Way Back Home

Chapter 2 Salvation Works

She's a woman on a mission, always in the church

If you need a ride into town, her offer is the first

Yeah she thinks that if she's perfect, she can outrun all the hurt

But that ain't how salvation works

That steeple still needs paintin', they're out there cuttin' grass

There's a two line Sunday sermon, she'll miss 'cause she drives too fast

And the message on the marquee, reflected in the glass

Is every sinner has a future and every saint has a past

He's a man with a memory that turned into a curse

Keeps every bottle empty until he's numbed down to the nerve

He thinks that forgiveness is reserved for soles like hers

But that ain't how salvation works

That steeple still needs paintin', they're out there cuttin' grass

There's a two line Sunday sermon, she'll miss 'cause she drives too fast

And the message on the marquee, reflected in the glass

Is every sinner has a future and every saint has a past

I can quote the bible, the chapter or the verse

And heavens just a promise for those left here on Earth

But I believe that God loves us more then we deserve

And I hope that's how

Yeah, I hope that's how

I hope that's how salvation works

Salvation works

Oh, I hope that's how

I hope that's how

Jennifer Nettles

Set during The Closer episode Old Money

Sharon could see the anger in his eyes and still hear the slamming of the conference room door when she got home later that night. She poured herself a glass of wine and sat down on the couch leaning back clutching a pillow as was her habit when it all felt overwhelming. The look in his eyes tonight was one that she knew all too well, he hated her. One more to add to the club she thought. Rulebook Raydor, Darth Raydor, The Wicked Witch, she knew all the names they called her, even the ones that were worse than those. Hell, Jack had called her worse than those many times.

It was all right though, she was good at her job and contrary to what people thought she did have a life outside of IAB. True for many years her life had been a constant juggling act of her career and her children, but now that they were grown and out of the house she had begun to fill her life with other things. She had dinner with friends occasionally and she was very involved with the church and the school that her children had attended.

Alone in her condo that night she knew the truth even if she wouldn't admit it to herself, she kept herself busy so that she didn't have to feel the pain of being alone. So that she didn't have to think about the closet full of suits that hung in the guest room or the man that they belonged to. If she thought about Jack then she would have to think about moving on one day and that scared her too much.

She had almost lost herself because of love and she had held tight to her commitment to never let that happen again. She followed the rules, she helped others, and she kept thoughts of love far away. Sometimes though she wondered what it would be to have the eyes of a man look at her with love instead of hate and for just a minute she thought about the dark brown eyes of the passionate Lieutenant she had dealt with today.

SHANDYSHANDYSHANDYSHANDY

"Most officer's packages look like this," She said holding up the thin folder, "yours Lieutenant is huge, crammed with accusations."

Andy could hear her words in his head over and over again as he pulled into the church parking lot. The meeting tonight wasn't his usual one but since being told to leave earlier today he knew he needed a meeting.

The truth was her voice wasn't the only one he was hearing. It was all the voices. The ones who told him that sobriety would never last. The ones that it didn't matter how long he stayed sober that he would never make up for the damage that he did while he was drinking.

Sometimes when the voices were quiet he would allow himself to dream about a future. A future with someone who loved him and believed in him. A future with a home, a family, maybe grandkids one day. He threw away his first shot at that dream but on the good days he thought maybe ho could have a second chance. Then there were days like today when he was reminded of who he really is, an alcoholic, hot headed cop, with a questionable reputation. He could make all the amends he wanted but there was only so much salvation for someone like him.

He shook his head trying to clear his thoughts and hurried into the church before the meeting started. He was surprised when he got in to find the room empty except a Priest he knew from around the church.

"Excuse me Father Michael, did I miss the AA meeting?" Andy asked.

"Hi, Andy, no you are early, Tuesday night meetings don't start for another hour." Father Michael told him.

"Oh, all right then, I guess I will come back." He said as he turned to leave.

The priest sensed something was wrong, "Andy, is there something that I can help you with before then?"

"No, I don't want to bother you…" He started to say but then asked, "Father, do you really believe that we can get second chances? Do you think if we mess up badly that God or the universe will give us another chance if we work hard enough, if we do the right things? If we prove we are worth it?"

The priest motioned for Andy to sit next to him, "Andy that's now how salvation works." He started and quickly noticed Andy's disappointed face, "No, what I mean Andy is that it's not about doing all the right things. Yes, it's important as you know to make amends and to learn from your past but that's not all there is."

"So what else is there?" Andy asked.

"Grace, Andy, there is grace. Scripture and life experience both tell me that God's grace goes beyond what we do or what we deserve. Andy, what is it you think you don't have a chance for?"

"I want to be known as more than Andy, the recovering alcoholic hot headed cop. I want a chance to make things right with my family and maybe have a relationship one day with someone who looks at me and sees more than those things. A relationship with someone special, someone like.." He stopped himself.

"Someone like who?" Father Michael asked him

Andy shook his head, "Nobody really, it's just there's this woman at work, she's so smart and together, and sometimes I think she sees me as more than those things but then today it was obvious that she doesn't. Of course she knows my type all too well so I'm not sure why I would even think she would see past those things."

"Does she know how you feel about her?"

"Oh no it's not like that Father, I don't feel anything for her, I just mean it would be nice if someone like her could think something of me." Andy explained quickly obliviously flustered.

Father Michael smiled, "Well Andy, if you do ever find someone like her you shouldn't let who you were keep you from who you might become, and remember grace is a pretty powerful thing."

"Thank you Father." Andy said as he stood up to greet some people he knew coming in for the meeting.

As he slept that night the dream came to him. He was standing in a yard with a pool, his children were there and grown, with children of their own. Everyone was laughing and talking. As he was talking to his daughter he looked down quickly to notice a wedding ring on his finger. Before he had time to wonder who he was married to he felt a hand on his shoulder and a soft voice saying, "Andy, Honey could you help me bring out the food."

"Of course, My Dear." He said as he turned and placed a soft kiss on the woman's lips.

Andy woke quickly and straight up in bed the vision of Sharon Raydor's face fresh from his dream burning an image in his mind.

TBC