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If last chapter was light, this one isn't… Contains spoil of chapter 499/episode 307

Hope you'll like it, and tell me what you think, in a comment or a fav, thank you!

Enjoy!


I almost spit my cigarette out and I violently coughed, flabbergasted for the third time in a day by what I had in front of my very eyes.

My double. Purely and simply my double. I couldn't believe it, but this man right in front of me as if he just fell off the sky, I felt, couldn't be anyone else. I don't know how to say it otherwise. He was my spitting image: same hair, same facial features… It was simple: Had I come closer, I am convinced I would have seen the same scars. He seemed nonetheless to be older ; merely; let's say more mature. His eyes -that is to say mine- were determined, confident, focused, as if he had some duty to achieve. He looked up, saw me, opened wide his eyes; his face turned straight white. Then he became agitated and turned his head back, trying to give the impression he didn't see me. Beyond the oddness of the situation, and because it didn't make as much of a difference anymore, I found it ridiculous, even insulting.

"Eh! Don't act as if you didn't see me!" I yelled at him.

He froze, then closed his eyes, before continuing his walk more slowly.

"Are you kidding me?" I lost my temper and started to laugh nervously. "Is that a freaking joke or what? Talk!"

He eventually stopped, sighed, then said on a monotonous tone:

"Yeah, right, you got me, that is a joke"

He was far from convincing. I frowned.

"Surprise!" He added in a -vain- attempt to give it a bit more energy.

He just got into deeper water. He didn't seem to want giving much more effort to his mediocre lie. Therefore, he took back his determined step, before I stopped him once again.

"You weren't looking for a kid, by any chance?"

It would have been a dog, I am pretty sure he would have raised his ears. In this case, he stopped dead, stood back up, and looked straight in my eyes. I have to say, I was a little impressed. I guess this is the effect I usually do to people: cold, piercing and unreadable eyes.

Regardless, I read in his silence some kind of positive answer. Therefore, I -quite laboriously- kept going, barely believing what I was about to say:

"Are you… by any chance… my… er…" I was looking for the exact expression "My… Double from the future?"

The situation was strange for him too, I suppose. But he certainly was more aware than I was. He sighed:

"I guess you can say that"

He looked pissed. I guess I look like this most of the time. And I got pissed too.

He eventually added:

"Listen, I know… you're eager to know things from the future, but I can't say anything. I'm not even supposed to talk to you. So if you don't mind…"

"So this is… your son?"

I cut him off, I couldn't help myself. I was so curious. He nodded, stingy with words. Then he went away. At least is what he got ready for, but he -almost unwillingly- stopped. I don't know what went through his head. Maybe did he consider the feelings of his young self, or maybe had he really a message to send.

"Listen. All of this may seem odd, even surreal…"

"What? Seeing people from the future coming from nowhere? You think?"

"No dumbass" He rolled his eyes. "Me, well, you, in the future"

He struggled with his words too. It made me feel better. That was strange for both of us.

"What I want to say, is that it may appear impossible to you to consider… A family like this"

He was right. I rarely considered my future. I always had lived bit by bit, day by day, appreciating every minute, foreseeing an end as brutal as imminent. I had been too naïve in the past to be surprised again. I had light sleep, and a sharp instinct. To be honest, I didn't fear as much my own death than the one of my close ones. Therefore, since childhood, my parent's death, Ur's, and others', I had stupidly convinced myself that you couldn't lose something you hadn't already had. Consequently, I thoroughly built a wall between me and others.

I know, it was vain. Fairy Tail wasn't exactly the place for that. So I gave in a little, that is true. Nonetheless, I never thought about something else. The word "family" meant nothing more than the guild, which changed each day, and which I could allow myself not to see for two weeks. To make things short, this mindset explains also why I was so confused in this dream.

"It seems impossible…" He looked for words -I never was a great speaker- "...because you're scared to lose everything. And I still am, you know… But to be honest, I've known so much happiness these past years that… I can't just go back."

He smiled foolishly. Here, I could clearly see the years between us. His smile formed light wrinkles, and his speech seemed so unlikely coming from my mouth. I barely believed what he was saying, that was surreal. But my heart was beating so fast, despite myself, as if burning of hope and excitation.

"I can't tell you what is going to happen, but if you want a piece of advice…"

He looked for the appropriates words again, careful not to give any piece of information.

"Don't… limit yourself in your feelings. I mean, be opened to… opportunities… When it comes to women for instance…"

He was searching into my eyes, if I got where he wanted to go.

