Never in a million years would Caroline have expected to come face to face with Klaus Mikaelson again after the way in which they'd parted. After how he'd turned his back on her and simply walked away.
Yet, there he was.
Fidgeting in a hospital entrance, all of a sudden, appearing unsure of how to act, shifting weight from one leg to the other although his eyes never wavered. No, they remained transfixed on Caroline who also found herself unable to tear her gaze off him.
It felt like all air had been sucked out of the room, leaving her unable to even breathe properly because what was she supposed to say? Better yet, what was she supposed to do?
The love of her life had returned in the hardest moment of her life, but all that had been said the last time still haunted her.
The word murderer had never ceased running through her mind and now that she was face to face with Klaus, it had gotten even louder. So much louder that she could hardly hear anything else. It felt like she'd been thrown in a void where nothing existed but that word and someone continued to relentlessly shout it in her ear.
But then, the words her mother had said last night decided to join. At first, they were a jumbled mess that her mind could not wrap around, but shortly they became clearer and they were begging her to hear Klaus. They were pleading for her to offer him the benefit of the doubt.
And she really felt like giving into them because she was so tired of being strong and independent, mostly because those adjectives had also equaled, thus far, with being alone. This time she couldn't face this hurricane on her own.
It had already swept the steady ground off her feet, but if she continued to refuse help, it would sweep her far, far away as well. Frankly, Caroline wasn't sure she would ever be able to come back from that.
While her stubborn brain was still debating on how she should proceed, her legs appeared to have grown a mind of their own because she found herself standing up, continuing to gaze directly into those familiar, striking blue eyes. Unaware of the apprehension with which her friends were eyeing Klaus, especially the glare Damon was sending his way, Caroline took a tentative step forward.
That was all it took.
After that, all of her defenses crumbled to the ground. Gone was the put together façade, replaced by a girl who simply couldn't take it anymore. A girl who desperately needed to feel the touch of the man she loved with all of her heart.
Running had been the furthest thing from her mind, but that exactly what she found herself doing. Running into Klaus' arms not even considering that they might not be open for her anymore. And if she had asked Klaus, he would have grudgingly admitted that there would never be a time in which he wouldn't welcome her touch. They had become engrained within each other and no matter how hard they fought it, their bodies would always long for the other's warmth.
The second she reached him, she engulfed him in a tight hug, tear filled green orbs silently begging him not to let go, conveying just how much she needed his support. In response, the man wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in until his chin rested atop her head, slender fingers rubbing soothing circles down the sobbing woman's back.
Slowly, he could feel warm liquid start to seep through the thin material of his shirt and all he wanted to do was take her pain away. He would have given anything, even his useless life to save her all this heartbreak.
"I'm so sorry, Caroline," he whispered once he trusted his voice enough not to break. "I'm so sorry."
All the doctor did was shake her head, figure still wrecked with whimpers as she effectively let go of all control and allowed herself a moment to crumble, somehow, inexplicably trusting Klaus enough to glue her back together.
Blinking back surprising tears of his own, the man willed himself to speak, knowing the words had to be said.
"I know I'm probably the last person you wanted to see," the phrase tasted like sand in his mouth. "But Rebekah called and told me what was going on and I just couldn't stay away. I had to come even if you'd probably push me away. Caroline," he sucked in a deep breath. "I understand if you hate me and I know I didn't say anything when the time was right, but I can explain some of what Stefan said and…"
"Shh…" a finger covered his lips and he came face to face with bloodshot, tired emeralds. "I don't care. Right now I don't care about any of that. I can't, I just…" superhuman efforts were needed to avert another breakdown. "Can you just hold me, Klaus, please?"
Seeing her so small, fragile, shadows dancing in her usually light-filled green eyes, Klaus knew that he could never deny her anything. So he wrapped her even tighter to his chest, feeling all fight drain from her body as she completely surrendered into the embrace.
While words and expressing emotions aloud had never been his thing, Klaus could not help the choked, "Always," that escaped his lips as the woman molded her figure to his, fitting perfectly in his arms like she'd been made just for him. God's ultimate gift and his final chance at redemption. And this time he wasn't throwing it to the wind.
