So. I guess it's time to get on with the next chapter. I bet you all aren't ready for this. But, I always get proven wrong so I don't know why I even bother making bets. Then again, I imagine that even you guys don't even know why you are here; reading this garbage fanfic. Speaking of garbage, here we go!

Chapter Thirty Two: A Bearded General


Did you know that apparently Valm has a giant tree called the Mila Tree; that also holds the temple that houses the ancient Lady Tiki, Naga's oracle? Did you also know that Valm has a million soldiers ready to fight our small force? I didn't know that until that woman we saved told us, Say'ri or something weird like that. Now, we are going to go to that very tree to rescue Lady Tiki because Valm decided to imprison her because she is an icon for rebellion. I think. This entire situation is so many shades of fucked that I don't even know where to start.

First off, I am in a war that encompasses the entire world, and I am on the side that has the least amount of soldiers on! Strategy is good and all, but it can't really hold up to Valm's fanatic soldiers. I'm mean, they literally fought to the death even though we killed their commander and outnumbered them. Not to mention, they number in a million soldiers; an army size I never thought could exist! Plus, it seems like they have no shortage of soldiers, volunteers or not.

Secondly, we are placing our hope and trust on the rebels of Valm,; a faction that definitely doesn't have the numbers of Valm. But they do have information and they plan on getting more numbers. That is once we save Lady Tiki. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that?

The Shepherds are on the task of saving Lady Tiki from her Valmese imprisonment. Which means we literally have to fight an even land battle with a detachment of the Valmese million-man army. Hopefully that detachment is small so we don't have much trouble. Then again, we are going to have to fight the main army sometime if we are going to end this war. Which means the smaller force we fight, the larger the end army is… Hm… I wonder if the rebels can handle regular battles instead of just guerilla warfare. If they can't, then we are in big trouble.

"Whoaaa... I don't think I've ever felt so small…" I glance at Lissa as she marvels at the tree in front of everyone. I have to agree with her. I feel like an ant in front of something so big! I wonder how big the blaze would be if it catches on fire… I shouldn't think about stuff like that. It's rude to the tree, Lady Tiki, and Naga. I'm not going to be rude to divine entities, unless they try to screw with me. Then, it's fair game.

"Hey handsome." Anna whispers to me as she looks at the tree alongside me. I think I can see gold dancing in her vision. "Do you think people would pay for some Tiki merchandise?"

"Are you literally planning to sell souvenirs of the Oracle of Naga?" I ask, looking at my wife with a smile. I already know the answer, but I want Anna to admit it.

"Yep. I was thinking the first product would be water 'blessed' by Lady Tiki herself. Does that sound like a good idea?" I love this woman. She literally thinks up of the weirdest things and gets money for it. I wish I could do that. Sadly, all I can do is hit things really hard and act like a jerk. I wish I was a good as my wife.

"Just don't go too far, darling. Who knows what Lady Tiki would do to you if she finds out…" I say, concern for her well bringing. She is messing with the literal Oracle of Naga here. Who knows what kind of magic she has at her disposal.

"I'll be fine. In fact, why don't you join me when I find a manufacturer? If the water kicks off right, then I could make shirts with Tiki's likeness on it. Think of all of the gold…" That's my girl. Always thinking two steps ahead when it comes to making money.

I begin to hear shouting and I turn to see what is going on. Ahead of us is a rather big army of Valmese soldiers, guarding the staircase, armed to the teeth. Oh boy isn't this going to be fun? I think I can see their commander, a General with a giant beard, near the stairs. I can only imagine how tough this battle is going to be if the enemy commander has a beard as splendid as that. Then again, he is a commander in the Valmese army so he probably is pretty strong. Oh Gods why does this happen to me! It looks like it's time to fight so I should shut up and get to it.

