A/N: The holidays have allowed me to write again. Hoorah, and a happy new year to all.
Musical inspiration: Chopin - Nocturnes, Op. 9: No. 2
You taught me maturity.
It was the eve of the new year, and Ino found herself giddily preparing. She had managed to convince Sai that it was a necessary celebration to partake in, and so now Ino could not help but experience idealised imaginings of how their night might go. Her head became filled with such fluffy scenarios of how they would enjoy the fireworks and be intimate. Trying to keep her wry smile at bay, Ino moved to catch up with Sai, who was ahead of her. He had on the same vacant expression and was most likely not as excited as herself. However, Ino could still not help but find Sai attractive as he confidently strode through the night while holding the strap to his bag that he had casually slung over one shoulder.
"Are we nearly there?" he asked then.
The question immediately centred Ino's attention before she met dark eyes in a sideways glance.
Ino hurriedly moved to take the lead, then for, after all, this had been her idea.
"It's up ahead," she clarified, pointing towards the stretch of open grass.
Sai silently fell into step behind her, and as he watched Ino guide their way, he wondered again why she had not dressed for the weather. Ino had come out in the cold without a jacket, and he could already see that her skin had broken out in goosebumps in response. Why would she be so illogical? Sai decided to say nothing about it and merely followed Ino as she began to climb a high hill.
Ino, who had been so intent on trying to engineer the perfect situation, felt her hopes become dashed when she passed by a few large groups on their way up. She realised then that she and Sai weren't going to be alone. Quite a few families had already gathered at the base of the hill. Ino did not understand why her heart sank in response. Wasn't this reality after all? Of course, people other than herself wanted to see the fireworks too. How could you find a secluded spot in the city that others wouldn't think of?
Shooing away the disappointment, Ino took a seat in the spot that would give them the best vantage point. She watched as Sai dropped down his bag before joining her on the grass. The display was due to begin soon, but Ino found that her mood was turning sour. Only now in her wait did she remember that her body was trembling from the insistent breeze carrying a harsh chill with it. Her insides were now rattling in response. Was she this desperate to get close to Sai? Ino's face reflexively scrunched up at the very idea, and she did not dare answer the internal question. She didn't want to pull at that thread and unravel such wants. They were together after all, and acting like a besotted adolescent was not how Ino wished to be seen by him. It would cut her pride to pieces, and yet…
"I'm cold," Ino had to finally admit out loud then as she was unable to bear it any longer. It didn't sound cute to her ears like she imagined but just childish. Straight away, there was rummaging, and Ino turned to look up.
Sai's eyebrows were raised in response as he was surprised by how much Ino was willing to suffer for the sake of her stubbornness.
"I was wondering how long it would take you to say," he replied before pulling his hand out of his bag. Sai had taken it upon himself to pick up the jacket, which Ino had clocked on their way out but had failed to pick up. It had made Sai wonder if Ino has just become distracted and forgot to take it because why would she leave it on purpose?
Sai held it out for Ino then, yet his dark eyes caught how her face fell momentarily. Why wouldn't she be grateful? Was he not being attentive to her needs?
Ino was then quick to take her jacket, and when slipping into it, she remembered her manners.
"Thank you," Ino readily added.
Sai found himself being put out by all the non-verbal cues Ino was giving off, for she was displaying nothing but disappointment at both his action and the occasion. What was he doing wrong?
There was no time to dwell on such a loaded question, for Sai's thoughts were broken by the first rush of fireworks being launched into the air. Although Sai did not understand the event's significance, he watched as the night sky became coloured with glowing lights. Each flash was accompanied by a harsh popping as if the sky was being torn apart. Sai didn't care too much for sounds, but the sight was very pleasing. Sai appreciated every colour, from the silvery-white fireworks that swirled in continuous circles before falling back down to earth to the red and green fireworks that started centrally before stretching out their fingers into the air. Deep oranges and red fireworks lit the sky on fire while dark blues and purples cooled. Sai's fingers reflectively twitched against the need to immortalise the sight in a painting. There was a reciprocating heat in Sai's chest, and he could see only to describe it as him finding enjoyment.
So consumed was Sai that he did not notice Ino watching him. The young kunoichi was witnessing pure wonderment, and it was making her understand what it meant to appreciate something so purely. There was something so innocent in Sai's gaze from how his eyes were as bright as the firework display and how he seemed so besotted. Ino had seen fireworks a million times over by this point in her life. Therefore, their beauty was lost on her. Of course, she enjoyed them but not to the extent she witnessed Sai. He was invested. Ino turned her attention back to the sky, and there was an accompanying pang of guilt, for she had ulterior motives while he had none.