"You mean Juvia?"

His expression changed, he nodded more or less, shrugged his shoulders: he didn't really want to spit it out. But that was undoubtedly a 'yes'. I kept asking things anyway:

"So you came for… Silver?"

From the beginning, I couldn't call him that way. It was really odd, pronouncing his name, my father's name. It brightened up scars which merely closed, and it gave too much credibility to this non sense situation.

"He gave his name huh?" He gave a light laugh, a bit embarrassed.

His laugh, as much as his expression seemed so far from familiar. I felt uncomfortable. I followed:

"You came alone?"

"Yeah" He answered, absent-mindedly "It was complicated with Juvia being pregnant…"

He stopped. His eyes wide opened, mine too. He had this panicked look of someone who just dropped the exact piece of information he should have kept.

On my side, I became even more pale. It was a lot to take in a day for a single man.

"What?"

"Huh?"

"You said pregnant?"

"Who? Me? No… I meant…"

He was truly embarrassed. Then he threw a furtive look toward the huge half opened door of the guild, and finally lost his patience.

"Listen, act as if you never heard, alright? I've got to go" He stared firmly at the inside of the building. "I have better to do"

He turned away quickly, and made his way toward the big door, not letting me reply more. He literally just threw a bomb at me and went away as if nothing. But I needed answers. So I followed him till the partially open door, where I halted to watch the scene unfolding before my eyes.

I saw my alter ego making his way toward the kid, ignoring the confused other members of the guild. Near the boy, he signaled to the girls to let him do his own thing. The most surprised, I could see it even from my place, was without doubt Juvia. But she was also the quickest to understand, and told the girls to move. It looked like she immediately got that this wasn't her "Gray-sama". I'd say I was kind of touched by that.

My double then leaned toward the child. He took a soften look, and smiled: both things I never do. He took his tiny hands. I could not hear what he was saying, but this looked like the sweetest words I imagined myself capable of. The boy calmed down: he took his hands to his eyes, probably to dry his tears. With the full weight of five, I could see it, he tried regaining confidence in front of his father, who answered with a crooked smile. Next, I could, in all likelihood, see "me" apologize in front of the stunned guys of the guild. He ended up by taking out of his pocket a paper with certainly the spell of return on it: they disappeared as promptly as they came.

This is how my dream ended. This last mere scene which I was just a spectator of warmed my heart up more than I would have believed. In the clouds where I found myself, I think I feverishly smiled.

Is that it? Death? I always thought it would be unpredictable, brutal. I had accepted it. At least I thought. But god, how much I would I loved to be wrong. I tried, in this vague instant of delirium, where my thoughts muddled up, to convince myself I wasn't disappointed and I excepted nothing. But you are never as truthful as in your last instants, and I could not help but keep bringing up the same ideas, the same face. Her face, Juvia's face, the last thing I saw before I collapsed. We collapsed.

This fucking… What was his name already? Evel? Invel? Coward as he was, instead of confronting us, had decided to set us against each other. He threw us a curse, so that we'd fight each other. We could not come out both alive from the evil spell: we were doomed to kill the other, as we slowly lost control of our minds.

This was the worst torture possible. Hurt a comrade, a friend, was already unthinkable. But I had to admit it, it was at least ten times worst to touch even one of her hair. I realized it at this exact moment. A shiver, as I never felt some as sharp, painfully crossed my spine.

I quickly lost control. She attacked me as well. We were not anymore so much conscient of what we were doing. My mark expanded inexorably on the upper part of my body, I could just scream, of rage and powerlessness.

We both stopped a moment, breathless. I had a brief instant of lucidity. I could not keep doing this. I knew I had a physical advantage. But neither could I let myself be: the spell excited each of my muscles, I was beside myself. My body was unstoppable. Also I thought briefly: giving up would have forced Juvia to kill me. I could not let this on her conscience.

I had taken my decision. No hesitation, it seemed to be the only solution. The following second, as I fulfilled my duty, I opened my eyes wide. I could not believe what was happening.

"Why…" I cough painfully "Did you… such a stupid thing…?"

We had the same idea, at the exact same moment. It was hardly believable. We both stabbed ourselves to make an end with this absurd and nightmarish fight. Her, with a sword of water, me, with a sword of ice. I found it so stupid, so vain, so much of a shame. Once again, I should have predicted it, she had always been so stubborn. But for god sake, why didn't she got over me? Why did she got so attached to me that she gave her own life?

