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Prompt from tigergirl-moonstar: Love story based on Remus and Sirius how they got together and their relationship how it was meant to be without Voldemort and sent to Azkaban
SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT, BUT I'M IN UNIVERSITY!
Chapter 6
Remus
"You're what?!"
That was the reaction I received from Lily and James, when I told them about accepting the job offer from Dumbledore the next day. The job offer that they didn't know I had been offered.
It wasn't an outraged outburst. It was a mix of surprise and complete elation. They loved the idea of me becoming a Professor. They loved the fact that, with me teaching, I would be able to sway the minds of many a young witch and wizard into knowing that, people like me, weren't all bad. That some of us were good.
There reaction to finding out Sirius was going to be my Teacher's Assistant? Well, James practically fell out of his chair, laughing.
"Really, Pads?" James giggled. "You could barely do the homework! What makes you think you could teach it?"
"Piss off, Prongs." Sirius grumbled, folding his arms over his chest, pouting.
"I think it's a brilliant idea." Lily grinned. "Maybe you could help out with Quidditch as well."
Sirius' eyes brightened at the comment, but he still kept up his 'I don't want to' attitude. In all honesty, Sirius was just scared. He didn't know if he would be good enough for the job, he didn't know if he could do it. He didn't have faith in himself. Not like I had faith in him.
I had promised him that I would help him as much as I could. I would help him study, if it came down to that. I would tutor him, just like I did back at school. Besides, the children would know he was 'in training'. They would know he was learning just as much as they were.
I was just hoping he would pay more attention than he did when we were at Hogwarts.
"We don't start until next year, so we've got some time to prepare. It's not like we'll be going into this blind." I told them. "We're in this together."
And it was true. We were. Yes, Sirius would take over when my Fury Little Problem reared its ugly head; yes, Sirius would take two weeks each month to teach the classes, just so the children didn't grow suspicious. But he wouldn't be alone. For one of those two weeks, I would be in those classes with him, just in case he needed me. For that other week... Well, I was hoping he would fine on his own, or I could find someone to watch him for me - preferably McGonagall.
But he would be fine.
He just needed to know he could do it.
With only three more weeks until September 3rd, I couldn't get the thought of Hogwarts out of my mind. Whilst I wished I could have taken the offer straight away and gone that year, I knew it just wasn't the right time. I needed to prepare myself.
Going back to the grounds, for my talk with Dumbledore, probably made it worse.
I had been longing to go back to the castle; longing to just see it again. I had been longing to be eleven again, to start it over again with my friends. Going back just reminded me of everything that had happened - the good, the bad, the ugly. It reminded me that I would never experience those days again. It reminded me just how much we had all changed...
More often than not, I would find myself daydreaming about Hogwarts. Whether it was remembering a game Peter, Lily and I would watch of the boys, or even something as simple as falling asleep in bed, I would think about it if I could remember it.
FLASHBACK: Wednesday, November 15th 1972
There was only, about, five days until the full moon. I could already feel the wolf inside me starting to get restless, prowling around and waiting to jump. I hated it, I hate being this terrible thing. I just wanted to be normal!
I didn't want to worry about hurting my friends...
None of them knew. I still hadn't said anything to them. I didn't want them to abandon me, I didn't want to lose the only friends I ever had! Was that so wrong? Was that such a bad thing to do? Yes, it was bad that I kept telling them my Mum was ill and I was going home to visit her, but I couldn't think of anything else to tell them that wasn't the truth.
What else was I supposed to do?!
I was sitting in bed, in the dark, hugging my pillow to my chest. I just couldn't sleep, I couldn't relax myself enough to sleep. Not that sleep would help. Almost every night I would see His face. It was etched into my mind, burned into the back of my eyelids. No matter what I did, I couldn't get it out.
Before the panic could set in, a lamp flicked to life.
My head turned as fast as it could towards the light source, finding Sirius slowly sitting up in bed, rubbing at his eyes.
"What are you doing up?" he yawned. "It's, like, one in the morning, Rem."
"Don't worry about it, just go back to sleep." I whispered.
But he didn't. His eyes narrowed slightly, taking in my position. The last time he had found me like that, in the middle of the night, was in the middle of First Year, when some student or another had made a remark against me being a Half-Blood. I was up, crying, thinking there was something wrong with me... Sirius had crawled into my bed and hugged me. He told me it didn't matter what I was, all that mattered was who I was. We had stayed up talking into the night, not falling asleep until way after four in the morning. Thankfully, it had been a Saturday.
