Antiseptic.
The metallic tang of the stainless steel could do little to overpower the strong smell of bleach darting from the floor and the bedding.
They invaded Klaus' senses and although he was well accustomed to them all, this time he felt like he couldn't breathe under their spell. They were slowly suffocating him.
White.
The Intensive Care room where they'd brought Caroline was stark white, starting from the spotlessly clean sheets, to the recently painted walls and even the thin drapes covering the small window in the back of the room.
Wasn't white supposed to be the color of purity? The color of innocence?
Then why was white the only thing he could see? Why was Caroline's skin as white as that of a dead person, with no hint of that beautiful, rosy blush pushing through and proving that life still resided within that weak, abused body?
The only signs that she was still with him were the blurred oxygen mask covering half her face and the shallow, almost tired rise of her chest as she inhaled and exhaled with the help of the machines she was connected to.
Machines. So many machines and wires, their sounds the only things cutting through the deadly silence that had engulfed the hospital room. So many machines and wires sticking out of the frail body in front of him.
A frail body that looked smaller than ever before.
As he sat in the chair next to the bed, his hand hovered in the air, uncertain of where and if he could even touch her without causing even more damage. A wave of self-loathing stronger than he'd experienced before hit him full-force as if finally sank it.
Caroline could never wake up from this.
It was a real possibility that he'd closed himself off from until now.
Until he saw her, motionless, swallowed up by the white mattress while she fought to hold on to her life.
In the end, his hand slowly lowered and gently grasped Caroline's limp hand, taking comfort in the warmth seeping through to his icy palm. The warmth and the soft, but steady pulse he could feel underneath his fingertips were the only clues that life was still coursing through the blonde's veins and that she hadn't given up the fight yet.
And while she kept holding on, so would he. He would never let her go, unless she was the one to fade away first. Even then, he would find a way to meet again, although he knew she would hate him for it. For giving up. But how was he supposed to keep on living without the one good thing that made him wake up every morning? How was he supposed to live knowing that he was the one who'd caused her death? How was he supposed to go on after losing the one thing that mattered most to him again?
He couldn't and he wouldn't.
That was a vow he made to himself and which reminded him of another vow spoken mere hours ago by the woman lying in front of him.
"You promised to always stay with me," Klaus found himself speaking out. "This can't be the first promise you break, Caroline."
The man couldn't even recognize the voice speaking. He knew it was his, but never before had emotion gotten such a hold on him. Never before had he been unable to swallow the lump in his throat or not put an end to the tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Please," he quietly begged. "Please come back to me, please."
Irrationally, Klaus held his breath for a few seconds, hoping for a Hollywood moment, where the leading character miraculously opens their eyes, croaks out a joke and everyone gets their happy endings.
Of course that doesn't happen.
Klaus Mikaelson hadn't and would never be worthy of a happy ending.
However, Caroline Forbes was, and if there was a God out there, he couldn't be that blind as to not see that or that cruel as to make her pay for his sins.
So he hesitantly started praying.
"If you're listening, if you even exist, I'm begging you to let her live. I know I've made mistakes, I know I should be burning in the fires of Hell by now, but she doesn't deserve this and you know it. I'm well aware that I have nothing to give you, that I am nothing, but if she lives, I swear I will not damage such a pure soul with my presence anymore."
The words had flown out of Klaus' mouth before he'd even had the chance to think them through. Yet he realized that he didn't regret them. It was true, he had nothing to offer in exchange for her life, but he could relinquish the only good thing he still had. She was all he had left, but if it would save her, he would give her up. The pain of staying away from her would be manageable as long as he knew she was alive.
"Grant me this one miracle and I will keep my promise, whatever it takes," he sealed his deal with a God that he hoped was listening and hadn't turned away from the heinous sinner attempting to bargain.
And then he waited.
He had no idea how long had passed, it could have been minutes, hours, days, all he knew was that Caroline didn't so much as twitch and he was out of ideas. He didn't know how to fix this, how to right his wrongs or even how to atone for not having left her side when everything inside of him had screamed that he would be leading her towards her own painful demise.
"Why didn't you do as I said? Why didn't you stay away from me?" Klaus asked the motionless figure through his sobs. "Why…how could you even fall in love with a monster like me? Everything I touch, I destroy and everything I love, I ruin…"
"That's not true."
