It was finally the weekend. I stayed in bed longer than I usually do because I didn't want to face the real world right now. I hated my life. I made a mistake and I didn't know how the hell to fix it. This was my first problem.

Grace Winston.

I had taken a vow, after my mother left us, that I would never date a member, prospect or prospective member of my fathers club. I had seen what it did to my mother. I was pissed that she left her family yes but she had some good points to. The club held women back. Made them serve the members and keep them happy. Although, my father and brother would never allow that to happen to me, I was still scared to get caught up. My family would always come second to me. I was always first. So when my mom left i made that vow. Never did I think it would be this hard to keep. Which brought me to problem number 2.

Jackson Teller.

The day after he told me he would make me beg him for a kiss. I avoided him like the plague. Didn't talk to him, didn't sit with him at lunch (Which conveniently we had together) we didn't even leave school together, the way we came in because I was scared and I was scared because I believed him and I believed him because I WANTED him to kiss me and I knew! I would beg for it if he gave me the chance. So when that bell rang signaling 2nd period to be over I showed him where he could find his other classes and hauled ass as far away from him as I could.

This connection we had between us was sizzling hot and I needed to find he ice to extinguish it. Which takes me to my problem 3.

Mike Stahl

The day before I didn't eat lunch with my friends because I was apologizing to Mike about our break up. I thought it was a good idea to use him as a repellant to keep Jax away. Boy did it work, A little to well. When I showed up to school the next day with Mikes arm wrapped around me, Jax's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. I felt horrible. He cornered me in front of our 2nd period.

"Back with Mike I see" he accused. I nodded and so did he. "I see what your doing Tara. If you didn't want it all you had to do was say so"

He turned to walk away and that when I found my voice.

"Jax...Wait...I'm"

"Nothing to be sorry about Tara. We're barley friends right?" That hurt more than anything for some reason. I fell deeper into the self hate zone when he wouldn't speak to me. He spoke to everyone else but acting as if I didn't exists. Mike was more than happy about it. He was even pushing up on me more especially in front of Jax.

He was the reason I was hiding out in my room. He asked if he could pick me up and take me to lunch. I had regretfully agreed. There was also a party at the clubhouse tonight, that I didn't want to attend but again Mike wanted a chance to flaunt our relationship.

How the hell did I get here? I was way more in control of my life than this and now it all came crashing down. I guess it was just a matter of time. I should have known everything was going to catch up to me.

A knock on my door had me lifting my head and watching as my brother came in. "Mikes here" he announced and I nodded laying my head back down with a sigh.

"I'll be right down"

"What's going on with you? You've been moody all damn week" He leaned against the door and crossed his arms.

"A lot of things on my mind" I shrugged and got out of bed. I took my time getting showered and dressed this morning hoping that if I let Mike wait long enough he would just leave. To bad he waited till I was fully dressed and ready to head out to make his appearance.

"Jax one of those things?" He questions with a raised eyebrow. I stoped in my tracks and looked at him dumbfounded.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh nothing" he shrugged "But the fact that you look like you got your hand caught in the cookie jar says a whole lot" he chuckled "Look Jax seems like a good guy and I've seen the way you guys look at each other. It's the same way me and Donna look at each other. Don't be dumb like we are figure your shit out"

"Oh the way you and Donna are?" It was my turn to question him.

"Me and Donna have been on this merry go round for years. You really wanna join us?"

I sighed defeated "I'll figure it out."

He shrugged again "I'll tell the idiot your coming down" he walked out of my room and I sat at the end of my bed to put my boots on.

What the hell did I get myself into?

...Sealed...With...A...Kiss...

lunch passed by in a blur. Mike did most of the talking and I did the standard "Mmh hmms" or "oh yeah?" Just to keep him talking. I was in my own world. Thinking about what Opie said. I hated that he was right and I told myself that when I saw him tonight I would talk to him. See if I can talk him into understanding my fears.

