A/N:
Not much to say this time around, except that I hope y'all enjoy. This has been the first of one of these scenes in about 25 chapters.
Thanks once again to Orthros for the beta-reading services.
If you enjoy my style of writing, I do offer free commissions for one-shots. If you are interested, visit the One-Shot Collection and read the information on the first chapter.
"…" - Spoken dialogue
Italics - Michael's thoughts
'Italics' - Telepathic dialogue
/\/\/\ - Lemon Scene
"Mistakes are meant for learning, not repeating."
-Unknown
Ch. 40 - A New Start
The progress was slow, but it was still progress. Michael attended the sessions on nearly a daily basis, just as he had agreed to. Or if he was being realistic, just as the latias had said would happen. They met in different locations - sometimes in the office, other times over lunch. Granted, he still didn't particularly enjoy talking about his problems, as he felt that he was surrendering part of his own independence with it, but it made Alaina happy, and that was something that he had failed to do up until recently.
He had grown tired of arguing with the latias day after day, and was even more so frustrated that it was probably his own fault each and every time some sort of disagreement started. She wanted what was best for him, hence the reason she had not left his side after all these years. Her or the others.
Though Jax wasn't a relationship counselor, he had come up with a word to represent his lack of interest in engaging in previously enjoyable activities, including sex: anhedonia. It had a weird sound to it, but he couldn't deny that it applied - at least partially - in this case. He wasn't sure how exactly to go about dealing with everything, since he had just recently gotten to the point where he'd admitted there was an issue. But regardless of how he felt about the matter at hand, he would go through with this, as saving his relationship made every second within that office worth it.
But apart from that, he had started to heed Jax's advice. He was trying his best to find some sort of enjoyment with them, though it was difficult. And he couldn't explain why that was the case. Michael remembered the time when every second of every day had been filled with joy, particularly when he began to explore their new bond. Now, though, there was no ignoring the fact that he had become far more hostile towards everyone around him. Zaire just happened to be the final straw, and thus the victim of him lashing out. He hadn't seen much of the zoroark, though she still somehow managed to associate with the girls. Probably when he and Alaina were out at therapy.
Right now he didn't have too much in mind, having already completed the session for the day. Jax had laid out a few potential causes for Michael's thought pattern, and the Reaper knew the implications. It was all leading up to the very diagnosis that he didn't want. At least none of this was official, though, and even if Jax came to that dreaded conclusion, it wouldn't have any effect on this tour.
It had been stated that the best thing he could do for himself was to try and spend as much time as he could with the girls while the Reapers were on standby. Michael and Alaina walked into the house, and the rest of the girls were up. Layla was dusting the furniture while the others were cleaning up the remnants of breakfast. Well, all except for Elise, who couldn't do much in that regard. The glaceon sat on the couch, watching the television before looking back at them.
"How did it go?" Layla asked, not looking up from the task at hand.
"It went pretty well, actually," Alaina answered. "At least, I would say so."
"Yeah," Michael agreed. "He told me that I should probably be spending some more time with you girls, though. I haven't been very fair to y'all, so… I need to start making that right…"
"Aww, I'm just glad that you're gettin' better, Michael," Charlotte said.
"Look, it wasn't anything that you gals did. Each one of you has been nothing but supportive. I just need to figure out what the hell happened and how to fix it."
'Well that's what Jax is there for," Alaina said. "As for you, Michael, you just keep at it. We're on the right track now, so things will get better." As long as he stayed on that track, at least. But with Alaina more or less calling the shots now, he doubted that he'd be allowed to stray from her course.
"What about Zaire?" the braixen asked. "What are you gonna do about that situation?" Michael didn't have much of an idea, as it had become pretty clear that the zoroark wanted nothing to do with him for the time. He couldn't blame her for that one.
"I dunno," he said. "Guess I'll just wait for things to calm down a bit. Nothing I can do if she doesn't even want to look at me."
"I'll see if I can convince her next time we see her," Layla stated.
"Thanks," Michael said. "I wasn't really thinking about it before, but… I wasn't very fair to her, or to you girls, either. Guess it's about time I straighten all that out."
