I was right… this getting up early thing is for the birds. My alarm was singing to me the song of its people, loudly, right in my ear. Heero bought it for me, a silly little thing shaped like a baseball, but much softer than a real one so it wouldn't do any damage when it was whipped unceremoniously into the wall. Like it was about twenty seconds ago. I have to admit; I am really starting to get good at throwing a curveball. Maybe I should have tried out for the major leagues? Oh wait, they have to get up early and practice in all kinds of heat. No thank you. I'm happy being a Preventer. I'm not just saying that because my partner is hot, either.
There was a downside to the bloody thing, though, when you threw it and it hit its target, which tripped the snooze button, the next time it went off, the alarm was replaced by a shrill old lady screeching obscenities at you until you woke up. One time, about a week before Halloween, I had accidently thrown it too hard and it had hit the solid wood of my closet door. By the time it rebounded and rolled under the bed, I had already gone back to sleep and let me tell you… when that old lady started cussin', I nearly wet myself at the slew of obscenities that came up from under the mattress right at face level. I could have sworn for a brief moment that the place was haunted, imagine my surprise with that wake up call.
Only Heero.
With a groan that only I could produce at seven in the morning on a day off, and with absolutely no caffeine running through my veins, I somehow managed to get myself up into a halfway decent pushup. My brain, still struggling in vain to get back to sleep, refused to kick into gear and I found myself staring blearily at my pillow. I shook my head, grumbled to myself and answered back in a thick, Scottish accent that today was the day we were going to shake our booties if we wanted the Isle rid of the seagulls.
I swear I have an I.Q. over forty. I'm just not a morning person.
"Duo?"
"No?"
"Duo!"
"What!"
There was a long pause. "Are you up?"
I thought about that for a long time.
"Duo?"
"What?!"
"We have to cancel our trip to the beach."
You gotta be kiddin' me…
"You gotta be kiddin' me…"
"It's raining," came Heero's response through my door. "You can go back to bed. We'll try it again tomorrow."
I dropped my weight off of my elbows, landing face first into my pillow, where I lie like that until the overwhelming desire to breathe kicked in. I turned my face towards the wall, settled into the bed and closed my eyes. "Okay," I muttered. But it couldn't rain all day, surely. Maybe it would pass and we'd still get to hit the beach. Maybe not as early as Heero was anticipating, but still, we could have a nice day, play in the water, build a few sand castles, his are always the best, eat a little something, maybe grab a movie and before I knew it, I was out like a light.
When I woke up three hours later, sunlight was streaming through my heavy bedroom curtains. I rolled over onto my back, rubbed my face with my palms and got out of bed. I needed to wash my sheets this evening anyway, so I bypassed making my bed and got dressed for the beach.
"You're not wearing that, are you?" Heero questioned as he cast a scrutinous gaze at my outfit.
"Why? What's wrong with it?" I asked as I looked down at my cut off shorts and tennis shoes with holes on the sides where my little toes rubbed through.
Heero looked down with me, and then pointedly looked back into my eyes. I looked down again, and then looked back to him, just as pointedly. He lowered his eyes again, this time seemingly to study my shoes before slowly trailing his eyes up my body. When our gazes met, he cocked a brow at me. In return, I lowered my head, studied my shoes and then lifted it once again, cocking my own brow right back at him. He snorted once and I lifted my arms, flexing my muscles slowly. Then, for added affect, I leisurely kissed each bicep and he groaned, literally groaned, before turning away and walking to the living room. I love driving him crazy. "Well, if you want, I'll slap on a tie and make this sucker formal!" I called to his retreating back.
"Only you, Duo," he answered me. "Only you."
I grinned. Only me. I don't think the Earth and the colonies could put up with more than one Duo Maxwell.
"Hey, Heero?"
"What?"
"Can we have spaghetti for breakfast?"
"Duo… please… don't instigate the man next to us," Heero murmured as his grip on the steering wheel tightened. There must have been a wreck or something further up the way, because traffic on the interstate was at a standstill and people were starting to get cranky. I don't blame 'em, it's hot outside and your car's AC won't run as coolly when you're sitting at idle. It was also humid out, so rolling down your window would only release any cold air you had built up in the cabin of your vehicle anyway, so all we could do was sit and wait for the obstacle to be cleared.
