(She holds Avery's hand clutched tightly in her own. Her sister is too pale, her complexion washed out under the harsh hospital lights and from a lack of sunshine. There are almost-healed bruises and cuts littering what little of her skin is visible. She seems more plaster and gauze than flesh and blood.
The hand that Elle holds is completely limp, the skin dry and nails broken. The sight makes her sick to her stomach; it is yet another reminder of what has been lost. Avery would never have let her nails become so unkempt. She had taken careful, meticulous care of them ever since she broke herself of the habit of chewing them.
But that had been before the accident.
Elle scowls even as tears sting her eyes, catching on her lashes and blurring her vision. She wants to scream, to throw something and demand that the nurses take better care of her sister. She wants to shake Avery until she wakes up or until the steady beeping of the monitors turn to screaming, instead. She wants to smash the delicate machinery keeping her sister alive, to rip the tubes from her veins, her nose and throat, just to force someone to pay attention. Anything at all, if it would only indicate some change in her sister's state of being.
She doesn't do any of these things.
Instead, she chokes on a sob and intertwines their fingers, flipping her sister's hand to hold it more securely. She squeezes until her own fingers ache, until she can see Avery's skin beginning to change colors under the terrible pressure. Elle sobs again, her voice breaking so badly she can barely get the words out.
"Can you feel this?" she demands, fingers tingling. "Can you feel anything at all?"
Avery doesn't respond.
She never will.)
The medical ward was the only place within Otogakure that Hiroko had ever seen flourescent lights. Everywhere else she had explored had been lit with the warm (and sometimes spooky) flicker of torchlight, giving the vast expanse of underground caverns a medieval – even otherworldly – vibe. With the lights, cushioned benches lining the halls outside of the ward, and the beeping and whirring of machinery, this place had a strangely modern feeling despite the familiar stone walls. Hiroko wasn't accustomed to the feeling anymore; it made her uncomfortable.
Somehow, sitting beneath the harsh white lights that had once been commonplace in her daily life made Hiroko feel unnerved. It was like two worlds and two lives that had been separated in her mind were slowly converging into one shared experience. She hated the feeling; it felt suspiciously like an omen.
There was something eating away inside her mind and inside her soul, a dark mix of doubt and guilt and the ever-present fear. It seemed to grow and shrink depending on the day, the feelings or lack-thereof she had experienced either dousing or fueling the fire that burned inside her. Most days she could ignore it, but when left to her own devices long enough, she found her thoughts straying and spiraling down dark paths.
Sitting alone in the well-lit halls of the medical ward, it somehow seemed easier to drown in her own thoughts.
She had been waiting for almost an hour on the bench in the hall outside the examination rooms, smiling weakly at whoever bothered to glance her way as they passed by, when Mayuri emerged. The medic was close on her heels. Hiroko could see her lips moving as she spoke with Mayuri, but she couldn't hear what was being said from this distance. She swung her legs idly, waiting for her sister to finish speaking with the ever stone-faced Yumi.
Hiroko's eyes darted over her sister's form and she bit her lip, her brow creasing in worry. There were bandages wrapped neatly around Mayuri's hands and arms, all the way up to her elbows. She knew for a fact that she had not had any injuries worse than a scrape before coming to see the medic, and certainly nothing bad enough to warrant that kind of care.
Which, of course, could only mean that something had happened. The thought stung like betrayal, bitter and heavy on her tongue. Yumi had been doing their exams for over a year; she had thought that they could trust her. The bandages wrapped around Mayuri's arms seemed to say otherwise.
There was a blinding rage building, a bright light exploding behind her eyelids and making her head hurt. Hiroko scowled, dropping her gaze to her lap before squeezing her eyes shut. She knew she couldn't do anything, and it hurt. No matter what training she did or how far she progressed, she was useless to protect her sister or herself. She was just too small, too helpless, and she hated it.
What was the point of suffering through training every day, of the conditioning and the lessons and the pain, if people could still do whatever the hell they wanted and she couldn't do anything to stop them? Hadn't Mayuri suffered enough already? Hadn't they both been through enough? Why was it that her sister was worse off after seeing the person who was supposed to make sure she was okay? What had they ever done in any life to deserve to hurt so much, now?
She was so angry, and so scared. She didn't know what to do anymore. She was afraid of change, yet desperate to make things better somehow. But how? How could they do anything like they were? What if it just ended in more pain? What if—
"You ready to head out?"
Hiroko jolted, blinking at her sister in surprise and wondering when she had moved to stand so close. Her thoughts began to slowly calm themselves as she took in the smile on Mayuri's face. She didn't look traumatised, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. She was worryingly good at hiding what she was feeling, sometimes.