Anyway, I get my blade out and rush forward as the two armies clash; Valmese soldier on Ylisse-Ferox warrior. I clash blades with a fellow Hero and push him away so we can have some space. I block his attack with my shield and he does the same for my strike. I then swing my blade at his feet, making him jump up to avoid the attack. I use his jump to quickly slam my shield into his chest, throwing him to the ground. I then finish him off with a thrust to the neck. Just as I pull my blade out of the Valmese soldier's neck, my back suddenly explodes in pain. I let out a grunt and whirl around to see who attacked me. I am barely able to block the next attack as a Fighter presses me, ready to kill me.

However, the Fighter obviously doesn't know what he's dealing with and fails to overpower me. As such, I overpower him in return; shoving my blade hilt-deep into his stomach before pushing his corpse away. I then look around to see if anyone needs any help, and I'm glad to see that we're matching the Valmese. I'll just find another opponent by myself then. I jog around the battlefield, dodging arrows and magical spells as I search for an opponent to fight. Eventually I find three Thieves skulking around the edge of the battlefield, particularly around some corpses. They don't look to be a part of Valm's army, nor do they look like they are a part of our army. I think these are just some bandits that decided to pillage corpses. Despicable to say the least. Time to teach these fools the error of their ways!

I rush towards them, surprising them as the barely have enough time to draw their blades before I cut down the first one. I quickly kill the other one by stabbing his heart, his blade just out of its sheathe to defend himself. The last one turns and begins to flee, before a massive Tomahawk comes whirling by and slams into the Thief's back; killing him instantly. I turn and see the commander of the Valmese army standing there, stroking his beard as he looks at me.

I stare back, saying "You missed me. I'm surprised you even managed to hit something."

The General narrows his eyes and replies with "I didn't aim for you. I aimed for that fiend. It is despicable looting the still-warm dead." I can't help but nod at his words. He has a point you know. That doesn't mean he isn't my enemy however. But seeing how we're talking, I might as well as ask him a few questions.

"Why do you conquer and bully nations in submission? What purpose is there to it?" I ask, ripping the Tomahawk out of the dead bandit's back.

"Do you even need ask, whelp? Emperor Walhart is destined to rule this world, plain and simple." the General answers, stroking his beard with… Pride? What on earth..?

"To what end? What will this accomplish?"

"Irrelevant! Walhart's mind is beyond the grasp of common men."

"You don't even know what you're fighting for…"

"I tend to my own beard, boy. A soldier does not question orders. But he gives his loyalty, and maybe his life, in the service of greater men." I just stare at him once he says those words, watching him as the pride and loyalty on his face grows. I recognize that look. It was the looks that the Ylisse army had after hearing the Exalt's message before her death. This Emperor can inspire such feelings like this by doing so horrible things? I don't want to believe it, but the evidence is in front of me.

"Is living only to conquer so great an ambition?" I say, my voice a bit of a whisper as I process my new revelation.

The General nods, and says "What could be greater! Once I had dreams myself of commanding a nation... But Walhart? Aye, he dreams bigger. He would rule the entire world! Mine is nothing compared to the moxie of the Conqueror. I am but a single tiny hair on the beard of a flea in his great moustache! Have you not tasted the thrill of being part of something bigger than yourself?"

"Yes, but I've always regretted being a part of something so wicked and cruel." But it was that wicked thing that got me into where I am now. Sometimes, I wish I had joined the Shepherds a different way; a way much better than that way.

"Hmph. Then we have nothing more to discuss. Prepare to learn the meaning of the word beard."

"'Beard'?" I ask, a bit confused at why he chose to say that instead of fear.

"Fear, I said fear! Why can no one understand what I am saying! Ha… Can I please have my axe back?" I toss his Tomahawk towards him, the General catching it like he would with a ball. He then whirled the axe around before getting into a battle stance, shouting out "I am General Cervantes of the Valmese army, the left hand of Emperor Walhart. Prepare yourself, boy!"

I get into my battle stance, twirling my blade as well so he doesn't feel left out. We stare at each other for a few moments, waiting for the first move. Looks like I'll do it! I decide to attack first, charging the General with a battle cry. Cervantes swings his axe in response, making me dodge his blow and making me cancel my attack. I quickly bound back with a downward slice as I dodge his axe, changing my original attack with a less damaging version. My strike hits him, but his armor protects him from most of the damage. He quickly retaliates by slamming his shield into me. I am sent stumbling back a bit, dazed from the attack. Cervantes then swung his Tomahawk downwards, aimed to cut my head in half. I swiftly raise my own shield and block most of the attack, the tip of the axe-blade clipping my forehead.

