Oh hey, this is actually getting out a bit earlier than I had originally planned it to be ready. So I think I'm doing pretty good for myself!
There aren't a lot of warnings for this chapter, really. Discussions of death and those left behind, a brief mention of alcohol, and pain. The usual, really.
I hope that you all enjoy this chapter. Happy New Year, everyone!
"What if something happens to mom? Who's gonna watch out for the kids?" Mayuri murmured, her knees pulled tight to her chest. Hiroko watched the shadows play on the far wall, getting caught in the nooks and crannies of the stone. It was frighteningly easy to find figures and faces in the darkness. She didn't turn to look at her sister, who was curled up on the mattress just a few feet away from her. She could feel her body warmth from this distance, like a beacon in the cool cave air.
"Isaac will watch out for the girls," she managed after a long moment. The words felt heavy on her tongue, something bittersweet in the statement. It was painful to think of the family that had been left behind. She hadn't seen them for months Before, and now would never see them again. She pulled her hair over her shoulder and ran her fingers through it, black strands getting caught between her clammy fingers and tugging at her scalp. She felt the thin mattress dip as Mayuri shifted, turning to face her.
"Isaac? He's barely 16; still a baby! I was...well, I was wondering who they'd live with if mom and dad weren't around anymore." Her voice was tight and rasping, like she was trying to hold back tears. "I always figured that if something happened, I'd be the one to take them in. But if we're here…." she trailed off.
Hiroko found her mouth was suddenly too dry to form a response; how was she supposed to tell her sister that she had been dead for almost three years? She had no idea why it was that she knew that they were dead, but her sister didn't seem to have any clue. Or did she, and she just wasn't aware of how long it had been? She sometimes spoke about getting back, about seeing their family and friends again someday. Was she serious, or were those just pretty dreams? Hiroko couldn't tell. But if Mayuri truly didn't realize, the way Hiroko suspected…. Well, she couldn't help but wonder if it had something to do with the ways they had died, or if it was maybe because Mayuri had been dead for longer than she had. Maybe there was no reason at all, and fate was just terribly cruel and was having a laugh at their expense; that was the most likely option, in her opinion.
No matter the reason, her pondering didn't answer the question of what she would tell her sister. It seemed almost cruel to tell her that Isaac had grown and matured so much after her death, had stepped up to watch out for his little sisters when she hadn't been able to be there for them. That Olivia had a part-time job at a museum and had decided that she wanted to be an art teacher, and she would never get the chance to watch her accomplish that dream. That their baby sister, Uriel, had finally cut her hair short after more than a decade of growing it out, and that she would never be able to see the way the change had drawn attention to the fact that her smile was growing just a little brighter with each day that passed since their oldest sibling had died so suddenly. (When would any of them learn to smile again, now that they had lost not one, but two big sisters? She would never see any of their babies' dreams come true, neither of them would, and oh God why—)
How was she supposed to tell Mayuri that the world had moved on without her? She didn't want to. She couldn't. But she knew she had to.
Hiroko opened her mouth, but the words just wouldn't come. They caught in her throat and choked her. There were tears streaming down her face and a sob broke from her throat unbidden, ugly and horrified. Quickly, she covered her mouth with her hand, trying to muffle the sound. Her chest felt too tight, like there was a weight resting on it as the walls began to close in.
"Oh, shit," she heard Mayuri mutter, and then the next thing she knew she was pulled into her sister's arms. Mayuri was running a soothing hand over her back, petting her hair, murmuring soft apologies and half-formed assurances. Hiroko sagged, guilt and relief weighing heavy on her shoulders in equal measure. She felt Mayuri hook her chin over her shoulder, and Hiroko was sure that her spill of black hair was getting in her sister's mouth, and she would find chunks of saliva-hardened hair later. She supposed it was fair, considering that her own snot and tears were soiling Mayuri's long locks as well. Through her hiccupping sobs, she managed to choke out a strangled apology.
"No, it's okay. You don't have anything to apologize for," Mayuri soothed, her breath ghosting over Hiroko's neck as she spoke and raising goosebumps across her skin. "I know you're not ready to talk about it. I'm sorry."