After lunch Mike drove me to the clubhouse. Gemma was having a big dinner and wanted everyone to be there before hand so we can sit and eat like a family. No one understood it but no one objected either. I thought it would be pretty cool to have everyone sitting around a table together. What I didn't expect was coming on to the lot and seeing a mini carnival.

"What the hell is all this?" Mike I asked and I shrugged and got out the car looking for my dad. I spotted him by the office and told Mike I'd be right back.

"Pop? What the hell is going on?"

He looked at me and laughed looking at all the booths posted around the lot. "Gemma thought it might be fun if we had a family fun day. She rented out all these booths full of games and shit. the people working them should be here in an hour. She's in there putting all the crow eaters to work helping her with dinner"

"Well shes assertive isn't she" I didn't know how I felt about it yet. So far she seemed pretty cool and this little carnival looked liked it would be fun.

"Apparently she likes the idea of all of us being a family and I guess she's trying to find her place in it" he shrugged and then bent down to kiss my head "I gotta a quick church in before this shindig happens. Do me a favor though close those gates. SOA is only allowed in today. No outsiders"

"Mikes here" I smirked and he laughed shaking his head.

"I guess the little ass kisser can stay. As long as he keeps his hands to himself when in around we shouldn't have a problem." He walked away smiling and I giggled on the way back to Mike.

"There's a mini SOA carnival going on. Clays old lady Gemma put it together for us" I told Mike. "I have to close the gates. No one but family and SOA members are allowed to be here"

"Should I leave?" He asked me as we walked over to the gates.

"Nah dad said you could stay" I should have said yes. I didn't feel like being around him to much especially when I knew Jax would be here. Why I cared if Jax was here or not was beyond me.

Deep down, Deep deep down I knew I was just denial. I knew why I cared. I just wasn't admitting it.

When we reached the gate I unhooked it and began to slid closed but heard Harley's approaching and pushed it open a bit.

"Oh great. Here he comes the new kids" Mile rolled his eyes.

"Cut it out Mike"

"Me? Were you telling that to Jax when he promised he would make me a distance memory to you?" He asked angrily.

I wish he kept his word on that but again that was my fault. I was 100% sure that's Jax would have kept my mind occupied with him and only him.

"Hey sis what's going on?" Opie pulled in but stopped a little after the gate. Thomas and Jax beside him. They were each accompanied by a female. Wendy and Sammy were with Opie and Thomas but I didn't recognize the girl Jax had with him. What I did recognize was the jealous (I didn't often have) course threw me.

I closed the gate and walked over to them. "Gemma has a family event going on. This mini carnival and then family dinner" I told them and looked at Jax. He looked impassive.

"Sounds like something mom would do" Thomas nodded thoughtfully and drove away to park his bike.

"I carnivals" the girl on his bike smiled at me and I forced one back.

"When then you've come to the right place haven't ya?" I may have come off a little sarcastic which is probably why she frowned.

"Ooookay anyway. Let's go join the party" Opie announced and took off. Jax looked at me and shook his head as he drove off as well. I sighed and took Mikes hand walking off to join the festivities.

The carnival would have been a blast, if I would've paid attention. Mike won me a teddy bear and as he was playing the game I was watching as Jax won that girl a teddy bear. While Mike was trying to dunk the clown I was watching Jax shoot hoops. It was pissing me off that I couldn't Lee my mind or my eyes off him.

It also seemed the girl (Whose named I had yet to learn) caught on to my looking because now every time he would win something or make a perfect basket she would cheer and reward him with a kiss and it made my blood boil.

I was glad when Gemma finally called for dinner but when I found out I would be sitting in front of Jax and his new toy I couldn't help but groan.

"You ok?" Mike asked and I nodded. I guess he knew something was either to blind to call me out on it or to eager to win to mention anything. What ever competition he had with Jax, the one Jax didn't seem to give 2 shits about winning, was keeping Mike from saying anything about how distracted I was with the new couple in front of me.

