April 17th, 2023
Esme's POV
We were back in our time, standing in the empty upstairs of the house. I glanced around, the scene had been replaced with the bare office room and the dustiness. I unwrapped our hands, and as soon as I tucked the necklace back into my pocket, Carlisle wrapped his arms around me. I jumped slightly, not expecting such a firm hug. He didn't say anything, but he held me tight, his arms wrapping fully around me, and his nose buried in the crook of my neck, inhaling my scent. I let out a heavy exhale, and wrapped my arms around his neck, doing the same. I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of him, holding him tight.
"I'm so glad I have you," I heard him mumble into my neck. I smiled softly, running one of my hands through his hair. I knew it was his way of saying, that despite the guilt he felt for changing me, he was glad he did it.
"I love you too," I sighed softly, and kissed his neck. I heard and felt a low rumble in his throat. I smiled against his skin before pulling my face away, making him look up at me. "Come, we still have one more stop on the way home," I said, ruffling his hair lightly and combing with back into place with my fingers. We linked hands and left the house for the second time that day.
OoO
I sat nervously in the passenger seat trying to keep myself calm as we drove west of Ashland. About 500 meters past the road to turn toward the cemetery, Carlisle pulled the car over onto the shoulder of the road and turned into a little area that was a designated look out point over the rocks. Thankfully it was a Monday, and everyone was at work, leaving the look out completely empty.
I climbed out of the car and the April breeze was tousling my hair; being out in the open and at the waters edge. I pulled my jacket closed a bit more, a human and unnecessary notion. The cliffs edge was only a few meters from the parking area, and was protected by a huge fence, and several signs.
Danger! Cliff Edge!
Do Not Cross Barrier
Unstable Rocks
Rocks at Bottom. No Recreational Cliff Diving.
The signs decorated the fence all along. I noticed other signs that gave me a pain in my chest.
There's always HOPE. Please consider calling the National Suicide Hotline. 1-800-273-TALK. Help is a phone call away.
I bit my lip, and felt hands rest on my shoulders. I glanced back slightly, and Carlisle's lips press tenderly against my temple. I let out a heavy sigh and walked slowly towards the fence, and leaned on it, looking out over the water. The cold April water from the Chequamegon Bay, a piece of Lake Superior, was crashing against the rocks below.
Carlisle came and stood beside me, resting a hand on the top rung of the fence, looking out at the scene.
He had been here with me once before, the same time we came to visit my son's grave. This fence hadn't been here in the 30's. I guessed it was put up sometime in the 60's or 70's.
I stared out at the water, feeling my mind wander. To think I had been in such a low place in my life that it hadn't been worth going on.
I felt Carlisle rest a hand on top of mine and I broke my gaze from the waves. My eyes fell to his hand on mine as he curled his fingers around my own, and I trailed my eyes up his arm to meet his own.
"What are you thinking?" he asked, and I looked down, tucking my hair behind my ear with one hand.
"Why I did it…" I said with a sigh as I looked back out across the water. Carlisle ran his free hand through his wind-blown hair.
"We don't have to be here," he said gently. I closed my eyes and leaned on the fence again inhaling the fresh breeze.
"I'm ok," I told him, feeling his hand squeeze mine.
"You're doing much better than last time…" he said, coming and standing behind me, slipping his arms around my waist, holding me close. The last time we had come here it ended in a panic attack, and I had shut down emotionally for about a month. I took a deep breath,
"Like anything, it gets easier every time you do it," I told him, "It's easier to think about the past than it is to witness it. Your memory leaves things out. It's almost merciful in a way," I added, leaning back against his chest, "I forgot…how tiny my son really was…"
Carlisle leaned his head down and rested his chin in the crook of my neck.
"That's why I don't want to go back in time here. It's easier to just think about what I did than it would be to see it from my own view now," I explained, as his fingers twirled my tangled hair.
"Why did you want to come here?" he asked softly, his lips grazing my skin.
"Reflection," I said, turning in his arms, and leaning my back against the fence.
"Tell me," he said softly, leaning close to brush our noses together, and closing our eyes. I took a deep breath.