And that wasn't right, not really, but Hiroko couldn't bring herself to correct Mayuri's assumption. She wondered if Mayuri resented her for her tears, for not allowing her to get her own emotions off her chest. She buried her face into her sister's shoulder and squeezed her eyes shut, sobbing even harder. She promised herself that as soon as she caught her breath, she'd tell Mayuri the truth.
But she never did.
The seal master called himself Kaito. Hiroko suspected that that wasn't his real name, but could never seem to bring herself to ask. She had plenty of other questions that invoked her curiosity, though, and which name he prefered to use wasn't high on her list.
"How come you have to redo the seals so much?" she questioned irritably, watching Mayuri shiver in the chilly air of their cell-masquerading-as-a-bedroom as he ran his hands over her back, palms glowing. The black marks that climbed the ridge of her spine moved as though they were alive, wriggling to encompass her shoulder blades and then spreading further to cover the entirety of her back, taking different shapes under his thoughtful gaze.
"The seals are still imperfect, Hiroko-chan," he answered, eyes not moving from his work. Hiroko shifted, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on top of them. She was wary of this man, though he had done nothing to really hurt her or her sister. He was kind, as many of the people she had met, however briefly, seemed to be in this place. She hated it. They were all supposed to be the bad guys.
"Why don't you just make them perfect then? I thought you said you were a master," she snarked, words muffled against her knees. Kaito didn't bother to answer her, but his gnarled fingers twitched slightly and Hiroko saw Mayuri's shoulders tense and heard her soft intake of breath. Her hands clenched into fists and her next words came out as barely a whisper. "I'm sorry, Kaito-san. Please don't hurt her."
After a moment of heavy silence, the old man drew his hands away, the glow ceasing. The black marks settled. At last, he turned to look at her. His grey eyes were sad and thoughtful as he handed Mayuri her top without looking at her, face turned respectfully away as she redressed.
"I don't hurt either of you on purpose, Hiroko-chan. Seals take concentration, and ones applied to humans bodies and chakra networks are particularly delicate."
Mayuri gingerly settled herself on her bed, legs crossed. The seal had been steadily decreasing in size as time passed. In just under a year, it had gone from covering most of her body in black zigzags to being concentrated to only her torso. Likewise for Hiroko's swirling design. The removal and application of the seals hadn't gotten any less painful, though. It left both of the girls feeling sore and left Hiroko grouchy and Mayuri lethargic after each session.
"How are you feeling, Mayuri-chan?" Kaito asked, turning back to face her. Mayuri offered him a crooked grin in response. It looked almost real, but Hiroko knew her sister well enough to know which smile she wore when she was trying to convince others that she was okay. Something ugly and dark had settled into Hiroko's chest, coiled like a snake as it constricted around her heart as she watched her sister pretend that the world wasn't disgustingly wrong.
"It hurts a little bit, but it's nothing I'm not used to! I'll be fine."
Hiroko scowled into her knees and held her tongue, barely stopping herself from calling her sister out on her bullshit. She resisted the urge to flinch as Kaito turned his attention on her.
She knew the drill, of course, and knew better than to fight him on this. With a sigh, she shrugged off her wrap-top so it pooled around her waist and turned so her back faced him. She shivered as his hands moved carefully across the seals inked on her shoulder blades, fingertips skimming across the matrix and filling her with ice. It wasn't the dread that he would try something, not anymore. Instead, she was anticipating the painful removal of the seal and the way the warmth would fill her even as ice crept across her skin.
"Are you ready?" the old man asked, and Hiroko couldn't help but think that he must be very brave. He was in a cell with two girls who could probably kill him completely by accident the moment he removed their seals, and had declined the offer to have anyone else in there with them because he knew it made them uncomfortable to have Orochimaru's soldiers see them like this. On second thought, she actually wasn't sure if he was kind, or brave, or just really stupid.
