DO YOU SEE THE WORLD IN DIFFERENT COLOURS?
DO YOU SEE THE WORLD IN BLACK AND GREY?
ALINE IN YOUR THOUGHTS, HOW MANY OTHERS,
HAVE STOOD WHERE YOU STAND, WHERE YOU STAND TODAY?
The early morning peace within the walls of Arkadia was broken by the sound of blaring music. It echoed down the corridors, a rampant, thrumming beat streaming from the locked door of the workshop.
Such an unusual occurrence did not go unnoticed for long, and one by one people started gathering outside.
Strangely, none of them looked particularly worried, especially given their chancellor had been taken prisoner only two days previously. In the immediate aftermath of the stand-off and the fateful duel the citizens of Arkadia had milled about nervously, fearing what would happen now that Pike had been taken. The uneasiness had faded fast, however, as more and more people flocked to a familiar leader: Thelonius Jaha.
Whatever they were, the mysterious chips he had been handing out seemed to be every bit the miracle he preached them to be. Everyone who swallowed the 'key' appeared to have forgotten their worries, and now went about their days smiling and cheerful. Happy at last.
Pike's absence meant there was now no one to oppose him, and with Arkadia's only doctor giving his seal of approval, Jaha's followers had increased tenfold in the time following the departure of the Azgeda army.
Not everyone was so desperate for this salvation however.
Aerrow stumbled aimlessly through the halls of the station, his shoulder scraping along the wall as he walked, and his head hung low in despair. While everyone else seemed to have forgotten what had taken place, he had done anything but.
He looked like hell. Although he had somewhat recovered from his tenure as Ontari's captive thanks to some proper food and water, his face was still sunken and colourless, with dark bags hanging morbidly under his eyes from lack of sleep. His hair hung loose and free and his whole body would occasionally twitch involuntarily, while his once bright blue eyes were now every bit as dull and lifeless as those of the man he had killed.
What he had done haunted him. Every time he closed his eyes, Lincoln's face flashed through his head. The picture of the grounder standing in front of him, sword locked against his own in a battle neither of them wanted to fight was burnt in his memory, the hideous cry when he severed the man's arm rung in his ears.
The guilt he felt at remembering Lincoln fall with his coandite blade buried in his chest was matched only by the guilt he felt for what it would do to Octavia. God… how could he have done that to her. He had done exactly what had happened to him, taken everything that was precious to her and slammed a sword through it.
It seemed so long ago that Dylan Joyce had murdered Arianna in front of him. So many people had died since then, because of him. So many more people he had loved had been lost forever.
Sienna… Clarke… Oceana… Aden…
And now Lincoln.
So many people much more deserving of life than he, and all of them now denied that gift because of him. How many more would suffer needlessly before his condition finally claimed him?
He had heard whispers that a group of traitors had fled the camp just before Ontari had arrived. He could only hope that Octavia had been one of them. He never wanted to face her again, never wanted to subject her to the face of the murderer who had killed the man she loved. Nothing could ever atone for what had transpired on that field.
He was pulled from his misery by someone barging past him, shoving him roughly aside and almost off his feet altogether as they hurried down the corridor.
Perplexed, Aerrow had to physically force his senses to focus and narrowed his eyes in confusion when he heard the music playing. His interest piqued, he set off after the man who had pushed him.
The music gradually got louder until eventually he found himself in the hall leading to the workshop, and he knew that could only mean one thing: Raven.
While he wasn't entirely surprised by the fact that she was playing raucously loud music to piss everyone off, what was concerning was the number of people that were gathered outside her door. Especially when none of them were knocking or demanding she turn it off. They were all just… standing there… almost motionless.
When Aerrow noticed them all looking to that asshole Jaha, he knew something was wrong. Stuck in his own head as he was, he still didn't want anything to happen to Raven. She'd suffered enough, so he began slowly edging his way towards them.
He quickened his step when he heard a muffled scream from within the room, and he strode right up to Jaha.
"What the hell's going on in there?" He demanded.
The citizens all turned as one to look at him. A few tilted their heads curiously, as if they didn't recognise him. That put Aerrow on guard. Normally, he would have expected a few of them to scream, or back away in fright as they usually did when they saw him. He could put some of their confusion down to his altered appearance, but not all of it.
