Target Practice and a She-Wolf
Eren stormed through the common room, head down, and disappeared into the bathroom near Erwin's corner and slammed the door. In spite of his best efforts, everyone noticed the tears. A few moments later, Levi stalked into the room, clearly in a foul mood.
"Learn anything?" Erwin asked.
"More than I expected, but not enough," Levi replied. "Hannes did confirm that he and Carla torched the house and were hiding from Titan. We also now know that Grisha was running from Titan and had left a note telling Carla that Eren had to be kept away from Titan. No idea why, though. Last, we have a key, but it's just a piece of jewelry Carla always wore. It was a gift from Grisha apparently. Funny thing is, she wasn't wearing it the day she was killed. Moreover, the body was supposedly unrecognizable but for the dental records and it was immediately cremated without anyone's permission. Seems highly suspect to me. Kinda makes me think maybe the key really does go to something and Carla knew it. It also seems that she knew she was about to die."
Erwin sat at his desk, fingers steepled in front of his mouth. "We may want to contact Nile about putting Hannes into protective custody. Where's the key now?"
"Eren has it."
"Hange, when Eren comes out of the bathroom, ask him to let you run some tests on the key. See if you can figure out what it goes to. Also, check to see if it's an electronic device of some kind," Erwin instructed. "From the way Eren came in here and straight to bathroom, I guess what you learned hit him pretty hard."
"Not especially."
"He must have hidden his feelings really well for a change if you didn't pick up on them," Hange said with an accusatory tone. "Cuz he was definitely crying when he came in here."
Levi felt like someone had just twisted a knife in his gut. The flicker of emotion on his face was imperceptible to all but Hange; they noticed the faint change in expression. "Levi, what did you do to him?"
"I told him to mind his own fucking business and stop presuming to know what I think and feel. You guys may want to be friends with the brat, but I don't. He's just a means to an end and the sooner he gets it through that thick, empty skull of his, the better," Levi snapped.
Everyone in the room looked at him in surprise. "Damn, Levi. That's harsh . . . even for you," Ymir commented.
Erwin stood up from his desk, about to say something, but before he could, Hange stalked across the room and grabbed Levi by the elbow, dragging him back to the elevator. "You and I need to have a talk," they stated in a tone that left no room for argument. Frankly, Levi didn't want to argue with them. They were always pretty perceptive, so maybe they could tell him what was wrong with himself.
Once up in the apartment, Hange dragged him over to the seating area by the window and pointed to an armchair. "Sit." They sat at the end of the sofa closest to the chair and looked deep in thought for several moments while Levi waited with unusual patience for them to talk.
"Levi, this isn't like you," they began. "What's going on? What is it you have against Eren?"
Levi slumped back into the chair with an exasperated sigh. "I don't know, Hange. I don't have anything against him really. He just scares the ever-living shit outta me."
"Because he's attracted to you?" Hange asked.
"Partially," Levi admitted. Then he let out a heavy sigh. "I find myself attracted to him too, for some reason. What really scares me is what would happen if I started to care about him. You know what happens to people I consider friends; Izzy, Farlan, Eld, Gunther. When you first started hanging around me, I couldn't understand why I liked having you around and why I was so willing to talk to you. It really scared me. But you're so easy to talk to; you're the only person I feel safe sharing my . . . feelings . . . with." The word 'feelings' came out as if he was choking on it. "With Eren . . . I don't know. It would be so easy to befriend him and start to really care about him. But, I know that Titan is after him, and considering Titan's track record, it's only a matter of time before they get him and eventually kill him. Worse still, they could convince him to work for them willingly and he'll betray me, like my father did. Either way, I'll have lost another friend. I can't do that, Hange. I can't go through that again. I have to push the kid away and make him feel I'm not worth his friendship."
Hange looked at him sadly. "But it's already too late. You already care about him. I can see it in your eyes. And he obviously cares about you too. It tears you apart when you hurt him. I saw the change in your eyes when I told you he was crying."
Levi closed his eyes. There was no point in denying that fact. "I know. But if I don't hurt him, he won't hate me. He needs to hate me, Hange. He needs to want nothing to do with me."
"Think of it this way," Hange suggested. "Out of all of us, you are the one person best able to protect him. As such, you have to be around him all the time. Why make both of you miserable? Also, if you make him too angry or hurt him too deeply, he may run away from you, putting himself in greater danger. Are you really willing to live with the guilt if that happens? That's a rhetorical question, Levi, cuz I already know you can't."
