The Love of Your Life

Chandler Bing knew he was probably making a huge mistake. He knew that he was making an impressively stupid miscalculation where he was risking it all and did not even know the odds of winning. He was taking a chance, one that could cost him everything he holds dear. Everything that means anything to him. His entire world was on the line. He was gambling with his relationship. He was making a bet that could cost him Monica forever.

At least he was in the right place for it.

Las Vegas.

Where many a poor fool before him had put everything on the line for a chance at the big jackpot. The Vegas strip was littered with lost souls who squandered the last of their rent money, wagered with their children's college fund, and doubled-down with borrowed cash from dangerous, shady characters, only to have lost it all. Gambling it all away just for a chance at the life-changing bet that they had prayed would pay off. Chandler looked down at his empty duffel bag one more time and he knew in this moment, that he was just like those reckless, desperate, unthinking gamblers. The ones who slapped down the last few dollars that they had to their name. Even though he knew, what he already had was valuable; Chandler was ready to risk it all for something even bigger.

He could have easily ensured that he walked out of the casino and broke even, which most people would consider a successful weekend in Las Vegas. If what Phoebe said to him earlier in his room was true, and that Monica was looking for him to tell him that she loved him and not Richard, he could leave tomorrow in the same exact place he arrived, with his relationship slightly bruised but completely intact. All he had to do was walk over to Monica, who he had found playing at the craps table, and make-up with her. They would have talked, shared a quick apology, and been right back where they were before this whole stupid fight of theirs had even started.

Yet, here he was, in Las Vegas, and, to any true gambler, breaking even would always feel like losing. He knew he needed more than simply a return back to the status quo of their relationship. He needed more than a quick kiss and a superficial conversation about their fight. This was too important. She was too important. His need to know that she felt the same way he did was too important. He needed to know that this she saw this as more that just two people who happened to sleep together one night. He needed to know that she was not waiting for something better to come along. He needed to know that this relationship was ready to enter into the "forever" conversation. He needed to gamble. He needed to let what he had ride and take the chance to win it all.

Chandler probably would have come downstairs and made-up with Monica on the casino floor after speaking with Phoebe. He might have never entertained this big, stupid, ill-advised gesture to try to force her to make that first move towards reconciliation. To get her to prove that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. Yet, when he saw Monica sharing high fives and hugging strangers at the craps table in-between dice rolls, he did not see a woman who was torn up about missing her anniversary with her boyfriend. He didn't see a woman who was desperately trying to find him. Instead, he found a woman who looked like he was the last thing on her mind. When he saw her, seemingly unaffected by their night apart, he realized, he needed more than just to make sure they were okay and everything was back to normal.

Last night, not being with her, was torture for him. He could not sleep knowing that they were fighting. He could not get comfortable in a bed that she was not also sleeping in. He hated the morning without being able to see her face. In those late hours of the night, he realized, that he just could not live without her. They had to be more than just a couple who went out for a year. More than just some inconsequential boyfriend and girlfriend, like so many before them. He needed to know this relationship was as important to her as it was to him. That this was the most important relationship of her life. Just like it was for him.

He was so sure she felt that way too, and yet, there she was, having the time of her life without him, pumping her fist and making friends. It was in that moment, for the first time in almost a year, that he was starting to have his doubts about the two of them. Phoebe may have told him that Monica was looking for him, but she was never the most reliable member of their group. She could have made a mistake. She could have gotten it wrong. He could not just walk over there and act like nothing happened and everything was back to normal. He had to know.

So, instead of approaching her, he walked away, back to his room in hopes that he would think of something he could do to make her see how important this was, how hurt he was. How to find out if she even really cared about their relationship at all.

He made his way back to his room and, once inside, sat down on the edge of the bed. He was still at a loss of what to do and unsure what his next move should be. He looked around the room. Should he call the front desk? Have them page her and make some grand gesture in front of the entire casino at some customer service booth? As grand gestures go, another confession of love in front of a roomful of people could be nice, like in the movies. Although, people in a Las Vegas casino, probably would not care about what they were doing or even take the time to listen to them. What would he even say? "I love love you. Do you love love me?" No, he had to make her tell him on her own, and a grand gesture would only sweep her up in false emotions as she got caught up in the moment. He had to know that she felt the same way he did without being influenced by some sweet speech or romantic expression of his love.

Then, out of nowhere, he was struck by an epiphany. He suddenly knew what he had to do. He tossed his bag on the bed and started to pull out some of his clothes from the dresser drawers. He almost had to laugh at the idea that he would use one of her favorite activities against her. He would pack. Pack up and leave, saying goodbye to her on his way out the door. And, if she comes after him, then he will know. And if she doesn't, he will go home and begin the mourning process.

