Severus drank his espresso in record time, the coffee scalding hot as it streaked down his throat and into his stomach, chased by the lukewarm tap water. The bracelet grew heavier in his pocket - the perfect reason to visit, an excuse in case seeing her became too awkward, in case his tongue decided to match his stomach and twist up in knots. Then he could just thrust the bracelet at her and make a quick escape to save face.
The stairs were windy and wooden, creaking under each step as if in competition with his knees. His knees were almost twice the age of Severus, weary and tortured from years of service. Perhaps he'd book an appointment with the Medical Wing on his return to Hogwarts, see if there wasn't some cure or, god-forbid, exercise that might improve their prospects.
There were three doors at the top of the stairs, each painted the same uninspiring shade of grey as the next, but somehow Severus knew which one was hers. It wasn't just the shiny door handle, as though the person inside reminded themselves to polish it once a week with a very long list of household chores, but the cheery bouquet of posies just outside it, planted in what looked like an old metal bucket with a green plastic tube stuck out of the top of it.
Something about the cheerfulness of the plants amongst the chipped doors and close quarters told Severus, in no uncertain terms, this was the house of Miss Hermione Granger.
Just as he raised his voice to knock, a loud screech of anger vibrated through the door and almost knocked Severus back a bit.
"She's got company, mate," the door knocker stretched itself to say, it's voice lazy. "That's why he's out here."
Severus looked down just in time to see an orange, matted cat press against his pristine black robes, leaving orange hair in its wake. A male bellow seemed to match Hermione's earlier annoyance, booming through the tiny corridor and echoing from every plane surface.
"Usually he's scratching at my surface to get back in, but-" the doorknob strained closer to Severus, emerging from the door as far as he could reach before being blocked back against it like gum. "If you ask me, a room can only have one ginger in it at a time. Otherwise the safety of the universe, the law, the order! It's all in trouble."
Severus raised his hand to knock, trying his best to avoid the reach of the strange door ornament, his heart sinking. "That's nonsense. I've taught more than one red-head in the same class, and the universe, law and order have all remained relatively intact. All this 'ginger' nonsense is just a way of pointing out differences between people, forming groups."
Although, Severus finished the thought in private, if the Weasley clan were any indication, it might be true that the law was threatened by more than two red-heads in a room.
Weasleys…
He knocked before the thought could complete, though he now knew exactly who was in there, shouting at or with Hermione. He needed to distract them, and himself.
There was a pause in the noise beyond, and then the door was wrenched open, revealing a bright red Ronald Weasley.
The colour of his skin was so bright it made Severus wonder why the Weasley's were categorised as red-heads when the colour was so clearly orange in contrast.
"Oh, blimey. Snape. " There was an inarticulate growl from somewhere behind the looming Weasley - gosh he'd sprung up since he left Hogwarts - and Ron unconvincingly tacked on a "Professor."
"Yes," drawled Severus. "Weasley, Mr. Might I have a word with Hermione?"
Ronald, rather than step aside, leaned against the door jam, arms crossed, blocking Severus from seeing past him into the room. "What do you want with my Mione?"
The possessive pronoun struck Severus like a box to the ear.
"Oh for goodness sake." A familiar bushy head appeared underneath Ron's arm, elbowing him neatly in the side and stepping past the hole his groan left. "Severus, lovely to see you."
"Mione, we weren't finished."
"No, but I have company now. Perhaps you'd like to come back another time?" Hermione offered, her voice icily polite.
"You owe me for this flat, you know," Ron said, his voice surly. "You'd never have gotten the deposit without Mum's help. Your credit alone-"
"Yes, thank you," Hermione's voice was crisp as she closed the door, almost bumping the wood against Ron's nose before he jumped backwards. She'd actually closed the boy into her flat. That didn't bode well for Severus…
He felt anxiety take a grip on his throat, and rushed to fill the silence. "Everything… alright? Is he bothering you?"
"Oh, no. He's harmless." Hermione smiled up at him, her eyes tired above the genuine pleasure. "Don't suppose you want a drink?"
Severus was quite full of liquid after his coffee, hot chocolate and water, but he nodded anyway, desperate not only to keep her out of the flat - away from the Weasley boy who had made up so much of Hermione's childhood - but to keep her in his company.
"I'll pay," Severus said as they traipsed down the little staircase, remembering the way Ronald had sneered about the flat. "You got the last round."
"Oh, well," Hermione smiled at him, seating herself on a window table without waiting for a waitress. "If we must keep score."
Silence rained down on them, awkwardly coating Severus. As each layer descended, he found it more and more difficult to find a topic of conversation, his mind desperately searching in dusty attics and forgotten chests for any topic he might share an interest with Hermione and, somehow, improbably coming up empty.
All his conversational topics, research and knowledge, general or otherwise, was currently hiding in the kitchen, waiting for him to not need them - perhaps tossing in bed, wondering why he was so tongue-tied around Hermione - when they'd spring up and surprise him.
"Thank you so much, again, for your help with the presentation," Hermione cut into his thoughts with a smile. "I really couldn't have moved with half the speed without your good word during that chaos - and Martin's not talking to me, which honestly has meant I get even more work done. Thank you for enduring all that practice with me."
