Olivia gave her son a few minutes to himself, as well as allowing herself some time to regroup. How could a six year old understand what was going through her mind, let alone how he must've been trying to make sense of the jumbled information, himself.
"Noah?" Olivia pushed open the bedroom door. Toys lay scattered about the room, the bed unmade, and a very upset grade school age child lay face down on the cotton sheets of superheroes.
"Go away!" he yelled through the pillow, not lifting his head from its resting spot.
"No" she replied softly, "I'm not going anywhere. You can shout and scream and yell and kick as much as you'd like, but I'm not leaving you, and we are going to talk about this", she put emphasis on the word, are.
Noah looked at her through tear stained eyes, "Is he?" was all he said
"Is who what?" Olivia now sat on the foot of the bed, she rubbed her son's back over his t-shirt.
"Is he my Dad?"
Olivia smiled, "I wish I could say yes, but no, Noah, he isn't" why tell more lies, "But he was someone who was important to me, and maybe when you're older, you can understand"
Noah inhaled deeply, ready to scream again. Olivia anticipated this.
"I know" she patted his back, "You want to be grown up now" she sighed, "I suppose I can tell you some things for the moment"
Noah scrunched up his face in thought, "If he's so important to you? How come you hid that picture way back in your closet?" he gestured to his room, "All my baseball cards are important and I keep them on my shelves"
"Yeah" she laughed softly, "I can see how that's confusing", she watched her son. Noah rolled over on his back and deposited his feet into his mother's lap, his hands behind his head. She continued, "His name's Elliot, and we used to work together"
"Like Uncle Fin and Uncle Carisi?"
"Yes" she nodded, holding back the wave of emotion that she knew would surely come. It had been easier not talking about Elliot, not even saying his name, simply calling him her old partner. Would talking about him bring up all those ghosts of the past, tonight?
"Grandma Sheila said that Ellie would've loved me. Is Elliot like that?" Noah furrowed his brows
"Ellie was someone important to Grandma Sheila, and yes, Elliot was important to me" she smiled at her son, "Does that make a little bit of sense?"
"I guess" Noah had calmed down by now, "I'm sorry, Mommy. Everybody has somebody at home. Why does it have to be just you here? How come we can't have anyone else?"
"You've got Uncle Fin and Carisi, and Aunt Amanda-" Olivia began
"Not all the time" Noah sighed, "Just sometimes, and Aunt Amanda already has a baby" he frowned
"Yeah, she does" Olivia agreed, knowing that a second child would be on the way soon, for Rollins. "I know you feel upset and frustrated about things, but being a big boy means using words, and talking with your inside voice, and not screaming and yelling" she explained
"Yeah" he looked away from her
"Do you want me to treat you like a little baby?"
"No, I'm big now! Babies don't like baseball and cartoons and – " he went on
"Alright," Olivia smiled firmly, "then if you want to be treated like a big boy, you've got to act like one" she extended her hand, "do we have a deal?"
The next day,
"Grandpa, why do you have to take me to school today?" four year old Isabelle Montenegro looked up at the grizzled man holding her hand
"Well, your Mommy's feeling ill today, and hey, don't you like it when I take you?"
"I guess" she shrugged her little shoulders. Blonde hair, like her mother's, bounced around.
"I don't want to go!" Noah Benson shouted, as Olivia held steadfastly to his hand
"It's ok" Liv sighed, "You know it's difficult for me to be away from you all day, too" she explained, although today she felt that she'd be fine away from her son, just for even a little bit of time.
"I don't want to-" Noah shouted, and looked up, away from her, "Look! It's him! There's that Elliot man right there!" he pointed with his available hand, and tried to pull away from Liv's grip.
Liv looked to where her son was pointing. By now, other parents were also looking on.
Olivia Benson froze in her tracks. The world spun around her. Belatedly, she realized that her son ws tugging on her hand. She glanced down at him, not listening to what he was saying.
There he was, not ten feet ahead of her, Elliot Stabler, as large as life.
Liv forced herself to kneel in front of her son so she could look at Noah in his eyes, "We'll talk about this tonight, ok? Please just go to school, my sweet boy"
"But- he's –" Noah protested
"Noah, please" she implored with her eyes, but her voice was firm
"Oh, alright" he dragged his backpack behind him and trudged dutifully into the school building, past his classmate Jeremy, who said nothing.
"Bye, Grandpa!" Isabelle waved at her grandfather and ran happily into the school, not paying a whit of attention to the scene outside.
Elliot stood outside the school steps, hands in his jeans' pockets. Olivia stood scarcely a few feet away, her arm clutching her shouldered purse.
"Hello" was all he said.
Olivia's eyes flashed mahogany, "Hello?" her voice was terse, "Seven years and I hear nothing and all you have to tell me is hello?"
Elliot shrugged his shoulders, his hands still in his pockets. He looked good. His hair was salt and pepper now, cut close to his head, and his beard was short and scruffy, a different look for him- it softened his face.
"I can't take all the blame" he replied thoughtfully, "a few phone messages and you all but forgot about me, too"
Olivia was beside herself with a flood of emotions- anger, resentment, pain, anguish, and yes, hurt.
"Oh, by the way" he turned to walk away, "Dean Porter says hi"
