Second Night (1)

"...Are you feeling better, Onii-chan?"

"Quite a bit. Thank you, Illya."

"O-of course! Be grateful!"

While Illya was by no means an exceptional healer the Einzbern Sorcery Trait of 'wish granting' meant she could more or less focus heavily on the concept of 'healing' and her family abilities would take care of the rest, prana cost notwithstanding.

But if there was one singular thing she wasn't lacking in, it was reserves of energy without limit.

"A few more minutes and I'll be finished, Onii-chan."

"Alright."

Illya felt her face heat up as she continued her work...that had been completed a good two minutes ago, allowing her palms to be suffused with soft green light and nothing else as she lightly caressed Shirou's chest and arm, face turning a brilliant shade of scarlet.

Yes, she was aware she was basically feeling up her brother under the pretense of fixing his injuries but it wasn't like she'd had many chances to go on dates during her time at the Einzbern castle! Shirou was the first 'man' she'd met who was, well...honestly pretty attractive, if a little bit weird and off putting at times.

And while nobody among the Einzberns outright said it the fact that they were all competent Homunculus creators-or at least closely related to those who were-meant building an ideal puppet for 'sexual release' was a simple matter. Except for her, because she had to study and practice for the Holy Grail War and spend all her free time getting Command Seals agonizingly engraved into her flesh and soul while her 'family' was off getting laid!

It wasn't fair!

So excuse her for actually feeling a little hot under the collar when presented with a prime male specimen directly before her wandering eyes, shirt removed and hazel eyes carefully watching her every...move…

"Illya? You finished the healing a few minutes ago didn't you?"

Her hands left his body as if burnt, covering her face in embarrassment as she quietly mewled, "Why does this all have to be so confusing..."

"Sorry, I didn't catch that?"

"Nothing, Onii-chan...it's nothing."

Forcing out a breath that allowed her to regain some measure of control Illya asked, "Do you know who is in the war, Onii-chan? The Matous and Tohsakas will be participating without doubt and I'm the Einzbern representative...do you know who the other four are?"

"No, but I'm familiar with the founding family participants. Rin Tohsaka and Sakura Matou. I might need to kill Rin if she can't be convinced of the danger the Grail represents while Sakura is on my side, she wants the Grail either removed or destroyed."

Illya couldn't help but blink at that admission, carefully asking, "Onii-chan? How do you know those two? You don't seem the...social type."

"Rin goes to the same school I attend, I've spoken with her a few times and she is fairly reasonable. And I'm fairly certain she knows I'm a Magus, although she believes me to merely be an incompetent one. That she hasn't confronted me over the issue suggests that she is open to thinking outside the usual confines of Magus thought and social patterns."

Shirou put his shirt back on-much to Illya's silent dismay-and started walking towards the kitchen, Homunculus following closely as he continued.

"Sakura I met by chance only a year after I began living with Oto-san. She was being attacked by other children and I took her home with me after forcing the others away, since I wasn't sure what else to do at the time."

The albino raised an eyebrow.

"When you say, 'force away'...are they still alive?"

"Yes. I didn't know how to properly kill or cripple back then."

Shaking her head in quiet disbelief Illya continued to listen as Shirou explained, "Kotomine had happened to be at the house then and for reasons I never understood seemed to take umbrage with Sakura's condition. One year later Zouken Matou was killed by Oto-san and Kotomine working together and Sakura lived with us for a year, before being sent to the Church to work alongside Kotomine's daughter to be an Exorcist and have some kind of final 'adjustments' made to her body. Apparently she had some manner of curse or possession inside of her, I never found out the rest of the details."

The young woman in a girl's body didn't even try hiding her exasperated nose pinching, tiredly asking, "Just to make sure I have this right, Onii-chan...one of the founding families is basically extinct, Papa and that creepy priest worked together to make sure of that, the last member of the Matou's is an Exorcist and wants to destroy the Grail-and might be possessed-while the Tohasaka is a girl you went to school with and probably knows you're a Magus."

