Chapter 26
Scared
Penny Kissed Leonard goodbye then went upstairs to wake her Daughters as she was taking them shopping for some clothes today.
April was awake and playing on her Nintendo DS, while her sister Angela was still buried under the covers.
"Angela wakey wakey sweetie", Penny called her, giving her a little shake into the bargain. Then to April, "Will you get dressed please, don't forget we're going to get some new clothes today".
April threw off the covers and still playing her DS went downstairs for some breakfast.
Angela moaned, rolled from side to side then coming to an anchor she stretched and reluctantly got out of bed and joined her twin at the breakfast table and poured the last of the Froot Loops into her Bowl.
Five minutes later her older sister also appeared, picked up the Froot Loops packet snorting in disgust at finding it empty, then vociferously complained to her Mom about the greediness of the twins.
Penny In exasperation at her Daughters, asked Honey Marie what she would like instead?.
"I'll have a strawberry poptart please", Honey Marie replied, still giving hard looks at the twins.
"Ok Honey, ain't they the best though?", Penny told her Daughter, although Penny was thinking more of Leonard, rather than the actual poptart And after handing it over to her eldest Daughter, Penny poured out a coffee to take up to her Mom, as she had come down, for a couple of weeks as the girls were on vacation from school.
Then after giving her Mom her coffee, Penny went to have a shower as her Mom, when she had finished her coffee was going to make sure that the girls washed and dressed.
Penny turned the shower on and once it was at the right temperature got in and picked up the shower gel and looked for the sponge, then muttered irritably, as it had seemed to have disappeared, then discarding the idea of getting back out to look for it now she was already wet, decided to use her hands instead.
As she began to wash her right breast Penny felt a lump on the side of her breast, Immediately Penny froze and examined her breast again, yes there was a definite lump there.
Penny felt quite faint and in a panic grabbed the shelf to stop herself collapsing, her face now was white as a sheet. All sorts of thoughts flashed through her mind,"was it cancer?", "if it was and it was incurable, how would Leonard and the girls cope without her ?", "and if not would she have to have a mastectomy?", "and if she did would Leonard not want her anymore?", then Penny began to cry.
Marcia had the three girls ready by the time Penny came back down and straight away Marcia noticed the worried look on her Daughter's face. "Are you OK Penny, you seem tense", "I'm OK Mom, just thinking over some things", Penny replied not yet feeling able to discuss the problem with anyone yet.
Penny had another coffee then skipping breakfast, as She was feeling too knotted up inside to eat.
Penny badly needed someone to talk to, and her Mom would have been first choice but as her Daughters were present that was really not possible right now. Penny decided it was no good, she really needed to go and confide in Bernadette.
"Look, I've just got an errand to run first, I'll be back in about an hour", Penny told them all, then grabbing her purse, She left.
Marcia knew for certain something was up, and with Penny's history when She was younger, it crossed Marcia's mind, to her great fear for her Granddaughters, if perhaps Penny was having an affair.
Penny rushed at speed over to the Wolowitz's place, and was extremely lucky not to be caught speeding, though her speed was the last thing on Penny's mind at that moment, but to her immense distress there was no one at home. She jumped back in her car, and with shaking hands tried to ring Bernadette, only to hear her voicemail in reply, and Penny hung up, as She was not feeling able to tell a machine about a very personal problem.
Penny sat and tried to think what to do, then She turned the car, and headed for Tarzana and Kay.
Upon arriving at her destination, Penny gave her I.D. To security who rang Kay, and Penny waited, her hands unknowingly gripping tightly to the steering wheel and hoping that Kay was in, when after a couple of minutes Kay told security to let Penny through.
"Hi Penny. I thought I was seeing you at Amy's place next Friday evening for girls night?, is anything Wrong?", Kay asked her, feeling somewhat puzzled at Penny's sudden appearance without ringing first. Which Penny always usually did.
Penny opened her mouth to reply, but instead only burst into tears.
Kay immediately put her arms round her friend to comfort her, "Is it Leonard?", She asked Penny.
Penny shook her head vigorously in denial.
"Then tell me, What's the matter", Kay asked now even more puzzled.
But Penny could not stop crying to reply.
Kay sat her down on the sofa and made Penny a large mug of hot chocolate with a little Irish cream in it, hoping perhaps the comforting drink might calm Penny down a little.
And it certainly seemed to do the trick, as after drinking half, Penny felt able to talk.
"I, I found a lump. In my breast", Penny whispered fearfully.
And at the sight of the immense distress on her friends face, Kay was almost moved to tears. "I'm so sorry Penny. Have you seen anyone yet?, and what did Leonard say?", Kay asked her.
"I found it this morning, when I was having my shower, and I haven't told Leonard yet, I'm too scared he might leave me or something", Penny confessed, and once again letting her insecurities to get the better of her.
"Penny!, surely you don't really believe that of Leonard do you?. Come on Honey, every time I see you, your conversation is always Leonard did this or Leonard said that, and tell me, would you always speak so highly of your husband if you thought he'd ever leave you?, would you?", Kay reasoned.
