A/N: This one has been a wild ride. Memories are hazy. In this chapter, I am trying to go over the most significant ones. There may eventually be some flashbacks to fill in the gaps here. Memoriae Aeternae means eternal memory in Latin. Thank you for reading! -Lux-

Chapter 14: Memoriae Aeternae

The barrage of memories and feelings that inundated Severus kept him unconscious for a while. Unbeknownst to all the others in Sharptooth's office, Snape was having hundreds of scenes flashing through his mind. It felt like he was watching a movie at too fast a speed where you can't hear or see anything clearly. Dumbledore was cunning and, when it benefitted him, It was only his legilimency mastery that prevented him from going insane. His mind was trained to be organized. That training had taken almost a decade. He had used a similar layout to that of the Hogwarts library. He moved his shield around to allow for a bit of space. He sat down and saw a magical movie projector. He found that, if he stretched his palm facing the projection, it would stop. If he waved a hand to he right, it would play on. He could fast-forward, but he couldn't rewind.


Severus ran in the scene as a boy. He was sweating and in pain. He had just run away from his father's angry fists. The man wanted to beat the magic out of him. Unfortunately for him, the more he tried, the worse Severus bouts of accidental magic became. He hid behind a tree. His father would usually drink himself into a stupor by dinner after disciplining him. He heard a sound that would be with him for decades.

A couple of girls who looked to be around his age were running throwing a frisbee back and forth. One had mousy brown hair and the other had the prettiest brightest red hair that Severus had ever seen. The redhead laughed carelessly.

"Tuni!"

"Don't call me that Lily!" the brunette responded, throwing the Frisbee as far as she could. It landed near Severus. He immediately sat down and looked away. His hair was almost reaching his jaw, and he kept it long so he could cover -at least partially- the bruises around his eyes.

The redhead laughed and went after the frisbee. She bent down to take it and noticed Severus.

"Hello!" she said in a cheery tone.

"Hello," he replied, keeping his face looking to the other side.

"Would you like to play with us?" she offered.

"I am not allowed," he replied, looking down.

"What? Why? You are a little boy… Boys are supposed to play and have fun… so are girls!" she was not happy about this.

"My father says I can't."

"Well… is your father here?" she asked playfully. The girl had a rebellious streak, especially when it came to injustices.

"No"

"Is he coming?"

"I don't think so," he answered with a shrug.

"Then come play with us!" she said, waving the Frisbee in front of his turned face.

Severus was worried. The moment she saw his bruises, she wouldn't want him to play with them anymore. He looked at her. She gasped.

"What happened to you?"

"Nothing."

"Did you fall off the tree?" she asked. A girl from a healthy family unit couldn't jump from bruise to abuse.

Severus thought he would be better off lying to her. "I did."

"Well, that simply will not do," she said with crossed arms.

"What won't do?"

"You. Falling off of trees. No friend of mine can fall off of trees! That will ruin my reputation as the neighborhood's tree climbing princess!" she said, offering him her hand to stand up. Severus chuckled at the princess part. But he realized she called him a friend.

"Friend?"

"Yup."

"Do you have a name or should I just call you friend?"

She pulled him up and towards the other girl. "This is my older sister, Petunia, and my name is Lily."

"I'm Severus."

"That is a horrible name," quipped Petunia.

"Coming from someone named Petunia?" the boy bit back.

Petunia huffed and left in annoyance. Lily doubled in laughter as soon as her sister was not in hearing distance. Severus couldn't help but notice she had the prettiest eyes he had ever seen.

"Oh my God! Her face!"

"Is she always like that?"

"My mom says she has the spirit of a mean old lady."

Severus chuckled. It was a good description. "I didn't mean to offend her. I was just pointing out…"

"she shouldn't judge others," both said at the same time.

Lily smiled. "So… Are you coming to the park tomorrow?"

"I don't know, why?"

"I meant what I said before. I'm going to teach you how to climb a tree properly, so you don't get hurt again..."

"Oh… Um, I don't know. Around the same time, I guess," he said shrugging.

"Okay, bring comfortable clothes and shoes."

"Okay," Severus said, and for the first time in a long time, he smiled.


Many scenes moved around rapidly. He saw how his mother was proud of his magic but wanted him to hide it from his father. He skipped through their fights and beatings. He doubted anyone had those memories locked away. It had probably been his own brain, trying to avoid further trauma. He watched with melancholy how he and Lily became inseparable. He saw himself and Lily growing up together, attending the same muggle school, visiting the library, having fun, learning about magic from Eileen Snape nee Prince. He didn't want to watch all the scenes now. It would be too painful. However, as he searched through the film, he saw a glimpse of a blue door and for some reason felt it was a crucial memory.


A young Severus was standing outside a blue door. It was snowing heavily and he was carrying a wrapped gift. The door opened, and he saw a blur of red hair.