After the second make out session I had enough and stood up to grab a drink. I made my way to the bar and grabbed a bottle of jack taking a drink first from the bottle and then pouring it into a cup.

"You ok?" Opie asked as he sat next to me.

I scoffed and nodded "Just dandy" I lifted my cup and downed the shot I poured.

"That merry go round is turning into a Ferris wheel" he whispered and stalked off. I groaned and grabbed the bottle and a cup then walked down the hall way. "Tara! Hold on" I spun around and saw a smiling Mike com over. "How about I join you?"

I forced a smile and nodded "Sure. Grab a cup and meet me outside" I handed him the bottle and cup "I'm just going to the bathroom"

His smile grew as he took the stuff and left. I walked to the bathroom and opened the door only to be surprised to see Jax and his toy half dressed and in a heated kiss. My jaw dropped and I stumbled back a little. The girl spotted me first and smirked. Something in me snapped and I lunged. My arm snapped back and connected with her face so hard she fell onto the toilet seat.

"Tara what the fuck?!" Jax yelled and looked at me.

I covered my mouth with my hand and shook my head "I'm sorry...I don't know why..." I couldn't say I didn't know why because I knew why. I was jealous and mad as hell.

Jax eyes never left my face and as I stood shocked his face softened, he sighed and then ran a hand down his face. He turned back to the girl who was trying to get her nose to stop bleeding he grabbed some toilet paper and put her head back "Ill be right back" he grabbed my arm and tugged me down the hall opening one of the dorm rooms that he practically threw me inside of.

"What the fuck was that?" He asked.

I sighed and shook my head "I don't know. She was messing with my head all day and I just snapped"

"How the hell was she messing with your head? She's been with me for the whole night"

Exactly, I couldn't say that out loud. There was no way in hell. "I'm sorry. Ok my bad" I turned my back to him and nervously ran my hand threw my hair.

"I don't understand you, Tara. A couple of days ago you acted like you liked me. Broke up with your boyfriend in front of me and then when I take things just a bit further your back with him the next day. And by a bit further I mean flirting, cause seriously we haven't even done anything to for you to be jealous of" I turned to him and opened my mouth to correct him but he shook his head and held up his hand "Don't deny it. I don't want hear it. I'm not used to playing games Tara and I don't want to play one with you" he steps closer to me, close enough to hold my head as his thumbs caress my cheeks "What do you want from me?"

My heart screams You! I want you! While my head screams otherwise but I can't ignore the fact that my body is reacting to the close proximity. My heart is beating out of my chest and my body moved closer to him. "Nothing" I breath.

"Your body is telling me otherwise" he smirks and I try to move away but he holds me in place and smashes his lips to mine. The way his lips move against mine, rough and needy, leaves me stunned for a minute before I respond with just as much vigor. His arms fall from my face and wrap around my waist bringing me flush against him. My arms wrap around his neck pulling him just a bit closer. His tongue swiped across my lips asking for entrance that I immediately granted him. A moan escaped me as I got a taste of him for the first time.

I didn't want to pull away. Hell, I think I would be happy just staying like this forever but he ha other ideas. He pulled away and rested his forehead against mine as we caught our breath.

"What do you want, Tara?" He asked harshly and nipped at my lips.

"I don't know" I whispered. His head head snapped back and he looked at me like I lost my damn mind. He untangled himself from me and nodded his head.

"You unbelievable" and then he left. He left me standing there and left me feeling a little hollow. It wasn't something I was used to. Which left me even more conflicted.

And it was idiotically ironic that the only thing I could see when I closed my eyes was a fucking merry go round.

A/N: Soooo what did you think? I know some of you are getting annoyed with Tara but try and step into her shoes lol

Either way leave me a REVIEW please so I can see what you guys think. I told you it was going to be a slow burn but I promise the candle is almost lit.

Please REVIEW!