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JUST SO YOU KNOW: I haven't written a Wolfstar fic in a LONG time, so please be gentle with me XD
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Prompt from tigergirl-moonstar: Love story based on Remus and Sirius how they got together and their relationship how it was meant to be without Voldemort and sent to Azkaban
P.S. I know it's been a while, but I've been having a lot of issues with family, University, my anxiety, etc. It's kind of knocked me off of my writing. Trust me when I say I'm trying to write for my fics as fast as I can.
Chapter 9
Remus
It was as if I was watching a movie. I could see myself, a kid, laying in bed, too excited to fall asleep. Could you blame a kid, when their birthday was the next day? The younger me was reading Hogwarts: A History, by torch light, trying in absorb everything I could about the school I would be attending in a few years. It fascinated me. Ever since learning that I was a wizard, just like my Dad, I had wanted to learn all I could.
I could never say if I wish I had been asleep or not.
My window was wrenched open, the glass smashing and covering my carpet. The man sneaking into my room was slowly changing, snarling as he stalked over to me. I couldn't move, couldn't make a sound. It was as if I had been frozen to my bed.
I didn't see the man move.
The next thing I knew, teeth had clamped over my left shoulder, claws tearing at my stomach and sides. The scream was practically ripped from my lungs. I could remember the pain. It was as if fire had engulfed my body, needles attached to every flame that licked at my body. The worst pain I had felt, before then, was a skinned knee or a bump on the head. Nothing could be compared to the pain of someone having their hand trying to slice right through you.
Blood pooled in my mouth, chocking me and dripping all over my front. Everything was drenched in the red liquid, the stuff pouring from my body. I couldn't form any words but, in my head, I was begging for my Dad to save me, begging for him to help me! I couldn't even grab onto the man on top of me to try and kick him off. I had no strength. Plus, he had easily pinned me down onto my bed, my entire being completely at this man's mercy, or lack thereof.
I could only watch my younger version being torn into. Chunks of flesh being ripped from my bones, blood splattering all around me. I was surprised I was able to stay awake. I couldn't remember being able to do that. The man on me seemed happy at my screams. Almost as if he was getting off on them, laughing manically. His entire face, his hair, his hands, his arms – all of him was dyed with my blood, which only seemed to make him happier.
It was then that I woke up.
I was drenched with sweat, my bed-shirt sticking to me, my entire body shaking. Nightmares were awful. Nightmares that were actually memories were worse. I should have been used to having nightmares of that night, should have been used to reliving it all. However, every time felt like it was only just happening.
But I couldn't dwell on it too long.
We never knew if Harry was going to sleep the night. Sometimes he could, other times he would wake up screaming. Usually, I would hear Harry crying. He wasn't that far away, and Sirius and I kept the doors open. That night, however, nothing had woken me up. Nothing had roused me from my sleep, my eyes not opening until somewhere after nine in the morning.
Stretching myself out, my joints popping slightly. For a moment, I just lay there, staring up at the ceiling. I wanted to stay in bed, to not get up, but I knew I had to. Harry would, most likely, be up at any moment, if he wasn't already. Rubbing a hand over my face, I walked out of my room and headed for the bathroom. It was in the opposite direction of where Harry was so, if he was still sleeping, I shouldn't disturb him. I tried to be as quick as I could, what with the idea of going back to bed sounding so nice. I had to throw cold water over my face a few times to attempt to wake up. Not that it really worked, but at least my eyes weren't as heavy. Looking at my reflection, I couldn't help but note the bags under my eyes. Well, I say under…. It was more like they were around my eyes, almost like they were being drawn back into my skull.
"Looking old, Lupin." I sighed to myself.
That was when I heard Harry. It was just a small noise, a little babbling like all babies. Drying my face, quickly, I left the bathroom, heading back towards the bedrooms. It wouldn't be long before Harry was too hungry – no one wanted to deal with a hungry Harry. Pushing the door open, I expected to see Harry standing, holding onto the cot to keep him steady, as always. I expected to hear him chatting nonsensically to himself, smiling as he leant forward.
I didn't expect for his cot to be empty.