"Severus!" Lily exclaimed, pulling him in for a hug. She looked to be around fourteen-years-old. "Mom, dad, Sev is here!"

He could almost feel the hug, smell her perfume. "Lily, do not call me Sev, please."

He reached his hand forward as if to touch her and was swallowed by the projection. His adult self merged with his teen self in his memory.

"Oh, don't be so cranky, Sev," she pulled him in. It was Christmas. The twinkling lights were an indicator, as was the mistletoe. Lily took his coat. Petunia came in looked at him up and down with disgust and kept walking towards the kitchen. They never managed to patch things up. He looked at Lily, and she shrugged. He felt Lily's small hand take his own and pull him towards the living room. She stopped under the mistletoe and kissed his cheek. He smiled.

"Merry Christmas, lad," Mr. Evans said, shaking his hand.

"Merry Christmas, sir."

"Lily bug, why don't you get him some cider and cookies," Mr. Evans suggested.

Lily nodded and skipped to the kitchen.

"You like my girl, don't you?" Mr. Evans inquired softly, taking the present and putting it under the tree.

"S-Sir?"

"If you like her, you should tell her… Otherwise, someone else may get ahead of you..."

"U-Um, sir… I-"

"I know you didn't ask for my advice, and that my opinion isn't objective, but my Lily is quite beautiful inside and out, and lately she's been talking an awful lot about some other lad called James," Mr. Evans said cheekily. Seeing with pleasure how the teen was flustered, he smiled.

"James? As in Potter?" Severus was flabbergasted. That buffoon? That bully?

"Here you go, Sev," Lily said, offering him a cup of apple cider adorned with a cinnamon stick and a thin slice of apple. Mr. Evans went back to the hall to work on his train set.

"How is it going with homework?"

"Only Binns would leave us such an assignment over the holidays."

"I know! And it's Professor Binns, Sev,"

"He's a ghost, Lils!"

"Yes, but he's still a professor," she smiled. "Where's my present?"

"Mr. Evans put it under the tree."

They sat on the sofa. Severus was yearning to hold her hand. Their hands were on the couch, almost touching, but he didn't dare to actually touch it. It was the definition of sweet torture.

"Sevy, is your dad home for Christmas?" Lily asked is a delicate voice. The teen winced.

"Yes."

"Then, how are you here? I know he doesn't like you hanging out with me…" Lily sighed.

"It's not you… he just doesn't like me to be happy at all" Severus shrugged, staring at the fire crackling in the Evans' fireplace.

"Do I make you happy?" Lily asked, covering his hand with her own.

He turned to face her, "No, Lily. You don't make me happy…" She looked away, but he pulled her chin to have her face him again, and then he said: "You make me the happiest."

Her beautiful jade eyes turned bright, and the turquoise flecks seem to be lighter than ever. She gave him a bone-crushing hug. He made a pained face. His ribs were still tender from his father's typical 'welcome home' beating. He took a shaky breath. When Lily hugged him like this, he felt like he mattered, like he was loved, like he was accepted... He felt safe. Lily pulled away, she knew that when he did that he was about to cry. He hated crying, especially in public.

"Daddy, I am going to show Sev my new telescope. We'll come down for dinner," she took his hand and pulled him upstairs to her room. Severus had never been upstairs. Lily's bedroom was unmistakably hers. Bookcases all over, filled to the brim. A mahogany desk covered in neatly organized school supplies. Her cauldron was in the corner of her room, bubbling with a pain-relieving potion. It had taken her a while to get that potion right, which was a rare occurrence. She had asked for his copy of Advanced Potion-Making with his notes. That was how she finally managed to brew it correctly.

She closed the door behind him and pulled him back to her arms. The dam broke. It would be half an hour until he managed to calm down enough to speak.

"Sevy, please talk to me. What did he do now?" Lily asked, caressing his right cheek and wiping away his tears with her free hand. He shook his head. "Don't you trust me?" she asked, holding his hand and squeezing. He nodded enthusiastically. "Then tell me… You can tell me anything. I won't judge you. I love you, Sevy, it hurts me to see you like this."

I love you, Sevy. I love you, Sevy. I love you, Sevy.

Tears began falling from his eyes again. He looked away, "I can show you… But I think that will hurt you more."

"I am stronger than you think, Sevy," she said, sitting down on her bed and crossing her arms.

Severus stood in front of her, shaking. He was scared she would be disgusted and would want nothing to do with him anymore. He slowly took off his sweater and unbuttoned his shirt. Lily blushed. That was much more than she had ever seen of her friend… or any boy for that matter. Her nervousness gave way to horror as he took off his shirt and turned around. His back was covered in thick scars, cuts, and bruises in different colors. Lily's heart broke for her friend. Before she could stop herself, she stood up and hugged him from behind. With their height difference, the top of her head reached the middle of his shoulder blade. There was a horrible, recent, reddish scar right there. She kissed it. She felt his skin explode in goosebumps, and he sighed her name. She now understood why she had never met his family. He was trying to keep her safe.

