Title: Step At A Time

Author: ZombieJazz

Fandom: SVU

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law&Order: Special Victims Unit and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Jack, Benji and Emmy have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.

Summary: With the fall upon them, Olivia Benson and Brian Cassidy help their young children start a new chapter in their lives. They must work to come to terms with the new challenges and struggles facing them — including Benji's health, middle school, Grade 1 and new developments, colleagues and dynamics at their jobs. All the while they must make the necessary adjustments to their family and work life to operate within their new reality.

The story is set in the Hello Goodbye, Welcome Home, Facing Forward, Best Laid Plans AU.

CHAPTER 5 WAS ADDED EARLIER TODAY — WITH LESS THAN 24 HOURS IT WILL NOT HAVE BUMPED TO THE TOP AGAIN AND THERE MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN TWO ALERTS. PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO READ IT.

GO BACK ONE CHAPTER AND CHECK.

Brian gave Jack a hard look as the grown-ass kid came over and sat a couple feet down from them on the long row of stepped benches adjacent the playground. That was as close as he got – and apparently as close as he was going to get to giving an apology to his little nephew too. Not that Ben had got being a narc about whatever Jack had gone and said or done this time. Didn't really matter anyway and Brian could hazard a fair number of guesses about just the kind of jack-ass Jack had decided to be on that particular occasion.

Instead he looked back to Big Man and pressed a kiss against his temple while he tilted the water bottle up and urged the kid to hydrate a bit more. When they both came up for some air he whispered into his hair, "Go find Ducky for me," he said. "Your Ma will be here soon. We'll head home."

Ben leaned against him for a long beat. Thought maybe he was going to stay up. But then he did push up and do a wide-legged stride down the few steps and then headed off to the play structure. Didn't even do a cursory route around the playground to see if he could spot his sister – went straight for the centrifuge and the network of netting that lead to a long climb up to the almost-too-steep slide.

Predictable. Or the predictable place to find Ducky. It had been the last place Brian had seen her in her Ninja Warrior-esque attempt to tear through all the nets, corridors, monkey bars, conveyor belts and slides that made up this Top Five playground they frequented anymore.

Brian just kept his eyes over in that general area. Ben and Emmy loved getting all the way up to this park – and he'd admit that the play structure was something else. But he also hated how much of it was inside the various structures done up to make it look like a miniature version of the old sugar refinery that had once been on this site. It made it hard to keep track of the kids. You really had to watch for them to be poking their heads out the various portholes or chimneys or navigating along the conveyor belts to get to the next structure in refining the process of burning off some of the day's sugar.

"Not going to say anything?" Jack muttered off next to him.

Brian just shook his head and shrugged. "What do you want me to say, Jack?"

The kid just sat there for nearly as long a beat as Ben had. "I didn't mean to upset him like that. Kind of seems like anything I say or do with him lately just sets him off."

Brian just shrugged. He really didn't feel like engaging with it today. Reality was anything he said to Jack about any of it would likely set him off. He was willing to deal with Big Man's emotions and anxieties. He really didn't have the time, energy or space in his life to deal with Jack's right now. Not tonight.

"I was goin' to try to basically make up for last weekend," Jack said.

"You mean his birthday," Brian said even more flatly – trying to contain his annoyance at the kid. Not a kid – a grown-man who still acted like a teenager. Or who at least wanted to be treated like he was still a teenager in the family. Least it felt that way one second. Then the next it was that he wanted to be an adult. But it sure felt like he didn't know how to act like one – or even how to treat the family.

Jack just sat quiet again for a long time. "But he said you guys have plans this weekend …?"

Brian shrugged a bit. "Yes and no. It's in flux. It always is with Ben."

Jack stared at him. "OK. So what may you or may you not have planned?"

Brian rolled his eyes hard and cocked his head at him. "The usual, Jack. We have our fucking routines. Do I really need to run them down for you?"

"Family Fun Day Sunday?" Jack dripped with sarcasm at him.

"Yea, Jack," he glared, keeping his head cocked. "That's our routine. Just like you showing up to empty our fridge out after Sunday dinner is your routine."

"So what are you doing?" Jack pressed harder.

Brian just shook his head and went back to pinpointing the kids. "You know what we do on weekends."

"So nothing," Jack muttered.

Brian kept his head tilted at him. Hard. So he could imagine smacking him and how that might knock Jack's head straight for half a second.

Yea. They did nothing with their kids. If him and Liv did nothing with their kid, his own childhood must've been beyond nothing. Jack's childhood must've been next to nothing.

Him and Liv put a whole lot of time into their kids. They made a whole lot of time for family time. They give the kids one-on-one time. They made the most of living in the city and all the shit that was within about an hour drive of the city and a whole lot of other stuff they could get to on transit or bike or foot.