I couldn't describe the panic that set in my stomach. It was worse than when we faced Voldemort, worse than when the lads had found out what I was. That was the closest I could get to describing the feeling. Stumbling backwards, I practically threw myself across the hallway, to Sirius' room, poking my head around the door.
Nothing.
I didn't think. I just ran down the stairs, taking two at a time, picking myself back up when I slipped on the stairs. I didn't care that my ankle hurt. I didn't care I was sweaty and a complete mess, I just needed to find Sirius and Harry. I needed to know they were ok.
I should have expected to find them in the living room.
I couldn't help but throw myself at the two of them, hugging them when I found them. Harry thought nothing off it, only giggling and wrapping his hands in my shirt. Sirius, however, could tell.
I need to pull myself together….
Sirius didn't ask anything, but he kept a close eye on me. He knew that talking about it would cause a change our emotions, something Harry would easily pick up on. Young children always seemed to be eerily aware of things like that. Sirius didn't seem to mind that I stayed rather close to him and Harry. In fact, he seemed to encourage it. Whenever I got up, he would follow me; whenever he got up, he would wait to see if I would go with him, which I always did. Harry seemed to like it. He didn't see anything wrong with the arrangement, alternating being held by the two of us.
It was around eleven that morning that James and Lily showed up. Sirius and I knew they wouldn't leave right away, they never did. Not that either of us minded. We had all gotten used to seeing each other every day, a habit we were hardly going to grow out of anytime soon. Harry would have jumped at his parents if he could. The smiles on Lily and James' faces were enormous, splitting their faces from ear to ear. When Lily took Harry into her arm, she bounced him slightly into the air, watching as her son giggled and squealed, babbling away. James hugged the two of them close, the moment Lily had her arms around Harry, placing his hand on the back of Harry's hand and rustling the kid's hair.
"Hi, baby!" Lily cooed, kissing the top of Harry's head. "Hi!"
"Were you a good boy for Uncle Sirius and Uncle Remus?" James chuckled. "Hey? Were you a good boy?
The three of them just looked so happy. Through the war, James and Lily had stayed so optimistic, so loving and caring. They let nothing get in the way of them raising their son. They were there, at the frontline of the war, fighting to make a better world for Harry and all the other children in both the Muggle and Wizarding world. They had always seemed to happy, throughout it all. Even during the darkest times, when nobody thought we'd win. When nobody thought we'd survive. They were, as Alice and Frank called them, a Power Couple. You didn't have to know James and Lily long to know what they meant.
"Of course, he was, Prongs." Sirius grinned. "He's always good for us."
"Didn't make a peep all night." I added. "Been an absolute angel."
"I expected nothing less." Lily nodded.
It took only a minute or two before we all moved into the living room, with a cup of tea each. James and Lily huddled close on the sofa, Harry happy to sit with them both and play with their hands. Sirius and I took the other sofa, leaving only the two armchairs free. I couldn't help but smile, watching two of my best friends with their child. I still couldn't believe all the luck that had fallen on us all. On them. It was a miracle, to say the least.
"So, it looks like you two had a good night." I smiled, leaning back into the sofa cushions. "Seems like you really needed the break."
"I don't think we realised just how much we needed it." James laughed. "As much as we love our boy, raising a kid is hard work."
"Only just realised?
It was nice, being able to joke around with them all. It was nice that we were still able to be around each other. James and Lily had come so close to dying. If it hadn't been for a tip Dumbledore had received from someone, outside of The Order, telling us to move James, Lily and Harry…. Well, who knew what would have happened. I just wish we knew who told Dumbledore.
James and Lily took Harry home at, around, three that afternoon. It always seemed so quiet when the three of them were gone, something I never would have expected since I lived with Sirius. Harry brought this life with him, wherever he went.
Sirius and I sat in the living room, at opposite ends of the sofa. Whilst I was rereading my school books, to familiarise myself with the text and everything within it, Sirius was curled up in a ball, facing me, with a pad of paper and pencil in hand. The gentle scratch-scratch of the pencil against the paper was actually rather soothing, as if we were back in the Gryffindor Common Room. I could feel my muscles start to relax, the rest of the tension from that morning finally leaking out. My body ached from where it had been pulled painfully taut all day, protesting at how tight they had been wound. Sighing softly, I tried to be discreet about stretching out my limbs. Not that it worked. Sirius always seemed to know when something was wrong with me.
