I don't know if he felt it but my entire body was shaking and it wasn't because of the motorcycle I was currently riding. No. It was because of the blonde hair blue eyed boy that made me question everything the moment I laid eyes on him.
Yes. The way he made me get on his bike turned me the hell on. Yes. The way he looked at Mike like he was going to kill him, also turned me on but my decision to get in his bike was solely because I couldn't ignore the pull that was happening between us...anymore.
I didn't know where he was taking me and honestly I didn't care. I was just glad he kept on going just so I can sort out my own thoughts. Honestly I was a little terrified at where this was going. What would happen once we got off the bike? What conversation would we have? Where the hell was this going?
The questions fired off in my head like gun shots. Round after round. My own little personal war. A war that I couldn't wave a white flag on. There was just no way. The promise I made to myself still weighed heavily on my mind but I couldn't ignore Jax anymore. He was making that next to impossible.
We were a little past charming when Jax slowed down as if looking for a place to pull over. When he found a dirt road he turned into it and followed it for a while before he finally pulled over. We were in the middle of the woods but it wasn't dark or scary. These woods seemed lively and inviting like they should be explored.
Getting off his bike I took the helmet off and placed it on his handle bars before running my fingers threw my hair. I looked around trying to figure out what this place was or if it was just a place people came to jog or something.
He came and stood next to me, taking in his surroundings as well and I couldn't help but smile up at him. It seemed this was so new for the both of us that it became exciting. I wasn't nervous anymore. I mean, yeah, apart of me still was but it was a small part. When he looked down and saw me smiling he grinned at me and held his hand out. I took it, this time without hesitation.
He pulled me close and we began to walk deeper into the woods. We stayed silent. Both enjoying our surrounding and each others company. After a few minutes we came to a beautiful dead end.
A small lake stood before us with a little bridge that lead to a gazebo. We found needle in a haystack and it was amazing! My smile grew and I tugged on Jax's hand pulling him with me to the mini bridge. When we made it inside the gazebo I let go of his hands and sighed, content.
"Your beautiful you know that" I heard him say. When I turned to him he was leaning against the gazebo railing.
The blush that creeped up my face, surprised me. I never really blushed. Guys never got that kind of reaction out of me but of course Jax would change that. "Thank you" I smiled. He really was a sweet guy.
Sitting at a bench I look over at him and patted the seat beside me. He takes the hint and sits down. Leaning over leans his elbows on his thighs and looks over at me. As if I'm the one that wanted to talk.
He sighed and reached into his pocket pulling out a joint. He rolled it between his fingers then bring it to his lips and lights it. He takes a deep pull and then hands it to me. I mimic his actions closing my eyes to let it work it's magic.
The silence between us isn't as awkward as I thought it would be it's actually peaceful and I'm enjoying it so much more. We pass the joint between us a few more times before he turns it off and stands again.
"My mom left us" I finally break the silence but I don't look at him I just stare off into the distance "a few years back. No word. No note. No reason. One day she was here and the next poof" I stood up and took off my jacket, laying it on the seat I was just sitting on. "She called a few days later to apologize but at that point I didn't even care what she had to say. What excuse she would give her family for abandoning them but I listened to her anyway" I shrugged. "She told me to leave. Can you believe that?" I laughed and shook my head "After leaving with out a word she calls me and tells me I should follow her. Leave my family like she left them and follow her. She told me that this town killed her and it would kill me to if I didn't leave. That the club would turn me into something I didn't want to be. I hated her. My own mother tried to turn me against everything I knew, my own family" reliving my last conversation with my mother was nothing new but it still pissed me off and hurt me all the same. I couldn't get over it. "I hung up on her and then went to the club house to be with the family that didn't abounded me. I sat in the corner that entire night and when I left my hated for my mother grew. Not because of what she told me but because I saw what she meant. I sat in that corner for 5 hours and watch the way my uncles and my father treated the women and I hated that she took away my blinders. That she made me look at them with disgust, that she made me see something I never saw before. She was right" I finally looked at him he was watching me intently, carefully listening to ever word I was saying. "The way my family treats women. Is horrible. Makes them change. Be something they never thought they'd be. The women want to have sex with every member because that's how they trained them. They want to know that their fed and take care of them because my family made them believe that's what they wanted, what they needed to do just to fit in, to make them feel wanted. It makes me sick that their ok with the fact that Ima wants to be a crow eater or the fact that Wendy wants to be an Old lady so she doesn't care who she sleeps with to get there. I know that my brother and father would never allow me to be treated that way but it still pisses me off. I want more for myself than a man with a kutte and a Harley and I refuse to give up my values and my views or my goals and aspirations to become someone I'm just not. I made that vow to myself" I finish.