The sound of delighted laughter of small children filled the air then interrupted Ino's thoughts. She managed to smile at the children because although they were unaware that the start of the new year had come, like Sai there were just transfixed on the beauty of the fireworks.
The end was drawing near as the stream of fireworks began to taper off in number slowly. Eventually, the last remnants of dying light fizzled away into the darkness, and the display ended. A rousing chorus of claps from the onlookers to signal their approval followed. Sai had not been prepared for the experience. The surprising beauty had flared up his need to paint, and it was surely something he had to thank Ino for forcing him to experience. It was then Sai decided to give her what she wanted.
Sai pushed Ino down until her back met the cold grass without warning. His leg then came across her body to rest in the space beside her own. Ino's eyes bulged in response as Sai loomed over her.
"Are you still cold because I could warm you up more," he asked in a low voice.
The suggestive nature of his comment caused Ino face to burn. "W-What?" She choked out. Ino's eyes darted around as her immediate thought was that they were not alone. Utter panic consumed her at the randomness of Sai's actions and how inappropriate it was to her. Ino tried to push Sai off.
When Sai did not move, Ino vocalised her concern. "Sai! There are people here," she whispered harshly.
Sai merely tilted his head. "We shouldn't care about that, though," he responded, utterly deadpan.
Ino's face twisted in disbelief. "Sai," she said in distaste.
Wasn't it funny how idealisations in the light of reality turned out to be earth-shatteringly awkward?
It was too much to bear, so Ino wriggled out from underneath Sai.
"Stop it," she demanded, with rising irritation as she stood up. "What are you doing?"
Sai's eyebrows drew together as he was left alone on the grass, but there was also an underlying current of frustration that had been building. This is not what he thought her response would be.
Sai's features stilled, and he grew serious. "Isn't this what you want me to be like?"
Ino made a face as if to refute that notion and scoffed. "Why would I want you to act this embarrassing?"
"Because I've watched those movies you have," Sai confessed, "I'm acting like them, but you don't seem to like it."
When had Sai done that? Ino tried to imagine Sai watching such 'romantic' films but couldn't. Ino just held the side of her head in response.
"Have I missed something? What is happening?" she asked in utter confusion at how this night had taken such a turn.
Sai's jaw became clenched. "Well, this whole time tonight, you've been dissatisfied, so something must be wrong," he pointed out.
And It was with this that Ino came to understand what was happening.
Sai's fringe fell over his eyes then as he bowed his head slightly, and his darkened expression became partly covered.
"You see, because of my past, I have never had expectations of people, least of all you, but I think you expect me to be a certain way," Sai continued.
Straight away, Ino opened her mouth to refute his statement angrily. However, as the words sank in Ino's stomach, which vigorously rolled, her skin crawled as a horrible realisation dawned on her. It was the type that one experienced after digging up an ugly truth. All she could do was expel air, and it was Ino's lack of response that made Sai's head fall further. Her silent affirmation was enough to cause him to get to his feet.
"I see," he quietly acknowledged before moving past her.
Ino was quick to turn.
"Wait, Sai. I didn't realise," she desperately tried to justify.
Sai merely nodded before stuffing his hands into his pockets and walking back down the hill.
Ino's head was spinning as the air had been stolen from her lungs. Such an uncomfortable dose of reality had knocked her out. She didn't know what to do.
"It's just...I," Ino struggled out loud as Sai drew further away from her. She was supposed to have the right answer at hand. The perfect line. Isn't that how things were supposed to go?
"Sai!" Ino called as he continued to distance himself.
She was supposed to chase after him, yet Ino knew that would make things worse for what use would that be if she didn't know what to say. Alone in the mess she had created, Ino stood in the dark as she mulled over what had just happened. Ino knew that she had romantic musings, but when had they turned into unrealistic expectations? Never had she thought that her deliberations would be harmful to herself, let alone someone else?
Yet it seemed they had been.
~ooOOoo~
The aftermath of that eventful night had caused a tense atmosphere to settle between the couple. Sai and Ino had not fought per se as it had been more a revelation of truth; therefore, they found themselves in this strange place. Life went on as usual, but a wall had been created between them. Time had given Ino the ability to gain clarity, and it was altogether uncomfortable. She had realised that she had been so hell-bent on engineering the 'perfect' relationship with Sai that Ino had missed the reality of the small ways in which Sai had changed and how he showed his affection. He had gone to lengths to try to understand her. Although Ino had shown understanding towards Sai in return, she had also put unrealistic expectations upon him. She had unknowingly pushed him to try and be someone else.