"We need to get you out of there, Sevy," she whispered against his skin. "As soon as possible."

The door swung open, and Mrs. Evans stood there wearing an apron and pointing at them with a wooden spoon. "What is the meaning of this?!" she asked in an amused tone. The Evans had a very peculiar sense of humor. Mrs. Evans knew the boy liked her daughter, and he was a good person. She also knew her daughter would never do anything untoward. But any thoughts of teasing them died as soon as Lily jumped away from the boy and Mrs. Evans saw the teen's marred back. The boy was horribly abused. They needed to do something. However, before Mrs. Evans could react and offer help, the boy pulled on his sweater and ran out of the house. Lily went after him, but it was too late. She couldn't know where he had gone. She was certain he wouldn't go back to his parents, but where could he be. Severus ran as fast as he could, and when he stopped, he was in a different memory.


He was hanging upside down while James Potter taunted him in front of all the other students.

"Let's see if his underpants are as dirty as his hair!"

Severus' belt snapped open, but before James could cut his pants open, a mass of fiery red ran in the scene and stepped in front of Snape.

"Put. Him. Down!" Lily Evans was so upset her hair was floating with invisible electricity around her head.

"Lily, love, please get out of the way. I would hate for you to get hurt," James said, laughing but refusing to put Severus down.

"I am NOT your love! But I would LOVE to see you try! I demand a duel!"

"Jade, you can't demand a duel!" Lupin tried to reason with his closest female friend. "James, that's enough! Don't be a child!"

James kept laughing and started bouncing a now green Severus in the air. Up and down. Up and down.

"Why the bloody hell not?!" she shot back, pointing her wand at James.

"Don't shoot the messenger, gorgeous, but you can't demand a duel because you are a woman," Sirius said, putting his hands up in a clear giving up gesture. He started backing off. He knew Lily better than to believe she would give a damn about some ancient, sexist rule.

Lily's face transformed with fury. "Remy, is that true?!" Remus nodded with a frown. He was now pulling on James' wand arm. But one look from Lily told him to jump out of the way.

"Well, since I am a muggle-born, perhaps those rules don't apply to me!" before James realized what she meant, she had sent a series of spells his way so quickly that he was left wandless, petrified, and completely embarrassed. She had sent a silent expelliarmus, followed by a petrificus totalus, and a spell that turned James' clothes into a woman's plaid muggle school skirt and sheer bra.

Remus bit the insides of her cheeks to keep from laughing. Trust Lily to use a Marauders' spell against its inventor. Sirius didn't bother hiding his mirth. He was splayed on the floor, laughing at James, who was struggling to sit up. Only Peter Pettigrew, who had remained at bay because he was terrified of angry Lily, tried to help him stand up.

"Finite incantatem," Lily said, pointing her wand at Severus. "Severus, are you okay?"

"I was perfectly fine, Lily. I didn't need your help!"

"Was that before or after you started to look green? Stupid fragile male ego! You know what? I am done with men!"

"What? Nobody asked you to help! It is your ego which needs to be dialed down. Brightest with of her age my ass you mudblood!" Spat Snape. As soon as he said it, he knew he had gone too far and regretted it. Her eyes went dark, and her expression hardened.

Remus, Sirius, and especially James looked ready to kill Severus.

"Very well, I will get my filthy self out of your presence. I wouldn't want to pollute your royal blood, Prince. Here is James' wand. Do what you want with it. I am done with you."

Severus felt his insides being charbroiled. He grabbed her arm, "Lily, no, please. I'm sorry! That was the stupidest thing I could have said to you!"

"Well, clearly, pureblood does not mean polite blood. Unhand me unless you want to end up with a matching skirt! We both know you don't have the legs to pull it off."

She slapped him harshly. Severus let go of her arm as if it had burned him. She grabbed her broom and flew away towards the castle. He threw James' wand to the lake and ran to find her. He needed to fix things with her. She was only trying to be a good friend, but he was embarrassed that she was constantly saving him. He was supposed to protect her, not the other way around. The worst part was that she was saving Severus from James.

As he ran, he felt himself, walking back and forth in front of a blank wall. He needed to think about how Lily would have thought.

I need a place to hide…. Nothing.

I need a place to cry… Nothing

I need a place where he can't find me… A door appeared. He opened the door slowly. Seeing Lily cry like that pierced his heart.

"Lily?"

"How the hell did you find me!?" She yelled at him. "Leave me alone!"