"I know we've talked about it before, but…I can't help wondering, especially being here again, about what my life would have been like had I not jumped," I told him. I had mentioned the thoughts before, several times. Shortly after I got to know him and Edward as my new friends, around the same time we had gotten married, and back when we first returned to Ashland. It wasn't a taboo topic between us, but one I knew my husband didn't care to discuss. But this time he surprised me.
"I think…" he began but paused, and I opened my eyes, leaning back to look in his, "I hope… you would have grieved properly, and then gone back to your job… or have moved, and found someone. Started over with someone who loved you with everything they had. Had lots of beautiful babies, and been happy." he said with a heavy sigh. I couldn't help but feel my heartstrings being pulled at and I offered him a sad smile, and hugged him tight, burying my face against his chest.
"I did start over with someone who loves me with everything they have," I said softly, and his hands wrapped around me tighter, one hand caressing my hair.
He softly pressed his lips to the top of my head. When he moved them and I lifted my eyes to meet his again, he pulled my lips to his, and kissed my passionately. I moaned, barely audible, as his hands slid down around my waist, hovering there for a moment before coming up and cupping my jaw softly. When his lips left mine, he looked troubled.
"What's wrong?" I asked reached up to touch his cheek like he was to me. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and sighed heavily.
"I wish I could give you lots of beautiful babies like a human husband could have," he said lowly. I shook my head softly, and pressed a finger to his lips, hushing him.
"Not this again, Carlisle," I whispered, "We've been over this. I'm fine sacrificing my fertility for eternity with you," I told him, "I wanted you before I ever thought about children," I continued, ensuring he heard the emphasis on you, "And I have a bigger family, and more children now than I ever imagined I'd have,"
I kissed him again, more consolingly than for passion. My fingers touched his hair and toyed with it lightly until I broke our kiss.
"I love you," I told him with a smile, "And thank you, for doing this with me,"
He stroked his thumb over my cheek before kissing it softly.
"I love you too," he told me, and then his attention was pulled away from me and back out to the water.
"What is it?" I asked, turning and trying to see what he was seeing.
"That water…looks…cold," he said, and I swallowed nervously as he continued, "But despite the severity of your injuries… I think the hypothermia that set in almost immediately it what saved you long enough for me to find you," he told me. I tilted my head in curiosity and he played with a little strand of my hair near my neck, "It was early June, love… The water was still near freezing…" he told me, and I nodded softly in understanding.
"So… you think I was alive as long as I was… because of hypothermia," I asked and he nodded slowly, and then let out a heavy sigh, changing the subject.
"We should go home," he said as I turned my focus back on him, "I love our children, but how long can they be left alone?" he asked, jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. I smiled fondly and nodded.
"I do miss them," I said in agreement, and slipped both my hands into his.
"Let's head home then," he smiled, pressing a kiss to my forehead once more before we made our way back to the car.
OoO
We rode in comfortable silence for maybe twenty minutes or so. When I pulled the chain from my pocket and began fiddling it, Carlisle broke the silence.
"What's on your mind, love?" he asked, he eyes still on the road, but I knew he had glanced over at me.
"I was just thinking about what you said earlier… about exhuming the grave," I said, somberly. Carlisle peeled his eyes off the road long enough to give me a sad look.
"It was just a suggestion, love. We don't have to do anything. It's up to you," he told me, and one hand reached over the center console to hold mine. I set the necklace down in my lap and fiddled with his fingers instead, thinking.
"I want to," I told him, "But…" I trailed off, hesitating.
"But what?" he asked, squeezing my hand. He was looking back and forth between me and the road every few seconds. I took a slow breath.
"Is it wrong?" I asked. Surely if I needed answers, my 'set in his ways of faith' and morally upright husband would have them, "Is it wrong to take my son from his final resting place? All to avoid the grief it causes me from going there?"
Carlisle bit his top lip slightly, unsure.
"Are you worried about… something happening?" he asked, and I looked out my window at the passing flora for a moment, processing his question.
"Like would moving him cause unrest to his soul?... I suppose…" I told him and I felt a little squeeze on my hand again.