He stares at me and I can feel his eyes brushing every single one of my features but his eyes also tell me that he's trying to figure out what that has to do with him or why we're out here. He stays quiet. I guess he's processing everything I said. Cause boy did I say a lot and I looked like I was going to have to say more.
"Jax, I vowed that I wouldn't be with anyone. In samcro. Not a member or prospect or affiliated with it. Ever."
I swear I could see it all clicking in his head. His understanding of what I was saying and what it had to do with him. He got it. All of it and it was because of that, that I had to look away from him.
"That's why you pull away every time. That's why you got back with Mike. It's because of your promise to yourself, because you think giving into me would some how break that promise?" He grabbed my upper arms and turned me around "It wouldn't though. I'm not affiliated with the club I'm not a member or a prospect. I have no intentions of joining either"
"That's just it, Jax. You have no intentions but you will. Clay will want you to. It's expected of you"
"I don't really give a damn what's expected of me, Tara. If I don't want to do something I won't do it"
I smiled sadly at him, Him not knowing about the club was refreshing but once he knew, it would become seductive. He'd want to before he even realized he did "But you will. You'll want it, Jax. Everyone does. The family aspect of it all is amazing. The freedom. The money. It draws you in and there's no going back." I look away from him again but I can hear him stepping closer to me. He lifts my chin, forcing him to look at him.
"I'm not them, Tara. Even if I do join I won't be like them. You don't know me babe. I would never demean you in anyway."
I didn't mean change the course of our conversation. It was more like word vomit and just came spilling out. "Kinda like you demeaned that girl in the bathroom?" I questioned and he lets me go, taking a step back and smirking.
"She really got to you huh?"
I smirk back and cross my arms over my chest. "Kinda like how mike gets to you"
He wiggles a finger at me and laughs "Touché"
"Look, Jax I'm scared ok but I can't deny the feelings I get when I'm with you, I just can't get caught up."
"Define caught up? You act like I'm gonna join samcrow ask you to marry me and then have you bare foot pregnant and in the kitchen." He runs a hand down his face "All I want to do is see where this goes. I don't want to play a back and forth game and I don't want to have to fight every guy you date or you punch every girl I'm with." He sat back down and looked around before settling his eyes back on me. "I really hate relationship talks"
"Were not in a relationship so you should be fine" you can hear the sarcasm in my voice.
He laughed "smartass" he stood up again and walked over to me. "Ok how about we take things slow?"
"How do we do that?"
"We don't put a label on what ever this is and I take you out on a date" his smile was blinding and I couldn't help but smile back. "We get to know each other and see where it goes. No pressure, just dating"
I narrowed my eyes "No title. Just dating? So that means you can still date someone else and I can do the same?"
He frowned "yes. But I'd prefer if you didn't" he tugged me in his arms and wrapped his arms around my waist "I tend to get a bit possessive"
My body seemed like it was humming due to his closeness and I couldn't help but wrap my arms around his neck. "I'm a little passive myself"
His arms tightened "Yeah. I had to clean up a bloody nose cause of that possessiveness" he chuckled.