After a moment, Jaha turned his head. "Aerrow Eroxin." He regarded the teenager out of the corner of his eye, almost as if he was assessing him before eventually turning to face him fully. "This doesn't concern you."
"Nor does it concern you, asshole, now move!" Aerrow shot back. He'd hated the bastard on the Ark and he hated him even more down on the ground.
Jaha just blinked at him, before moving slightly to position himself between Aerrow and the workshop door. Now that he was closer, he could hear her loudly reciting something.
"Raven is with us now." He said.
Aerrow raised an eyebrow. "Us?"
"Yes, us." Jaha raised his arms and gestured to the people gathered around them. "We took away her pain, we helped her, just as we can help you."
Aerrow felt a shiver go down his spine. He had no idea what was going on, but something in the way Jaha spoke was just… unnatural. Whatever he had done to Raven, it sure didn't sound like it was helping her.
He felt his lip curl as he glared up at the man. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He snarled. "Now get out of the way. I'm only going to ask once."
Jaha narrowed his eyes slightly and stood straighter, towering over the smaller Aerrow threateningly, only to look up suddenly.
…
"Let him pass." ALIE interjected, causing Jaha to look up her questioningly.
"He is not yet ready to know." The AI explained, before the corners of her mouth twitched, "This is our chance to strike."
Jaha nodded in understanding and then, with a final glance at Aerrow, he stepped aside.
…
Aerrow held his glare as Jaha moved to the side, while around him the gathered crowd dissipated.
"You'll come around eventually." Jaha told him as he walked off.
Aerrow watched him go over his shoulder. "I doubt it." He spat.
He waited until the former chancellor was out of sight before turning back to the door, where inside he could still hear Raven chanting a familiar poem. As he grasped the handle, he took a deep breath and braced himself for what awaited him on the other side.
…
"'Prophet!' said I, 'thing of evil! – prophet still, if bird or devil! – Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore'-" Raven shouted over the din of the music.
Panting with exertion, she leapt up and grabbed the overhanging bar again, hauling herself up over and over, grunting at the strain. The physical agony was worth it though. Anything to keep her out.
Dropping back down, she picked up her book and kept reading.
"'desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted – on this home by horror haunted – tell me truly, I implore – Is there, is there balm in Gilead? – tell me – tell me, I implore!'-"
"Quoth the Raven… Nevermore…"
Raven looked up in shock at a soft, raspy voice finishing her poem slowly, and her eyes flew open.
Aerrow leant against the wall beside the door, his arms casually folded and a perplexed look of concern in his eyes.
"Edgar Allen Poe, I can see why you like it." The corner of his mouth twitched upwards as he finished.
Raven could only look at him, stunned that he was even still alive after what Octavia had told her Bellamy had done. "Aerrow?" she said in disbelief. She knew she really shouldn't have been that surprised. A bullet to the forehead was just the latest in a long line of things that should have killed him.
"You look like crap." She blurted without thinking.
"Yeah I feel like crap…" Aerrow mumbled as he made his way over to her. He paused underneath her bar, before hesitantly grabbing it with his left hand and attempting to pull himself up with just the one arm. Where once he would have been able to do so easily, now his emaciated, failing muscles just quivered pathetically, before giving up altogether.
Aerrow sighed sadly as he turned his attention back to Raven. She didn't look any better than he did. Her hair was frazzled and the rings around her eyes matched his own. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. "What's going on Raven? Why are you doing this-"
He was cut off as Raven suddenly jerked upright and looked fearfully at something in the corner of the room. "Shut up and listen!" she told him urgently as she slammed a button to turn the music off before quickly pacing over and locking the door, all while keeping a wary eye on the same corner.
Aerrow followed her line of sight, but couldn't see anything. Her actions were eerily similar to Jaha's just moments earlier. "Raven… what's wrong?" he asked uneasily.
"I need your help, to get this thing out of my head!" Raven replied frantically.
Now Aerrow was really confused. "What are you talking about?"
"These chips that Jaha's been giving out!" Raven explained, "You swallow them and it takes you to this place he calls the City Of Light. You meet an AI there-"
"AI? What?" now Aerrow was really confused. Although he understood the vague concept, what Raven was talking about was far beyond anything he could comprehend, especially with his mind as compromised as it was.