And at that Penny realized how irrational she was being, as she knew, more likely Leonard would be as devastated as she was.
"I'm sorry, you're right of course, it's just that I'm so scared. I'm not ready to die and let go of my Leonard, or my girls come to that, and I just didn't know what to do", Penny admitted.
"oh Sweetie, come here, you must understand. Not all lumps are cancerous you know", Kay said and gave Penny a long hug to comfort her, "You must talk to Leonard, believe me sweetie it's best for you to face it with your husband, it will do you no good in facing it alone, speak to Leonard", Kay urged.
Penny nodded in agreement, then after finishing her drink she thanked Kay, and made her way to Cal-Tech to talk to Leonard, but to her chagrin Sarah, Leonard's secretary, informed her that Leonard was in a conference and would not be available for a couple of hours. And so remembering that she was taking her girls for some new clothes Penny sadly made her way home.
and ten minutes after arriving home, she left with her Mother and the girls for the Mall.
Penny sat gazing into space as she still fretted over the lump in her breast, waiting for the girls to return with the clothes they were trying on.
"I like this skirt, it's so cute", Angela told her mother as she twirled round.
"Yeah it looks good honey", Penny absently told her.
"Penny, are you sure?, that skirt is about seven inches above the knee, or more", Marcia said frowning at her.
Penny suddenly coming back to the present, took a second look. "Angela your Grammy's right see if you can find another one that's a bit longer.
"Aww Mom!," Angela moaned in disgust at her mother, before stomping off to change.
"This so reminds me of when I used to shop for clothes for you, you always went for the shortest skirts, and the lowest cut tops I seem to remember", her Mother Marcia commented.
"Yeah but I've learned from bitter experience that it only attracts jerks, and I certainly don't want my girls to repeat my mistakes". Penny replied.
"I know I've said it before but I'm so glad you met Leonard, Your Pa and I were getting really worried about the direction you were taking with your life"
"Yeah he's the best, Penny agreed but still thinking to herself "but would he still want me, when I am only half a woman?".
Then Honey Marie came out wearing a pair of shorts that were cut so high that half her buttocks were on show and was promptly sent back for a less revealing pair.
Finally after the girls had got the message that anything skimpy was a no no, they went to the checkout to pay for their clothes. The cashier rung them through and said "that'll be $235.37 Please Madam".
Penny reached inside her purse for her wallet, then panicked realizing that she had left it at home.
"It's OK Honey, I'll pay and then you can Pay me back when we return home", Marcia told her , her concern increasing as Penny turned white and looked as if she was going to burst into tears.
After paying Marcia suggested they went for a coffee at which a chorus of I'm hungry came from the three girls, so they headed for a KFC, Marcia and the twins went to the counter while Penny and Honey Marie took a seat and waited, Penny again staring into space while her hands were wringing the life out of a serviette.
"I got a big bucket for all of us", Marcia announced handing Penny her coffee.
"Sorry I'm just not really hungry today", Penny told her Mother.
"Penny come on you never had breakfast, you must eat something" Marcia pleaded with her.
So Penny ate a couple of pieces of chicken, mainly so that her mother would not keep asking her questions.
But Marcia's mind was in a turmoil at what could be wrong with Penny?. "Had Penny really met someone else?", "or is she being stalked?, you do read about these things in the papers happening to people in the public eye". "Penny please, is there anything wrong honey, you seem so worried today?", Marcia asked her outright.
Penny snapped at her mother "I'm fine Mom really I'm OK".
Marcia let the matter drop, Something was up but if Penny wasn't prepared to talk there really was not a lot that Marcia could do.
They left the KFC and looked round a few more shops then they made their way for home, a journey that was completed in a frigid silence between Penny and her Mother both being occupied by their own private thoughts.
Upon their return Honey Marie and Angela went over to see their friend Rebecca, Marcia sat down and read a magazine while April played on her DS in her room, Penny seized the opportunity to examine herself again hoping against all hope that she would find the lump had disappeared, though she was not surprised to find it still there. Penny was torn between denial and booking an appointment with her Doctor , the latter option to find the truth was just too hard to face for her and Penny yet again despite previously promising Kay that she would talk to Leonard, but instead she bottled up her feelings and fears, she just could not face the possibility that he would leave her if she had to have a mastectomy.
Penny just seemed to be, totally unable to concentrate and after putting one of her daughters white school blouses in the coloured wash and getting a pink blouse, then later putting her coffee cup down to find when it shattered on the floor that she had misjudged where the edge of the table was, then forgot to turn on the hotplate under the saucepan for dinner, it was just not going well for her at all.
On Leonard's return home from Cal-Tech he was immediately commandeered by Angela to help her with a problem on her maths homework which was concluded just as dinner was ready, then sitting down to eat, he puzzled as to why Penny wasn't eating.
"I'm just not hungry right now sweetie", she replied in a quiet voice.
Then Leonard became absorbed in the minutes of the conference that morning. And while he worked in his study, Penny idly flicked between programs on the TV, her mind still in absolute turmoil and uncertainty as to what she should do.