Hearing that they did 'nothing' with their kids, it just pissed Brian off. It just made him want to smack Jack up the side of the head even more. But that whole lot of 'nothing' - he knew that Ben and Em loved it. The loved the parks and playgrounds and Farmers Markets and cafe or bistros or donut plants with Mom. They fucking loved the museums and freebie art classes and STEM classes and library crafts and reading time and the YMCA community pool. The liked getting to pick out their Movie Munchie treat and getting to watch a weekend flick without it counting against screen time. They loved playing in the fucking back garden in a house that him and Liv busted their asses their whole adult lives not knowing that that it was a mortgage to give their kids that shit was that they were busting their asses off to afford. They loved getting to go to the Lego store for a free build or to the book store when they worked through their latest bedtime novel and were gonna get to pick out the next line of family attack. They loved helping Liv with her baking attempts at muffins and cookies and helping him get the grill ready for hot dogs or ribs or chicken legs (e.g. Dino Bones and Pterodactyl Wings). They loved big Saturday breakfasts he made them at home and their Sunday breakfast at some cafe or diner Liv picked on the weekends nearest to when they got paid. They liked getting to go to the basketball court or the open gym or the hockey scrimmage. They liked getting on their bikes and going over to Prospect or Brooklyn Bridge. They got how to just wander a neighborhood and make a day of it.

Yea. They did 'nothing' with their kids. And 'nothing' with their weekends. They were just a 'nothing' family and 'nothing' parents.

Fuck that. And his face must've said as much.

Because, Jack muttered, "Sure didn't sound like he wanted me around this weekend."

"You being around wouldn't be part of our routine much lately, would it?" Brian put to him pointedly. "Not even last weekend …"

Jack kept his eyes for a long beat until he looked away – but not to find the kids. He just stared at his feet.

"Did something happen this week or something that no one's telling me? With his appointments? He's acting off."

"He's exhausted by Friday," Brian put plainly.

And that hung there.

"He said something about sugar?" was all Jack stated.

Brian exhaled a bit. "Jack, we've been cutting back on his sugar intake and working at switching up and optimizing his diet since fucking March. This is not new."

"OK. Then something else? He seems all … pissy about something," Jack muttered. "Apparently I'm in the shit-house for not showing up at his appointments. I didn't even know he wanted me to come. I don't even think Mom tells me about half of them until after the fact."

Brian gave him a look. "Liv calls you after every single fucking one of these appointments, Jack."

"OK. Fine," he muttered. "Then what happened this week? Because I sure didn't hear anything new about anything and he's acting like … I don't know."

Brian started at him hard. "What happened, Jack, is that you didn't show up last Saturday until dinner and brought over Renee and all the whatever bullshit and tension you two have going on right now. So, your nephew, who really wasn't having a great day then also didn't feel like he got to see you or hang out with you on his birthday. And then you proceeded to make asshole comments about his fucking cake that Liv had fucking busted her ass on all night. So, yea, Jack – you more than sorta hurt both of them."

"See, no one told me that," Jack said. "No one ever tells me anything."

"No one should have to tell you that if you don't got anything nice to say to keep it to yourself in these kinds of circumstances, Jack," Brian pressed at him. "And, you know full-fucking-well you were an asshole – it's why you're here doing mea culpa tonight. But it's not that simple – not with an eleven-year-old kid and not with a fifty-year-old woman. And not when we all feel like you showing up right now has a whole lot more to do with you and Renee being on the outs and you not knowing what to do with yourself on a Friday night than it does you wanting to spend any kind of time with your family."

Jack stared at him. But then he stared at his feet. No contention.

And Brian just left it. He watched the kids scramble around and play. Them appearing and disappearing out of the various structures as they waited for Liv. So they could get to their routine. So they could walk over to the Tacocina behind them and grab some dinner – Brian so fucking hoped without Jack and this bullshit and stress and anxiety that he insisted on bringing home with him lately. So him and Liv could sit on the patio and watch the sun go down and feel the real fall chill start to set in while the kids regaled their mom with the stories of their day that he'd likely already heard at that point. So they could go home and watch an episode or two of some animal documentary or tacky cartoon from the '80s on the couch before getting the kids to bed. Because he could read his kids' body language – and he did know his kids – and he knew that on Friday nights played right they could get them down for a good-long count. So Brian knew he could then get his wife into bed – and it'd been the kind of week they both needed that. Though he had yet to see her to gauge on if they'd be passing out ASAP after that or if they'd be returning to the couch to go back down the rabbit hole in the binge watch of the latest Netflix show they'd found to distract themselves with. He almost hoped she'd be up to returning to the couch – and the way he knew she'd lay against him. That she'd likely let herself fall asleep and then startle awake and convince him to come try to sleep upstairs.

Routine. Friday routine. Followed by Saturday. Followed by Sunday. Their couple days of the week that were almost predictable even in their fucking unpredictability. And he'd fucking take them – without this added layer of bullshit that was already throwing off the whole evening.

"Just so you know I told Liv to keep her schedule clear for the weekend after next," Brian muttered – because he didn't want to do this song and dance again like Jack was the one getting fucked over. When he'd already repeatedly asked Jack what level of interest or involvement he wanted in being part of or planning Liv's birthday – and he'd gotten no feedback. "Going to get out of the city if everyone is up to it."