"I'll have you know that I am being a good boy," I said as I continued to make eye-contact with the man in the lane next to us. Long, deep, penetrating eye-contact. He was starting to get nervous. Maybe because from the waist up, I appeared to be naked, save for the bright red silk tie I had put on. Heero had nearly choked on his coffee when I busted a stroll into the kitchen wearing it with my short shorts and ratty shoes.
"Duo?"
"Mm?"
"Duo?"
"MM?"
"Duo!"
I turned around to grouse at my best friend, but as soon as I did, the flash of his camera phone flashed in my eyes as he gave me his meanest little grin.
"What did you just do?"
"Took a picture."
"Don't you dare, Heero." I watched his thumb get up to mischief and I leaped forward, but I was too slow. Instead, I grabbed for his wrist and he let out a short bark of a laugh as he lifted his arm away from me in an attempt to keep his precious phone.
"Who'd you send it to, Heero!?" I ground out as both of our hands begun to get busy. We must have been struggling pretty good, because when I glanced up to the windshield to make sure traffic wasn't moving without us, I noticed the hood of his Jeep was rocking pretty steady side to side.
"Quatre," Heero smirked.
"I'm gonna kill you. Gimme that phone!"
"No! The phone is mine," Heero grunted as he managed to ball his upper body up and stuff it into the fork of his crotch. He looked up to me defiantly, but then let out the most unmanliness of squeaks when I reached in and started fishing. Who am I to pass up a beautiful opportunity to not only get his phone, but to feel the goodies, too? For crying out loud, he's in swimming trunks! That nest was begging to get raided!
"Those are mine, too!" Heero cried out. He grabbed my wrists and removed them from his personal comfort zone. "Sit down and behave!"
I flopped back in my seat, made a point of adjusting my tie and then moved, quick as lightning, to plaster myself to the passenger window of the vehicle. The man next to me was watching us in horror, so I began to grin very slowly as I pressed my forehead to the glass.
"Great, just don't let me get ahead of him," Heero said. "I don't want him to get my plate number so he can file a report to find out who'll be paying for his therapy."
"That happened once and you just won't let me live it down, will ya?"
There was a long pause. "No."
"I'm… too sexy for my tie, too sexy for my tie, oh so sexy that's why," I sang as I twirled the tie in my fingers. We had managed to move all of fifty feet in the past half an hour and I was bored. Beyond the line of traffic, the ocean rose up, a swell against the horizon, and soon, we would be there. But for now, I had to entertain myself. I kicked my feet up onto the dashboard and sang. "I'm… too sexy for my knees, too sexy for my knees, hey Heero, look how sexy my knees are," I continued to sing. Heero grunted in response.
"Who're you texting?"
"Trowa."
"Tell him I said hey."
"Hn."
"I'm… too sexy for my non-committal answers, my non-committal answers, my noooon-committal aaaaansweeers."
"Leave him alone, Duo."
How'd he do that? I had probably turned my head a fraction of an inch to serenade my new best friend in the car next to me, through two sets of safety glass and five feet of empty space between us.
"He looks so lonely, Heero. He needs his buddy to cheer him up."
Heero glanced up from his phone, gave me a scrutinous look and went back to texting.
"That wasn't a no."
"Then you aren't reading me as well as you used to," he grunted
"How come we don't make love anymore?"
Heero nearly choked on his tongue.
Uh oh, Heero's starting to lose his temper. I can tell by the way he keeps leaning his head against the glass, craning that gorgeously long neck in an attempt to see what's going on way beyond where we're sitting. I can tell by the way he exhales through his nostrils, the tight set to his jaw and the thin line his lips have pulled themselves into. Oh, I could just ravish him so hard right now. Rip that tank top off and yank those shorts down and just… down boy, doooown boy. You're in denim shorts and those don't do an erection well.
"My friend stopped paying attention to me when I pretended to hang myself with my tie," I said in a gloomy tone.
Heero exhaled through his nostrils again and I decided that now would be a wise time to cut back on the clown routine.
"No worries, Heero, we'll get there. Eventually. Calm down," I said gently.
"I am calm," he responded with just the slightest edge to his voice.
"I packed a ton of food, want me to fix you a sandwich?" It was past noon anyway, and the cooler was in the backseat.