I just shrugged offering no more coal to that fire. I didn't care. We were even in my book. I felt good about our talk. Just seeing how things go, would be ok with me. It didn't give me the anxiety I thought I would feel. We were dating, but not together. Which meant I still had a little bit of freedom to dictate how things would go and that felt good. I was glad he was working with me instead of against me. Not forcing me into something I wasn't ready for but still being able to give into our feelings.
"So what now?"
"Now we go back home so we can go on our date" he says confidently.
"We're going on a date today?" The surprise was clear in my voice.
"No time like the present"
"Where are you taking me?"
He chuckled and bent to lightly kiss my lips. "Don't worry about that"
I rolled my eyes and licked my lips. The taste of him still lingered and I wanted to savor it but then I remembered that I could kiss him if I wanted to. "So about that kiss?"
He smirked "What about it?"
"It was a little to short for my liking. I'm thinking you should fix that before we head out"
"I'm thinking I like where your head is at" he licked his lips before lowering his lips to mine. This kiss was a lot different from the one we shared in the clubhouse dorm room. It was slow and sensual but didn't lack the passion and want from the one before it. I wasn't scared or worried I simply let myself feel and boy did I like it especially when his hands went into the back pockets of my jeans to bring me flush against him. He was driving me insane and I loved it, I loved every minute of it.
A gasp left my lips and I pulled away when he hoisted me up into his arms. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around his waisted and smiled down at the playful gleam in his eye. He was holding me up effortlessly and I couldn't believe how turned on I was.
He moved so he could sit on the bench and sat me in his lap, straddling his waist I adjusted so I was comfortable before pulling on his chin. He was biting his bottom lip, it was something I wanted to do so when he finally let it go I went in and bit his lip gently then soothed it with a kiss. "I don't want leave" I admitted.
He smiled and nodded in understanding "We don't have to"
And we didn't. For the rest of the day Jax and I stayed on that gazebo and just hung out. We kissed more than we talked but between our make out sessions we got to know each other.
"What's your favorite color?" He asked me as he ran his hands up and down my thighs.
"Purple the color of royalty" I said with a smug smile. Everyone called me the princess of charming, I was MC royalty so why not use the princess card. "What's yours?"
"Green like the color of your eyes" my heart skipped a beat when he said that and I couldn't help but kiss those amazing lips once more.
"Favorite food?" He asks me as we break away from each other again.
"Hmm Italian! Chicken Parm is my favorite dish of all time" I laugh and he smiles brightly.
"No way! Mine to. I could go for some chicken Parm right about now" he says then looks around as if it's going to magically appear.
"Let's go get something to eat then. I'm hungry myself"
He nods and kisses me once more before he lets me stand up. He hands me my jacket and takes my head as he leads the way back to the bike. I look back at the gazebo and smile for some reason I envision telling my future kids 'this is where it all started'. Which is ridiculous since we're not even together. I shake my head and laugh which causes Jax to look back at me.
"What's so funny?"
Defiantly couldn't tell him I was thinking about the future. So I play it off and say "Just thinking about the events of today" that would work.
He nodded and smiled "I guess we did have a pretty crazy day"
"To say the least"
When we reached his bike he handed me his helmet and waited for me to get on. This time as we sped across the highway I wasn't shaking like a leaf. No, this time I was calmer more collected. I felt confidant in the direction we were heading. We weren't officially together yet but I knew at some point we would be and I wasn't scared about that anymore. In one day, one person made me open up, tell him my fears and have them squashed. Weather this was a good thing or a bad thing was still to be determined but as if right now I was going to see where it went. Maybe he was put in my path for a reason.
I couldn't kid myself into thinking all my worries had disappeared after one conversation but sometimes you had to give people a chance and this one was ours.
A/N: Sooo what do think? The plane is taking off but we still have a few before it levels. We will get there I promise. To those who have liked favorited and reviewed before THANK YOU!
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