"Yes."

"...One moment, Onii-chan."

"Do you need something, I-"

WHAM!

Shirou had to blink as his step-sister continued to cheerily smile, despite the rapidly growing bruise on her forehead from where she had bashed her face against a wall.

"I'm all better now, Onii-chan, carry on~!"

Feeling more unnerved than ever but unwilling to risk asking what was wrong he continued with, "Anyway, Sakura sent word that she should be arriving tonight or tomorrow morning, we'll know for-"

"Wait, she's coming here? Like, staying in the house here?!"

Illya wasn't even sure why that thought upset her so much, but...it was her and Shirou's home, not anyone else's! Shouldn't she get a say in who stays or goes?!

"I'm...not sure? I imagine the Church provided a place for her to stay but-"

They both immediately came to a halt, the bounded field-now that Illya had included herself in the array-signifying the approach of an individual and particularly ominous spirit or wraith along with them.

"Ah, that's her and her Servant. Let's greet her, Illya-"

Another presence announced itself, different from the other two...and this one caused Shirou to stop cold, face losing what very little expression it had in favor of perfect neutrality, Illya confused at his sudden demeanor.

"Onii-chan? Is something wrong?"

Shaking his head and releasing a very tired sigh-probably the most Human mannerism she had seen him use thus far-the redhead replied, "No...it's just that she's here as well."

"...Who is this, 'she'?"

"Caren Hortensia. Kotomine's daughter."

"Eh? Wait, the one you were-"

A fast knock on the house's main door interrupted the Homunculus, Shirou moving to answer it with a grave air as Illya silently prepped Berserker to start breaking things, if it became necessary.

Unlocking the entrance Illya peeked around Shirou's side, curious about the appearance of people that had apparently known her brother-and could even make him aggravated-before she had.

"Onii-chan? Did you order cosplayers?"

"Oh? Shirou-kun, you had a child with another woman with white-hair and are now raising the child? While I am dismayed that you did not choose me, your attempts to responsibly raise the offspring as a single parent are truly commendable. I shall pray for your wellbeing to God."

Illya decided she didn't like this girl. Not. One. Bit.

The three females standing in front of their home were an eccentric lot, to say the least. The lead one, who Illya was assuming to be Caren Hortensia, had silver hair and golden eyes, with an expression who's serene nature suggested she was at peace with the world.

Except her words were bad and that meant she was bad and what did she mean by having a baby with Shirou?!

"Caren-sama, Shirou-sama is not one to perform actions such as that."

The Homunculus immediately felt a wave of relief at the second girl's words-

"Besides, I was the one who's womb he ejaculated into. You merely preferred to be sodomized."

-and instead felt something in the back of her brain snap, eye madly twitching.

In contrast to her bold and dirty words the second girl's face was utterly expressionless, purple hair falling to the small of her back while eyes of the same color apathetically stared at her brother.

She didn't like this one either, who she figured was the Matou.

"Mommy, what's sodomize?"

"Ah, that means to have anal intercourse with someone, Jack."

"Oh...so Other Mommy isn't normal?"

"No, she is not."

Like clockwork Illya felt her gaze drawn to the last of the trio, senses politely informing her that it was a Servant...a Servant roughly around her size with hair the same color as that Bitch Caren's and piercing green eyes which roamed over her and her brother with mild interest and lethal intent.

"Actually, did you call for strippers, Onii-chan?"

"No, Illya...I did not. Stop causing problems, Caren."

"But Shirou-kun, I do not cause problems for you. You cause problems for yourself and I merely comment on them, bringing them to light in the hope that God may grant you some of his mercy-"

"What are you three even wearing?!"

Finally snapping Illya hysterically shouted and pointed at the trio, who looked at her with varying degrees of curiosity.

