Chapter 13: I Love You

"I like Derek." Molly states at the sisters' weekly dinner.

"You haven't even met Derek." Meredith says with a laugh as she twirls pasta onto her fork.

"Neither have I." Lexie interjects, "But we still like him."

"Okay," Meredith giggles with a roll of her eyes at her sisters. "I know this is you two trying to bug me into bringing him to dinner or something."

"What's wrong with us wanting to meet him?" Molly asks

"You're a mother hen, Molly Dawn."

Meredith's comment causes Lexie to laugh and say, "She always has been."

"Whatever," Molly says with a laugh. "Meredith, can you blame us for wanting to meet Derek? You've been with him for almost two months. Of course, we want to meet the man you're in love with."

Meredith chokes on her wine. When she's done coughing, she says, "I haven't said anything about love to either of you."

"You don't have to," Lexie says calmly, "It's obvious. You're happier, calmer, you smile a lot and spend the majority of your free time with him. Plus, I can see it in your eyes."

"Me too," Molly states. "Have you told Derek you love him, Mer?"

"No," she answers with a sigh. "At first, I thought maybe it was major infatuation on my part. Infatuation and lust mixed with great sex. I thought what I was feeling would go away, but it didn't. It happened really fast. I just didn't really believe I could fall in love so quickly."

"You should tell him you love him." Molly states.

"I can't," Meredith answers softly, shaking her head. "I've almost slipped and said it a couple of times, but I cover myself."

Lexie asks, "Why can't you tell him?"

"One, it's too soon," Meredith answers. "Two, I don't know if I'll be staying in Seattle for my Fellowship and C," she trails off with a slightly sad sigh.

"And C…" Molly prompts after a few moments.

"What if he doesn't love me?"

"Okay one," Lexie states emphatically, "it is not too soon to tell Derek you love him."

"Two," Molly picks up where Lexie leaves off, "you will be doing your Fellowship here - you just haven't received notice yet."

"If Derek doesn't love me?"

"Of course, he loves you," Lexie says.

Molly asks, "How can he not?"

"You're my sisters," Meredith says with a laugh. "Of course, you're going to say Derek loves me."

"He's a fool if he doesn't." states Lexie.

"Tell him Mer." interjects Molly. "What have you got to lose?"

"Derek" Meredith answers, pushing her barely touched food away.


"Have you told her yet?"

Derek doesn't even pretend to misunderstand his sister's question. "No Kathleen, I haven't told Meredith that I love her."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to be a selfish ass," Derek answers with a shrug.

"How is telling Meredith you love her selfish?"

"There's a real possibility that Meredith may go to Los Angeles or Chicago to do her Fellowship. She has to make big decisions about her career that aren't in any way clouded by me."

"Derek," Kathleen says with an exasperated sigh, "You are being a stupid and selfish ass!"

"What?" he asks in surprise. "No, I'm not. It'd be selfish of me to make her decision harder."

"Derek, Meredith loves you."

"You don't know that," he states.

"I do know that. From everything that you've told me - she loves you. Tell her how you feel. Not telling her you love her is selfish."

"What if she moves away to do her Fellowship?"

"Then she moves," Kathleen shrugs. "Even if she does - you can still make your relationship work."

"I don't know."

"Would you want her to move thinking you don't love her?"

"Of course not but we've only been together for a couple of months. What if I scare her off?"

"I don't think you'll scare her off, Derek. Stop being so stubborn and just tell her you love her."

Derek doesn't say anything else to his sister, but he can't stop thinking about it. Is he really being selfish by keeping his feelings to himself? Maybe.


Something was wrong.

Derek had moments when he knew things with absolute clarity - before he really knew them. Right now, he knew for a fact something was wrong with Meredith. It didn't help that he hadn't spoken to Meredith since yesterday. During the time they'd been together Derek and Meredith spoke everyday. Their schedules - granted, hers more than his - didn't allow them to be together everyday but they definitely talked to each other every day. Usually more than once.

Today was different. Today something was wrong. Today Meredith hadn't called or had her phone on when Derek had called her. Today Derek felt something he hadn't felt in a very long time - helpless.

Sighing - feeling frustrated, angry and worried - Derek dials his phone again.