"What did Yumi-san say?" Hiroko asked, rising from the bench. She straightened the almost-skirt of her tunic, frowning at the way the bulky hem of the rough material had dug into her thighs from how long she had been sitting, and added thoughtfully, "I think we should see if we can pick our own clothes, next growth spurt."
Mayuri huffed out a laugh, and Hiroko grinned. They fell into step together, a synchronicity in their movements that had been present Before but had somehow become more refined in this world and these bodies. Two sets of footsteps sounded like one, as they passed through empty passageways.
Mayuri didn't speak as they made their way towards the cafeteria, where Dosu had said he would be waiting for them. Hiroko didn't push; she could practically see Mayuri's thoughts spinning through her mind. She would talk when she had sorted them out.
"I think we should just be grateful that nobody's enforced the weird butt-bow thing yet," Mayuri hummed at last, breaking the silence. Hiroko snorted.
"If they ever try, I'm leaving."
"Do you think they could count us as missing-nin, since Otogakure itself is comprised almost entirely of them, anyways?"
"Is this place even a village, really? I mean, they can't say we abandoned the village if there's no village to officially abandon," Hiroko pointed out, a little too cheerful. Her chest felt tight.
Mayuri giggled, and it echoed back to them, turning eerie and distorted as it bounced off the stone walls. Grinning, Hiroko reached to grab her sister's hand, linking them together. The rough gauze beneath her palms reminded her of her earlier worries, and the smile disappeared immediately.
"Hey, you ready to tell me what Yumi said?" she asked, her voice barely louder than a whisper.
"I guess," Mayuri sighed. She squeezed Hiroko's hand, a barely-there pressure lighter than the brush of a butterfly's wing. Then she murmured, "Yumi thinks my body is changing."
"What? Like...early puberty?"
Mayuri froze, so suddenly that Hiroko nearly stumbled over her own feet. Her hand was still captured in her sister's grip. She glanced back at her, mouth already opened to demand what had happened. At the look on Mayuri's face, the words died on her lips.
"What's wrong?" she demanded, panic rising in her chest. Mayuri groaned and covered her eyes with her free hand.
"Puberty, Hiroko. We're going to have to go through a second puberty. I barely survived the first one."
Hiroko gave her sister a thoroughly unimpressed look and tugged her hand free of Mayuri's feather-light grip to cross her arms over her chest.
"Really? That's what's worrying you?"
Still, a smile tugged at the corner of her lips as amusement and annoyance warred in her chest, replacing the sinking sensation of panic with their buoyancy. Mayuri groaned louder, as though the sound could drown out Hiroko's playful disdain if she just made it loud and ugly enough.
The amusement won out.
"Sorry I said anything," Hiroko said, laughter in her voice.
"What did we ever do to deserve to go through puberty again?" Mayuri demanded, dropping her hand to stare into Hiroko's eyes. Her gaze was intense, but there was a playful tilt to her lips and a light in her eyes.
"I'm not sure," Hiroko admitted, playing along. She tapped her chin, feigning thoughtfulness. "I don't think bad grades in math class would be enough to land us here."
Mayuri laughed, too loud, and a wide smile broke across Hiroko's face. The fact that her sister seemed to find her hilarious no matter how lame her jokes were was honestly such a confidence booster.
"Do you think liking cats more than dogs would be enough of a sin to deserve this?" Mayuri asked, still fighting back giggles.
"Speak for yourself!" Hiroko snapped, her eyes shining and a wild smile still spread across her face. "It was probably all the plants that died under your care."
"At least I never grew weed," Mayuri teased with a sly smile, bumping their shoulders together.
Hiroko shrugged, unrepentant, and mused, "Maybe we killed someone and just don't remember it?"
And just like that, the light atmosphere was completely gone. Mayuri's face fell as she dropped her gaze and whispered, "Dosu's probably waiting for us. We should go." Then she was off, and Hiroko was left scrambling to catch up, the sudden change in emotions enough to give her whiplash.
"What's wrong?" she demanded, frowning.
Mayuri shook her head, long hair swaying with the movement. The white had grown to frame her face, ending at her jawline. The black beneath it was abrupt, almost startling in its suddenness. Watching her hair grow was a strange reminder of the passage of time, months and years kept track of through where the white strands ended and black began. It was like Mayuri's hair had become a visual representation of their lives; the before and the after.
"It's nothing," Mayuri snapped. She was chewing at her lips, and Hiroko could see blood welling up, almost black in the dim lights of the passages.
Mayuri's hands were trembling, ever so slightly, when Hiroko linked them together once more. She squeezed gently and her sister did not pull away, fingers twitching to loosely return the pressure. She breathed a silent sigh of relief, and did her best to ignore the anxiety and uncertainty that rose in her chest as she was left wondering what had made Mayuri so upset.
They walked in silence, neither of them speaking until they got to the cafeteria and found their friend. It wasn't hard to spot him, since the cafeteria was mostly empty that time of day.