While Marcia meanwhile was playing Monopoly with her granddaughters in the dining room.
It was doubtful if Penny would ever have said anything if she had not pulled out the wrong plug to plug in her phone charger in the event that the alarm failed to go off. Leonard had awoke and looking at the clock saw that it was off then looking at the time on his cellphone, jumped up in panic to rush to get ready for work. Waking Penny who sleepily wondered what what was up.
"Honey you unplugged the alarm!, I'm late for work now", Leonard said as he reached for a clean shirt.
Penny her look stricken then collapsed into a flood of tears alerting Leonard that something was going on with Penny.
"Ok Honey tell me what's wrong?, this is not like you at all", he said soothingly taking her into his arms.
Penny turned her tear stained face towards him and taking his hand placed it under his t shirt she was wearing and onto the side of her right breast.
"Can you feel it?", she asked him in a small voice.
Leonard gently ran his fingers along the side of her breast and felt his stomach knot tightly in fear as he felt the bump too.
"Have you called our Doctor yet?" he asked her, the look on his face quite anxious.
"No, I've been so afraid of what I might find out", she sobbed.
Leonard knew this was not the time for anger for her not telling him. Penny needed his gentle help and support now.
"It's OK Honey, We'll call him and then take it from there", he said trying to be as encouraging as possible.
"But Leonard, what will you do if I die from it? or will you still love me if I have to have the breast removed?"
"Penny Please, let's not talk about you dying, I fell in love with your big heart not your breasts, do you really think it would be even remotely possible that I could ever stop loving you?, we will face whatever happens together side by side, I love you too much to let you go now, in fact I categorically refuse to let you go!, so your dying is totally out of the question, you can not get rid of me that easily Penny","listen I will take the rest of the day off and together we will ring Dr Thomas and then he can arrange for you to have a mammogram which we will attend together. And this is how we are going to face this Honey, 'TOGETHER'.
Penny smiled at the determination of Leonard to never let her go, and hugging him tightly she rained many kisses on his face.
Marcia looked up as they entered the lounge and noted Penny now looking quite relaxed and happy.
Together they sat and informed Marcia that Penny had found a lump on her breast and they had arranged to see the Doctor tomorrow afternoon.
"It's probably nothing Penny, not all lumps are cancerous you know", Marcia said, echoing Kay's words. "And we have no family history of breast cancer either", she added
Penny felt even more relief at her words, but had got most comfort from Leonard's assurance of how precious She was to Him, and not only in his words but She could see it in his eyes too.
Leonard Hofstadter exited out the main door and walked towards his car, then opening the door he got in put on his seat belt and turned the key, only to find that the battery was discharged, Leonard was in anguish, it was absolutely crucial that he went with Penny to their Doctor's this afternoon, and as Kay had pointed out to Penny, for Leonard, Penny was always his number one priority.
He tried starting the vehicle again but all to no avail and getting out he slammed the door in a fit of temper then giving way to his emotions he began kicking the door then beating the roof with his fists before collapsing and sobbing in anguish against the car's roof.
It was fortunate that Howard had spotted his predicament from the vantage point of the engineering department office and came to his aid.
"C'mon buddy let me take you home", Howard volunteered, wondering what had got Leonard so upset but at the same time not wanting to intrude.
Howard dropped Leonard home, having been reminded of that time all those years ago when Leonard was quite prepared to tear down the hospital walls with his bare hands to get to Penny and had to be sedated by a Doctor to stop him.
Leonard had by now calmed down at seeing he was not too late to go with Penny to the Doctor's.
He entered his house then ascended the stairs to have a wash and a change of clothes, then bumped into Penny who was also getting ready, when Penny never missing a thing where her Leonard was concerned noticed his cut and bruised hands, "Leonard!, sweetie what's happened to your hands?, They're bleeding?"
Leonard went on to explain a little sheepishly about the trouble he had with his car.
"I just panicked that I was going to miss going with you, I didn't want you to face it alone", He explained, his eyes beginning to fill with tears.
Penny did not fail to notice the anxiety that was written all over his face and ran into his arms,where they stood holding each other tightly and wept together.
Doctor Thomas after examining Penny then booked an appointment for her to have a mammogram explaining to her that she would still have to have the lump removed and that they would take a biopsy from it and then inform her of the result. Leonard and Penny thanked him and left and Leonard feeling a great need within himself to spend some time alone with Penny, took her to the local park and repeated to her how much he still loved her and nothing could ever, ever change that for him. Then finding a park bench in a secluded spot, they kissed and held each other tightly and just sat like that for some time.
Leonard accompanied Penny for her Mammogram two days later and then a week after that Penny had an operation to remove the lump from her right breast. While Leonard nervously paced the waiting room floor, and with his teeth removed excess fingernail in the process.
Four days later they were back at Dr Thomas's surgery for the result of the biopsy, and after hearing that the lump was benign the couple hugged each other and wept with relief.
And on leaving the surgery, Penny decided that Leonard and herself needed a break, so when Marcia flew back to Nebraska she was overjoyed to be accompanied by The Hofstadter family too.