. . . . .
And he had meant every word of that. Michael spent more time with the girls the following week than he had in the past month, and it was like a part of him from long before had been rejuvenated. The sessions were still something he wasn't particularly fond of, but he knew now that it was a necessity, and he had to admit that the therapist had made some points. Though Zaire still had made herself scarce around him.
On one particular night, he and Alaina were sharing the bedroom, and though he had intended to turn in for the night, the latias had made it clear that she had other plans. "Hope you aren't expecting to go to sleep just yet," she said. He laughed, but turned onto his side to face her.
"What've you got in mind?" he asked.
"It isn't too late, and I wished to speak with you," Alaina said.
"Alright then. What about?"
"Well… this new direction that you are heading in. After all this time, I'm glad you've started making these changes for yourself."
"Yeah, well something tells me it wasn't exactly my choice anymore," he joked. Alaina laughed, the sound just as melodious as it had been when he'd first met her. The legendary drew closer, placing her hand on his side.
"As I have said before, I wouldn't be much of a mate if I didn't look out for you. I know we've had our disputes, but I just want you to know that I have never sought to upset you."
"I know," he said with a sigh. "I haven't done right by you girls ever since I came back from that island, and particularly over this past year. I can't make up for that, but… I'm gonna try."
"That's all you can do," Alaina replied.
"I just don't understand where it all went to hell," he stated. "I mean I felt fine all this time, and then all of a sudden one day I'm arguing with you, and… it all just seemed to spring up outta nowhere, but I can't even say when it happened."
"I believe Jax was right. Your case seemed to be a gradual one, and the symptoms took time to develop." Douglas' death seemed to be so long ago, but the memories of the entire event were still vivid. And both Zeke and Raptor… if there had been any particular causes that he could allot to his current mental state, it was those two deaths. The zoroark had been both a comrade and a brother, and was nothing short of family, despite the short time Michael had known him.
Raptor, on the other hand, was a mystery. He had hated her with a passion up until a few days before her death, wanting nothing less than to kill her for her siding throughout the entire conflict. But her defection had been a surprise to everyone, proving that she did have a moral compass. And upon coming to know her, the Reaper had discovered her to actually be a caring soul, but simply on the wrong side it all, following a man who had become nothing short of delusional. As things would have it, she seemed to be just as destined to die as her former trainer. Michael desperately hoped that she had made things right with Arceus before passing on.
He still had no explanation for the nightmares, though, nor what any of them meant. It had simply been his mind tormenting him for his past, but for what exactly? He wished that he hadn't taken as many lives as he had. Not that he felt guilty or anything - they had all been bad people - but in an ideal world, someone like him wouldn't be needed. Michael had become desensitized to all the violence, and in some respects, emotion in general.
"Do you remember," Michael asked, "how I had made all those tally marks in my knife? Back during the first tour? It was a long time ago, I know…"
"I do."
"Yeah, all those marks were people that I'd stabbed or cut up. I dunno why I thought it necessary to go and start recording those damn kills. Probably me being a child. Hell, I was a kid at the time. Not much older than one, at least."
"You lost that one during the explosion," Alaina mentioned.
"Yep. Probably at the bottom of the ocean by now. Not that I really care. I just keep looking back, wondering why I'd thought of something like that. It was almost… almost gloating about the fact that I'd done such a thing." He laughed to himself, unable to overlook in the humor of the situation. "And now, I've got the Star of Valor, and I don't even give a damn…"
"Life is funny like that," Alaina said. "Trying times have a way of showing us what really matters."
"Seems like it. And once I'd found something that mattered aside from you girls and my comrades, it didn't last long." The latias pressed her lips to his forehead, kissing him softly.
"I know they both meant a lot to you," she said. "I'm sorry that things turned out the way they did. But I don't think either Zeke or Raptor would want you to beat yourself up so much over something that can't be helped. It wasn't your fault what happened."
"Maybe not with Zeke, but Raptor… He was going to shoot me, not her. I wasn't fast enough to react, and she went for it and took the bullet that was meant for me. If I'd just been faster, then she'd be here with us now." And no matter how much time had passed, Michael had always felt that to be true. The only reason he was alive right now was because she acted when he had failed to. All that training had simply gone down the drain as he had stared back at the man who had nearly ripped the world apart.