"Gray-sama…" She articulated painfully, blood dripping from her mouth. "It's impossible…"

That was stupid! Stupid! I gritted my teeth. I had tears in my eyes, so did she. It was tears of helplessness, more than pain.

"I would never… hurt a friend… No… I just can't hurt you anymore"

I felt she was moved by my words. She laid on me a sweet, compassionate, even satisfied look. She seemed appeased. I had somewhat the impression that she wanted to give a last good, beautiful image of herself. So that I don't worry, so that I don't regret. But I wasn't satisfied, and I was worried, I regretted. I regretted so much. I would have wanted to protect her, at least that.

"I wanted to protect you… at all cost… But I failed"

These were my last moments of lucidity. We collapsed in a same move. I merely felt the chains around my neck vanishing in the air, as my conscience raved, and slowly sank.

I regretted so much, so much more than I would have believe it before that. It was ridiculous to think I had no ties, that I would not regret my death, or that I wouldn't be overwhelmed again by the death of someone else. I screwed everything up, once again, like an asshole. But I thought that it was just a matter of minutes before I lost all the strength and life I had left to keep thinking about it. My regrets would leave with me. At least it consoled me.

But something unpredictable happened. Something which made me feel even more miserable and pitiful than before.

I felt like living.

I shouldn't have. I must have be raving, that couldn't be. I slowly regained consciousness, my breath rebecame steady. I didn't know what was happening. I was dead. Well, at least I was dying. My wound was too important, it was impossible, I shouldn't have come through it. Yet I felt in my body a strange sensation, as if my blood restocked, and my heart started pounding normally again. But the sensation was even more particular, and I felt coming up some sort of familiar presence.

I got up in one go, too preoccupied to worry about my headache or my throbbing injury. I couldn't believe my eyes, I was horrified by what I was seeing. A dash of blood flowed as a perfusion from Juvia's arm to mine.

She didn't do that! She couldn't have! I contemplated her, powerless, loosing energy while I regained some. Her agony to my favor. A true nightmare.

In my head, god knows how, I suddenly heard her voice, so clear and calm while I was absolutely panicked. "Water make 'blood'" She explained slowly. "In case of the worst scenario". I swayed between anger and distress. How could she have even thought of that? She anticipated her sacrifice. She anticipated it! I felt so powerless, so wretched. I came closer, feverish, shaking. I would have killed for it to be a dream.

"Juvia will be living inside of you from now on". I took her in my arms, I cried. I didn't want that. I wanted her, alive. I didn't care about me, I just wanted her to open her eyes. "This is why… There is no reason to be sad". I wasn't sad, I was desperate.

"This can't be happening…." I repeated for myself.

I cried like I never had before, and screamed as if I would tear away my vocal cord.

"I promise… I'll take your feeling seriously, so…"

Hurt and desperate, I tried to negotiate. As if a promise I should have made way earlier could change anything. As if my words would make her open her eyes. I thought in my cloudy mind that she'd listen if it was me. I fascinated her so much. But she already couldn't hear me anymore.

Our memories… They flashed up on my eyes misted over with tears. Our meeting so absurd, her obsessions, her gifts, her weird expressions, her clumsiness. I thought about our fights, our teamwork, about the trust and mutual respect we had for each other. I thought about this time, in front my father's grave, where I let myself go, and where she comforted me without a word.

"I'm begging you… Open your eyes… Please… Juvia"

I was so stupid, so selfish, so arrogant. What was she even asking for? An answer? A word? Some attention? And I couldn't have given her that? She deserved way more than that. This woman… She had her heart set on me, gave me so much attention, so much love. I had never understood, and I did not still. She gave her life for a jerk, for free, innocently, as if obvious. And I didn't give her anything back. Yet she deserved all of the attention of the world, all of the love and tenderness she begged for. Any man, less stupid than I was, would have unhook her the moon. I had not even been capable of protecting her. And yet god, I loved her.

I started loving her without realizing it. She was my confident, the one who saw me clear behind my solid shell. My wall, with her, became a mere curtain. I had dropped my guard. She was so insistent. Her smile ended up being one of my great pleasures, for its sweetness. Her voice, though sharp, even shrill, I would have listen to it undefinedly, over and over again. And her eyes… Her deep, pure, gracious blue eyes… I was fascinated by them, I couldn't hold the look.

But these eyes wouldn't open. Between my helpless hands, Juvia's body became colder and colder, weaker and weaker. And me and my shitty ice, we couldn't do anything, neither to revive her, neither to warm her up. I was mad with despair.


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