"Hey man," answers the familiar voice on the third ring.

"Mark," Derek begins - thankful-as-hell that his best friend answered his damn phone. "How's Meredith?"

"I'm doing fine today Shep, thanks for asking."

"Sorry," Derek mumbles contritely. "I just have a bad feeling that something's wrong with Mer."

Mark sighs and replies, "You and your creepy ass, weird, psychic thing, or whatever that you do…"

"What's wrong?"

"Your girl is having a completely shitty day, that's what's wrong. The idiot surgeons that rely on superstition rather than skill are avoiding her like she's a plague."

"Oh crap."

"Yeah," Mark says. "Meredith has had two of her patients die today. The Chief jumped on her ass about something. I have no idea what it was about, but she looked like she was about ready to crumble when I saw her go lock herself in an on-call room."

"That explains why I haven't heard from her," Derek says. "Mark, when is her shift over?"

"Hold on, I'll check."

Derek hears Mark shuffling papers as he grabs an overnight bag. "She's off in an hour."

"Thanks man. Can you try to make her just go home when she's done for the day?"

"I don't know about 'making her' do anything, but I'll nicely suggest it. If she wanted to drown in a bottle of something though, she'd have every right."

"I know - just try."

"I will, bye."

"Bye," Derek says. He hangs up with Mark and calls Kathleen to ask her for a ride to Meredith's. Kathleen readily agrees upon hearing about Meredith's horrendous day. Regardless of when Meredith gets home - Derek is going to be there for her.


Meredith is barely holding it together as she pulls into her parking space at home. She wants nothing more than to go out and see Derek. She's going to have to settle for calling him though, because she is too exhausted to drive out to his place right now. She has three voice messages from him and feels bad that she hasn't been able to call him today. What an awful day. It was probably better that she wouldn't see Derek tonight. He definitely didn't deserve to be tainted by her atrociously bad mood. She starts walking to her apartment. Meredith decides that she'll have a scalding hot shower, a super strong drink - maybe two or three of those - and then call Derek when she feels numb about this day. That's a good plan. He'll understand.

Meredith rounds the corner and sees him leaning in the doorway of her apartment. "Derek?"

He turns his head toward her and gives her a gentle smile as he says softly, "Hi Mer."

The next thing Derek feels is Meredith hurtling herself into his chest and wrapping her arms tightly around him. He returns her embrace as he chuckles and says, "You may be tiny, but you have a force to be reckoned with."

Meredith gives the tiniest giggle and then mumbles into his chest, "You have no idea how happy I am to see you."

He grins but doesn't say anything. He holds her tightly and massages his hands down her back. After a couple of minutes, he feels her begin to relax in his arms. "Mer let's go inside," he suggests softly.

"No," she mumbles into his chest. "I'm not ever moving from this spot."

Derek chuckles and replies, "If we go inside you can have the cheesecake, I brought you."

"Cheesecake?" she asks with a small smile as she turns to unlock the door. "You brought me cheesecake?"

"Yeah, I thought it might help after the day you had."

"You know about my day?"

"I was worried about you," he shrugs. "I talked to Mark and he told me you lost two patients. So, I asked Kathleen…"

"To bring you here?" she interrupts, surprised.

Derek can hear her in the kitchen, opening a cupboard and taking something out. He's suddenly feeling a little nervous but doesn't want her to know. "There's your surprised tone of voice," he jokes.

"Do you want a drink?"

"No thanks," he answers, arms crossed casually in front of him, leaning in her kitchen archway.

"I am surprised you're here," she says, poring her drink in a glass tumbler filled with ice. "In a very pleasant way, though. You heard I had a crap day and you came here to see me. Thank you."

"Meredith," Derek says seriously, "Of course, I'm going to show up when you need me. I love you."

She sets her glass on the counter without taking a single sip. "What did you say?" she whispers, afraid she didn't really hear him correctly.

"I'm going to show up when you need me," he answers, moving closer to her.

"Not that part," she says, touching the back of his hand with her fingertips.

Derek pulls Meredith to him and tilts her face up to him. He rubs her cheek, kisses her softly and whispers, "I said, I love you."