Levi was looking at the floor, unable to look at Hange. They were right, of course, but it was still a hard pill to swallow. "What do I do?" he eventually asked with his head in his hands.
"I'm not asking you to be his best friend or anything, cuz I know you're not ready for that, but at least be as kind to him as you are to the rest of us. Try thinking of him and treating him as a member of the team. After all, he's going to end up working with us on this, for his own safety if nothing else. Don't let your fears rule you – isn't that what you always tell the rest of us?"
"Fear is the mind killer – yes."
"Do you want me to stay here tonight so you won't be alone with Eren?"
"No. We'll be fine. I think I need to have a talk with him anyway."
"Alright, my Little-box-of-grumps. I'll leave you to think on this a while." Hange stepped into the elevator.
"Hange?"
"Hmm?"
"Thanks."
"Of course! What are friends for?"
After everyone had left for the day, Levi went down to get himself some dinner leftovers for breakfast. Eren was sitting at the table, working on his laptop. He glanced up when he heard the elevator come down, but quickly put his head down again to avoid eye contact.
Levi sighed, then went and heated up his food and fixed a cup of coffee. When he sat down across from Eren, he could feel the tension and anxiety radiating off the young man. Eren visibly flinched when Levi spoke. "Listen. I don't apologize very often; largely because I rarely regret anything I've said or done. However, I . . . shit . . . didn't think it would be this hard." Levi took in a deep breath and sighed. "Eren, I'm sorry. I regret what I said to you last night. I was out of line and had no right to take out my frustration on you."
"Why do you hate me so much?" Eren asked quietly.
"I don't hate you, Eren. I'm just . . . not . . . I suck at expressing myself. Like I said last night, I don't like getting too close to people. And no, it's not lonely. Because of the line of work I'm in, people who get close to me are in danger. They can be used against me by villains. The idea of innocent people getting hurt as a way to get at me is sickening."
"I see," Eren said, barely above a whisper. After a few moments of awkward silence, "You're better at expressing yourself than you think. I know how you feel, to some extent. I was scared to death when Titan hurt Mikasa because of me. I was scared, angry, sad, guilty and . . . and . . . terrified."
Levi could sense that Eren was trying to reign in his emotions so as not to cause the empathic Super any discomfort. "While I appreciate your efforts to control your emotions, you shouldn't. For one thing, it's not healthy. For another, I was out of line the other night when I told you to keep them in check. I'm just not used to being around someone who wears their heart on their sleeve."
"Sorry."
"Don't be."
A few more minutes of uncomfortable silence followed as Levi ate and Eren tried, but failed, to focus on his schoolwork. "Today's Saturday, so I don't have classes, but am I going to be able to attend classes on Monday?"
"I don't know. We'll have to discuss that with Erwin. I would recommend not. Titan's tried to grab you from there twice now. At the same time, it seems unfair to have you put your life on hold because of this. But then, life is inherently unfair. Perhaps you should focus on courses you can study online. Since they are a professor at the university, I'm sure Hange can arrange something for you. Hange says you're going for a master's degree. Now might be a good time to put some thought and work towards your thesis."
Eren groaned and put his head in his hands. "I don't even know what I'm doing my thesis on yet."
"Well, now you have time to think about it." Levi downed the rest of his coffee. "Listen, I'm gonna go get some sleep. Stay inside headquarters and don't leave this floor. Help yourself to whatever's in the kitchen. I'll be down at 3:00 for your training session."
"Can we go visit Mikasa today?"
Levi regarded the young student for a moment. "After dinner."
Eren was surprised when Levi led him to another room at the far end of the gym. "Wow. Just how many rooms are down here?"
"This is the only other one on the ground floor," Levi answered as he turned on the lights.
Eren's mouth fell open as he took in the room before him. "A firing range?"
"Obviously."
"But . . ." Eren glanced at the pistol at Levi's hip. "I didn't think heroes used guns."
"I think you'll find that most of us do. Erwin is the only one in our group that doesn't. The rest of us all carry. This is where we practice. If you're going to carry a gun, then you damn well better be prepared to use it. You are going to learn to use one."
"Me? But I-"
"No buts, Eren. Titan is after you and they do carry guns. We don't have the time necessary to train you to be a top-class fighter, but we do have the time to teach you to handle a gun with proficiency. We need to even the playing field as much as possible to reduce the chances of Titan getting their hands on you."
Eren sighed. "You're right, but that doesn't mean I have to like it."