He was here to stay. For as long as she'd have him, of course.
Not minding the hateful daggers Stefan's brother was throwing their way, Klaus led them to a chair, but to his bafflement, the woman didn't want to budge an inch, remaining on his lap, burying her head in the crook of his shoulder as they waited for a doctor or nurse to come out.
Finally, after what had seemed like infinity, a young doctor still clad in his scrubs came out, heading directly in Caroline's direction. As soon as Klaus saw the pained look on his face and how he shook his head, closing his eyes to clear them, he knew that nothing good would come out of his mouth. All he wanted to do was whisk the blonde somewhere far, far away from here and shield her from the tempest heading her way.
She was too innocent and she'd already suffered way too much. But he couldn't. Instead, he was rendered powerless once more.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, he whispered, "Caroline, sweetheart," but didn't find it in him to go on.
He didn't have to because the woman pulled back, blinked a couple of times, reacquainting herself with the hospital waiting room. Klaus could feel the exact moment in which she landed upon the surgeon for every fiber of her being tightened up as she relinquished his arms and stood up.
"Harry," she breathlessly began, shoulders slumping as she took in the doctor's appearance. It felt like someone had sucker punched her because deep down she knew.
"I'm sorry, Caroline," he averted his eyes to the ground, unable to face his friend as the news sunk in.
"No," the blonde choked desperately. "No, Harry, please," tears freely streamed down her cheeks as she screamed at the man who was still having trouble looking her in the eye. "It can't be!"
"She went into cardiac arrest during the surgery," the young doctor relayed clinically as years of practice had taught him, but nothing could prepare you for how much it hurt to be letting down one of your best mates. "I tried everything and I did manage to bring her back, but the damage to the brain due to lack of oxygen is too extensive. I'm truly sorry, Caroline," his voice was raspier than usual as he was slowly losing composure.
The woman, on the other hand, felt her heart shatter as it sunk in. Harry hadn't said the actual words, but she had understood. And he knew that.
"I…" Harry cleared his throat. "The room is 408. I'll be in my office for when you make up your mind."
Klaus eyed the exchange not really getting the undertones like Caroline. Before they'd started speaking, he could have sworn Liz Forbes had died, but why was the surgeon giving out room numbers? It was confusing, to say the least.
However, there was no time to actually dwell on it for Caroline let out a heart wrenching wail, covering her mouth with a trembling hand wrapped in bandages, rivers rolling down her flushed skin. The onslaught of emotions taking over her was simply too much and her knees buckles under the pressure. If she were honest, everything inside her was falling apart and she felt like there was nothing to hold on to.
She was freefalling into a dark abyss.
Yet, she didn't feel the cold, hard hospital floor. Instead, a familiar, musky scent washed over her as a strong body broke her fall, cradling her to his chest as they both landed on the ground.
Klaus.
Suddenly, she wasn't aimlessly drifting through the void.
No, there was a lifeline slowly dragging her back to the surface.
As she wearily grew aware of the world around, Caroline could also feel the comforting touch of her best friends as they lowered down, flanking Caroline, hands resting on her back, offering as much comfort as they could.
But nothing could comfort a person after they lost the most important person in their lives. And Harry had spoken of decisions, but how could she make them? How could she?
"I didn't even get to say goodbye," she cried. "Mom wanted to, but I didn't let her and now I'll never have the chance. I didn't even tell her I loved her!"
"She knew," Klaus reassured softly, as if afraid raising his voice would hurt her.
"Oh, God," teary green eyes collided with sympathetic pools of sapphire. "I told her to do the surgery. This is my fault. Had I kept my stupid mouth shut, she would still be here with me today. Not for long, but she would be here."
Horrified, the man watched Caroline break even more as she took on her already unsteady shoulders the blame for her mother's death, hiding her face in his shirt. Wordlessly, his fingers lifted her chin up, forcing her to look him in the eye. Needing her to see sincerity etched on his face.
"Remember when you told me that Marcel's death wasn't my fault?"
Eyebrows furrowed, the woman struggled to understand where he was coming from so she nodded confusedly.