Startled, Klaus risked a tired glance behind him, not really concerned with the prospect of one of Mikael's hitmen having come for him. They could have him; he was done fighting. What good did it do anyway? Maybe once he was gone, innocents would stop paying the price for being by his side.
But instead of an armed, ready to kill goon, he found himself face to face with a disheveled Elijah.
A bitter laugh escaped Klaus's lips at his brother's pure denial.
"How can you possibly say that? Do you remember Henrik? What about Marcel? They're dead because of me."
"They're dead because of Mikael and his senseless hate towards you. They're dead because of the irrational wars that human beings keep waging against each other."
"They wouldn't have been fighting that stupid war if they hadn't followed me on my quest for redemption. Redemption," he chuckled darkly. "As If that was ever possible for me."
"You're right, they wouldn't have been fighting a war in Syria, the would have been soldiers in Mikael's personal army."
Klaus immediately stiffened at hearing about Mikael's army. Images flashed before his eyes: a warehouse, the then-unfamiliar weight of the gun in his hands, the poor man's pleas and Mikael's stoic, but content face as his step-son eventually pulled the trigger.
"You protected us, I've always known that, Niklaus," Elijah's voice slightly broke. "You did all that Mikael asked of you so we wouldn't have to do it and we- I- never thanked you for that."
People imploring to be spared.
Houses burning to the ground.
The feeling of bones snapping under the force of his fist.
Warm blood covering his skin.
"There's nothing to thank me for, Elijah." Better me than you.
"Yes, there is," the older brother violently argued. "I saw you die a little every single day and yet you never told Mikael no."
"Until the one day when I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill that little girl, Elijah," Klaus whispered. "Not when she reminded me so much of Henrik. I tried, God knows I tried to pull that trigger, but I couldn't…I failed that night and because of it, everything changed…people died because I simply couldn't do it."
And in that split second, in front of him, Elijah couldn't see the tough, feared Klaus Mikaelson, but the conflicted, young boy who'd grown up too fast and who'd faced horrors he didn't even dare to imagine. He was still in there, but Klaus kept him locked up, afraid that anyone would see his vulnerable side and exploit it. However, lately the mask had started to slip more and more and Elijah had been allowed a glance at that broken, guilt-ridden young boy.
"That's not your fault, Klaus. You're human, your heart is still capable of feelings and that's what makes you different from Mikael."
"You don't know half the things I've done," contempt laced his voice. "If you did, you wouldn't be saying that."
"I might not know all you've done at Mikael's request, but what I do know is that you've more than atoned for it all. You can't keep punishing yourself over things that were out of your control."
"I could have stopped Henrik and Marcel from following me into the army," a fresh wave of tears starts making its way down his cheeks. "I could have stayed away from Caroline. But I was too selfish to give them up and now I'm paying for it. Worst of all, they're paying for it because I'm always the last man standing. I always have to survive, don't I? That's my punishment for it all, I guess."
Elijah felt the final pieces of his heart break at that last confession. Hearing his brother call it selfishness to want to be with the person you love was the equivalent of someone ripping his heart out of his chest and setting it on fire. The worst part was that he didn't know how to convince him otherwise.
"I'm sure that if knowing all they do now, they were given the choice between staying with you or walking away, they would make the same choice they did in the past."
At that Klaus merely shook his head and turned towards the blonde woman, holding onto her hand as if his life depended on it. Come to think of it, Elijah wasn't sure it didn't.
"I had some clothes brought for you, brother," Elijah lifted the plastic bag in his hand.
"Thank you, but I have no need for them."
Suppressing a sigh, Elijah calmly said," That jacket is practically soaked in blood as are some of the bandages and, quite frankly, you're scaring both the patients and the doctors. If you still want visiting privileges, I'd advise you to change."
That seemed to do the trick as Klaus laboriously stood up, pursing his lips in an attempt to vainly hide a flinch before grabbing the bag and making his way to the small, bur pristinely clean bathroom.
He stopped right before closing the door." Can you please make sure she's ok until I come out?"
"Of course," Elijah promised swiftly.
