I don't recall exactly what happened next. My hatred and my sorrow cut me off any sensation. I only was a heap of pure and blindness anger when I found the bastard who did this. I was taken in a killing frenzy: I would have needed me less than a minute to shot his head off. My body was giving away, and I was aware of that, but I didn't care.

"You stole her future you bastard!"

A little more and he was agonizing on the floor. Something though restrained me from finishing him off. She wouldn't be coming back. That wasn't worth it. I only had my tears left. There was no satisfaction in defeating the enemy.

I felt desperately lonely.

"She… She won't come back. This won't bring her back" I whispered for myself between my teeth.

The other, in a way more pitiful state than I was, started talking. I barely listened: his deformed features and his panting voice disgusted me and brought me right back in the face Juvia's death. Nonetheless, he ended up catching my attention.

"The most powerful and terrible of all Zeref's demons, your real mortal enemy… Is a man you know too well: Etherious Natsu Dragneel"

My head started spinning. I was in a curious state. My wound began being painful again, while my mind was half way through the despair of mourning and the horror of the news.

It was, I guess, too much for a single man. I turned mad, and my memories of this day stay still blurred and scattered with dark areas. After that, the only thing I remembered is my face to face with "End".

Natsu, my best friend, undoubtedly one of the persons who knew me the best, was in front of me. Blinded with my hate, I immediately rushed on him, my mark spreading even more on my body, covering already half of my face. But Natsu was no better, as unstoppable, yelling to whoever that he wouldn't restrain himself. He had that same crazy look I had. Our fight had nothing to do with the ones we had in the past. We wouldn't avoid or spare each other anymore. We were both bloodthirsty, a feeling none of us ever experimented. I spat at him:

"I'm gonna fucking kill you, die you monster!"

I never believed a word of this, of course. But this day, I really had the intention of killing him. This incontrollable rage is one of the things I fear the most. I am scared of that stranger I became on that dreadful day. Now on I regret it and I'm ashamed telling this, so is Natsu. But we were both blinded, he told me later, by the infinite grief of the loss of the one we loved. Me, with Juvia, him, with Lucy whom he left covered in blood nearby, thinking she was already dead.

We took it out on each other with some horrifying indifference and concentration. Each impact was of incredible violence, our screams were barely humans'. That fight made no sense, we only destroyed mutually without any act of consciousness. My mind was empty, purely and simply settled in present time, without any thought given to the consequences, our past, or the bond which always united us. I was unable to see in front of me the best friend he had always been, and couldn't see anything else than "End", the destructive monster, source of all my misfortunes.

Truth is, at this very moment we both became mindless monsters. Natsu's look was emptied of any feelings, his pupils looked like two dark flames: it was indefinable. The flames surrounded him with so much ardor they seemed to devour him. And I swear I saw, instead of hands, immense claws of black fire. On my side, my mark kept spreading: a bit more time and I would have completely lost control.

Yes, without Erza's intervention, I don't know where I would be today. Like the big sister she had always been for us, she was always there to stop our stupid fights. And there she was again, stepping in between two morons in full swing. She started shaking, and even crying. Some would have though she was shaking and crying out of pain, but that was too bad knowing her.

"Can you tell me what are you doing… you fools?"

It stopped us neat. The impact didn't seem to have troubled her so much, yet she was crying. Her eyes, deeply hurt, were pouring what seemed to me litters of tears. It had on us the effect of a chock.

Natsu and I had already seen Erza crying. It seemed to us unthinkable and especially unforgivable. How can such a brilliant, brave, powerful and determined woman could cry? Each of her tears were worth dozens. Her cry reminded us for just a moment that she could also be vulnerable. And if we most of the time considered Erza as a protective big sister, we had both given us the mission to avenge her tears and eradicate the origin of it.

And here, we were absolutely astounded to see that the origin of her misfortunes and of her tears, was none other than us.

"Look at you! And tell me what you see! An enemy? A friend? I don't know what is going on, but you are going to forget your anger right away!"