"That was the first time I genuinely toyed with the idea of it not being my entire fault. Because it was you who was saying it and because I knew you would always be honest with me," feeling that she was about to interrupt, he rushed the words out. "Now, I need you to listen to me being as honest as I'll ever be in my life. It was not your fault. She chose to do the surgery not because you suggested it, but because she wanted to spend more time with you."
"But I told her to do it, as a surgeon," she protested weakly. "I was selfish and wanted her to be by my side more. I did it for me and now she's gone."
"Caroline," Klaus sternly began. "You are the most selfless person I know and if you said anything it was because you believed you were giving your mother her best chance. I know you enough to be entirely sure that is the case."
"But…"
"No more buts," he interrupted. "It was not your fault and I need you to believe me when I say that. At least think about your mother. Would she want you to go around carrying that blame?"
All the woman did was shake her head, but it was enough incentive for Klaus to continue. "So don't. Live your live honoring her memory, making her as proud as she was during her time here. Do not make her suffer by seeing you weighed down by guilt no innocent person should shoulder. I know first-handedly what that does to someone and you've seen the effects on me."
All that and Caroline still hesitated in believing him, appearing determined to put the weight of the entire world on her shoulders and bury herself beneath it. Klaus refused to allow that to happen. There was no way that she was heading down the same slippery slope he'd tumbled down on. It was too dark a road for somebody so pure.
"I'm begging you," he used words he hadn't used in years without even caring about their implications. About how much he cared for Caroline to allow himself to be so vulnerable, open, raw. Mikael would have a field day with this version of his bastard son, but somehow Klaus couldn't bring himself to care. "Trust me, Caroline when I say it is not your fault. Liz would agree entirely with me, I'm sure."
Nothing had filled him with more joy than the subtle nod before she hid her head into his chest again, sobbing freely. Clenching his fists as he felt himself get choked up, the man settled for simply holding her as tightly as he could, creating a small cocoon of safety in which she could hide from the world for as long as she needed to.
Eventually, she did pull back; tear tracks marring her porcelain skin that was now translucent, red rimmed eyes still carrying an unspeakable amount of sadness. Plump lips formed a thin line while she nervously gnawed on the bottom one, a fleck of blood already resting there.
However, a steely determination had taken over her entire being, becoming apparent in the squaring of her shoulders and in the way she slowly picked herself up of the ground.
"I…" she cleared her throat before continuing. "Harry was right. I have to make some decisions and before that I really need to see my mother." Everybody in the room, with Klaus just a fraction of a second faster took a step forward, conveying their support and their willingness to accompany her. Seeing them unconditionally have her back threatened her newly found composure for a bit, but she'd made up her mind and she would not shatter again.
"Alone."
Her tone left no room for arguing and all the concerned people could do was watch her make her way towards the elevator and shakily press the button that would take her to Liz's room, dejectedly slumping into their chairs the second the gliding doors closed.
Waiting and praying that Caroline would find some hidden strength resources and somehow pull through.
Knowing that they would be there for her every step of the way.
If only she would let them.
The second Caroline set foot into the sterile hospital room, she took in the sickly green hospital walls, the dull, grey carpet and the familiar smell of antiseptic. Then her eyes wandered to the small window, from which a bleary, clouded sky greeted her.
She was just stalling. Stalling because she was unable to make her eyes drift to the hospital bed.
A few agonizing seconds later she couldn't help herself any more than she could help the gasp that escaped her lips at the sight.
Motionless, a huge bandage covering her head laid her mother's peaceful figure. Had it not been for the tube strapped to her mouth, forcing oxygen into her lungs, it would seem as though Liz Forbes was sleeping. In a way, the doctor assumed that could be the case.
A deep slumber from which she would never wake again.
Watching the steady rhythm of her chest as it rose with every artificial breath, keeping her body alive even though her mother was long gone, Caroline felt tears threatening to fall again.
Brain dead.
That was the medical term and she'd never struggled with the notion before. Now, though, she couldn't help hoping that her mother would crack open her eyes and prove every single study wrong.