Clenching her teeth and squeezing her eyes shut, Hiroko nodded. Then, without any other warning, the pain ripped through her, sudden and intense. She screamed, limbs jerking as fire flooded her nerve endings. There was a part of her that wished that she could remain stoic and quiet through the pain like her sister, who only showed her agony through soft grunts and tense muscles. Still, it was somewhat cathartic to scream her pain away. In her life Before, she had always done her best to stay silent when she was actually hurt. This was a new world, a new life, and she had decided early on that she would scream if she wanted to.
Mayuri had told her once, after the lights were all out and they were huddled together under the blankets, that she was jealous of how easy it was for Hiroko to show her true emotions. It had shocked her to hear that at first, but it was just how they worked. They each seemed to envy something the other person had, something that was just an essential part of who they each were. It was something that had taken both of them years to come to terms with, Before. It seemed like it would be just as hard this time around, too.
By the time Kaito was finished reconstructing the seal, Hiroko was breathing hard, tears staining her cheeks. She scowled angrily and pulled away from him, yanking her shirt back into place with trembling hands. Her movements were jerky and rough, and she spat some choice words over her shoulder at the old man when he asked her how she felt. Kaito backed away calmly, never once ruffled by her anger. When she turned around, Mayuri was watching her with eyes that seemed to say, "apologize to the nice man."
Hiroko was determined to do no such thing. Instead, she pulled her blanket up around her shoulders and glared at him. Mayuri rolled her eyes but didn't say anything; they both knew that getting her to apologize was a battle that couldn't be won. They both waited in silence as Kaito scribbled something down in the notepad he seemed to always carry with him. They knew what would come next, and it was the one thing they looked forward to in their sessions with him.
"Well, girls, I think we're done here," he said, tucking his notes away and stepping towards the door.
On cue, they both chorused, "But what about the story?"
It was easy to fall into the rhythm of being children around him. After a year, it only sometimes made her skin crawl to hear her own high, lisping voice and it didn't bother her to see the world in sizes too large anymore. Too often, though, she found it hard to act the part of the child she was supposed to be. With Kaito – who treated them not only like children, but like people, too – it felt nice to let herself behave like the child her brain and body still insisted she was.
"Oh, of course. I did promise, didn't I?" he said, turning back towards the girls with a playful little smile. Hiroko thought that maybe he had had grandchildren once. It would explain why he was so good with children, and why he had grown so fond of her and Mayuri so quickly. It would also explain the sad look he had sometimes, when he looked at them.
Mayuri jumped up, pulling her blankets off the bed as she bounced over to settle down next to Hiroko, almost right on top of her. Kaito waited patiently while the sisters adjusted themselves, Hiroko scooting away from her sister and Mayuri pouting over the loss of contact. Once they were all set, both bundled up in their blankets, Kaito settled himself down on the adjacent bed. He groaned softly, old joints creaking with his careful movements. Hiroko was of the opinion he was about a hundred years old, given his weathered face and sparse hair, which was stark white except for one blood red streak at his temple. Mayuri always shushed her whenever she suggested they ask him.
"Years ago, when I was still a young man, there was a village by the sea," he began, as he always did. The sisters sat in silence, enraptured by the tales he told of a thriving village and the people living there. He would tell stories of the shenanigans friends and neighbors would get up to, but never spoke of his own family. Sometimes, he would trail off sadly, lost in some memory that neither of the girls would likely ever hear about. She figured it was probably for the best. They had enough loss and guilt on their plates to last a lifetime, and certainly didn't need his added on top of that.
("I don't want to be here anymore," Elle murmurs. They're sitting in the living room, both of them tense and nervous. Mom is at choir practice and Isaac is asleep in his crib, and they don't dare to speak above a whisper for fear of waking their dad, who's passed out in the opposite room. The smell of alcohol seems to hang in the air around them.
"Where do you want to be, instead?" Avery asks. Elle shrugs, not sure what to say. Her words are just thoughts that leave her mouth, twisting towards the sky and finding freedom in the air like butterflies, only to be scooped up by hungry birds seconds later. Her wishes are delicate, insubstantial things, doomed to be crushed by reality.