"Lily, please. Listen to me... After you hear me, I will never even look in your direction again if you ask me to…"

"How could you call me by that name? It was you who taught me why it was so offensive and hurtful. I would have never thought you could be so mean to me!" she stepped in front of him and hit his chest with closed fists. That barely hurt him. Seeing her cry like that felt like acid drops poured on his skin. He decided he needed to risk it all now. There had to be at least an ounce of Gryffindor in him. He engulfed her in a tight hug which she stopped resisting after a few seconds.
"Lily, I am so sorry for calling you that! I was so angry at Potter and so embarrassed that you of all people had seen me like that! I felt weak and pathetic! I have always felt unworthy of your friendship… of your l-love…"

"You were angry at him but took it out on me! Sev, you scared me! For a second, I thought you would hit me!"

"Lily! No! I could never hit you. I am so sorry I scared you and offended you. I understand if you can't trust me again or if you don't want to be my friend anymore…"

She pulled away. "It will take time to heal this, Severus. You are my best friend. Yet, you act like I insult you by acting like your friend! What am I supposed to do? Watch? Laugh at you? You know me better than that. I hate bullies and injustice. I can't just ignore it when someone is hurting my friend!"

Severus hung his head in shame. She was right. Of course, she was right. She was Lily Evans. "I really don't deserve you, Lils." Snape put his forehead against hers. They had never been that close. She looked up, and he got lost in her eyes.

"You do, Sevy. I am not going to throw years of friendship down the drain over a bruised ego. But I am warning you Sev, if you EVER call me that again, we will be done for good."

"I understand."

"I just don't get it, you know. Why do you and James have to fight each other so bloody much?" Lily asked, sitting down on the couch the room provided.

"He hates me," Severus replied, sitting down next to her.

"But why?" Lily asked with a frown. "I don't see him bullying anyone else, Sev."

"Lils… It's because of you."

"What!? What do you mean because of me?"

"He hates that we are… close"

"But, why the hell would he care, Sevy?"

"You can't be serious…" Severus sighed. He knew Lily was pretty innocent for her age. She was brought up in a sheltered way, but she couldn't be that naïve. He knew that, once he told her Potter fancied her, she would start caring. Potter was a pampered sought-after wizard. His family was rich and prestigious.

"I am serious. Do you know why?" Lily looked genuinely confused.

"He fancies you! Okay, Lily? That's why he hates me. He wants to be with you."

The witch seemed shocked for a second and then started laughing hysterically. Severus looked at her with a frown. Once she calmed down, she motioned for him to scoot over down the side of the couch. He took a pillow and put it on his leg. She stretched out and lied down, resting her head on the pillow covering his thigh.

"Sev, you can't be right. Have you seen the girls that are always around him? They are superficial, airheads… and they are all purebloods. The only decent one is Amelia Bones. I like her. She's nice."

Severus nodded. He started using his fingers to comb through her luscious red locks. He couldn't help himself. Each strand felt like a silk thread. She sighed contentedly. She loved when people played with her hair. "Lily, I am positive he likes you" he smiled in a daze and whispered more to himself than to her, "and I can't blame him."

Her eyes that were closed in relaxation snapped open at that. "What did you say?"

"Um, nothing…"

"Sev, talk to me," she said, sitting up.

"Forget it, Lils," he said, looking away. She pulled his face towards her.

"Sevy, do you… fancy me?" Lily asked, her eyes baring his very soul. He was hypnotized by her. He couldn't have lied even if he wanted to. He nodded slowly.

Lily's mouth formed an 'O' in surprise. He wanted to kiss her more than he wanted to breathe again. But he didn't dare to move forward. She blushed. "I had no idea…"

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have said anything and I know you don't feel that way. I didn't want to tell you because I was terrified that it would ruin our friendship…"

"Well… You don't really think much of our friendship then…"

"What?"

"What did you think I would do? Run for the hills?" she chuckled. He looked away. "You really did think I would, didn't you?"

He nodded. Lily hugged him tightly. "Have a little more faith in me, Sev… And give me some time to figure out my feelings. It never occurred to me that you might fancy me like that…"

"Time for what?"

"You are my best friend. I trust and love you. I may possibly fall in love with you too… Although I do think I'm too young to have a… a boyfriend."

"Really?" he smiled the brightest smile Lily had ever seen on him. Her stomach felt butterflies beginning to form. She nodded. Boyfriend. That sounded so nice.

"We should get going, it's almost curfew," she said, looking at her watch.

He nodded. Lily kissed his cheek and left. She had never done that before. A dazed Severus got up and followed her. He opened the door and walked into another memory.


"Lily, Severus… do be quiet," Madam Pince whispered behind them.

"Sorry, Madam Pince," Lily said with a repentant smile. She walked away sadly.

Snape whispered, "Is it me, or is she sad?"

"No, I think you are right... Maybe we can cheer her up?"

"How?" he whispered. She chuckled.

"I know! Blippy!" Lily said with a smile. A Hogwarts elf popped between them. Lily bent down to hug the little elf who looked about to burst from sheer happiness.

"Miss Lily calls for Blippy! How cans Blippy be helping Miss Lily?"

"Blippy, do you know if Madam Pince has a favorite food?"