As he fumbled with a pair of sweater vests, dropping them on the bed clumsily, he moved to open the drawer to the bedside table for his flight paperwork. Once it was opened, he froze in his tracks. He reached in and pulled out the two gift wrapped boxes he tossed in there earlier this morning. The anniversary gifts he had left behind. He had completely forgotten that he had Ross retrieve them from his bedroom and bring them with him when he arrived earlier today. He shook his head; even as upset as he was about their fight last night, he still wanted to get her gifts here for their anniversary. He didn't want her to wait until they got back to New York.

He looked back at his empty bag and the mess of clothes on his bed and thought to himself, "Who am I kidding." He realized; he isn't going anywhere. He doesn't even like to pack. "Maybe I don't have to pack." He started to rationalize this new, rash impulse that he was feeling. It took him a few seconds to work it out; she needs to think he is going to leave, so, he does not actually have to go anywhere. For this to work, he is going to have to indulge in that other dangerous Las Vegas tradition. He is going to have to bluff.

Chandler knew he had to sell it if this plan was going to work. Too much emotion, and she would suspect something was going on. Not enough, and she wouldn't buy that he was actually going home. He had to hit just the right tone with just the right words.

He took his empty bag with him from the room and made his way back to the elevator. While he waited, he turned around and practiced in the mirror hanging on the wall in the hallway. He tried different inflections in his voice and attempted a wide assortment of hand gestures.

"See ya around, Geller!"

"Guess this is over."

"I'm out of here. Have fun with Richard!"

"I had fun while it lasted!"

"Ain't no thing but a chicken wing!"

The elevator door opened and he winced a bit at his own pathetic display. He knew, that for this to work, he was going to have to drop the act, and be sincere.


Monica could not believe the roll she was on. She had no idea how she was winning, or even why, but every time she let the dice fly from her hands and once they finished their dance on the felt, everyone at the table erupted in cheers. She felt so alive and invigorated. She felt unstoppable. She could not lose.

Standing here at the craps table, winning roll after roll at a game she hardly understood, affirmed her belief that everything with Chandler was going to work out. That they were going to be okay. Fortune was on their side. The magic of Las Vegas was on their side. How could she be on such an improbable winning streak and have it turn out any other way?

She had already turned the five-dollar chip she found on the floor into three-hundred dollars in what felt like just a few minutes. The dealer just kept pushing more and more chips her way. It was obviously a clear sign that their relationship was going to survive this rough patch. It was the kind of kismet you only see in the movies.

As she felt the adrenaline that pumped through her veins, she just knew that it didn't matter what she did right now, Las Vegas would not let her lose. Maybe she would never lose at anything ever again. It struck her, as she was rattling the dice in her hand before throwing them down on the table once more, that this was a perfect metaphor for her relationship with Chandler. She was feeling terrible about her fight with him, and then she got lucky She found a chip when she was not even looking for it, the one that started her on this winning streak. it was the same with Chandler. Feeling miserable at Ross' wedding and then finding him in London, when she was not looking for love, and how their relationship kept growing and growing, just like her pile of chips. No, she would not lose. Not in craps, and not in love.

She had no idea how long she was at the table, there were no clocks to be found anywhere in the casino, and the rush of endorphins as a result of all this winning made it hard for her to tell how much time had passed. Twenty minutes? A half hour? Two hours? She had no clue. She couldn't even keep track of time to figure out when she should stop.

She knew she had to find Chandler, they had to make-up. But she was winning, surely, he of all people would understand why she couldn't pry herself away from the table. In fact, he was the only other person in the world who would understand. It's why they are so perfect for each other. He knows she could never walk away from a winning streak like this.

She did think about leaving the table earlier to find him. She told herself, after ten rolls of the dice, she would quit. Yet, those ten rolls came and went and she kept winning. She even mentioned, innocently enough, that she had to leave the table soon to her fellow gamblers, but one of them looked at her as if he was going to have a heart attack. He told her that she could not leave during a streak like this. That it was bad luck and it would follow her around Las Vegas for the rest of her trip, and probably hitch a ride with her back home.

Monica was not the superstitious type, but she did believe in jinxes. What if this guy was correct? What if Las Vegas did run on a different wavelength where the results at the table can be mirrored in your life outside the casino. Could she really take that chance and jeopardize her reconciliation with Chandler? No, it was obvious that she had to keep rolling until she finally lost and the table let her go. Perhaps, the future of her relationship depended on it. Las Vegas demanded she follow its rules, and everyone knows how important following the rules are to Monica Geller. Especially Chandler.

So, she rolled the dice again, and again the crowd around her cheered, and again some stranger offered her a high five. The superstitious rituals piling on as the streak continued. She even had to pump her fist in the same exact way every time she threw the dice, or else, as some of her fellow gamblers told her, any deviation could result in bad luck, and bad luck could spread to every corner of her life. So, she rationalized that in a way, she was rolling these dice for the most important thing in her life, her relationship with Chandler. She could not lose. They would not lose. This winning streak was definitely a sign that the magic of Las Vegas would not let them down.