Grabbing hold of the frail hand, she surrendered to the emotions bubbling beneath. Laying her head down on the bed, resting her forehead on Liz's palm, Caroline allowed the warmth radiating from it to wash over her.
Her mother's hand was so warm, while her own body felt deeply frozen from within.
How was it possible that she was the one alive?
How when there was so much heat seeping into her?
"I don't know what to do," she murmured wearily. "All I want is for you to open your eyes and tell me what to do. I know that's impossible, but I just don't know how to do any of this without you by my side."
Obviously, there was no answer, but she went on, feeling better just by saying the words aloud. Who knows, perhaps her mother was looking down on her right now. Perhaps she was listening.
"I'm so lost without you," she covered her mouth to stifle a sob. "I know what you would want me to do and, in the end, I'll do it, I promise, but it hurts so much. I'm just not ready to let go."
That final admission was too much and Caroline fell apart, coiling herself around her mother's unresponsive body, taking in this final hug because once she walked out of the door there will be no going back.
"I love you, mom, I hope you know that and I'm sorry I didn't say it more often. As often as I should have, as often as you deserved," she planted a sloppy kiss on Liz's cheek and exited the room, feeling uncharacteristically cold. If emotions had previously threated to overwhelm her, now Caroline felt empty. Completely and utterly empty.
Marching into Harry's office, Caroline announced that she agreed to donate her mother's organs and signed all of the paperwork. Thanking Harry and reassuring him that he was still her friend and nothing had changed, she walked out, eyes completely dry.
Just like she felt on the inside.
"Come on," she addressed her friends and Klaus who hadn't budged an inch from the waiting room. "I have a funeral to plan."
Ignoring their shocked faces, the woman left without bothering to check whether they were following her, got into a cab alone and immediately proceeded to make arrangements for the funeral service, all the while feeling absolutely nothing.
She'd become congealed, but at least her heart had stopped feeling like it had been cut into a bazillion pieces. Now it was like she didn't have one.
Who knew, maybe she'd simply been hurt too many times for it to survive and now there was simply nothing left to ache.
Quite honestly, she didn't miss it all that much.
A couple of days went by and the blonde had yet to shed another tear or even experience any real emotion. Elena, Bonnie and Klaus had stopped by her apartment to check on her, offer any help needed and bring food all the while begging her to eat something.
Suffice it to say, all of the paper bags and Tupperware containers rested untouched in a pile on her kitchen table.
Hunger was apparently included in the list of things she simply didn't feel anymore.
Along with sleep.
She was numb.
A heartless robot going through the motions.
Today though felt different somehow.
She'd woken from her two-hour slumber with a pang in her chest that only intensified while she put on her plain, black clothes. Staring at herself in the mirror, Caroline hardly recognized the image greeting her.
A pale reflection looking through the glass. Someone with unfocused eyes and huge, purple bags underneath them. Gone was the woman with light shining from within. All that remained was a ghost standing in her place. A ghost who'd forgotten what it felt like to have a heart and was now slowly becoming reacquainted with it.
Today it hurt again.
Today was the funeral.
Today she would lay her mother to rest for good.
Today it hurt the most.
Arriving at the funeral hall, she was surprised to find it brimming with people. But then, her mother had been loved all around Mystic Falls for her kind heart and fair attitude so it was kind of self-explanatory.
Taking her seat, the blonde started to feel the burn in her chest again and for a second she resented it, but then she felt grateful for it. It reminded her that she was alive, at least. After the last few days she'd started to have doubts regarding that as well. Maybe her mother truly had ended up taking Caroline with her as well.
Or, at least the parts that counted.
The parts that had made her Caroline Forbes.
Damon had been chosen to deliver the eulogy and, although she'd held some doubts, he handled it beautifully and Caroline only managed to get through it because of Klaus's hand strongly tucked inside her own, anchoring her. He'd returned with her to Mystic Falls, had even faced Stefan and remained civil.
For God's sake, he was standing five seats away from the Salvatore and not an inch of the raging storm he must be feeling as well shone through. Acting like he didn't even care.
All for her.
Showing just how deeply he cared for her.