"I dunno. Anywhere would be better than here."
Avery hums, twisting to look upstairs. Her head is cocked, expression thoughtful, and Elle knows that she is listening for the sound of a baby waking from his nap. When there is no cry or tiny whimper, she turns to look Elle in the eyes, expression serious and grave. Elle stares back, confused by the sudden change in her demeanor.
"If you ever really want to run away, I'll go with you. I'll try to talk you out of it, of course, but I still want you to know that. I'm gonna be here if you need me and I'll run away with you if you want me to. If you leave, I will, too. It would dangerous to go by yourself." Her words hold the weight of a promise, and Elle's eyes go wide before a slow grin spreads across her face. It's her sister's turn to look confused.
"Do you wanna run away with me now?" she asks, the thrill of excitement building in her chest and making her heart flutter. There's a flicker of worry, and then something clicks in her sister's mind, and Avery's answering smile is bright and amused.
They don't pack any bags. They just pull on shoes and make sure that the door doesn't slam on their way out. The sunshine is bright and the air wonderfully warm. The wind blows, as fierce and wild as it always is, whipping their hair around their faces and into their mouths as they walk together to the high school. Neither of them are old enough yet to go to school there, but they have been playing on the steep hill that lies behind it for years now. It's there that they settle down in the grass, sitting close enough that their shoulders brush. It's comforting and exhilarating, to be here under the premise of escape. Her heart feels light in her chest as they sit and talk and laugh, not bothering to keep their voices soft. Their words are carried away by the wind, up into the sky and towards the sun.
Elle knows that it can't last. She knows that when they go home their father will still be there, and that their mother will be waiting to demand why they left their baby brother alone. She knows that she'll want to scream back, will want to demand her own answers; why were we left alone? Why is it our responsibility? Our father is right there. Why doesn't he take care of the baby, instead? But instead of speaking, she'll just squeeze Avery's hand and scowl and bite her tongue and fight back tears, because she knows the answer to that question. She won't fight back, too ashamed of leaving Isaac alone for her tongue to form the words needed to scream back at their mother.
She knows what waits for them, but in this moment she takes comfort in the sunshine and the laughter and the promise her sister has made. She commits to memory the feeling of the grass beneath her and the warmth on her skin, and the feeling in her heart. She holds onto it, and she promises that she'll never let it go.)
One night, long after lights out, Mayuri turned to look at Hiroko. In the flickering light of the one torch they were allowed after bedtime, she could just make out the way Mayuri's brow was creased in thought, how her lips pressed into a thin line. Hiroko sighed and sat up, trying her best to blink the heaviness from her eyes as she waited for her sister to make whatever revelation she was stewing over. She hadn't been asleep anyways, still unused to the quiet of the caverns after years of living in the city. The quiet crackle of the ever-burning torches and the occasional sound of people moving past their closed door was never enough to replace the constant sound of life that had surrounded her at all times in the city. They both knew it, so there was no use pretending that she had actually been resting this early in the night to avoid whatever troubling things were on Mayuri's mind. After a long moment, Mayuri pushed herself up, too, and met Hiroko's eyes.
"I think that Kaito might be from Uzushiogakure," she murmured in english, her lips pursed as she continued to consider whatever thoughts were running through her mind. Hiroko sighed but didn't lay back down. If her sister was breaking out the "twin-speak" for this conversation, that probably meant it was important. Mayuri was constantly paranoid about being watched or overheard, even when they were alone. She almost never spoke in english for fear that it would draw suspicion to them, so when she did, that meant that whatever she was going to say would be important, and something that she absolutely did not want Orochimaru or any of his followers to learn about.
"Yuri, I don't actually know what that is."
"Oh." She paused, brow furrowed as she blinked in surprise, as though most of their conversations about the intricacies of this world didn't start out with Hiroko saying those exact same words. She licked her lips and swallowed twice before continuing. "It's, uh, it's where Naruto's mom was from. I think it was destroyed in one of the wars. I can't remember which one. But it means that he's probably an Uzumaki, and the fact that he's so old but still going strong only contributes to that theory."