"I believe he'll be at rest forever, no matter where he is. And if having him with you brings any sort of ease to the grief you will forever endure, I'm glad," he told me. I smiled sadly and brought the back of his hand up to my lips, pressing a soft kiss there.
"Can we do it?" I asked. I knew little of the process and had so many questions.
"If it's what you desire, I'll try my hardest to make it happen…" he smiled kindly at me before copying my action and kissing the back of my hand, "But that is a conversation for later, I promise," he added. I nodded, my mind floating back to my children at home.
"What are we going to say when we get back?" I asked, changing the subject. Carlisle sighed.
"I don't want to lie to them, but I fear they won't react as you did to learning of these… powers," he said slowly. I nodded, using my free hand to pick the time turner out of my lap, and I held the pendant piece between my forefinger and thumb.
"We could avoid the topic for a while?" I said and he shook his head.
"Edward will catch on, and Alice was already worried when she called you," He replied, "We'll have to tell them sooner than later,"
I sighed, tucking the pendant back into my pocket and pulling out my phone.
"I'll text the kids and let them know that we'll be home soon," I said, sending a quick text to the family group we had.
Renesmee answered back almost immediately.
Are you passing through town? Can you pick up some groceries?
She sent an attached picture of a list. Carlisle saw his own phone in the cupholder light up and he chuckled.
"Of course," he smiled. I laughed lightly and replied to my granddaughter, telling her we would.
OoO
We stopped in Duluth and picked up the items Renesmee had asked us to get before heading down the road that led to our home. As we got closer to the house, we could hear the laughter and voices of our children. I furrowed my brow, confused. It was clouded over and only two in the afternoon. Why were they not in school?
As we pulled up the driveway, Carlisle parked the car outside the garage. I grabbed the two grocery bags and Carlisle grabbed our luggage, before we headed into the house, where I set the bags on the kitchen counter and quickly put everything in the fridge. Carlisle quickly took our bags upstairs and was back by my side in seconds.
"What are those kids up to?" I asked him. He chuckled, slipping his arms around my waist from behind, and kissing my shoulder.
"I don't know, but shall we go find out?" he said as he slipped a hand into mine and we walked out to the back yard.
The kids were hanging out in the backyard. They had the fire pit going, where Ness and Jake were snuggled up on the wicker patio furniture. Alice and Rose were on another chair, and Bella and Edward were on the patio couch. Jasper and Emmett were wrestling over in the grass.
"What, no welcome back hugs?" I asked, and my kids all looked at us, chuckling. Ness was the first to jump up and give me a hug.
"Why aren't you guys in school?" Carlisle asked, looing around as well.
"It was sunny this morning, so we stayed home," Alice said. Emmett and Jasper had stopped messing around and come up to the deck.
"How was your visit with the Denali's?" My husband prodded. The kids all murmured a "good" or "fine" and told part of their hunting regales in Canada.
"So… Where did you guys go?" Emmett asked, sitting on the arm of the wicker couch Rosalie was on.
I took a nervous breath as Edward eyed my suspiciously. I tried not to think of anything we had experienced.
"Ashland," I said with a shakily exhale. Every set of eyes were on me immediately, knowing I didn't like going there unnecessarily.
"Why? Is everything ok?" Rose asked, sitting up straight.
"We'll talk about it later," Carlisle interrupted, resting a hand on my back.
"Ness honey, the things you asked for are in the fridge," I told her.
"We'll unpack and come join you," my husband interrupted again. I smiled at the kids and then followed my husband back inside and up too our room. I slipped my jacket off, setting it on the bed and unzipped my bag, tossing my dirty clothing in our hamper. Carlisle did the same, hanging up the clean ones in our closet. I slipped my hand into the pocket of my jacket, grabbing the necklace, and I could feel Carlisle's eyes burning into me as I pulled it out, piling the chain in my hand. I turned around and our eyes met. I tried to keep my mind off of it though as I tossed it on the bed too.
I changed into a pair of lounge pants and an old Harvard sweatshirt. Carlisle threw on loungers and a t-shirt as well, and I slipped the necklace into the front pocket.
"This will be…interesting," I sighed as my husband and I headed back downstairs to join our children around the fire…