Although she was sure he didn't believe she'd noticed, too lost inside her own head, fighting her own demons to keep them from overpowering her, Caroline had. Even if the world murderer still haunted her mind whenever she laid eyes on Klaus, it was slowly reduced to background noise after seeing how gently he treated her.
That was not the manner in which a psychopath would act.
Not even close.
By the time it was her turn to say a few words, a lump had formed in her throat and her brain refused to form any coherent sentences.
So she did the only other thing she was good at beside talking, operating and getting herself into trouble.
She sang.
Poured all of her love and hurt into the lyrics and soon, tears rolled down her cheeks as she struggled to make it through the entire melody, focusing her gaze on Klaus's cerulean orbs, not even blinking for fear it would be the end of her already thin composure.
Even so, it was too much and once she was done she ran out, wordlessly begging Klaus not to follow her. She needed some time to sort herself out and the prospect of witnessing them lower her mother's casket into the freshly dug grave and cover it was too daunting and she couldn't do it. She simply couldn't.
She'd reached her limit.
Every person was born with a breaking point and it was a freaking miracle that Caroline hadn't reached hers until now.
And seeing them throw dirt over her mother's sickly pale face was just that. Her breaking point and if she reached it, she would implode pieces of her scattering all over and nobody would ever be able to find them and reassemble them.
Instead, she headed to her safe spot. A small clearing in the forest, by the stream where she used to go since being a child and simply begged her mother, who was hopefully watching from above, to help her. Guide her through righting the mess that was her life.
Show her how to even begin living said life without Liz's constant guidance.
Show her why it was even worth living in the first place when she had basically nothing left.
Also, show her how to do it because for now, the woman was at a loss as to how to proceed and needed some sign. Some guidance before she completely lost herself.
A soft, summer wind engulfed her, soothing her as it caressed her sweat-covered skin, completely clearing her eyes of any remaining, stubborn tears. Strangely, she felt like it was her mom's way of showing she'd heard every single word and that she was still there for her.
Her guardian angel.
Somehow, her heart never wavered in that belief and it gave her some power to draw from. Nevertheless, she spent some more time stuck in the same place, waiting to feel that breeze again.
It never came.
Maybe she'd imagined it.
Or maybe that was Liz Forbes's way of telling her to get on with it and stop moping.
She chose to believe the second option.
Night was starting to bleed by the time she was ready to face the world again and the first place she went to was the cemetery, assuming it would be deserted by now, even her closest friends having gotten tired of waiting for her to show up and going home..
To her surprise, a silhouette rested by her mother's grave, shoulders slumped and staring into the distance, black clothes camouflaging it almost entirely.
She'd recognize it anywhere.
Klaus Mikaelson.
Unwillingly, the woman stepped on a small branch, cracking it. Immediately, Klaus' oceans turned towards her, a relieved sigh coming out of his mouth as he took in the woman watching him. Judging from her puffy eyes, it was clear that she'd been crying.
Shamefully, the man was somehow content that she'd given in to feelings again because the cold, detached version she'd projected until now had scared him tremendously.
He'd been afraid she would become just as bitter.
Idiot! He should have known Caroline was infinitely better than him and that she would never allow herself to follow after him.
She was simply too good.
Beautiful albeit sorrowful features softened a bit at seeing him still waiting for her, but the tone of her voice left no room for arguing.
"We need to talk," she emotionlessly declared, piercing him with clear, determined green eyes.
All he did was take a sharp, deep breath ,heart was thrumming, threatening to come flying out of his chest.
This was it.
The turning point in their relationship.
The moment when he came clean about all of his past.
The moment that could either make or break them and a last bout of cowardice took over him, telling him to invent an excuse and bolt. Walk about before she could reject the abomination he was and send him away.
However, he'd done that once and it had nearly broken him
So he nodded and got ready to tell the story of his miserable life.
A/N: A massive thank you to the people that left a review on the last chapter and also to those of you who continue to add this story to your favourite/follow list. It genuinely means the world to me that you have stuck by this story even though my updating has been hectic at best and I want to promise you once more that I have no intention of even abandoning this story as long as you keep liking it.
Now, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and, as always, if you have time I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on it. Thank you once more!