The two taller women were wearing what the albino could only describe as fetish outfits for members of the Church, leotards and spandex tights highlighting their curves and body proportions while the smaller girl had a tattered black cloak...and little else, only thin black underwear and thigh-high boots.

She was about to continue her tirade when Shirou placed a hand on her shoulder, forestalling any further comments as he tiredly stated, "Why are you here, Caren?"

"Because I am the new Overseer for the fifth Holy Grail War, obviously. Years of training have not done much for your powers of observation, Shirou-Kun. I shall add an additional prayer that your eyesight deteriorates no further."

Illya winced as Shirou's hand tightened almost uncomfortably on her shoulder before relaxing once more.

"Amusing."

"Not as amusing as me being friends with the man who just killed my father."

A chilly silence spread over the gathered group, Illya slowly reaching upwards towards her hair as Sakura and her Servant slowly shifted their balance, Berserker manifesting behind the Homunculus with a quiet growl.

Shirou and Caren never once broke eye contact.

"...Is that going to be a problem?"

"Perhaps you can tell me, Shirou-kun. Is the murder of one's family member a reason to bear a grudge?"

"Did you consider him a father?"

"Of course. He gave birth to me and was married to my mother."

Illya spared a brief glance in her brother's direction-

-and almost lost her composure at the expression he was wearing.

It was almost...Human. By no means noticeable or exaggerated but most certainly there, the slightest traces of worry, anxiety and apprehension.

Why...why was Shirou showing emotion towards her?

The moment continued to stretch...and at last Caren bowed her head a fraction.

"I was well aware of my father's troubled soul. I believe he raised you in the hopes that you would provide a means of ending his life...he was too twisted to end it himself, too willing to indulge in the suffering of others...but to raise someone as monstrous as himself, to put down the beast with yet another beast? He found his peace and judgement now rests within the Lord's hands."

Her gaze met Shirou's, softening for the briefest of moments.

"Thank you for delivering his soul the chance at peace, Shirou Emiya."

"...You're welcome, Caren."

Clapping her hands in a sharp manner that seemed to dispel the tension the young woman announced, "Now then~! Perhaps proper introductions are in order? I am Caren Hortensia, overseer of the Fifth Holy Grail War."

The purple-haired woman offered a brief nod.

"Sakura Matou, master of Jack the Ripper, of class Assassin."

Illya blinked at the blatant lack of appreciation for secrecy, further gawking as Shirou stepped forward.

"Shirou Emiya, Second Magus Killer."

All eyes shifted towards her as the Homunculus inwardly sighed.

"Illyasviel Emiya, Master of Herakles, of class Berserker."

If her brother trusted these weirdos...well, they were just as weird as he was so they were probably trustworthy. And that particular thought was a headache unto itself.

Not that she had a chance to think on that for very long, the other white-haired hussy grabbing her brother's arm and dragging him inside, chastising him with, "Keeping us on your doorstep for so long, Shirou-kun? First it was your eyesight and now it's your manners, the Lord must be crying at all of my requests to heal your broken soul."

"Now just who do you think you-"

"Come along, Jack. Shirou-sama is a good cook, you will have lots of good food to eat tonight."

"Ooh, really?! Yay! Mommy always takes us to the best places!"

Sakura and the tiny Assassin that wasn't an incarnation of the Old Man on the Mountain brushed past her, leaving the albino standing on her home's doorstop like an ignored and unwanted stranger.

"Berserker?"

A cautious rumble emanated from the Servant.

"If the opportunity arises, smash them with a car. Make it look an accident."

While 'make it look like an accident' was a bit beyond Berserker's limited ability to enact the olden Hero nonetheless agreed to his Master's wishes, sensing that simply nodding and playing along would be the easier action.

"AND WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT EJACULATION?! WHAT HAS ONII-CHAN BEEN DOING WITH THOSE THREE SCARLET WOMEN?!"

Correction. It would simpler to nod and play along from a distance of at least ten astral paces.


Caren is truly a joy upon the world.

Carnival Phantasm Caren even more so.