"Is it because of whatever happened this morning?" he asked, quietly, glancing at me from beneath his lashes, chewing at the inside of his cheek.
No point lying.
"Yeah…." I mumbled, placing my bookmark between the pages of my book, closing it before putting it on the coffee table.
"Wanna talk about it?" Sirius offered, slowly. "It might help."
Honestly, I wasn't sure if it would help. I had heard it so many times before and, sometimes, if truly did. It just depended on the problem. I just wasn't sure if this problem would be fixed by talking. It was most likely going to be something I lived with for the rest of my life, something I never got over. Dreams about that night would always haunt me, especially since there was no cure for what I had.
"I don't know." I sighed, dragging my hand down my face.
"There's no harm in trying." Sirius shrugged. "We can always change the subject, if you need to."
It was one of the things I loved about Sirius. Some people didn't get to see this side of him. Didn't get to see the gentle, caring man beneath the leather jacket and tattoos. A lot of people did, because Sirius trusted them and they actually treated him like a person. People like his Parents, however? They saw none of the man I knew. It almost made me feel bad for them. Almost.
"Greyback." I whispered.
The moment the name was out, Sirius sat up straighter, putting down his pad of paper and pencil. I didn't look at him, just kept my eyes on the sofa between us, biting at my lip.
"About when he…. You know." I muttered.
"Hey, you don't have to." Sirius told me, shifting a little closer, placing a hand on the back of my neck. "I know the basics, if you want to leave it at that."
"No, I–I want to tell you."
I didn't realise I wanted to until the words left my mouth. Sirius was one of the people I trusted the most. Out of everyone I knew, that knew about what I was, Sirius was probably the one I trusted the most to be the first I told about all of it.
"It was the night before my fifth birthday and I couldn't sleep, for obvious reasons. It was way past my bedtime, but I just wasn't tired. It must have been around ten when Greyback almost ripped my window off it's hinges. Glass went everywhere and Greyback was starting to change." I whispered. "I didn't know what was going on. I'd never heard about Werewolves before, let alone seen one. I guess I was a mix between fascinated and terrified but, either way, I just couldn't move."
It was somehow easy telling Sirius. The words seemed to flow, something that had never happened when it came to my condition. I mean, just telling Lily and the guys the basics had made me a stuttering mouse!
"I didn't even see Greyback move. One moment he was at my window, his body changing, next he was on top of me, pinning me down with his teeth clamped around my shoulder and his claws ripping through my body." I continued. "I don't really remember much apart from pain and blood but, apparently, my Dad heard me screaming and got off me, shooting him with curse after curse. If it wasn't for him, Greyback would have killed me."
Sirius didn't say anything. He just stared at me, his eyes wide.
"I didn't talk until the night before my first full moon. I was mostly healed by then, but it still hurt to talk and walk. Mum pretty much carried me everywhere, whenever she could." I added. "It took Dad months before he could stand to be in the same room as me. Even longer to look at or talk to me. I thought I had made him angry and it…. It killed me. It wasn't until he finally spoke to me that it was because he blamed himself, for what happened."
"Why?" Sirius barely whispered.
"Dad insulted Greyback and Werewolves, Greyback wanted to get back at him. What better way than to go after his kid? It was something that would hurt Dad the most."
Sirius didn't say anything else. He just shuffled closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, leaning his head against mine.
"I didn't find out why Greyback did it, until a couple of years before Dumbledore visited us." I told him, my eyes beginning to sting and throat aching. "Dad thought I would hate him, that I would blame him. But I never – I could never…."
I couldn't continue talking. I knew that if I did, I would be a mess. And Sirius knew that. So, he didn't ask any more questions, didn't say anything. He just sat there, his arm around me. I was lucky that he was my friend.
I know it's been a while, but I've been having a lot of issues with family, University, my anxiety, etc. It's kind of knocked me off of my writing. Trust me when I say I'm trying to write for my fics as fast as I can.
Please, please review XD
Thanks XD