"Good. The less you like it, the less likely you are to use the weapon rashly." Levi went over to the gun rack and selected a Beretta M9 handgun. He gave the weapon a very thorough going over as he continued. "A few quick tips. In your case, you'll be defending yourself. Shoot to kill. Always shoot twice to ensure you've hit your target. If your aptitude and aim are good enough, we'll go over how to injure without killing, but for now, the object is to kill and get away alive. If you don't intend to kill, then don't pull the trigger, but keep in mind that there are consequences both ways. Make sure there are no chances of civilian casualties. If you think you may accidently kill or injure an innocent, then don't pull the trigger. This is not, however, a weapon of last resort. This is to prevent Titan from getting their hands on you. This is literally a case of shoot first; ask questions later. Do not try to engage up close and give them an opportunity to take this gun from you. Keep in mind one thing; this isn't just your life we're talking about here. From what Hannes told us last night, your life may very well impact the lives of everyone on the planet. If Titan succeeds, the impact will be very negative."
Levi held the gun out to Eren, and Eren reached tentatively out to take it, but withdrew his hand. "Where's the safety on that thing?"
Levi couldn't hide the faint, but impressed smile that tugged at his lips. "Not bad. This is the safety/decocking lever up here. Keep it on at all times unless you are ready to shoot. Just remember to take the safety off when you do go to shoot. Someone in the Scouts forgot to put the safety on and ended up with a slug in their ass. And, no, it wasn't me. Let's just say it's a good thing Erwin doesn't carry a gun these days."
Eren hesitantly took the gun. "That's a Beretta M9A3," Levi told him. "Keep the weapon clean and oiled and it will never fail you. Press that little button towards the front of the left side of the grip to release the magazine. It takes 9mm cartridges; 9x19 to be exact. The magazine can hold 17 rounds and it can fire up to 17,500 times without any kind of stoppage. As you can see, the weapon is already loaded. It will shoot with accuracy up to 300 feet. This is a very new model, released only in 2015, and this one is rare in that it is black instead of earth tone."
"Now, put the magazine back in and step up to the bar and let's see what you've got. Most of the time you're not going to have time to take up a good stance, but we'll work on quick shooting later. For now, stand with your feet shoulder width apart. Good. Take off the safety and pull back the slide assembly to load a bullet in the chamber. That's right. Now, this is an automatic weapon, so it's not necessary to pull back the hammer to cock it. You can put the safety back on at this point to disable firing if needed. For now, hold the gun in both hands out in front of you pointed to the target. The idea is to line up the front sight in the v-notch of the rear sight. You want those two to line up over the center of your target. Again, you're not always going to have time to do this. Be prepared for the recoil so you can quickly readjust for the next shot. Once you have your target aligned, squeeze the trigger smoothly. Don't pull it or jerk it back harshly or you'll lose your aim. Now, here we go; Exhale all the way. Inhale halfway. Squeeze the trigger."
The gun went off with a sharp report. Eren immediately realigned and fired the second time.
Levi raised a slender eyebrow. "Not bad. You remembered to fire twice. Not exactly a bull's eye, but at least you hit within the red area both times – barely. At lease you didn't squeal and fall on your ass like Krista did after her first shot. Now, notice the two empty cartridges on the floor beside you. The gun automatically discards them after firing the bullet while simultaneously loading a new cartridge in the chamber, so always put the safety on as soon as your done firing. Good. I see you put the safety back on already. Guess you're not as hopeless as I was expecting."
Eren turned red with embarrassment. "I may or may not watch too many crime, horror and war movies and tv shows," he admitted as he self-consciously rubbed the back of his neck.
Levi snorted. "Can't believe those shitty tv shows are actually good for something. Now, when the magazine is empty, the slide assembly will remain back with the empty chamber exposed. Always keep an extra, loaded magazine or two with you so you can quick release the empty one and load the new one in its place. Let's try your aim again. This time, hold the gun steady against the recoil so it doesn't throw off your aim, but don't keep your arms so rigid. Now that you're aware of the noise the gun makes, we'll put on ear protection, so we don't go deaf during practice. Put on these safety glasses too. You won't have them in the field, but at least you won't get injured practicing."
Almost three hours later, the two went back up to the common room. "How was training?" Hange asked.
"Not bad. He's actually a fair hand with a gun."
"Especially considering I've never actually held one until today," Eren added, looking quite pleased with himself.
Erwin looked rather conflicted by the news. "I suppose it's for the best, considering who's after him. I still don't like the idea. You know how I feel about firearms."