In spite of his brother's promise, Klaus still moved as fast as his injuries allowed him to, anxiety taking over him at the prospect of being away from the blonde woman when she was so vulnerable, barely hanging on to the last slivers of life she could hold onto.
Once he was done, he risked a short glance in the mirror and couldn't stop a gasp at the sight that greeted him.
His skin almost matched the translucency of Caroline's, deep black bags under his eyes the only speck of color gracing his face and his eyes…his eyes looked as if someone had poured acid in them, crimson and swollen with his eyelids slightly drooping from lack of proper rest.
He looked like a terminally ill man or someone on death row, waiting for their time to mercifully come to an end. Come to think of it, the metaphor wasn't that far from the truth, with his fate now entwined with Caroline's until she woke up.
From there on, he would be alone once more, but that he could comprehend. That he was used to. That wouldn't end with death. At least not anyone's but his.
Unable to keep looking at the reflection of the man who'd destroyed all the beautiful and pure things to have happened to him, he exited the bathroom, fully expecting Elijah's inquisitive gaze.
However, he wasn't there.
In his place, a doctor was reading Caroline's medical chart, his concentration not wavering even as Klaus closed the bathroom door a bit too harshly.
Where could Elijah have gone?
Remembering Elijah's warning about the doctors throwing him out of Caroline's room, Klaus kept his distance from the white-clad man as he put down the chart and started making his way towards the I.V. line, probably to increase the painkiller dose, Klaus surmised.
And although Elijah had told him not to further annoy the medical team, the younger Mikaelson still got closer to the bed, on the opposite side of the doctor and watched as he started to prepare an injection. A surgical mask was tightly pulled over his nose, obscuring all of his features but his blue eyes. Unexplainably, in a completely irrational manner, Klaus could feel an alarm bell sound off in his head, but couldn't pinpoint the cause.
Yet, living in that world of darkness he'd grown to know so well in the past, Klaus had learned a very important lesson: Always trust your gut. So he did.
"What are you doing?" he questioned the moment the syringe started to come closer to Caroline's IV.
When the doctor completely ignored him, Klaus knew he'd been right and that something was seriously wrong, but when the sound of a muffled laugh rasped through to him, the last flicker of doubt was extinguished.
"I asked you a question," he said through gritted teeth.
"And I don't remember a time when I was obliged to answer you, NIklaus."
That voice.
He knew that voice.
He knew that voice too well.
It was embedded in his mind and would continue to be for the rest of his days, always there to haunt him and remind him just how much of a failure he was. Always there accompanying him in his darkest hours, ready to plunge the knife even deeper into his gaping wounds. Always there to tear him open, wait until he started pulling himself back together only to pull the rug from under him and wreck him once more.
"Mikael."
One word.
One word that held more hatred than anything he'd ever said.
One word and he could feel his blood boiling.
"Hello, Niklaus. It's a pleasure to finally see you again. I must admit, you were a lot harder to find than I expected. And even harder to be alone with, you know? I did teach you well, after all."
"Step away from her, right now," Klaus ordered through gritted teeth, knuckles white from the tightness of his fist as nails dug into his skin.
Pure fury irradiated from every pore of his being and he could feel it firing up the latent desire to murder Mikael with his bare hands.
"Now, son, is that really the way to treat your father after so many years?"
"We both know you're not my father and you never acted like it."
Father.
The word sounded almost alien to his own ears as he had never been able to bring himself to say it again after abandoning the Mikaelson household. He was a bastard and that's all he'd ever been to the tall, imposing man posted in front of him. The dreams of love his younger self had harbored had been slowly murdered by the painstaking process of cigarettes burning through his flesh. Even now, with so many other, deeper scars gracing his body, those were the ones that he couldn't bear to even glance at without being transported back to that basement where his life had been completely destroyed.
"Ungratefulness doesn't suit you, Niklaus. After all, I am the man who provided a roof over your head and who allowed you to grow up thinking you were my flesh and blood while benefiting from the results of my work."
"And paternal love doesn't suit you, Mikael," Klaus fired back, the man's closeness to Caroline the only thing keeping him still. "You did give me a roof over my head, but the price I had to pay for it was too steep. I would have rather been on the streets, alone, than in that house, hearing mother's screams each night and wondering when you would find the next reason to bestow your punishments upon me."