So, yeah, Sirius didn't believe me.
He slid himself out of bed, tapping Peter's shoulder and shoving James onto the floor, before crawling in next to me. The two other boys woke with a start, James more than Peter. James had been about to start cursing up a storm, when he saw Sirius and me. A look of understanding dawned in his eyes, him and Peter coming over without argument, sitting at the end of my bed.
"Is this about the full moon?" James asked, sleepily.
"Wh-What? Wh-What makes you th-think that?" I stuttered, eyes wide.
"We know you're a werewolf." Peter yawned. "We figured it out a couple of weeks ago."
My heart broke.
My stomach sank.
I couldn't stop the tears from dropping from my eyes.
The one thing I didn't want them to know, the one thing I had wanted to keep a secret, and they had guessed it.
"It wasn't hard to figure out when we really thought about it. You always seemed to disappear whenever it was a full moon." Sirius explained, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "But it's ok. We still like you and everything - you're the same old Remus to us. It doesn't matter what you are, remember?"
"Yeah. And it's not like you're a monster or anything. I mean, you fold you tie, for crying out loud." James agreed, smiling. "You're just Remus to us and you always will be. Werewolf or not."
"Besides, you're not bad or anything." Peter added. "If you were bad, you'd be mean. But you're not. You're the nicest guy in the world!"
I cried harder. I couldn't even stop long enough to talk! I ended up just grabbing them all in a hug, trying to explain to them through that just how grateful I was to them for their kind words.
"We even thought of a way to help." Sirius said, gently. "We want to try become Animagi. That way, we can keep you company. You're not alone, Remus."
END OF FLASHBACK - BACK TO: Tuesday, August 11th 1981
That moment was a turning point for me. I finally realised I was no longer alone. I finally realised I had people fighting in my corner. It was one of the most amazing feelings.
Of course, then, I had to tell them all what had happened. I had told them, very quickly, that I was not born a werewolf, so they were all very interested as to how I became one. They let me take my time, though. They didn't push me for the information, they never did, never had. They always let me go to them.
I had told them how, in early 1965, Fenrir Greyback had been brought to the Ministry for questioning, following the deaths of two Muggle children, after he had, apparently, been caught with a werewolf pack. The Werewolf Registry was not maintained very well at this time, so no one knew he was actually a werewolf. Apparently, he had insisted he was a Muggle tramp and every member of the 'Questioning Committee', apart from my Dad, Lyall Lupin, believed his story. Dad recognised the characteristic signs of lycanthropy in Greyback, he had even said as much to the committee! Dad even suggested they detain Greyback until the next full moon, which was the next day. But they all laughed. Dad had lost his temper, saying something along the lines of werewolves being 'soulless, evil, deserving nothing but death.' Dad was told to leave the room and Greyback was released. Greyback escaped, with the help of two accomplices, when a Ministry member was going to erase his memory of being brought in, since they still believed he was a Muggle... After that, we assumed he made a revenge plan for Dad, wanting to get him back for what he had said... That plan involved me. The night before my fifth birthday - so on March 9th 1965 - Greyback forced open my bedroom window, attacking me. Dad had heard me screaming and ran into my room, getting there just in time to, literally, save my life. He shot Greyback away from me with a number of powerful curses, but it was too late. I was left a werewolf.
Dad had blamed himself, even spiralling slightly into depression. It took months before Dad could be in the same room as me, even longer for him to even look at or talk to me. It was torture. At that age, I had no idea what was going on - I thought I had done something wrong.
Mum knocked some sense into him though.
I didn't blame my Dad for what happened to me. I think, like many people, he had a very old fashioned opinion and didn't know people like me could be good. In a way, becoming a werewolf was almost a good thing. I mean, he no longer judged someone based on something they were - he got to know the person first.
Dad kept it a secret - of why I was attacked and who had done it. He was scared I would hate him, that I would blame him for everything. Honestly, I could never do that. After Mum had brought him back, he did everything he could to help me. He found me a place to go during the transformations; he would sit outside until morning; he would carry me home and get me anything I needed... He would sit with me for hours, telling me he loved me, that he was proud of me. He told me he was so lucky to have a son like me, to have a strong and kind-hearted child. He loved me unconditionally.