"This woman, ALIE, she calls herself." Raven told him, "She says she takes away your pain, and she does, only that's not all she takes."
Aerrow raised his eyebrows.
"She also takes your memories."
Aerrow took a sharp breath in. Memories were something he was very sensitive about at the moment, given how Sienna's were running more and more rampant in his head every day.
He forced himself to focus on the mechanic, only to be stunned by what he saw
Raven, strong, fierce, 'I don't need your help' Raven Reyes was crying. Tears dripped slowly down her cheeks, her face twisted with regret and sorrow.
"I can't remember Finn…" she whispered shakily, "I can't remember what he looked like, what he sounded like. I can't remember what it was like to love him…"
Aerrow staggered back a step at her revelation. What she was saying sounded both impossible and monstrous in equal measure. Briefly, he found himself pondering what that would be like, to forget what it was like to love someone… to forget the pain of losing them…
He snapped back when Raven's shoulders bucked, and she sniffed back her tears.
He crouched down next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Raven… why?" he asked quietly. "Why did you take this thing in the first place?"
Raven looked up at him tearfully. "Because of you." She whispered.
Aerrow said nothing.
"Your trick with the rocks didn't work… after the supply depot exploded, my leg was worse than ever… I couldn't- I'm sorry…"
Aerrow squeezed his eyes shut and dropped his head as a fresh round of guilt took hold, squeezing him from within. Another person's suffering he failed to prevent…
"Raven I'm sorry…" his voice cracked. He tried to find more words, but none came out. There was nothing he could say.
"It's okay." She shook her head forcefully as a spark of fire returned to her eyes. "I'm still here, and busted leg or not I'm getting this thing out. And I think I know how."
Despite his anguish, Aerrow forced himself to stand up and face her. "How can I help?"
Raven gave him a serious look. "That depends on how much you know about electromagnetic pulses."
She sighed at his blank look, before grabbing his hand and dragging him over to a clear plastic board, on which she had scribbled dozens of complicated diagrams that Aerrow couldn't make sense of for the life of him.
"It's simple. The chip acts as a one way radio. It sends, I receive. All we need to do is reverse the channel. We just get a transponder, hook it up to an electromagnet – the Ark has pulse-conductive thrusters and-"
"English, Raven!" Aerrow interrupted, having not understood a word of what she just said. "I was locked up for murder, not stealing a physics textbook."
Raven tore her eyes away from the board to look at him condescendingly, then sighed. "You remember our wristbands?"
Aerrow nodded.
"They were designed to transmit electrical signals from our bodies to the Ark. I just need to get one, reverse the transponder and then we can send an electrical signal into my brain. If I'm right, it'll destroy whatever ALIE put in there, without damaging the tissue."
"If you're right?"
Raven glared at him. "If I was wrong, ALIE wouldn't be looking at me like I just stole her favourite toy."
Aerrow felt his mouth drop open slightly. Again, she was looking over his shoulder and again he followed her but still could see nothing. He turned back to her. "Wait she's here?" he asked, finally starting to understand. "You can see her?"
Raven looked away guiltily. "Yeah…" she admitted, rubbing her temples, "That's why we need to move fast. Everything I hear, she hears, everything I see, she sees. They all see."
Aerrow was speechless at the sheer enormity of what had been happening while he was in Polis. "Do you know where any of the wristbands are now?" he asked eventually.
"No." Raven shook her head. "I just know they're here somewhere. Before I came to Earth I heard Abby say they made more than they needed."
"Well then we need to go now!"
"No!" Raven protested, causing Aerrow to frown at her. "Like I said, wherever I go, she'll know where we are. You have to go alone."
Aerrow closed his eyes and made to protest, only to be silenced by Raven's hands on his cheeks. She gripped him almost desperately and locked her eyes with his. "I don't blame you for not being able to help me before all this." She told him, "All I ask is for your help now, please!"
Aerrow grit his teeth. "Okay, stay here." He told her, "I'll be back as soon as I can."
He whistled to his monitor lizard, who had been chewing on some wires in the corner. She immediately raced up his leg and onto his shoulder as he moved towards the door.
He yanked it open and looked cautiously around outside to make sure none of… ALIE's… followers were waiting for him. Seeing none, he turned back to Raven.