It wasn't until they were sitting at the table, food in hand, and Dosu said dryly, "I hadn't realized I'd started a fashion trend," that Hiroko remembered that she had never gotten an answer to that, either.
Mayuri paused, chopsticks raised halfway to her mouth. She looked between her own hand and Dosu, then towards Hiroko. Her eyes were narrowed and dull, her expression hard to read. She wet her lips and slowly laid the chopsticks back down.
"From what Yumi-san said, she thinks that my kekkei genkei is having a strange effect on my body," she said, staring straight into Hiroko's eyes. Her voice was emotionless. She seemed to be searching for something. "She thinks my nerve endings, or at least something to do with my pain receptors, are beginning to change. She wants to wait until Kabuto-san gets back from his mission so they can collaborate or something."
"So what's with the bandages?" Dosu asked, head tilting the way it always did when he was confused. Hiroko was pretty sure that he didn't understand some of the words that Mayuri had used. Mayuri tore her gaze from Hiroko's and smiled, lifting one of her hands and twisting it in front of her face, as though to admire the stark white of the bandages.
"She basically had me close my eyes and then stabbed me with her scalpels until she figured out how deep she had to cut before I could feel it."
"What?!" Hiroko's voice wheezed out, a strangled sound caught somewhere between a shout and a gasp. It sounded like an animal, cornered and wounded and desperate. Her breathing began to pick up, rattling in her chest and tearing at her throat.
Her chest was squeezing, filling with fury and horror all over again at this confirmation of a betrayal. She saw red, and didn't realize that her hands were clenched into fists, nails digging into her palms deep enough to draw blood, until Mayuri's gentle hands wound around hers, working to stop her from hurting herself. It was the same gentleness her sister had used Before, when they were young and she found out that she had been hurting herself again.
When she looked into familiar green eyes, they held that same deep sorrow, the same patience and quiet resilience that had always been there. Slowly, she relaxed and let Mayuri entangle their fingers. The rough material scraped her palms, and the anger was still there, boiling and raging so close to the surface, but it was subdued for now. Tears were prickling at the backs of her eyes, and she felt light headed.
"I'm alright," Mayuri promised, her voice low. Dosu was watching them, concern in the lines of his shoulders and the brightness of his eyes. "It was something that needed to be done, and I couldn't even feel most of it, remember?"
Hiroko nodded, dropping her gaze towards their linked hands. The corners of her vision seemed to be wavering, her eyesight blurring and growing dark. She blinked, nose wrinkling as she tried to focus on slowing her breathing and clearing her sight.
"Can you feel this?" Hiroko asked, squeezing Mayuri's hand. Her head snapped back up, eyes locking on her sister's face, searching. Mayuri looked at her, brow creasing with uncertainty at the sudden intensity of Hiroko's gaze.
Answer the fucking question, Hiroko wanted to scream. There was panic rising in her chest, memories swirling through her mind that she begged to forget with the same breath she had once used to promise to never let go.
"I can," Mayuri said softly, leaning forward, squeezing back just hard enough to hurt.
Hiroko stared into her eyes, searching through their depths for something that not even she could name. After a long moment, she nodded, feeling lightheaded again. As her mind began to calm, she realized that her breaths were coming in great, heaving gasps. That explained the dizziness.
"Can you breathe with me?" Mayuri asked, never breaking eye contact. She felt a hand come to rest on her back, and had it been any lighter, she would have flinched away.
Instead, Dosu's touch was firm but gentle, pressing into her shoulder with just enough force to remind here where she was and to keep her grounded. She saw Mayuri smile, ever so slightly, gentle and encouraging and alive. With a deep, shuddering breath, Hiroko nodded and watched the changes in her sister's expression.
"Remember how I said that Kabuto was out on a mission?" Mayuri asked later that night, as the two of them got ready for bed.
"Not really," Hiroko confessed, distracted as she tried to force a comb through the tangles in her hair. Mayuri hummed, pulling her nightshirt on and then dropping onto her own bed. She sat cross-legged, staring at Hiroko with a thoughtful expression on her face. Silence stretched on.
"You obviously have something to say," Hiroko said after a moment, wincing as the comb hit another snag. She didn't bother to give her sister her full attention, like she so obviously wanted. After another long moment of silence, she heard Mayuri sigh.
"Okay, well, I asked her a little more about it and I guess he's out on a long-term infiltration mission."
There was a pause, as though she was waiting for a reaction from Hiroko. When she didn't get one, she heaved another sigh and barreled on. Hiroko hid her smile; Mayuri could be such a drama queen.
"I think that he's in a hidden village. Konoha, specifically. It would make sense, from what I've put together of the timeline."