"That's because you're weak and you have always been weak. Always allowing emotions to cloud your judgement and get the better of you. A failure, you were always a failure and I see that hasn't changed a bit."
Failure.
The word resonated loudly in his ears. How many times had he heard it from Mikael's lips? How many times had he used it to describe himself? How much had he worked to be able to escape from its shadow?
And he had never been able to.
You couldn't run for long from the truth. It always found you.
"Perhaps I am indeed all that," he acquiesced softly. "But I am also the man who managed to kill your precious eldest son, Finn, and you have no idea how good it felt to pull the trigger, how my heart rejoiced at seeing the life abandon his eyes." Klaus forced glee into his voice, although he'd truthfully felt none of those things. Killing his brother hadn't been a pleasurable experience in spite of the torture Finn had bestowed upon him. Not when he was left with the lingering, albeit small doubt of what could have become of the man, had Mikael not sunk his claws that deeply into his flesh.
"And you will pay dearly for that," the older man's hatred slowly turned his eyes into the darkest sapphire Klaus had ever seen before. "But I wonder, should beautiful Caroline pay for it too?"
"No, stay away from her!" Klaus took a step in his step-father's direction, halting abruptly when the syringe started its descent towards the plastic wire again.
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill her, one good reason why I shouldn't just put her out of her misery," an evil grin spread on his face. "Give me one good reason why I should show her mercy and spare her pathetic life."
And Klaus knew Mikael had him right where he'd always wanted. He knew what was coming and there was no hesitation in his next answer. None whatsoever. Anything to save Caroline.
"You can have me," he tiredly stated, aware that it was the only thing Mikael truly craved for. "I will walk out of this hospital with you of my own free will, a clean exit, without attracting any attention or alerting Elijah. No more fighting if only you let her live."
Signing his own death certificate was even easier than he'd expected. It was fair. His life for Caroline's.
"Very well, Niklaus," Mikael lowered the syringe, pleasure clear in the cold inflexions of his voice. "I will not kill her as long as you are my obedient little dog again."
"Just…"Klaus hesitated, despising himself for showing weakness, but aware that he would deeply lament not doing it. "I just need a minute to say goodbye."
"Goodbye?" Mikael maniacally cackled. "In case you haven't noticed, there's no one here to listen to your pitiable goodbye. She's just a breathing corpse being kept alive by these machines and I have no time to waste on foolish, sentimental acts."
This was it.
This was the last time he would ever see Caroline.
And he couldn't even say goodbye.
That was what hurt him the most, not walking towards a sure death.
He'd made peace with death a long time ago, held no fear and was convinced that without him, the world and the people he loved would be better off.
"I'm so sorry for everything, I love you," he whispered gently before starting to head towards the door, ignoring Mikael's sadistic laugh.
The cold, familiar feeling of a gun pressing against his back announced him that Mikael was not willing to easily relinquish his hold over his prisoner.
Wasted effort considering the fact that Klaus had no intention of fighting back.
All of the strength had abandoned him and it took pure willpower to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, instead of simply asking that Mikael end it right then and there. He discerned that it would be in vain, seeing as his step-father wanted to milk his death. Mikael wanted him to feel unimaginable pain and completely break him.
If only he knew that there was nothing he could do that would shatter him more. Finn had done the job he'd been sent to do exceptionally well.
He'd murdered all that was left of Klaus Mikaelson.
The silhouette heeding all of Mikael's commands was simply a skin and bones carcass that could barely summon the resolve to move.
Then, the unexpected happened. A contingency that Klaus knew Mikael hadn't planned for. Elijah saw them and started heading in their direction, eyeing the doctor with a low level of suspicion. The Mikaelsons had always possessed good instincts, after all.
"Don't say anything or I'll kill you both and go back to finish the job with Caroline," Mikael warned, his voice growling in Klaus' ears as he swiftly hid the gun in the white coat's pockets, leaving a respectable distance between him and the younger man.
"Niklaus," Elijah greeted him, brown eyes briefly darting towards the towering figure of the doctor. "I stepped outside because a quick check up was apparently needed."
