Sick of the Signs

Monica was having trouble falling asleep. Her mind simply would not let her rest, as it instead opted to keep playing the events from earlier tonight over and over and over again. It was hard for her to believe that, just a couple of hours ago, she was inches away from getting married. That earlier this evening, as far as she knew, she was mere moments away from entering the chapel herself. Ready to commit to marrying the man who was now lying in bed next to her. For better or for worse. Thanks though, to Ross and Rachel, she did not go through with it. She was not sure if she should be grateful or annoyed at the two of them for that.

Truthfully, she knew that she had to acknowledge what was really keeping her awake the most. More than the shock of finding her brother and best friend getting hitched without warning and more than knowing that she herself was about to get married in the very same manner. What had been truly plaguing her mind, were not the events of tonight that led up to that rash, impulsive decision to marry Chandler or what they discovered in "A Little White Chapel" later that evening. What she cannot stop thinking about, is how relived she is that she and Chandler did not go through with it and what that meant for her relationship.

She felt like this almost as soon as she saw Ross and Rachel stumble out of the chapel. Slurring their words, barely able to stand, covered in ink and reeking of alcohol. After her initial shock at what was unfolding before her eyes wore off, the first thing she thought was, "Thank God that is not me." It was like Vegas's own version of "A Christmas Carol", and they were the ghosts of terrible decisions future.

She was not sure what this now meant for her and Chandler. How do you walk back from agreeing to get married? How do you go back to being just boyfriend and girlfriend after committing to forever? Was it even possible to salvage a relationship after you tell the other person you do not want to marry them? Does not wanting to get married after committing to it mean that there is some flaw in their relationship? Could it be that all those swells of confidence and euphoria she had experienced this evening were just a Vegas mirage? All brought on by a gambling high and an over-oxygenated casino?

She knew that her trepidation about marriage had nothing to do with how she felt about Chandler. She did not love him any less right now than she did earlier tonight, while they were crouching down underneath the craps table in search of that wayward die. She was confident in her love for him; but, would he know that as well when she finally broke the news to him that she wants to call it off? That she was not ready to take such a big leap? His confidence can be so fragile at times, and they just got over a fight where it was obvious that he began to doubt her love for him. How can she make certain that does not happen again?

There were also practical reasons not to get married tomorrow in Las Vegas and maybe she should focus on those when she talks to him. Now that she has time to consider what they were going to do; her resistance could simply be explained away because she wants that dream wedding. Now, that she is sobering up from her endorphin rush that was the result of gambling, a magical do-over anniversary celebration and wonderful make-up sex; she realized that she would have regretted getting married in a stolen blue Caesar's Palace sweatshirt. That, while she loved Chandler and his desire to marry her, which felt so real last night and made her weak in the knees, she also knew that if they had actually gotten married, she would have grown to resent their decision to do it and worst of all, she would have grown to resent him.

She knew all of this as they left the chapel with Joey and Phoebe; standing in stunned silence in the wake of Ross and Rachel's drunken escapade. She knew this when they both decided to retire for the night, instead of search for the newlyweds and find out what could have happened to make them do such a crazy thing. She knew, when they finally returned to their room, and she nearly attacked him, knocking him down onto the bed and stripping their clothes off frantically in the hopes that a round or two of vigorous sex would take their minds off what they were about to do earlier tonight, and save the uncomfortable conversation that they needed to have until tomorrow morning.

Unfortunately, it did not work. She could not sleep and she could sense by his breathing that Chandler was still awake as well. She wondered what he might be thinking. Could he be planning their rescheduled nuptials for tomorrow morning? Maybe he assumed that after breakfast, they would take a taxi back over to the chapel and follow in Ross and Rachel's footsteps. Worse, what if he had enough time to weigh exactly what getting married meant and wanted to run as far away from it, and her, as he could possibly get? She knows him, and just as much as she has always wanted to be married and have children, he seemed to have wanted the exact opposite.

She had to remind herself though, that it was different now. He was different now. They both could feel it in the months leading up to this trip, and they both felt it yesterday, with their do-over anniversary, it was as clear to her as she was sure it was to him, that they were both in this for the long haul. They were the one for each other. They had moved into the sacred "forever" stage of their relationship.

Still, she knew that Chandler could be an enigma. He always tended to fold into himself during times of reflection. He could be somewhere deep in his own mind, hiding himself from how he really feels, or how he thinks he should feel. He was never any good at processing emotions in a healthy way. What if he needed help right now to navigate his thoughts? What if he needed her to help soothe his troubled mind?

"Chandler? Are you still awake?"

"Yeah."

"What, uh, what are you thinking about?"

Chandler was quiet for a long time and she dared not move or speak until he did, fearing the worst outcome if she pushed him too hard. "Well, uh, I was wondering; do you think we can start calling Richard 'Dick' from now on? I feel like that fits better."

