The day of the finals dawned. And Naruto was still sleeping, five minutes before her match, when, by complete accident, Tora the cat raced into her bedroom window.

"ARGGGH!" The young Uzumaki heiress screamed as the cat landed on her face and woke her up.

Taking a peek at the clock, she saw that she had five minutes before her match.

Oh, I still have five minutes before my match.

She rolled over.

Then she stopped and screamed.

"FIVE MORE MINUTES?! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?!"

Naruto tripped as she grabbed some clothes (unknowingly grabbing a mix of Karin's and Nagato's - Karin's small shorts, her shoes, and a blue shirt of Nagato's that was lying around, as well as a random family member's clean socks... Yeah, the apartment was kind of a mess), brushed her hair, teeth, did all her hygiene stuff (thanking her lucky stars she'd showered the night before. She grabbed the weapons and everything she needed, even Tora the cat.

She ran, the cat on her head and with her completely mismatched clothes, to the arena, two minutes late.

~:~

"Uzumaki Naruto is -"

"RIGHT HERE!"

Everyone looked at her. A blonde with red streaks in her hair, wearing a blue shirt and some tiny shorts. Her belt holding her supplies was hastily tossed on her, a pair of mismatched socks on her feet, quite visible from where she was standing. And... There was a cat, purring, on her head. On her head!

"Isn't that Tora?" someone asked.

"What's with the getup?" the friendly, yet sickly, Hayate Gekkou, said with a cough.

"I woke up late," the furious Uzumaki said. "By the way, Tora, you're such a good girl for doing that~" Naruto scratched the furball behind the ears in a loving manner. "Now go to Lady Shijimi, okay, sweetie?"

She set the cat down.

The cat sauntered through the arena, walking to the Daimyo's astounded wife. The Daimyo himself looked... Less than pleased.

"NARUTO! WHY ARE YOU WEARING MY SHORTS?!"

"FUCK YOU, KARIN! THESE SHORTS WERE THE ONLY THING I COULD FIND! I WOULDN'T BE WEARING THEM IF I HAVE ANY OTHER CHOICE!" Naruto screamed at her adopted sister.

"NO, FUCK YOU, NARUTO! YOU GIVE ME BACK MY -"

"BOTH OF YOU SHITHEADS SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Tayuya screamed.

"FUCK YOU, TAYUYA!" Both younger Uzumakis fired back.

"Enough," Kiana said, appearing next to Naruto and handing her the bowl of ramen. "Eat, and be made healthy," the wise woman said.

"What a bunch of morons," Nina sighed. But they were lovable morons.

Naruto drank the ramen, hugged her aunt/adopted mother, and turned to Neji as Hataye-san called for the match to begin.

"You will regret eating," Neji said coldly, his eyes turning into the Byakugan. Naruto smirked at him.

"You know, I need to say something, before anything actually happens." Naruto took out a piece of paper. She dangled the piece of paper in front of his face.

"What's this?" Neji deactivated the Byakugan.

"Turns out, technically I wasn't stealing anything that night, Hiashi-san!" Naruto grinned brightly at the suddenly horrified clan leader as he too took the paper Kiana gave him. "It was mine biologically, -ttebayo. My mom, dad, and your dad, Neji, had a threesome the night I was conceived. That means!" Naruto launched herself at him. "Neji-nii-san!"

Neji, not ready for her, slammed his head on the ground and blacked out.

"Neji-nii?" Naruto shook him as she realized he wasn't hugging back. "I think he knocked himself out," she said in slight concern.

"...So what, you're not a pure Uzumaki?" Hayate-san looked confused.

"Nah, the Hyuuga only took up two percent of my DNA," Naruto said with a shit-eating grin.

"Next match, Sabaku no Gaara and Uchiha Sasuke!"

Sasuke entered the arena, Naruto jumping up and landing in the seat Tayuya had saved her.

Kit, I think there's something that is going to happen.

Naruto scanned the crowd.

Kage box.

Naruto turned her blue eyes to it. Then Naruto saw everything in brilliant detail - the pigment on the skin of the Kazekage, the yellow, snake-esque eyes -

Orochimaru! But... Where's the real Kage?

I don't know... But the Suna kids are in the competitor's box.

Naruto got up and dashed away.

She ignored her family's concerned calls and burst into the competitor's box.

"Temari-san!"

Temari turned to her.

"What is your Kazekage's name?"

Temari frowned. "Sabaku no Rasa."

Naruto nodded. "Sabaku no Rasa!" she hissed, and instantly, she was whisked away.

~:~

A Kage. A father. A husband.

Naruto cried when he ordered Yashamaru, who hated him, to test his only son. She gasped when she realized Chiyo was an idiot! A fool, for doing something like that and thinking the boy would stay stable!

Temari. Kankuro. Gaara. And in the end, Rasa could only hope Konoha had enough wits about them to know that Orochimaru was not him.

~:~

Naruto stumbled, her eyes blinking, her entire body sluggish.

She knew, now.

"Temari-san, your father is dead," she gasped to the woman. "The kage in that box is not your father."

The rest of the competing Genin looked confused.

Naruto saw Orochimaru move.

She did the only thing she could just as Sasuke began to charge up a Chidori.

She entered the match and stopped Sasuke from piercing Gaara's sand.

"...Naruto? What are you doing?"

"THE KAZEKAGE IS OROCHIMARU, HOKAGE-SAMA!"

There was a deathly silence.

~:~

"What a ridiculous and baseless assumption." Orochimaru felt kind of nervous as his sensei turned to him slowly.

"I've never known her to make such high accusations without proof," the Hokage said. Neither of them noticed Kiana in the Kage box, a Kage Bunshin of her in the audience.

Orochimaru signaled for the invasion to start as a smirk twisted his face. "And yet, even you couldn't figure it out, sensei," he mocked. He leaped out the window.

Feathers floated down.

~:~

Naruto fought against the rush of bodies in the stands, fighting to get to the top of the stands, the roof.

She saw the purple box made of seals, and she thought fast.

She took a deep breath and Kurama rose to the occasion.

Chakra exploded out of her, and she ran at the barrier.

She bounced off. A fine crack appeared.

Naruto took a couple steps back, and a single tail of Kurama's chakra came out.

She ran at it.

She looked at the idiotic ANBU watching her.

"You morons, brute force will work eventually! Why d'you think Uzushio fell?!"

They pumped their chakra, but Naruto had a feeling that this wouldn't work unless they had two other jinchuuriki -

-she turned, her voice amplified, thanks to Kurama.

"GAARA! FUU! GET UP HERE AND HELP YOUR OLDER SIBLING!"

Sand brought the redheaded jinchuuriki up while Fuu dive-bombed the sealing array.

Cracks started to form. Naruto shouted at Kurama.

GIVE ME A POWER OF THE NINE TAILS!

Kurama obliged. And Naruto's skin started to peel off as she mindlessly pounded the barrier.

It fell, but a new one, shining clearly, appeared.