"You'll be okay…" he told her, before pausing and drawing a heavy breath, "…I promise."
Raven nodded, before he shut the door and slammed the lock down.
…
Aerrow moved through the station at a brisk walk, partly to try and avoid suspicion, but mostly because he physically couldn't move any faster. He could feel his energy fading by the second.
He forced himself to keep going though, Raven couldn't afford any wasted time. He was still trying to process everything she had told him. A memory snatching AI? It sounded like something out of a science fiction novel. On the Ark he could have almost believed it, but he had been locking blades with grounders for too long, and now it just seemed impossible.
Still, as he moved, he couldn't help noticing signs that he was right. Occasionally, he was forced to duck behind corners and wait for small groups of people to rush past. More than once he heard his name whispered alongside the wristbands.
Jesus… an army of people reading each others thoughts… operating perfectly in sync… Three months ago he probably would have been able to simply fight his way out. Now though, in the state that he was, he didn't stand a chance.
He decided to head for the old control room first. Even he knew that was where the pulse conductor and batteries were kept. No one knew where the wristbands were, and he could use that to his advantage.
He rounded another corner only to be met with a familiar – if undesirable face.
"Jasper!" he exclaimed in shock as he ground to a halt.
Jasper Jordan's face hardened as he recognised who was in front of him. Aerrow eyed his fellow delinquent warily. He hadn't forgotten the beatdown Jasper had lain on him for playing the piano, but that wasn't his biggest concern. He had no idea who was chipped and who wasn't. Just because Jasper was alone didn't mean he was working with the others.
"What the hell are you doing back here?" Jasper growled at him, ice in his voice.
Aerrow gulped as he remembered what Raven had said to him – about not remembering Finn.
"Who was Maya?" he asked quickly. He knew he had no right to, given the part he had played in the girl's death at Mount Weather, but he had no choice. He needed to know.
Already angry, Jasper positively glowered in rage at the mention of the woman he had loved. "Don't say her name…" he whispered hatefully, before charging forward and driving Aerrow up against the wall, pressing his forearm hard into his neck.
Cleo leapt to his defence immediately. Hissing loudly, she whipped her tail across Jasper's face, causing him to cry out and fall away as he let go.
Aerrow winced. At least he knew Jasper wasn't chipped, now he just had to deal with the consequences. "I'm sorry-"
"No!" Jasper yelled in his face. He made to come back at him, but one look at Cleo coiled protectively around Aerrow's neck made him stop just of range of the lizard. "No you don't get to say that!"
"Jasper I know you miss her but-"
"How would you know what I feel!" Jasper exploded. Aerrow tried to move his head away, the stench of the alcohol on Jasper's breath was nauseating, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the emotions he was evoking.
"You wouldn't even care about her." Jasper lowered his voice, the words whispered with more malice than ever. "She's probably just another statistic for you… another kill in Switchblade's ledger."
Aerrow closed his eyes at the mention of his old nickname. Where once he took pride in it, in the fear it generated, wielding it just as he would any other weapon. Now it was just another painful reminder of the plague he was.
"I don't get it." Jasper shook his head contemptuously, "How can one person be responsible for so many deaths? I know Clarke was going to pull the lever but you… you poison everything. You kill everyone unfortunate enough to cross paths with you, and you couldn't care less. You just continue on your warpath, leaving us to pick up the pieces of what we've lost."
Jasper laughed bitterly at him, before jabbing his finger in his face, "You know what… I bet you enjoy this. I bet you love ruining people's lives. Maya's dead because of you… You killed your girlfriend on the Ark. Hell, I bet you even loved it when Sienna was skewered-"
Jasper was abruptly silenced by an ear-piercing howl of agonised fury, and in the blink of an eye he found himself shoved back against the opposite wall, with Aerrow's hands fisted in his jacket and blazing blue eyes glaring furiously into his own.
Aerrow was shaking wildly from the unhinged rage surging through him. Raven's plight was completely forgotten as he held a trembling finger up to Jasper's face.
"Don't…" he whispered through teeth clenched in acrimony, glaring absolute daggers at Jasper, whose own eyes were wide in fear.