Blippy looked thoughtful for a moment. "She always is getting seconds of beef wellington with mashed potatoes and veggies… Hers favorite dessert is being brownies with vanilla ice cream."

"Interesting." Severus looked confused.

"What, Sev?"

"Those are my mother's favorite foods…"

"Really? What a strange coincidence, don't you think?"

"Yeah…"

"So Blippy, when it's ten minutes before dinner, could you please bring her a tray with her favorites?"

"Yes, Miss Lily. Blippy cans do that for yous," the elf nodded with fervor.

Lily grabbed a piece of parchment and wrote:


Madam Pince,

We are sorry you aren't feeling your best lately. We thank you for putting up with our constant visits. Here is a little something to cheer you up. If we can do anything else to make your days easier, let us know. We would hug you, but we don't want you to think we are disrespectful. We admire you and appreciate all the hard work you do here; especially, considering we are the ones who bug you the most.

Love

Lily and Severus


"What do you think?" Lily asked, showing Severus the letter.

"I think I would never sign a letter with 'Love, Severus'" he said with a frown.

"What? That's not true! That's how you sign the letters you send me, Sev," Lily smiled.

"B-But that is different," he stammered.

"And here I thought Madam Pince was quite an attractive woman…"

"Lily!"

She laughed. Severus colored but stopped talking. Lily kneeled in front of Blippy "Put this with the tray, okay? If you can, get some flowers on her tray too."

Blippy nodded, "Everything will be dones as you is asking."

"Thank you, Blippy. You are the best!" Lily kissed the top of the elf's head. Blippy seemed to sparkle for a moment.

He could have pushed her with the Love thing. However, he had already told her how he felt and was still waiting for her to make up her mind. After a while, they were engulfed in their assignment. Snape was stuck trying to find a term. He felt himself zoning out... Every time they were working on Potions, he would sink into the books and ignore everyone around him

"Yes?" he replied as he skimmed the book's index for the ingredient they were looking for.

"I've been thinking."

"Mhmm"

"and I would like us to go to Hogsmeade together next weekend."

"Mhmm"

"Sev!"

"Mhmm"

She grabbed one of her lightest tomes and swatted his head.

"Ouch! What was that for?"

"Did you hear anything I just said?"

"Y-Yes?"

She swatted him again.

"Sorry, can you repeat that?"

She swatted him a third time and snickered.

"I walked right into that one, didn't I?"

"Yup."

"Come on, Lils, tell me," Severus pouted. Lily looked conflicted for a minute, but her Gryffindor courage failed her.

"Nevermind…"


"Irma, you need to calm down," Dumbledore said, signaling for her to sit down behind her desk.

"Don't you dare call me that!"

Severus was in the Library searching for a Herbology tome. It was dark out. He was only allowed in because Madam Pince had eventually grown fond of him and Lily. They were her most frequent visitors, and they would help return the books other students have left behind to their original place.

Madam Pince had given Severus a spare key this morning, and he went in the Library around 5 pm. When Dumbledore came in chasing the librarian, Snape kept quiet. He was scared to get in trouble. After all, he should be having dinner. She was putting several things from her drawers in a bag.

"And I will NOT calm down! How dare you play with our lives like this!?"

"It is for the Greater Good, Eileen," Dumbledore replied, pointing at her with his wand.

"The Greater Good? Whose? You altered my memories, changed my appearance, brought me here against my will, hired me under false pretenses, and what about what you did to my son!?"

"You have to admit he is far happier here than with Tobias," Dumbledore said, forcing her to sit down with a flick of his wrist. Severus froze.

"I was leaving him! I wanted to start over with Sev! You had no right!"

"I had every right. Do you think I would allow you to ruin my plans? Never!" he moved his wand and ropes wrapped around her and the chair, tightly.

"You even had the gall to make a mockery of me with the name you gave me! You think you are so clever, don't you? Because that is what it was, isn't it? You couldn't resist giving me an anagram for a name!"

Severus covered his mouth with his right hand to quieten his gasp. Irma Pince was an anagram… for I am Prince. Severus was shaking. Eileen… Eileen Prince. She was… his mother!? But his mother was dead… Dumbledore told him… Then it struck him. It was all lies.

In his shock, his left hand, which was holding a couple of books, went slack. The books sound was magnified by the otherwise silent library. Snape tried to hide, but Dumbledore's evil twinkling eyes had seen him. He felt the familiar sensation of being stunned and knew no more. Mrs. Prince and her son were obliviated again.


"10 points for Slytherin Mr. Snape," Professor Slughorn said with a cheerful tone. "You and Ms. Evans are tied in the first place. Closely followed by Mr. Lupin and Mr. Potter. Class dismissed."

Lily squeezed Severus' hand under the table. Everyone gathered their things to leave. Slughorn called the friends over to his desk. He also called James and Remus. Sirius shrugged and left with Peter.

"As you know, I organize a party for my most gifted students each year…"

"Yes, sir. For Seventh Years only, right?"

