would not have been filled with worry and doubt tonight or have to deal with being depressed right now. It would also mean that Chandler would not have been hiding in the other room all night. Probably feeling terrible himself.

And, think of the problems it is causing Phoebe. She missed out on the breakfast buffet that they all would have shared this morning. And, lets face it, because of them, she can't even hang out with Joey. Her one kindred spirit in the group who enjoys the pleasures of the moment just as much as she does. Monica and Chandler's conventional lives were sucking the joy right out of her.

It was a mess. A mess made by their weird little world with all of its complexities that informs them of how they are supposed to feel. When they do not feel that way at all. They don't want to be apart, yet they spent the entire night apart. Monica does not want to be sitting here, stubbornly basking in a sad kind of indignation. Chandler does not want to be locked up in his room, away from all the lights and magic down here on the casino floor. Why hurt themselves and each other all because that is what living conventionally tells them they have to do.

It is telling them both that they need to be spiteful, angry, jealous, and duplicitous. It tells them that they need to hold tight the reigns of life and ensure they will never feel like this again, when of course they will. Phoebe knows from her own experience, that no matter how hard you try not to feel all those terrible uncomfortable feelings, they will always figure out how to creep into your spirit.

So, why let it stop you from doing what you want? Saying what you want? Being who you want? That is what Monica and Chandler should be doing right now instead of waiting and moaning and dealing with all this nonsense that their way of living tells them to. Hoping for some resolution that won't come unless one of them get's off their ass. They should do what she would do. If you want to be with someone, then be with them. If you don't want to fight, then don't fight. Everything else is just a waste of time.

So, reluctantly, Phoebe realizes that she will have to fix this mess and take an action, even though that is exactly what living life by her rules tells her not to do. And really this is not even her fault, so it shouldn't be her responsibility. But these two knuckleheads need a straightforward push in the right direction. And she loves them both too much not to do that. She just hopes it doesn't mess with her karma at the slot machines later tonight.