Eventually, a week passed, and one quiet evening in Ino's home, Sai found himself sitting in the living room painting. Ino was hyper-aware of his presence. It distracted her from cooking; however, Ino was grateful that Sai had not avoided her, which she had contemplated in regards to him. Was she this childish?
With an audible sigh, Ino put down her knife as she stopped chopping. "Sai…"
The sudden sound of his name from her lips was enough to cause Sai's hand to slip, and for an imperfect line to appear in the landscape he had been creating. Sai started before looking through the open doorway and meeting Ino's back. Her shoulders were stiff, and her posture tense.
Ino was steeling herself for a rehashing of their unfinished conversation.
"I'm sorry," she managed.
It took Sai a moment to recalibrate before he shook his head, and a small melancholic smile formed. "Don't apologise. It's irrational for me to be hurt. You haven't done anything wrong."
Ino managed to face Sai then and offered a meek smile in return. "I have, though. It was unfair of me to have those expectations of you."
Sai experienced a rushing heat then, and he had to admit that it was nice to hear Ino's acknowledgement of the truth as he saw it.
Ino anxiously rubbed her hands together.
"You're different, Sai," She tried to explain, "And I don't know what our relationship is supposed to be like, so I guess I just projected what I thought it should be from what I've seen."
Sai set down his brush and palette then. "Well, we make quite a pair then. Don't we?"
Ino scoffed. "Yes. Me, whose only experience of a relationship consists of irrationally idealising a boy that was all wrong for me."
"And me a blank canvas," Sai added as he stood.
In the resulting quiet, Ino moved to lean against the doorway. "Where do we go from here then?" Ino asked.
Sai stopped in front of her. "Why don't we remove the expectations," he suggested, "And you need to tell me what you want. I'm not a mind reader, and even though I'm changing, I still won't be able to pick up on it."
Ino's heart melted at Sai's blunt honesty as It was growing on her these days. "For right now, I just want you to be more physically affectionate," she finally admitted, and when Sai's pale features became vacant, Ino had to work hard to keep her smile at bay.
"Well, you'll have to teach me that, so I know when it's appropriate," Sai stated, admitting that this was something currently beyond him.
Why was he so accommodating? Ino pushed herself off the doorway to stand up straight before drawing closer. Her face had grown gentle while she searched his eyes for something.
"What do you want from me?" she asked.
Sai found himself being caught off guard by the question and her probing gaze. It was a genuine curiosity that he was faced with, and it was alarming due to Sai rarely experiencing such a thing.
Sai contemplated for a moment before answering. "I want to continue to feel your light…like I did that time you came to me." Subconsciously Sai touched his temples in remembrance of that incident in the land of silence.
What Sai wanted was so simple that It caused water to rise within Ino's eyes, and she could feel them pool as she tried to keep her tears at bay.
"I hope I have been giving you that even at my worst," Ino said then as her voice cracked towards the end.
Sai thought for a moment then. At her worst, Ino was indeed stubborn, loud, irrational, quick to temper and yet… Sai's dark eyes met her bright blue ones then. His gaze and expression were soft. "You've never stopped brightening up my mind, even at your worst. It's why I choose to put up with you."
Such words were too much for Ino as her eyes brimmed to the point of overflow, and Ino's face was strained as she pressed her lips tightly together to stop the flow. No one would deem the way Sai spoke to her as traditionally romantic; however, his honesty was his new charm. Ino brought her arms around Sai's waist and pressed her face into his chest. Despite how he stiffened in response to the surprising gesture, she held on.
"I'm glad," Ino managed to vocalise, "I want your mind to be filled with light and memories. It's all I've ever wanted for you."
Sai then heard Ino dissolve into a flood of tears. Ordinarily, Sai would be uncomfortable when faced with situations that displayed such overt emotions. Yet, at this moment, there was context. He knew of the reason behind Ino's tears, and strangely, his body was warmed by them.
"Now would be a good time to start," he then heard a mumble against his chest, "A hug, please."
Sai obediently took his cue and brought his arms around Ino then as he mimicked how he had seen others do. A free smile was forming on Sai thin lips. Wasn't it odd to find comfort in someone crying over you?
Ino though ultimately beside herself, was content as something significant had happened. She had realised that it wasn't only Sai who would be learning, but she would also be. Ino tightened her grip on the man whose posture had now relaxed and whose chest continued to rise and fall against her face. Ino closed her eyes then.
You taught me maturity.
The End