"Usually, but I am going to make an exception with the four of you," Slughorn said with a smile. "Some of the best potions masters in the world will be attending. You may be able to get yourselves some good opportunities. You must bring a date."

The teens blushed at that. They grabbed their things and went out. Snape lingered to ask Slughorn who the potion masters were. That way, he could do research on them and be prepared.

"Lily?"

"What is it, James?"

"Would you like to be my date for the Slug Club party?"

"Um… I don't know," she replied, looking around for Severus. "Why are you asking me? I doubt it's due to lack of options."

"I am asking you because I think you are the most wonderful girl in Hogwarts. You are scary smart. You are a lot of fun… And I think you are breathtaking. Think about it, will you?"

"Okay, I'll think about it."


"Snape?" James Potter approached him after Potions.

"What do you want, Potter?" Severus replied apprehensively. Lily had left in a hurry to meet with Professor McGonagall to request permission to work under her as an apprentice for the next term.

"Look, I just want to apologize to you…" James began, looking contrite.

Snaped looked at him, disbelieving, "What are you up to Potter?"

"Nothing, really. I just wanted to tell you that I know I have been mean to you for years. And I know that my behavior was uncalled for… I just… You know I'm in love with Lily. I was so jealous that you got to spend so much time with her. I mean, you are in Slytherin, and you see her more than I do!" James said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"And you are telling me this because?" Snape asked in his typical manner, dragging his words slowly.

"Because you are a good person, and I was a jerk," James shrugged. Severus noticed there was no malice in his voice.

"I am a good person?"

"Yes, you have to be. After all, Lily is dating you."

Snape frowned. Whoever was gossiping about them had it wrong. They had been spending more time together, but they weren't really dating. Lily was still trying to decide if she wanted to try to be more than friends, and Severus would never pressure her. "I consider myself lucky to have her in my life."

"You should… Severus, just… Treat her right, okay? She's the most wonderful woman I have ever met," James said with a pleading look.

"I would never hurt her… James," Snape said, offering his hand. "I accept your apology. However, if you choose to revert back to your old ways, just know that Lily has been training me to duel better."

"I will keep that in mind, mate. Thank you." James clapped Severus' back lightly.

Someone cleared their throat behind them, closed the door, and approached them.

"Gentlemen," said a younger Albus Dumbledore. "Is there a problem here?"

"No, sir. Quite the opposite. I have apologized to Severus for my bullying, and he has accepted my apology," James said with a proud smile. Even Snape smiled at this.

"Oh. I see. Well, that simply cannot be allowed," Dumbledore replied with an evil smile. The teens looked at each other in alarm. Before they could touch their wands, they had been obliviated and forced to drink a heavy dose of Hate potion linked to one another. In Snape's case, he waved his wand over the man's head and implanted the idea that he couldn't trust Lily Evans and that she was dating James Potter. Albus needed Snape as his little pawn for the upcoming war. For that to happen, he couldn't have any attachments. Dumbledore knew that Snape was one of those people who fell in love only once and loved for life. Lily Evans was the kind of woman men didn't give up on. Severus was almost out of Hogwarts and Albus would need him. Professor Dumbledore levitated James out, disillusioned him and placed him on a bench. Snape woke up in an empty classroom, tied up, and with a handkerchief with a Potter crest embroidered on it inside his mouth. He cursed James. He would get back at him.


"Sev?" Lily asked with a smile.

"What do you want?" he snapped at her. Her smile dropped.

"Sorry, am I interrupting?"

"You always interrupt, Evans."

"What? I thought you would be happy to see me."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to tell you something. I've been doing some thinking, and I would like to give us a shot."

Snape's brain froze. He felt compelled to tell her to go fuck herself, but something deep inside him wanted to jump for joy and kiss her. Why couldn't he move? His face was completely impassive. He couldn't even make himself smile.

"What about Potter?"

"James? What about him?"

"Do you really think I don't know you've been sleeping with him?!"

"What?! We barely even talk!" Lily was furious. Her eyes filled with tears. "Since when do you believe bloody rumors?"

"You don't need to talk to fuck him!"

She slapped him as hard as she could. "You bastard! I am not sleeping with anybody! What the fuck, Sev? I thought you were in love with me!"

"I could never love a mudblood whore."

Before Lily could reply, James ran out of nowhere, tackled, and started punching Severus with hatred, everywhere he could reach. Lily would have usually defended her friend, but now, her knees gave out from under her. Sirius and Remus caught her before she fell down. Severus' words felt like stabs in her heart. Sirius jumped in to stop James. Severus' was beaten badly.

"James, that's enough! You are killing him!"

"He called her a-"

"I know! Get a grip. This scene is not helping Lils!"


Severus was holding on to a sink in one of the common lavatories. He had a vicious grip on the sink in front of him. His knuckles were white.