"You don't have to like it, Commander. I don't like it either, but it's for his own safety," Levi responded. "He's not some irresponsible half-wit that will shoot at anything that moves or at every shadow he sees. He's surprisingly knowledgeable about guns and was asking questions any responsible gun owner should."
Erwin sighed. "Which one did you give him?"
"The new Beretta."
"Good choice," Mike chimed in.
"Just make sure you keep it very well concealed, so no one will accidentally see it," Erwin warned. "But also, somewhere you can get it quickly and easily."
"Yes, sir," Eren acknowledged.
Krista came up beside Eren and leaned in as close to his ear as her limited height would allow. "I hope you didn't fall on your hiney like I did the first time I fired a gun," she whispered.
Eren chuckled and answered a little less quietly. "No. I didn't. But tell me, did The Commander really get shot in the ass when his gun misfired?"
Krista immediately giggled, and Erwin, having heard the question, raised both eyebrows instantly. "Levi, please tell me you didn't tell Eren that story."
"Of course not," Levi replied blandly. "I may or may not have alluded to such an occurrence, however."
Eren was grateful to have things back to normal between him and Levi. I just wish I'd stop having those wet dreams about him. I mean, the guy barely tolerates me as it is, so there's no hope of my ever being able to fulfill my fantasies. Before I met him was one thing, but now that I see him every day . . . ugh! I'm 22 for crying out loud! Seriously, what kind of a grown man jerks off to a Super hero fantasy? Especially when said Super hero is a complete asshole to me half the time.
As promised, Levi took Eren to see Mikasa at the hospital. She was up in the Super's wing. Beringer met them in the hall. "Damn it, Doc. Don't you ever sleep?" Leve greeted.
Beringer chuckled. "Not if I'm needed. Ah, this must be Eren; Mikasa's brother."
Eren shook the doctor's offered hand. "Yes, sir. Eren Jaeger. How is Mika?"
The doctor suddenly looked very weary. "Very difficult. We ended up having to sedate her to keep her in bed until we're sure she's recovered. I'm afraid she's in a great deal of pain. We've only just been able to isolate the toxin used. You're not going to believe this – frankly I'm still having trouble believing it myself – but the poison was very similar to platypus venom."
"Platypus venom?!" Eren yelped. "But those are mammals!"
"Is that anything like Short-tail Shrew venom?" Levi asked.
"Wait, what?" Eren was still flummoxed.
"Got bitten by a shrew once," Levi explained. "Was trying to save the little shit from a dog. Should have let the dog kill the little ingrate. The lousy fucker bit my thumb for my trouble. I went to sleep for the day, and when I woke up to go out on patrol, my entire thumb was throbbing from tip to halfway up to my elbow. Took about two weeks for the pain to subside. I looked up online and found out the little shits are venomous. One of only a very few mammals that are; the platypus included."
"Yes," Beringer confirmed. "Only the platypus secretes its venom via a spur on the hind legs and only during breeding season. This was injected by a claw or spur, but the venom was highly modified. It also caused paralysis. Had you gotten her here any later, it would likely have stopped her heart and her diaphragm. We're about to get to work trying to create an effective anti-venom to help her out. You can go in and see her, but only for fifteen minutes. We're going to have to sedate her again."
Eren started to enter his sister's room but noticed Levi not following. "Aren't you coming?"
"Considering how that she-wolf feels about me, I doubt my presence would do anything but make her feel worse."
"But . . . please don't make me go in there alone," Eren pleaded. "I need someone there to back up my story and to assure her I'm really okay. She won't take just my word for it."
"And you really think she'd take mine? Think about that for a moment. She hates me more than you do."
"I don't hate you," Eren protested. "Please. I don't want to face her alone."
"Fine," Levi conceded. "But don't say I didn't warn you."
Eren sighed with relief. "Thank you!"
As soon as Mikasa laid her groggy eyes on Eren, she was wide awake and tried to get up. "Eren!"
"Hey! Don't try getting up!" Eren scolded as he went over to embrace her. "I'm so glad you're okay! When those goons told me that you wouldn't be coming to save me, I was terrified they'd killed you!"
Even in her weakened state, Mikasa had a crushing hug. "Thank God they didn't get you!" Then she noticed Levi standing by the door; he'd put his mask on. "What's Asshole McFuckface doing here?" she spat.