"I have lost more than you could ever claim to know." His voice cracked as he hissed darkly, "If you knew what it's like to be me, to live with what I have to, the sacrifices I've made, the people I've lost who deserved to live far, far more than I, you wouldn't be here. You would have slit your own throat long ago, so your cancer couldn't spread any further."
He paused as he felt water building in his eyes. "A girl you love has died, yes, but that wasn't my fault! I had my genes spliced with those of the girl I loved, had my memory stolen from me, was a prisoner in my own body while I tortured you and the others. Count yourself lucky that you only lost her. At least she wasn't tortured right in front of you. At least you weren't holding her in your arms while she was poisoned from the inside out. You didn't watch, helpless as her head was cut from her shoulders and you sure as hell weren't forced to jam a fucking sword through her heart to save the rest of your people!"
He sniffed harshly, before slamming Jasper back into the wall. "SO DON'T TELL ME WHAT OR HOW I SHOULD FEEL JASPER!" he screamed, deranged.
Panting, and with familiar tears dripping, he released him and staggered back until he fell against the opposite wall, where all he could do was sink to the floor and run his hands through his hair.
For a long time, Jasper could only stare at his desolate form, Aerrow's words still ringing in his ears. Even through his own despair, he couldn't help but feel guilty for what he had said. The effect it had on his fellow delinquent hit him like a ton of bricks, and he realised then that he wasn't alone in his suffering.
"Aerrow I-"
"Save it!" Aerrow snapped, looking up at him with bloodshot, red-rimmed eyes, "There is nothing you can say to me that I don't say to myself every second of every day. You can hate me all you want, it doesn't come close to how much I hate myself."
"I'm sorry."
Aerrow froze at the comment, trying to comprehend how the man could flip from such vitriol to empathy in an instant. The tears in Jasper's eyes matched those of his own, and he realised that, although they couldn't be more different, they still shared a tragic, human connection. A connection forged through grief.
That thought reminded him of Raven, and in turn of what he was supposed to be doing. He licked his lips. "It doesn't matter." He said quietly as he got to his feet to stand eye to eye with Jasper. "I need to do something for Raven, and I'm going to need your help to do it."
Not waiting for him to answer, he grabbed Jasper's arm and pulled him along after him, their stand off only moments earlier forgotten for the time being. As he led the way, he explained what had been going on – much to Jasper's horror – and what they needed to find to help Raven.
"So what's the plan?" Jasper asked once he'd found his voice again, "We find the wristband, get the battery and get back?"
"No." Aerrow shook his head, eyes narrowed in thought, before suddenly they widened and he yanked Jasper behind a support pillar. They held their breath as another group of Jaha's people ran past. Once their footsteps stopped echoing, Aerrow turned to look at Jasper.
"We need to split up." He told him in a hushed whisper. "The way I see it, there are two objectives: the wristbands, and the hardware from the control room. We're too obvious like this, and if one of us goes for each item we're more likely to find them before Jaha, and there's a chance we get back in time to save Raven too."
Jasper nodded his agreement before swallowing thickly. "Okay, so who goes for what?"
Aerrow pursed his lips. "You go for the wristbands." He said suddenly. "Jaha will know the only place we can get a thrust controller is the control room, he'll probably have people there already. The wristbands could be anywhere. From what I hear, you and Monty were pretty good at finding hiding places. Out and out fighting though, that's my speciality."
"If you say so…" Jasper said nervously. He made to head off, only to suddenly turn back. "Aerrow… what if we can't get back to her?"
Aerrow shook his head. "Not an option." He said grimly. "If either of us fails, we both lose another friend. I'm not going to let that happen, are you?"
He watched closely as Jasper paled at the prospect, before his eyes hardened. "No."
"Good." Aerrow nodded. "Best of luck, I'll see you back at Raven's room."
"Got it!" Jasper said, "Oh, and Aerrow…"
Aerrow turned mid-stride to find Jasper looking directly at him. "I'm sorry, really." He said genuinely.
Momentarily stunned, and a little touched by his sincerity, Aerrow could only nod his appreciation. "Me too." He said sadly, before turning around one last time and heading for the control room.
This chapter was originally a lot longer but I cut it in half to focus more Aerrow's mental state in the aftermath of the duel, and on Raven in the next chapter.
Please let me know what you think, next one will be up in a few days. Things are really moving along now