A change of routine. But needed – and still … routine. Family time on the weekend.

"For her birthday?" Jack asked.

"Yea," Brian provided flatly.

"I thought you were just taking her out for dinner," Jack said. "On the day."

Brian shrugged. "Think we could all use a change of scenery."

"Where you goin'?" the kid asked.

Brian leaned forward a bit in eyeing the kids. They'd clearly found each other – and had briefly emerged at the bottom of the slide before back tracking in the factory to try out some of the monkey bars and swing and pulley ropes on the center building. At least they could still play together and get along – for the most part – despite how fucking different the two of them were. Liv worried lots that there were too many years between Ben and Em. Brian wasn't so sure. Sometimes it was a bit of a pain in the ass but sure seemed like their four years or so was a lot easier to manage than the fucking dynamic that Jack made them try to balance in their family. Ben and Em looked out for each other better. There for each other. Em was just a little girl and she seemed to get how to comfort and take care of her big brother – respect his boundaries and limits and feelings, to even try to comprehend his illness – than Jack did.

"Storm King," Brian said flatly.

"The outdoor art center with all the sculptures?" Jack asked with this almost surprise.

Brian allowed a small sound of acknowledgement and a little nod.

"She'll like that," Jack said mutedly. "Jamin likely really will too."

Brian gave the kid a glance and then looked back to his own kids. "Yea, we all will."

Jack squinted at him like he was beyond confusing - like it was so fucking hard to believe. Just beyond his comprehension. "You hate art."

"I don't hate art," Brian scoffed with the fucking annoyance at how fucking black-and-white Jack made everything - even now.

"You hate art galleries," the kid put more plainly.

Brian looked him in the eye. "I love my wife. I love my kids. I like seeing them being creative. I like seeing what kind of 'art' they bring home to show off. I like they're their own fucking people, Jack. Liv puts up with a lot of things that I like that she doesn't. Things the kids like that neither of us give a shit about personally. You do shit together because you like being together. You do things the other people enjoy because you get enjoyment out of watching them enjoy it. That's how life - family, a fucking relationship if you want it to work - works, Kid."

And Jack still just stared at him.

Brian fought so hard not to roll his eyes. And not to smack him.

"I like being outside with my family," Brian muttered - like somehow that might make things clearer to the kid. "So it will be a good day. A drive. Some art. Take the bikes. Booked a room at the Bear Mountain Lodge if everyone's holding out OK. Make a real weekend of it."

"Bear Mountain? Isn't that where you guys usually go in the summer around your birthday?" Jack gazed at him.

Brian nodded but didn't move his eyes off Ben and Em. "Yea. The state park. This is this historic lodge that's on the outskirts. Real Adirondack stuff. Says every year we should look into staying. Fall colors should be out pretty good. Have a nice brunch, maybe take the kids on a little hike to an outlook or something before heading back. Really looking forward to it."

He gave the kid a glance and Jack was just looking at him. This real sad, vacant look.

"You can come," he offered flatly. Jack could likely tell he didn't really mean it. And it wasn't that he didn't mean – it was that he didn't mean it that night. Not with the way Jack was acting and the way Ben and Liv were being made to feel by him. "Just give me a bit more notice than morning-of."

Jack just shrugged at him. So Brian looked away. He wasn't going to push it. And wasn't going to play games. If Jack wanted to come – fine. But Brian wouldn't exactly miss his presence. Way things had been lately it'd likely be a nicer trip without him anyway. Not to mention, he might get some relative alone time – and privacy – with Liv (as much as that was possible with two little kids) without Jack tagging along.

"You sounded like you meant that," Jack said.

Brian gave him a shrug. "Sure. You can come. Not skin off my back. Just need you to accept we're working within Ben's limits – so there will be day-of, moment-of decisions happening."

Jack gazed at him. "I meant you saying you're looking forward to it."

Brian shook his head at him. "Right, shocker – I'm looking forward to spending time with my wife and kids."

Jack shrugged. "Sounds like you put a lot of thought and planning into it …"

Brian shook his head again. "Jack, you're pulling that shit again lately where you're trying to cast me as some kind of fucking dense, insensitive dunce the one minute and then wanting me to be your fucking rabbi the next. It's really pissing me off."

Jack just looked at him. Deer-in-headlights, faux innocent. Who fucking knew with this kid.

"Driving out to a place Liv's been talking about trying to get to for years doesn't require much planning. Just a bit of listening. Maybe you should try it a bit. With your girlfriend. And Liv. And your nephew."

Jack rested his elbows on his knees. "He doesn't talk to me about shit. Neither does Mom."

"They do," Brian stared at him. "You just are running your mouth so much all the time you aren't hearing any of it. You've got your head shoved so far up your ass, you're starting to look like a real ass-hat, Jack, and it's got a whole lot of shit tumbling out of your mouth. So shut it. Show up - honestly. And fucking listen. Because you're getting to the point that with him," he said and pointed over at Ben, "it's soon going to be hard to fix."

And Jack just exhaled hard and stared off into the playground too.