I couldn't hate him.
I loved him.
Sirius found me sitting in the garden of Lily and James' house. I was on the back step, watching the sun set, slowly. I was always drawn to looking out at the sky as it got closer to the full moon, a habit I hadn't been able to kick in all my years of being a werewolf.
He sat next to me, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders, handing me another mug of tea. It was so weird how domesticated it all felt. It would have been nice, if there was an underlying meaning to it all, so the domesticated feeling didn't feel so strange. But, unfortunately, I knew that wasn't the case. Whilst Sirius loved me, it wasn't the way I wanted him to.
"What you thinking about this time?" he asked me, a slight note of amusement in his voice.
"Second Year. When you figured it out." I admitted.
Sirius just nodded, wrapping an arm around me, shifting a little closer to me. Instantly, I dropped my head onto his shoulder, not taking my eyes off of the setting sun.
"So much had happened since then." I said. "You and James illegally became Animagi for me."
"Of course we did." Sirius told me. "I said we would."
"You never cease to amaze me, Sirius Black."
"Is that a good or a bad thing?"
"Good. Definitely good."
Laughing slightly, I shuffled a little closer into Sirius' side, the wind a little chillier than either of us would have liked. But I couldn't bring myself to move. I didn't want to leave that moment until I absolutely had to. I didn't care how long that would take, I just wanted to stay in that moment.
I just felt so calm.
I just felt so peaceful.
I wanted to soak it up for as long as I possibly could, until it would all be broken with howls and scars and blood. I hated those moments. I hated my friends having to deal with me like that, having to take care of me, especially since James and Lily had Harry to think about. They didn't need to worry about me on top of everything else!
I wished that there was a way for me to control the beast. To control when he made an appearance and when he didn't. I wished that I could keep my cool during the full moon cycle! I mean, soon, there would be a day when more birthdays or another Christmas landed on a full moon. We would have to explain to Harry why I couldn't be there, or why I couldn't stay for too long.
I refused to put that little boy at risk. I refused to put him in danger! He was to be protected, even if that meant being kept away from me for a week or two.
"Hey, stop being angsty." Sirius admonished, poking me in the side, gently.
I couldn't help but laugh.
Somehow, Sirius always knew what was going through my head. He always seemed to know when I was doubting myself or having second thoughts about something. It was like he had this internal sensor, telling him when he needed to interfere because I was dragging myself deeper into the angst of my mind. It was absolutely uncanny!
James had even commented on it during our OWLs.
I had been so stressed, doubting whether or not I could actually do it. I was completely freaking out and, immediately, Sirius climbed onto my bed and sat behind me. He pulled me back against his chest, handed me a bard of chocolate and just hugged me for a solid five minutes. He refused to let go, refused to let me continue studying, saying that I needed to take a break. James had laughed, saying that we much have been psychically linked, or something, since Sirius always came running when something was wrong with me. Sirius paid no mind to it, just writing it off as James being James. It was, literally, minutes after that that Sirius had ended up massaging my neck and shoulders until I fell asleep against him, half a chocolate bar dangling in my hand. He had ended up clearing my bed of all my books, tucking me into bed.
Sirius had always done things like that for me. He had always taken care of me. He always made sure I was eating and drinking plenty; he always made sure I was relaxed and well rested. He was the one that would sit with me and just talk about anything, no matter what mood either of us were in.
Sirius was, in short, perfect. Well, he was in my eyes, anyway - perfectly imperfect.
"Things really are starting to look up, aren't they?" Sirius mused, turning his face up to the sky. "Everything seems to be working out."
"You're certainly right there." I sighed. "I just hope it stays like that."
"It will. And, if it doesn't, it will always come back around."
I couldn't sleep that night. I just lay awake in bed, at mine and Sirius' home. I had been tossing and turning since the moment I had shut off my lamp, trying to find a comfortable position to lay in.
It was frustrating.
All I wanted to do was sleep!
I was about to give up, about to throw off my duvet and go downstairs, when there was a soft knock at my door.
I already knew who it was.
"You don't have to knock, Sirius." I sighed, smiling slightly.
The door opened, quietly, closing only a few seconds later. I didn't have to wait longer before my bed dipped slightly, a warm arm finding its way around me, holding me tight.
"I told you already, if you can't sleep, come to my room." Sirius grumbled, pulling me closer into his chest.
I was asleep before he had settled.
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