That seemed to perk him up, so he nodded his head in agreement. Without preamble, I leaned between the seats, pulled the cooler to me and began to make sandwiches. I even made one for my buddy in the car next to us, and after I had Heero taken care of, and my food on the dashboard, I opened the door and approached the poor guy's vehicle. I almost felt sorry for him by the way he seemed to cringe within himself when I approached the window, but when he saw I had a peace offering of food and Mt. Dew, the ice melted off right away and he was most grateful.
"That was nice of you," Heero said when I got back in and pulled my food onto my lap. I was so proud of myself for remembering the paper towels. I had only written two notes in reminder.
"Thanks!" I beamed at him. "I can be nice on the rare occasion."
"Then the rare occasion must constantly occur for you."
"Listen to you, Mr. Compliment. You keep that up and we'll be having spaghetti for breakfast for a month!"
"I said you were nice, I never said you were normal," Heero sighed before taking a sip of his soda.
After we had finished eating, and I had packed away the trash in the little plastic shop bag I had brought along, I dozed off. The sun was warm, the air blowing through the vents was warm, my belly was full and I couldn't help myself. I've pretty much slept most of the day, I'm such a bum. Heero was quiet as we inched ever painfully along, but when he put his hand high up on my thigh and gripped it, I snapped awake. Then, I felt gooseflesh rise at the way his hand felt on my skin. Those strong hands, rough and tender at the same time. My mind betrayed me and flashed images of the two of us tangled together, naked, panting, with his hands roaming my body. Squeezing, stroking, caressing…
I turned my hips away with the pretense of stretching from my nap, but the way his palm felt as it slipped against my thigh, brushing along the frayed ends of my very short shorts while Heero took it back only caused my stomach to clench again.
"Man, Heero, you need to wash this thing," I said as I pointed to the hood beyond the windshield.
"We'll run it through a car wash on the way home."
"No, you need to park it out in the driveway, I'll lend you these shorts, hear me out… why are you looking at me like that? No, what you do is get a big soapy bucket of water, and start seductively washing your jeep. You know that old librarian across the street has the hots for you."
"The lady with the forty or so birds?"
"Yeah, her."
"I thought she was more your type."
"Huh? Where'd you get that?"
"Compared to you, it would take teaching more than forty birds to talk to keep up with your motor mouth. So, maybe she's just practicing for when she can get her hooks into you."
I clamped my hands beneath my chin, batted my lashes and crooned. "You noticed!"
Heero grunted, but, lucky for us, traffic began to move.
"You're kidding me, we're clear?" I asked as I sat up more and put my seatbelt back on. I waved goodbye to my new pal in the lane over, he tooted his horn and soon, we were all moving as one.
"Yeah," Heero sighed.
"What's wrong, buddy?"
"Most of the day is wasted."
"Ah, c'mon, it's not wasted," I said with a smile. "We've had a good day so far, right?"
"Getting a very late start? Stuck in traffic?"
"We're hanging out, got food, we're not being shot at, yelled at, chased or having someone trying to blow us to smithereens, so it's a good day."
Heero grunted again.
"C'mon, Heero, cheer up," I said. I didn't like to see him down; it was a feeling of sorrow that wormed itself deep into the core of my heart when I saw him disappointed in anything. "It's just 1:30, we have all day to have fun."
"I wanted to go early and miss the crowd," he said as he put on his blinker for the exit. "So we didn't have to fight so many people."
Wait a minute! What did that mean? A part of me dared to hope that perhaps he wanted more alone time with me while we were having fun, but I quickly quashed that nonsense down. Just because I'm crazy about the guy doesn't mean he feels the same way. Why does he always have to get me thinking about so much serious stuff?
"It'll be fine," I assured him.
"Yeah," he finally conceded as we got off the interstate and started heading for the public beach access.
Feeling brave, I suddenly reached over and patted his thigh, high up where he had touched me to wake me up. He cast a quick glance at me, sighed and then gave a soft nod to his head. I remember back when we were pilots, how his wild shock of hair covered a lot of his face. Wild and untamed. He's still the same, but, with a little more reserve. That wild hair is still thick, and it's still in his face, but there's a more mature essence about it now. He doesn't look like some feral kid, now, he looks like a carefree adult who takes a few minutes to finger-comb his hair instead of forgoing any grooming for the mission.