"Snape! We need to talk…" Remus Lupin was behind him.

Severus looked up at Lupin in the mirror and replied a simple but forceful "Fuck off, Lupin!"

"You absolute ass! She was nothing but your friend for years! She loved you, accepted you, protected you, supported you! She was starting to fall in love with you, and you had to go and call her a you-know-what whore!" Remus was incensed. "How could you?"

"You think I don't know you are all fucking her?" Snape yelled, a wave of his magic pushing Remus away.

"WHAT?!" Remus yelled, grabbing Snape's upper arm. "What the bloody hell did you just say?!"

"You heard me, you mutt!"

Remus growled and tackled Snape. "Take that back, you tosser! Lily is a wonderful person. She, unlike you, has morals and decency."

"Sectusempra maxima!" Snape bellowed and then turned to flee. He turned on his heel to see a shocked Sirius Black who, for a couple of seconds, looked as ready to kill and torture as his cousin Bellatrix Black. Snape was about to curse Sirius, but he punched him so harshly that Severus staggered and fell backward, hitting the back of his head on a sink. He was struggling to remain conscious. He could see a blurry Remus falling down from all the blood he was losing. His clothes were cut all over his body by invisible stabbings. A blurry Sirius rushed to him.

"Moony!"

"G-get Li-Lily!"

Sirius touched something under the neck of his shirt. It was probably an emergency amulet. Then he tried to stop the bleeding, which wouldn't stop. Foggy Severus felt a bizarre compulsion to help him, but he couldn't speak. Sirius was attempting healing spells to no avail. He was crying in desperation.

"Moony, p-please stay with me!"

"C-can't… S-Sorry."

"Don't do this to me, Remy, not now" Sirius had one arm supporting Lupin's head.

"I lo-lo-love you," said Remus with a strained voice; then, he went limp in Sirius' arms.

"NO! Remy! No! Don't leave me!"

"Sirius?" James and Lily ran into the room. He slipped on the blood. Lily held him up. She saw Remus, then Sirius and Snape.

"Don't you dare die on me, Remy!"

Lily gasped, "Sectusempra."

"What the fuck is that Lily?"

"A spell he created"

"He added a m-maxima after that," said a sobbing Sirius who wouldn't let go of Remus. Padfoot was laying his head on Remus' chest to check for a heartbeat but realized Remy's chest wasn't going up and down. "He's not breathing!"

"James, remember that book I showed you on CPR?" Lily asked. He nodded. "Try that!" Lily ran to Snape and applied a succession of spells to stabilize and restrain him. She knelt and made him look into her eyes. Severus felt he could fight back whatever kept him from speaking. "Severus, PLEASE! If you ever cared for me at all… Tell me how to FIX this! He's dying!"

He opened and closed his mouth, straining to speak. He felt as if an invisible hand was choking him. Perhaps he could communicate differently. He gestured with a pleading look. Lily put up her hand with her palm facing him. He drew with his shaky finger on it. She said what she felt out loud so he could nod if she were right.

"V?" Nod. "U?" Nod. "L?" Nod. "N?" Nod. "U?" Nod. "S?" Nod. "Vulnus?" she asked. He nodded enthusiastically with a pained expression and difficulty breathing. "S?" Nod. "A?" Nod. "N?" Nod. "A?" Nod. "R?" Nod. "E?" Nod. "Sanare?" she asked again. Nod.

Severus was gesticulating and trying his hardest to open his mouth but he couldn't. It felt like it was glued together. He could almost hear Lily's mind rushing in desperation. She mouthed different Latin conjugations. Her eyes went wide. She looked at him. "Vulnera Sanentur?" He nodded once slowly, struggling against the fist that was threatening to collapse his airways. He started fading from the effort. The last thing he saw was Lily running back and starting to chant Vulnera Sanentum all over Remus. Sirius joined her while James kept going with the CPR.

What prevented Remus from dying that day was the wolf inside him, which made him more resistant than regular people. Had Severus attacked Sirius or James, they would have certainly died. It was the wolf and Lily's marvelous brain. Lord and Lady Potter had bought copious amounts of Essence of Dittany to help with the scarring.


Severus woke up in such pain that he couldn't even open his eyes. He quickly realized he was tied to a hospital bed. There were curtains around his bed, but he could hear the voices of the Marauders' voices.

"Fuck that Lils! Moony could have died!" Sirius said agitatedly.

"He just turned seventeen! He can't go to Azkaban!" Lily whispered-shouted. Severus heard footsteps walking away.

"Lily, we can't tell him how to deal with this," James said. "He saw his best friend almost die."

"James, you do understand that you are Sirius' best friend. Remus is the man he loves," Lily explained.

"W-What? As in they preferred to be attacked from behind?!" James replied in mock shock.

"James! That's a horrible way to put it!" Lily whispered-shouted. "You did know this, right?"

"Of course I did! For a minute, when we first had a sleepover, I was scared Sirius would want to play a wands' duel with me!"