And indeed, after that moment where we gazed at each other with stupefaction, we had forgot it, our anger. Her words and tears brought us back straightway to reason.

"Don't ever forget… your history"

Our memories togethers invaded me as a surging wave, as if I had forgotten them. Our youthful (and adult) fights, our laughter, our victories… We grew up together after all. I saw Natsu calming down, and there was only a bit of smoke escaping his body left. As for my mark, it vanished in less time we need to say it. Then Erza took us in her arms, and hold us as tight as she could:

"I love you both… from the bottom of my heart"

She appeased all of this accumulated hatred and rancor with nothing more than her presence, so much so that I suddenly felt heavy, once the adrenaline came back down.

And this is at this exact moment, where my conscience sadly went back, that I heard this particular voice, sharp and familiar, the one I thought never hearing again.

"Gray-sama!"

I turned back as if in front of a ghost. It was her, I couldn't believe it. How…?

"Juvia's fine, though she has known better days…"

Wendy sustained her with difficulty, she was shaking in her whole body, and was covered with injuries. Her voice was feverish too, and I had the impression she was standing by some miracle. But she was alive! Alive! I could not believe my eyes, it seemed like a dream. My heart started racing, maybe too much, because I lost balance.

"Juvia…" I whispered before falling on my knees.

An immense relief crossed my body, seeming to allow me a bit of rest. While this immeasurable happiness caught me, I felt my consciousness fainting progressively, as I was falling on the ground. My last memory before the blackout was Juvia, whom I vaguely saw rushing on me, with all the strength she had left, to support me in my fall, before fainting herself.

I learned after that -not from Natsu himself- that Natsu passed out also just after seeing Lucy was indeed safe and sound.

This fight, as absurd as it could be, had nevertheless determined all of the following. The war was far from finished, but we at least got things straight. Therefore, when I woke up, I was well convinced that Natsu was besides everything Natsu, and that I had to help him till the end.

This is in this purpose that I faced Zeref and nearly died, again, doing exactly what I always do, in an impulse of braveness some consider as cowardice: scarifying myself. I had come alone to the encounter of our enemy, an inconsiderate gesture I had yet deeply thought about. My ice seemed to me to be the only solution to neutralize End without doing any harm to Natsu in the same time. I would not have killed Zeref, but imprisoned him for eternity, which was almost better. I had planned everything: the spell, in the same time as it annihilated my body, would erase each memories people had of me. It was perfect. I would be gone without generating more suffering. That was all I wanted. No more cry, no more regrets. The pessimist I had always been would have use his last instants to make good.

But that was without counting on Natsu who pushed me against the floor and stopped me in full swing.

"Bonehead! Did you forget? I already prevented you from using it…"

"I tried to kill you!" I replied "All of you! Because I was blinded by emotion… I don't belong to the guild anymore!"

"And so do I!" He bent his head down, on his knees, facing me. I'd remember for a long time this face. I saw in it a mixing of confusion, pain, regret, and in all likelihood anger too.

"We're friends huh? … Right that we're friends?"

I laugh a bit today, thinking about it, because he was damned pathetic: with runny nose, all shaking and moaning, without mentioning the kilometers of tears rolling down till his scarf. But in front of him at this very moment, I mostly understood how cruel I had been taking this kind of decision.

"Stop wanting to die for god sake! Live! I won't die even if I beat Zeref! I promise!"

After that, he got back on his feet and wiped his tears away with his sleeve to finally face the famous Zeref, the immortal source of so much legends, the one it seemed so insane wanting to kill.

Natsu was far better than I was, I realized.

In any case, it just reinforced my conviction to fight at all costs by his side.

This war, after what seemed to us like an eternity, and after many others sufferings and difficulties, eventually ended. Some didn't believe it anymore, and it had needed a lot of tenacity and courage: fighting with hopeless rage, despite grief and pain.