"You cannot hold yourself accountable for that, Michael. Raptor wouldn't have wanted that, either," Alaina replied.
"How do you know what she would've wanted?" he asked. "You never met her. Well… not on good terms, at least…"
"If she's anything like what you've made her sound like, then I know she would have wanted you to live your life without these burdens."
"Probably. But that's easier said than done. I'm only glad I got to kill the bastard who did that to her." He looked the legendary in her beautiful, golden eyes. "I know it's wrong, but… it felt good, feeling his heartbeat leave through that knife. He deserved so much more pain than I could possibly hand out…"
"And he is receiving it. That wretched beast will endure his punishment for all eternity. He is not worth the heartache his actions have placed upon you, my mate."
"But he concerned me," Michael admitted. "His dying words… he said I was just like him."
"The words of a dying fool, and nothing more," the latias said. "He wanted to strike fear within you. Do not allow him to succeed. His time has passed, and you and the others have destroyed everything he built."
"Can't change what he did, though. That won't ever be forgotten," he said.
"Of course. All that you can do is move on, though, and make the best out of things. Right now, I would say you're on the best path to doing just that," Alaina replied. "We haven't fought in some time, and I think things have gone well with the sessions."
"Well… I couldn't help but think about something that Alex said when we had our falling out. He told me that I could lose you girls. I didn't think much about it at the time, but we kept arguing, and the way that Elise and Layla looked at me… I felt that it might be possible."
"We will not leave your side, but it is true that there has been a strain on our relationship with you. I'm just glad that things are getting better," she said.
"Yeah…" he said quietly. "I did some research into it. I know I'm no psychologist, but all those symptoms he's listing out… Do you think I've got it?"
"Michael… what do you think?"
"Well… it's kinda hard to argue when all those symptoms just so happen to match with PTSD. I just… I didn't think it had gotten that bad. Guess I was wrong…" She slid her other arm underneath his side, pulling him into a hug.
"It's okay. We all know… but it's not your fault. You have seen and done things that no one should have to experience, but soon it will all be over. You all have done so much good, but it came at a price that you and your friends had to pay. I'm sorry things are this way…" Michael kissed her on the cheek, and the latias cooed softly. "I know that things have been rough as of lately, but we aren't about to back out on you. So let's just keep at it together." Alaina softly planted her lips on his, with him returning suit. For the first time in what had seemed like years, they passionately claimed one another. Michael had missed the feeling that he had been forsaking all this time.
She drew back, looking at him lovingly. "Thank you, my mate," she said quietly. "Would you like to…"
"If it's what you want, love." Truth be told, it had been something he had devoted a great deal of thought to lately. He'd been depriving all of the girls solely because of the reason that he didn't feel like it. And while that may have been true, it wasn't exactly fair to the five of them. After all, they didn't feel like giving up the league so that he could join back with the Reapers.
"Only if you do, too." He stroked her cheek, then pecked her on the lips once again.
"Yeah. I've missed the way things were before, too…"
"Then what are we waiting for?" she whispered. The latias' tone was alluring, and Michael finally decided to give in. The Reaper began removing his clothing, revealing himself to the same legendary that he'd taken several years ago. She embraced their bare bodies together, crooning softly as he let his hands wonder along her form.
. . . . .
The two breathed heavily as the ecstasy faded away, with Michael's vision clouding over, his body threatening to cave into the exhaustion - not to mention the fact that he was coated in sweat, and while a shower would probably do him well, he was far too tired to get up now. Maybe in the morning.
"Th-thank you…" she said, smiling sweetly at him.
"I love you, Alaina." Pulling the latias against his chest, they resumed their affectionate gestures.
"Mmm… I needed that…"
"Me too, sweetie. Me too." She draped her neck over his shoulders and nuzzled him appreciatively. Michael couldn't deny the fact that after rekindling the affection within their relationship, he had felt a spark within him that had been subdued for far too long. And if he could help it, that fire would never die out again.