"James!" she laughed her shy laugh.

"Luckily, I'm not his type… and he's not mine."

"Just what is your type?"

"Terrifyingly brilliant, the kind who can conjugate Latin words under pressure. Incredibly caring, the kind of caring that makes the world a better place, that makes me want to be better. Crazy brave. With a wonderful moral compass… I am partial to flaming red hair and green eyes. But not just any green shade. They have to be emerald green with turquoise and amber specks."

She chuckled. "Only you could use a friend's convalescence to flirt, James."

"Ah, so you caught me? I thought I was subtle."

"You are as subtle as an elephant in a china store," she laughed.

"And?"

"What do you mean 'and'?"

"Is it working?"

"Wouldn't you like to know…"

Severus felt a sharp stabbing pain in his chest. He was going to lose Lily to James. But he shouldn't give a damn. She wasn't trustworthy. But then, why did he yearn to be with her? To touch her? To hold her?


Many more scenes flashed in Severus' mind. He lost count of the number of times he was obliviated or potioned by Dumbledore. He saw himself and Lily eventually making up once they graduated and were away from Dumbledore's nasty influence. He saw her tell him she was falling in love with James. He saw a fast-forwarded conversation between him and James that ended with a civil handshake and Severus feeling deep, resigned envy. However, Severus decided he would accept that Lily wanted James, and he made her happy.

Snape saw petty fights and big fights over the years. He saw reconciliations. He saw himself being forgiven many more times than he would have ever forgiven anyone. He saw her getting married to James and saw himself as her man of honor. He saw her excitement at being pregnant. She started the conversation with a bright "Good evening, Uncle Sev!" He remembered feeling happy. He had loved Lily intensely, but he knew her heart was lost to Potter. Snape knew he could have hoped to win Lily's heart before she gave it to her son. Now it was far too late.

He then relived his worst nightmare. His happy memories as their relationship changed were erased. This helped him go dark quickly. He thought his father killed his mother. He saw his career as a Death Eater. He saw the people he killed and hurt. He saw Dumbledore's manipulation. He could now remember Albus using a modified version of an Imperius curse over and over again through the years, as well as obliviation of all degrees. The last thing he saw was Dumbledore's careless and callous reaction to being told the Potters were dead. He had smiled in satisfaction for a fraction of a second, but Severus saw it, and that was enough for him to attack the Headmaster the muggle way.

Snape had been the first to the scene. When he saw a dead James Potter, he knew the sight that awaited him. The love of his life and her baby were dead. He ran up the stairs and found Lily on the ground. He could see nothing else but her open lifeless eyes staring into the void. He collapsed, crying, yelling, and clutching her cold corpse to his body. When he managed to breathe, shakily, he suddenly saw something move inside the crib. Harry was alive… And he had his mother's eyes. Severus Snape promised then and there that he would dedicate to protecting her son forever. He had failed his Lily, he would NOT fail her Harry.

His enthusiasm was short-lived. He was put under mind healers' observation for forty-eight hours because, with the traumatic event of her death, all the enchantments, compulsions, and potions were coming out of his system. His psyche was imploding. While he was in the observation period, Albus came to visit, under James' invisibility cloak, and when he left, he took Severus' memories away with him and put back the compulsions and readministered the hate potion. Severus Snape was a pawn in Albus' chessboard. No pieces moved in the Wizarding World without his express wish. Dumbledore was on the highway to hell. He was in the fast lane to become a Dark Lord, one that would be worse than his ex-lover Grindelwald and Lord Voldemort combined. A wise muggle once said, "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." Albus Dumbledore's character could no longer pass any test.


Severus' head started pounding as he was thrown out of the projection. His body began to feel like it was burning up during the third memory he saw. Dumbledore must have taken precautions to make sure he would sorely regret it if he ever tried to look for holes. Those precautions were meant to force him out before he got any more information that was damaging to Dumbledore. Snape began taking deep breaths. He needed to get out of his head. However, his library had become a maze. The maze wasn't of his own creation. He could sense Albus' magical signature. Dread started creeping under his skin. His breathing became strenuous. He needed to find a way out before Albus managed to lock him inside his brain forever.

He went in the maze with agitation, expecting his worst nightmares. He needed to find a way out soon. He had to help protect Harry! He had to apologize to a lot of people… and most importantly, he needed to find his mother and help her fill the holes in her memory too. A thought struck him, he had always thought that he loved the library because of Lily, but now he knew his soul was happy there because he had the two people he loved the most beside him. How Snape managed to stay sane was a mystery even to himself. Prolonged and repetitive memory spells were very damaging to a person's psyche. No wonder Severus had been clinically depressed for years. His mood swings, his despair, his frustration, his inability to form and keep lasting relationships... Now he knew. His brain had been abused for years. He needed to get checked to make sure his brain could go back to normal, whatever that normal was.