Man, this is a tough battle. These Valmese commander guys don't slack around with their combat training. I guess their ruler doesn't mess around when he picks his commanders. But, I don't slack off in my combat training either! I duck under another swing of the General's axe and attack, running past him as I slice my across his stomach. I whirl around once I make it past him, as he does with me, and I smile as I see some blood dripping out of his armor. Looks like I was able to break through his armor with that attack. That's what I like to see!

I charge him again, ducking under another attack and attacking his new weak spot with another swing of my blade. I follow this up by whirling around and wildly swing my blade at him. The sudden follow-up attack surprises him, which creates a shallow cut across his face. I decide to attack once more in the same pattern seeing how it has worked before. However, Cervantes anticipated this attack; making me slide into his shield. That slide gave me a few bruises along my legs, but it didn't stun me. I quickly scramble away as the General wildly attacks, also making me dodge his blows as I crawl away.

I need to finish this quickly. If I let this battle go on for any longer, I'll lose! I stand back up, and begin to charge towards him I hope this works! I leap halfway towards him, raising my blade up while thrusting my shield out. Cervantes swings his axe at me, hoping to catch me with his weapon. Luckily; my shield blocks the blow, and I strike the General with everything I got at that point. My attack deals a devastating wound across his chest; also making him stumble back from the blow.

Cervantes drops his weapon and clutches the wound, saying through the pants "Nngah! But… How can this be? My invincible moustache! Blasted science, you have...played me for a...fool…" He almost drops to the ground, ready to die from the bleeding, but somehow picks himself back up. What the hell? "N-No! I won't die today! My Emperor needs to know of this! I won't fail my lord!" The wounded man, beyond all odds, begins to run away from the battle; leaving his troops as he flees. I won't let him run away!

I try to stop him but three Valmese Fighters suddenly arrive and block my way. I guess these guys were in wait to support their commander if he was defeated in the battle. Gods damn it, he's going to get away! I have no time to deal with them! The thee Fighters start running towards me, one throwing his axe at me as the charge. I whack the flying axe away and quickly cut down the first one that arrives; the fool couldn't even swing his axe before he was killed. The second Fighter's axe is blocked by my shield, which allows me to kill him with a swift thrust into his chest. For the final Fighter, who foolishly decided to attack me with no weapon, I slam my shield against his chin; making him crumble.

I look around and see that Cervantes had managed to flee, not a sign of him anyway. Damn it! Now the enemy will know what we plan on doing once we free Lady Tiki. If only I had put more force behind my attack, or if those Fighters weren't there… Damn those dastards- I mean bastards! I let out a sigh as wipe some of the blood off of my blade. The din of battle around me is starting to lower, meaning that the battle is soon to close. As I clean my sword; Anna appears at my side, covered in minor wounds and simple bruises, and pats my head.

"Nice work out there today, handsome." she says, smiling down at me as I finish cleaning my blade. I didn't do any good work. I failed to kill Cervantes.

I look up at her, returning the smile with a frown, and say "The enemy commander fled before I could finish him off…"

"But you did survive the battle, which is good enough work for me! Now help me find some loot. I bet there is some good stuff here!" I let out a sigh and smile at Anna's request. She's right about that. Those Valmese soldiers have some pretty expensive looking weapons. Guess it's worth having those weapons if they know how to use them. Which they do I might tell you.

"Alright, Anna. I claim that Tomahawk though!"


So. I hope you enjoyed this torture session. I don't that many of you hated it, which is weird. But, I live to serve and if that means writing more of this then alrighty then. I'm not going to refuse you of your weird fetish to this garbage. I enable you all, which is a problem for when it comes to stopping these kinds of things. But, whatever. Go and read some better fanfiction while I work on the next chapter.