"Too bad Wedgie Boy couldn't come, man, I would have loved to have seen Trowa's reaction to Playboy."
"Playboy would have probably ended up as nothing more than a bad smell in a shallow grave," Heero said as he turned into the parking lot. Since we lived close to the area, we didn't have to pay to go to the beach. Sorry tourists, but, if you want sweet free beach access, then you need to move here. He found us a good spot and we got out, me carrying the cooler with a towel over my shoulders, him carrying our two fold up chairs, our large fold up umbrella in its bag and the handle of our beach bag over his shoulder. The wind felt nice, it smelt of sea air mixed with jasmine. That will probably forever be my favorite smell. I turned my head over my shoulder and laughed softly to my friend. When he smiled back to me, his eyes growing soft and warm, my heart stuttered in my chest before fluttering in joy.
Yeah, this guy can make my braid sweat, and all it takes, sometimes, is just a gentle look.
"I swear, Duo, if you take a nap as soon as we get set up, I'm going to kill you."
"Yeah yeah yeah, just watch me, I'm going to go play in that area where the water's calm."
"We need to bring our surfboards next time."
"Just remind me to wax them this weekend, and the next time a good storm front is moving in, you're on, pal," I said.
So we got a late start to the day what with the heavy rain this morning, got stuck in traffic and arrived here a little late. So what? I'm still with him and he wants to be here with me, wants to spend a fun day with me, and that makes me feel good. He better not be dying or anything, and is trying to make our last days as pleasant as they can be before he gets worse off. No, that's stupid, we both have our medical records on file, and if anything was wrong with any of us, Quatre would know and immediately leap into action to fix what was wrong.
Maybe I can talk him into a movie tonight, and a nice dinner? Maybe I can secretly date him without him knowing it? I… think I like that. At least I can enjoy his company without so much expectation of not screwing anything up. Man, my self-esteem can be crappy sometimes, but, when I'm with him, I feel like I'm on top of the world.
Heero just makes me feel like a whole person. It is going to devastate me when he finds someone for himself. There's no doubt about that, not one bit. I'll probably move away and transfer offices just so I don't have to see a reminder of what was mine, no matter how one-sided and secret it was, that is no longer any more. But, until then, I will consider him mine and mine along, to love, and care for as quietly as I can.
I love you, Heero.
I didn't realize he was speaking to me, I was staring off into the ocean. I guess he must have called my name several times, because before I could realize it, his hand was on my shoulder and a concerned look was etched onto his face. He gave me a soft shake and I slowly blinked and came back to the here and now.
"I'm sorry, Heero," I said, not liking how husky and serious my voice sounded. It was the heartbreaking thought of losing him that had pulled me from a bright and sunny demeanor to a crestfallen one. I put on a smile to show him I was okay, and the hand on my shoulder just simply squeezed. "I was just lost in thought."
"Bad thoughts?"
"Yeah," I whispered as my eyes went back to the water.
"The war?"
"Yeah… and no. More about having and losing." I risked a glance to his face and saw that he, too, could understand that. I guess it hurt him pretty bad when Relena got married to that rich young hunk, but, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't cheering over it.
"Do you need to sit down?" He turned his upper body, as if prepared to lead me to our chairs and umbrella he had set up while I was gazing like a lost child into the ocean. I shook my head and let out a soft laugh. "No, I think I need a hug more than anything in the world right now." My eyes drifted to the foam cresting on the waves as they came crashing to shore. I watched how the small brown seagulls darted here and there, always out of reach of boisterous kids who wanted to chase them, always out of the way of feet that trod through them. I watched the sand grow dark as the waves poured over it, and then lightened as the water retreated. I wasn't expecting a pair of strong arms to wrap around me and give me a warm, but firm hug.
I'd never hugged Heero before. Ever. Not even drunk. Sure, we often lean into each other, or throw our arms around each other, but an honest to goodness hug? Like this? I forgot to breathe. He was maybe two inches taller than I am, just right to wrap my arms back around him and rest my face on his shoulder. As much as my heart cheered in joy, my soul took a long, comforting breath. This was something I had been needing for oh so long. I closed my eyes and let Heero hold me while the wind, which smelled of ocean and jasmine, tousled my bangs against my closed eyes.
I love you, Heero. Please, even if you don't feel the same, just let me love you.