"Raven was there when Titan tried to grab me again. He saved my life . . . again. When I told him what they'd said, he went straight to our apartment, found you and brought you here. If he hadn't . . ." Eren fought back tears with a sniffle. "If he hadn't, I'd've lost you." Eren took in a long trembling breath to regain control. "Armin's staying with Jean and Marco at the Keirstein's house and I'm staying in protective custody at Scout headquarters. I'm perfectly safe there. And Levi's teaching me to defend myself."
Mikasa never stopped glaring at Levi. "I don't trust that evil little pipsqueak." She started trying to get up again. "I'm getting out of here and taking you home. I'll protect you. You don't need to learn to fight"
"Mikasa! Stop! He's not evil and you're in no condition to leave!" Eren protested.
Levi finally approached the bed. He placed his open palm firmly on Mikasa's breastbone and pushed her back down onto the bed. "Try using your head for once in your life," he told her in his usual bored voice. "I may be stronger than most people, but I'm far from having Super strength like you. I just easily pushed you back to the bed in spite of your resistance. Do you really think you can protect Eren from Titan? This is twice they've nearly killed you. You're untrained and inexperienced. You don't have what it takes to protect anyone. If you'd listen and learn from your elders and take the time to actually train, you might be able to, but right now you're to weak and too reckless to be any good to anyone."
Mikasa snarled at him and tried to sit back up, but he held her firmly down. "Are you really this stupid?" Levi asked her. "Look at yourself. Blindly disregarding reason and physical limitations because of your own foolish pride. I'll put this another way. Eren cares about you a great deal – why I'll never know – but he does care. If you get yourself killed trying to protect him in your current state, what do you think that's going to do to him? If you get yourself killed, you won't be able to protect him. He'll be stuck grieving your death and possibly blaming himself. Do you really want that to happen?"
The girl finally stopped resisting and relaxed, turning her head and looking away in shame. "No. I don't" she admitted quietly.
"Good. Then trust us to protect him. Trust Eren to protect himself. He's not as incompetent as you make him out to be. He's a smart, capable and responsible young man that is more than capable of thinking and acting for himself. If you really care about him so much, then stop insulting him with treating him like an incompetent fool."
Mikasa's glare returned as she turned and looked Levi in the eyes. "I promised Mom I'd always have his back! I will never stop protecting him!"
Levi raised an eyebrow. "Always have his back, huh? Do you even know what that means? It doesn't mean doing everything for him and fighting all his battles for him. It doesn't mean that you have tell him every little thing he needs to do. It doesn't mean smothering him. What it does mean is letting him live his life, make his own decisions and fight his own battles, but also fighting by his side when he needs your help and letting him do the same for you. It's about working together. That's what it means to have someone's back."
"I . . ." Mikasa, for once, didn't know what to say. She looked at Eren and could see that he agreed with everything the 'evil little pipsqueak' had said. "Eren . . . I . . . do I smother you?"
"I'm sorry, Mika, but you do," Eren admitted sadly. "I feel like I can't do anything right, and when I try to prove that I can, you come and tell me what to do or correct me before I can even do it myself. You never even give me a chance. I can't go anywhere or do anything without you looking over my shoulder. I love you dearly, Mika, really, I do, but I need some space. I need to live my own life." Eren felt like a huge load had just been lifted from his shoulders when he finally admitted his feelings aloud.
Mikasa looked close to tears. "Eren . . . I'm sorry. I didn't realize. I . . .I'm sorry. I'll try to be better from now on. I'm just so afraid of losing you like I lost Mom and Dad and my birth parents."
Levi then said something that shocked both of them. "You should think about talking to Dr. Marina Sheldon. She's and excellent psychiatrist. She helped me some in the past. I'm sure she can help you too. I'll mention it to Dr. Beringer for you."
Mikasa's eyes widened, but Eren answered first (inwardly congratulating himself for making a decision for Mikasa for once). "Would you? Thanks! That means a lot to us."
Mikasa bit her lower lip. "Yeah," she said softly, then a little louder. "Take care of Eren. If you hurt him in any way though . . ."
"You'll go all she-wolf on me. I'm not worried," Levi finished for her. "Our fifteen minutes are up, Eren. I'll let you say goodbye and meet you in the hall."
Eren left the room a few minutes later and found Levi leaning against the wall beside the room's door, arms folded across his chest. "Thanks for what you said for me in there. I've never had the guts to tell her myself."
"Afraid of the big-bad-wolf?" Levi asked.
Eren chuckled. "I think most people are. You may be the only exception."
Levi started walking down the hall to leave. "I doubt Codex would be scared of her. After all, they're not scared of me."
"Good point."