Hiroko considered her words as she watched the shadows dance across the walls and across her sister's face, turning it gaunt and ghoulish. Neither of them had seen sunlight in over a year and it showed in ugly ways. Their hair had lost any lustre it had once had and it seemed as though the color had been leached from their skin. Mayuri, with her white and black hair, looked sickly and ghost-like in the dim lights of the underground village. Hiroko did her best not to look in any mirrors, but she knew that if she did, she probably wouldn't look any better. She sighed, not really sure what it was that her sister was trying to get at. What did it matter where Kaito came from?
"I don't really remember much from the series," Hiroko reminded again after a moment. Mayuri snorted and made no move to explain her statement any further, so Hiroko glared in return. They had already had this discussion before, but Hiroko didn't like being reminded that her sister knew more about this world, if only by a small margin. She made a face. "We can't all be mega-nerds, you know."
Mayuri squawked her offense at that, but made no other move to deny it. Hiroko laughed softly as she lay back down, resettling herself in the strangely large bed. It had been a long day, and even though they hadn't done anything more strenuous than their usual exercises and walking back and forth from their classes to the cafeteria, to her four year old body, it was more than enough to leave her exhausted. She was just starting to drift off when Mayuri spoke up again, her high little voice soft and thoughtful, as though she weren't really talking to Hiroko at all.
"I think we need to start writing down what we remember about this universe," she whispered, and when Hiroko groaned and turned to look at her again, Mayuri was staring at the ceiling, expression distant. "I'm starting to forget things about it, and I think that if we're going to leave Orochimaru-sama, we're going to need something to bargain with if we want another village to take us in and protect us from him."
At this, Hiroko shot up, suddenly wide awake. She stared at her sister's still form with wide eyes, mouth hanging slightly open. Mayuri dropped her gaze from the shadowed ceiling so she could return the stare with distant, tired eyes. She looked resigned, like she had been expecting this reaction.
"What?" Hiroko hissed, her voice higher than usual with the stress and fear that was already filling her. She was almost convinced that she must have misheard, must have misunderstood the english spilling awkwardly from her sister's mouth. Mayuri frowned.
"Did you want to stay here?" she asked, soft but firm. She licked her lips and took a deep breath, visibly steeling herself before she continued. "If you do, then I'll stay with you, but...well, he's the one behind all the pain we've had to endure since waking up here."
She didn't bother to say anything about the nightmares they both still had about dying at the hands of their clansmen. They had both agreed that the little girls who had been killed weren't the same people they were after being revived. Still, it was hard not to think about it sometimes.
"I don't want to stay here, but...Mayuri, we don't know anything else but here. For all we know, Orochimaru-sama could be one of the nicer people of this world."
And wasn't this a strange role-reversal. It was usually Mayuri lecturing Hiroko, telling her to think things through and to err on the side of caution. Hiroko wasn't sure what to do with this. They had speculated about running away before, on leaving Otogakure and never looking back, but she had never really considered those discussions to be wholly serious ones. She had never realized that her sister had been seriously thinking about it.
Mayuri shifted to face her fully, hands on her knees and face set in stone. "I'm not saying we should just pack up and leave right now. But I think we should be prepared, in case the option ever presents itself. We should find some way to explore outside the base and try to make connections with...well, anyone that's not under Orochimaru's thumb, really. If you want to stay here, Hiroko, we will. I'll stay with you no matter what you choose. But...well, please think about it."
Hiroko tried to ignore the twist of discomfort in her stomach, the fear and uncertainty she felt at what her sister was suggesting and at the fact that suddenly, it was up to her to decide. She didn't want that responsibility laid upon her shoulders, an additional measure of stress and uncertainty and guilt to add to the steadily increasing pile. Instead, she just nodded.
Mayuri watched her with narrow eyes, her expression closed off and unreadable. She couldn't tell what her sister was thinking and decided to not even try to guess. Hiroko pulled the blanket over her head and tried her best to go back to sleep under Mayuri's burning gaze.