Monica wanted to hit him, she wanted to throttle him unconscious for being so ridiculous in what felt like an important moment for them, but all she could do was laugh. She started laughing so hard that tears began to form at the corners of her eyes and her stomach muscles felt like they might tighten into a fist. She loved this man. No matter how awkward the conversation they would eventually have about whether or not to go through with getting married tomorrow would become, she loved him. She knew that was enough.


Chandler looked over at Monica. Her face was pensive and he could see, in every inch of her body, that it was coiled in anger and all he could think about was how he must have screwed up. This was Monica. Signs and marriage and magic was probably all she thought about, and now, he wondered if she felt that they were messing with destiny by ignoring all of that.

He knew there was still tension between them about this entire getting married fiasco and he could feel it intensify right after the plane leveled out after takeoff. It was as if a black cloud fell over them once the fasten seatbelt light went out and the flight attendant came around to offer them a soft drink and a snack. She was mad, and he had no doubt, it was about him.

He was fairly certain earlier today that she was satisfied with their decision to let fate decide once more if they should get married. She even said it herself that they were doing the right thing, despite Vegas trying it's best to steer them back towards "A Little White Chapel" for a quickie wedding. They both seemed to be on the same page, ignoring all the signs, and going home with their relationship intact.

They had been foolish, and gambled a bit too much of themselves, pushing everything they had gained last night during their wonderful do-over anniversary, towards the center of the table for one more bet. One ill-fated miscalculation that they should go for the grand prize. Tempt fate and show the world and each other that they were no longer afraid of forever. He knows now, that they are lucky to have found themselves breaking even, going home with the exact same dynamic to their relationship as they had when the left.

Yet, Monica still seemed upset, and he wondered if maybe he took some of the shine off of her dreams of marriage. If he somehow tainted her fantasy of what proposals and weddings are supposed to be. What if she had always held onto this image of the man she was going to marry, dropping down on one knee, surprising her and forcing her to catch her breath as she realized what was happening. What if he ruined that for her with his idiotic idea to get married in Las Vegas over something as trivial and random as a dice roll. What if he ruined proposals for her in some irrevocable way? Last night was his second time asking her to marry him, and both times were horrible mistakes that she had to help him fix. What woman would want that? Certainly not Monica Geller. She does not want false starts and stammering idiots mangling a proposal. She wants romance, and fate and magic when she gets engaged. There is no way she wants something as trivial as a dice roll to be her lasting memory of how it happened. The story she told all her friends and her family. He did not even have a ring this time. What kind of idiot thinks a woman wants to get engaged and married without a ring?

Monica probably has had this idea in her head of how she wanted the man she was going to marry to propose to her since she was a teenager, and now, he ruined that with two stupid, impulsive and very unromantic offers at marriage. He is lucky she came home with him at all. She must really love him to put up with this.

He looked over at her again while she seemed distracted by something and looked down at her bag. She did love him. He knew that. He was confident that, no matter how much he screws up, she will still love him. As angry and upset as she seems right now, she is here, sitting with him, going home with him, in love with him.

One day, when he is ready, he will propose to her, and he will do it right. She will be surprised and she will gasp in shock and cry because she will never see it coming and he will finally make up for all of these stupid things he has done to her and all the ways he ruined proposals and engagements and marriage. He knows he will.

He reached over and gently placed his hand on her arm. "Hey, how you doing."

She pulled her arm away abruptly and let out a terse. "Fine." As she began rifling through her purse again.

Chandler frowned a bit, knowing he had to find out what he did and why she was so upset. "Mon, I…"

Suddenly, she leaned into him, cutting him off. "I think that little brat stole my snack! I've checked under the seat and in my bag. It's gone. Look at him. Chomping away on my food!"

Chandler could not help but bury his face into his hands and shake his head. Trying to hide his amusement at her misplaced righteous anger. He loved this woman. No matter how awkward and tense they may feel right now about signs and impulsive nuptials, he loved her. He knew that would be enough.


Chandler pulled the door shut behind him and looked across the hall towards the entrance to his own apartment. They had made it. They were on the same page again and they broke even. They survived Las Vegas. He should be elated. He should be doing a dance right here in the hallway in celebration.

Yet, he is not elated. He is not dancing. He does not feel like a winner because, when you come home from Las Vegas, breaking even feels like losing. They needed more than to just break even. They needed something to show for all their efforts over this weekend. They needed to come out on top. They needed a win. They deserved a win. Breaking even would never be good enough for them. Because, ever since that night when he was staring at that errant die that they found on the floor, the one that told him he had hit the jackpot with Monica, he knew that as long as they bet on each other, they could never lose. No matter how many times they threw those dice in the air, as long as it was about their future together, it would always be a four.

Chandler turned around and quickly slipped back inside Monica's apartment, feeling only slightly apprehensive until she turned around to look at him over the couch. When he saw her face, he relaxed a bit. There was only one sign that he needed in order to know he was doing the right thing. The only sign that guided him through every bump and roadblock over this past year. It wasn't random priests or wayward bouquets or improbable dice rolls. It was her. She was his sign. The only sign he would ever need.

"You know, I was thinking. What if I, uh, unpack here?"