"Konoha?" Hiroko repeated, frowning. She tried to figure out why she knew that name, and after a second, it came to her. "That's where Orochimaru-sama comes from, right? Where the show takes place. That would mean Naruto and the rest of them are there, too."
Mayuri nodded. There was a strange, almost manic look in her eyes, like the thoughts in her head were too big and too bright to be contained. Her leg was bouncing and her fingers were tapping against the bare flesh of her thigh. It was easy to see how her nerves and her excitement were mounting.
The sight made Hiroko nervous. Her hands were trembling on the handle of the comb, trepidation building in her chest and rising to fill her throat. Mayuri was planning something, and she was already certain she wouldn't like it.
"I think we should try to get ourselves assigned to an infiltration mission, too."
Hiroko dropped her comb. It clattered to the floor, the sound disproportionately loud to its small size. Neither of the girls glanced towards it.
"How the fuck would we do that?"
"I haven't quite figured that out yet," Mayuri admitted. "I don't think it would be too hard, though. Compared to our classmates, we're pretty advanced, and I think the senseis have noticed that we're getting restless with the current lessons. I'm sure I could come up with something!"
"Okay, but do you really think we would even be sent to Konoha?"
"Not really, no. But I think that no matter which village we would potentially end up in, we could work with it. I'm pretty sure that there are important characters in each of the shinobi villages, and if we could somehow manage to make friends with any of them—"
"Mayuri, this is crazy!" Hiroko interrupted, her voice cracking as she raised it to be heard over her sister's rambling.
"Do you want to stay here?" Mayuri asked. Her voice was soft, her expression almost hurt as she stared at Hiroko with familiar green eyes.
"I don't know, okay? I don't fucking know!" She dropped her gaze to avoid the disappointment in Mayuri's face. "In case you forgot, the last time we were outside Otogakure, we were fucking murdered."
"Well the first night we were here, I saw the other mother get fucking murdered," Mayuri snapped back. "How do we know that that's not going to be us, the second we're not useful anymore?"
"What do you think Orochimaru-sama would do if we asked to leave, you idiot? Just let us go? Yeah, right."
"We have a better chance of surviving if we can get out of here! Even if it's just for a little while, if we can make connections outside this place, we'll have people we can turn to if—"
"We can't "turn to" anyone if we're dead!"
"We have to try!"
"No, we don't."
"What happened to you?" Mayuri asked. Her voice was barely a whisper, so soft that Hiroko could barely hear it over the sound of the crackling torch. Still, the bewilderment and the disdain in her sister's voice seemed to drive into her brain. "Do you even hear yourself right now? You used to be the brave one. When did you turn into a fucking coward?"
"When I saw you die," Hiroko thought, wanted to scream, the words churning in her mind and burning like acid in the back of her throat. "You were killed because of some stupid, chance accident, and after that I was so scared. I was terrified of everything, and you are the reason that I am like this, so fuck you."
She couldn't seem to make the words form. So instead, she gritted her teeth and blinked back tears. Her foot clipped the comb as she stood, sending it skittering loudly across the floor. She turned towards the door and did her best not to look at Mayuri's face.
"I'm going to sleep at Dosu's tonight."
"Hiro, wait. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I just—"
Hiroko felt a hand on her shoulder, tiny fingers digging in. She whirled so that they stood nose-to-nose, and he could hear her heartbeat thundering in her ears and that burning chakra pressing against the seal on her back, collecting and pooling until it was an intense white-hot pressure. She snarled, and felt nothing but cold fury at the sight of her sister looking so very contrite.
"Don't touch me!"
"Hey, please, just listen to me. I'm sorry, Hiro, but if you'll just listen to me—"
"Fuck. Off."
And with that, she stormed out, slamming the door behind her.
In the morning, neither of them would acknowledge what had happened the night before. Dosu would sit between them, uncertain and awkward, and breakfast would pass in frigid silence.
By the end of the week, it would be like nothing had ever happened.
Mayuri would not bring up the idea of leaving again.
Thank you so much to everyone who's stuck it out with me through these long pauses between chapters. Every hit, bookmark, favorite, and comment fills me with immeasurable joy! I want to give a special shoutout to everyone who's commented, because whenever I'm feeling down or uninspired, I go back and reread them and they help me to continue writing. Also, a special mention to guest Ice, who left a long and well thought out comment last chapter! I usually like to directly respond, but since you were a guest, I was unable to. So thank you, Ice. Your comment made my day, and if you ever choose to come off anon, I'd be more than happy to converse further with you!
Now, I'd also like to mention that some lovely people left some awesome ideas for AUs in their comments! I LOVE THAT SHIT. Unfortunately, though, I probably won't be writing/posting any prompts or AUs here. HOWEVER. If you go to my tumblr and submit an idea, anonymous or not, I will probably definitely fill it! Feel free to do so on daboyau. tumblr. com!
Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed! See you next chapter. ^_^