"Yes, he told me," Klaus fought to keep his voice steady and give nothing away, while he wanted to scream for Elijah to get as far away as possible from them. He needed to make sure that happened as quickly as possible, before Mikael lost whatever remained of his patience. "Could you actually go back and keep an eye on her? I need to accompany the doctor and go over some test results that just came in."
He was a good liar. Klaus knew he was a good liar.
However, Elijah probably knew him better than anyone else in the entire world and for a few seconds Klaus feared that he could see straight through his lies.
Just go, brother. Don't turn this into a bloodbath.
In the end, his lie must have been convincing enough because although there were still traces of apprehension he nodded and started moving towards the room where Caroline helplessly laid in that white hospital bed.
"Elijah," Klaus couldn't help himself from saying, seeing from the corner of his eye as Mikael's hand reached into his pocket, preparing himself to shoot if Klaus dared go back on their deal. "Thank you, brother, for everything." For being by my side when nobody was. For always having my back. For always coming back regardless of how harshly and ruthlessly I pushed you away. For unconditionally loving me, a monster Mikael created.
"You have nothing to thank me for, brother," warm chocolate brown eyes clashed with clouded mercury, a small smile lighting up Elijah's face.
If only he knew this would be the last time they would see each other. If he knew, Klaus was certain that he wouldn't be so quick to turn his back and start moving.
But Elijah had no idea and with each second he was further and further away and there was nothing Klaus could do to prolong their last moment. The gun pressing again on his spine let him know just that.
"Move," Mikael ordered when Klaus had yet to take a step. "Move before another one of my sons tragically dies today."
So he moved, putting a tentative foot in front of the other, unable to stop himself from turning his head to catch one final glance of his older brother. He was almost gone, losing himself in the sea of white medical jackets, but Klaus could distinguish him for just a brief moment.
His confident gait. His tall, squared shoulders. Brown, slightly disheveled hair and crinkled, dirty white shirt.
Goodbye, brother. I love you.
With that last thought, Klaus picked up the pace, making his way past self-assured medics, frantic nurses and weeping, worried people. All he wanted was to exit the hospital and get Mikael as far away as possible from the persons he loved. Nothing else mattered anyway.
Luckily, fate reserved no more surprise encounters and soon Klaus found himself walking out of the revolving glass doors, crisp, fresh air invading his lungs. Mikael didn't waste another second, pressing the gun even deeper into his skin as he led the way through the crowded maze of a parking lot to a black, inconspicuous black SUV.
"Get in," he commanded while opening the passenger door. Klaus didn't even try to fight back, instead heeding the order and sliding into the car. Instantaneously, the door was slammed shut, the lock clicking into place.
Mikael climbed into the driver's seat and soon Klaus found himself looking at the nearly empty streets of Mystic Falls through his tinted windows. Nobody spared the car even a second glance, all too busy carrying on with their daily tasks, running to the supermarket, rushing to school or to a café where friends were already waiting.
He knew it was the final time his eyes would see this town. Come to think of it, it would probably be one of the last things he ever saw, with death knocking on his door as it had many times in the past.
Only this time, Klaus knew it wouldn't take a raincheck.
And he couldn't bring himself to care.
He was just numb as the man who'd raised him and wrecked him at the same time was driving him towards certain death.
All he hoped was that God would keep his end of the bargain and save Caroline and that with his death, the people he loved would finally get peace. They deserved it.
Instead of continuing to try to make sense of his feelings he just closed his eyes, rested his head on the leather cushion and waited for the black angel to claim him.
Oddly enough, he was calmer than he'd been in years.
At least the continuous and exhausting fight was done.
He was done and he could finally rest.
A/N: I would like to start this by saying a huge thank you to all of the people who followed/favourited and most of all, left a review on this story. Your words are what motivates me to keep writing so I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Now, about this chapter, I know it was a bit short, but it was needed in order for the story to progress in the direction I want it to. I promise the next ones will be longer and more action filled. We are slowly coming towards the ending of this story, just a few chapters left and I have to warn you, it will get worse before our characters might get to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Anyway, I hope you liked this, if you have the time, let me know what you thought of it and thank you once more for sticking with this story and with me through all of the reeaaally delayed updates. Thank you all!