Needless to say that when we finally could contemplate the damages, we were facing true horror. Everything was wrecked. Magnolia was not much more than a heap of ashes, as well as Hargeon and loads of other cities of Fiore, by the way. The cathedral we so frequently admired from the outside without really entering in was now on in ruins. Numerous houses were reduced to a pile of stones, sometimes even nothing was left. The guild we so hardly rebuilt the last time wasn't in better shape.

But to be honest, that wasn't the most important. Everyone thought first about their close ones. Everyone were wondering how were father, mothers, sister, brother, friend, wife, husband, children.

We had to count our dead also.

The injured were dispatched in the hospitals left, somewhere else in the country, where they suffered less of the war. The one of the guild did not make any exception: we were too many for Polyussica and Wendy alone, particularly as they accumulated as much fatigue and injuries as the others. They could only alleviate the most urgent: Natsu the first, then Grandpa, Laxus, Gadjeel…

They judged as well that I was a part of these "most urgent", though I didn't feel particularly affected. But I was actually in a very bad state, Juvia told me so after. I was hurt all over my body, covered with blood and injuries. The ice I used to fill in my wounds with were not enough anymore, and melted noticeably. And I had still that vast and wide opened wound at my stomach, which I still keep a damned scar of.

In front of Wendy, nonetheless, I gracefully declined any help. I was in such a state I didn't even feel pain: I felt dizzy, as if I was drunk. I took it lightly, and even suddenly stood up, to show how fine I was. But it didn't make more than two seconds before I lost balance, giddy. Juvia, standing behind me, and though also in bad shape and exhausted, caught me right back. I couldn't see her face, but I knew she was worried. She was holding me the tightest she could, and avoiding as best as possible my wounds.

"Let her do, Gray, please" She murmured with concern.

She never called me "Gray".

I immediately became obedient. I soflty put my hand on her arm which hugged me still, and let Wendy give me the first aid.

We stayed a long time like this, saying nothing, to only hear each other's breath. I closed my eyes without falling asleep, although I was dying to. I just wanted to enjoy and measure how lucky we were. She began casually stroking my hair, innocently, as if she was used to it. I let her do without a word, and even smiled. No one said anything, laughed at us or interrupted. This moment was ours, the moment we would not have anymore even dreamt of. And I promise myself this day: the first of a long list.

All of these ordeals had ended up seal our relationship: it was no use to deny it -I didn't want to anymore, for that matter- and we had nothing more to prove. But I had made her a promise. I had promise her words, speaking, answer. That is what I tried, with all my clumsiness, to give her a night at Fairy Tail, weeks after, in the now rebuilt guild.

I remembered coming close to her, sheepish, blushing till the ears. She found it adorable, but I panicked even more. I jabbered through nonsense, turning my head away. I was all the more embarrassed as she kept smiling, out of satisfaction and love. She won, she knew it, and I had to swallow all of my pride to finally tell her what she understood anyway in my eyes. To the point where we were, there was no surprise, or at least, I didn't maintain it anymore. But even so, she waited patiently these few words she waited for way too long.

She knew what I was about to say. She very certainly imagined it over and over again, and it was probably better than I was able to do. I knew it would be less good/perfect if I started to talk, but I owe her that, at least.

"You know… this answer… I had to give you…"

"Yes?"

Her eyes, which I unfortunately crossed -because I immediately forgot what I wanted to say- pushed me to keep going, but I didn't have the words. I never had. I had never been neither a smooth talker, nor a talker at all. So eventually, upset and impatient, I whispered a "Screw it" and kissed her.

I ended up the kiss in a fine sneering smile while she looked at me with big stunned eyes. I finally could surprise her, and I surprised myself even. Me who never wanted to get attached to anyone, ended up loving and cherish someone who would never leave me and I would never want to leave. I had, all in all, eventually begun to be within reach of something my weird alter ego from the future promised me: a little of happiness.


ALRIGHT! So it looks like the end, but it's not. And to be honest, the mood is going to change a little bit in the few next chapters. Stay tuned, I'll upload it under another name "Sweet dreams", which is already published in French on my account.

Anyway, I hope you liked it! Leave a com or a fav to tell me so, I'd be glad to have your opinion ^^