"Not at all," Severus smiled at her, agreeing with the waitress that a glass of coke was probably all he needed. The thick taste of chocolate, now undercut with acidic coffee, still seemed to fill his mouth, dulling his tongue and mind simultaneously. "I'm sure you could have managed just as well yourself, but I got no small amount of pleasure from watching-" Hermione succeed - "your boss get his rightful comeuppance."
The blush that crossed Hermione's face made her glow so brightly that Severus immediately looked away, unable to look at so much pleasure the way that people struggle in daylight after a long captivity.
"Well, it certainly was a long time coming," Hermione agreed, halving the Smarties cookie she'd ordered and pushing the largest half across the table towards Severus. He could feel the tight balls of tension in his shoulders relaxing in the happy, comfortable presence.
"Mione!" Severus looked up to find the angry Weasley looming over their table, blocking out the soft light streaming through the window. "Did you seriously just leave me in the apartment? Alone? Mid-conversation?"
"You were mid-conversation," Hermione pointed out archly. "I'd already said my points and answered all yours. Since you were set on repeating it again, which I'd made clear I didn't want to… You left me no choice."
"No choice?" Ronald pulled a chair across from another table and picked up the unclaimed half cookie, shoving it into his mouth and making pained eyes at Severus, as though hoping to find an ally of that austere, sharp-edged man. "Could have invited me down here."
Severus sneered, and tried to ignore the chocolate smear that Ron had painted the corner of his mouth with.
"Anyway, Mione, I wanted to ask you something important." Ronald started fiddling with the salt shaker, pushing the now empty plate towards Severus along the table top. "That's why I came around this morning. Thought… I thought maybe we could give it another go."
Severus Snape's heart had long been a subject of debate for fourth and fifth year's alike. Was it still there? Was it a cold, hard lump of coal? How long could a man survive if his heart froze over?
Severus Snape had always thought these debates rather unnecessary. A heart pumped blood around the body, and could not go missing or shrivel up and die, not solely because the subject in question was a bastard, anyhow.
Now, however, his chest felt like shards of ice has sprung up everywhere, bitingly cold as they pierced that beating organ.
"Another go at what?" Hermione ask, collecting whipped cream and marshmallows onto her spoon.
"At us. Our relationship!" Ronald lowered his tone and leaned forward, his back a wall between Severus and Hermione. "We were good together, weren't we? We were happy?"
"Ron-" Hermione stood up, her back ramrod straight. "Are you telling me that you came to my apartment and reminded me of how little money I have, how small and cramped my rooms are, how little my job is worth compared to your superstar career catching balls, in order to woo me back into your arms?" Every word was a little higher in volume, until by the end of her list they'd drawn the attention of everybody else in the cafe, who were all furiously studying the wooden tabletops and not looking in Severus' direction.
A few beats of silence as Ron blinked, parsing her words. Quietly Severus levitated a stack of coins over to the waitress. This silence was unbearable - the other patrons had stopped chewing, talking, drinking… He could practically hear their excitement that they had been there, actually in the room, while two of the wonder team discussed getting back together.
Severus shifted, twitched, and finally snapped.
"Ronald Weasley. I have seen many things in my day. But never before have I seen a young man interrupt a date in order to put his case before the lady."
Severus snapped his mouth shut as Ron turned, his eyes wide above a gaping mouth. Severus felt his bones try to retreat deeper into his body. He couldn't have just said-
"Date?" Ronald asked, incredulous. Severus winced. He had said it. The secret, charming word, the word of hope that fizzled under his skin.
"What else would you call it?" Severus asked, mustering up his courage. He needed to win and get out of here before his cheeks turned crimson and he was the laughing stock of every paper in the land.
"Date?" Ronald looked across at Hermione, his shoulders shaking in what Severus first took to be upset. Surprise. "Sorry, I just-" The Weasley dissolved into giggles.
The room exploded in laughter. It was only Ronald, his booming voice taking up too much space, loud from a lifetime of being the youngest boy and a career on quidditch fields, shouting above the wind. To Severus it felt like his childhood all over again. Like Lily, standing by while James Potter and Sirius teased him.
He'd said unforgivable things as a teenager, and he wouldn't repeat his mistake now.
Severus turned his gaze across the table to Hermione, whom he could see now, because Ronald had fallen back onto his chair, laughing so hard tears streamed from his eyes.
She looked… shocked. Confused. Thoughtful.
There was the answer Severus had needed, then.
He fingered the bracelet, but the coolness of the metal against his skin wasn't nearly enough. His chest was filling up with those ice shards, compressing his lungs into a small tube, and he couldn't seem to get enough oxygen. With careful, measured movements he pulled the bracelet out of his pocket and placed it on the table, sliding it across to Hermione.
"You left this at Minerva's," he explained. "She asked me to return it to you."
Severus turned on his heel, Ronald's merriment echoing behind him, chasing his footsteps. He Apparated to shake the sound, but even in the cold fields of Scotland, the length of the country away, it still haunted him.
From habit he reached into his pocket, half-expecting the comfort of Hermione's bracelet to balm his soul and soothe his chest, that little piece of her that told him they still had a connection - but it was gone.
Just like her.
