Hope y'all are enjoying so far! I'm excited for you all to see how everything is going to turn out!
Draco awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of Eleanor retching in the bathroom. He grimaced a bit at the sound, but was concerned for her. It was still dark outside the window, and he knew that she was going to have a rough day.
He watched as she dragged her feet out of the bathroom, left her room, and returned with a vile a few minutes later. She noticed Draco was awake then.
"Sorry for waking you." She whispered. Her voice was weak, but no longer intoxicated.
"It's fine. Are you alright?" Draco asked.
"Yeah, just had to get it out of my system I guess." Eleanor chuckled. "Found this potion of my dad's. If you drink it after you throw up for the first time, then go back to sleep, your hangover is already cured." She twirled the glass bottle of green liquid in her fingers.
"That's convenient." Draco commented, watching her as she sent in down her throat and grimaced at the taste. She sat on the bed and took a long gulp of water before laying next to Draco again, her eyes droopy.
"Don't worry, I brushed my teeth." She joked, before kissing him on the cheek lazily and nuzzling into his neck to fall back to sleep.
When Draco truly awoke in the late morning, it was to the smell of breakfast this time. A much more pleasant awakening. He smelled potatoes, and eggs and slightly burned toast. He shook his head. She was a mess the night before and she still managed to get up early and make him a nice breakfast. But that was Eleanor.
When Draco stumbled into the kitchen, he saw Eleanor in leggings and a sweater, her hair was wet from showering, and she had an ornate breakfast made. Had she even drank last night? Draco was confused and amazed.
"I expected you to be bedridden all day." Draco joked, leaning on the door frame. Eleanor smirked at him as she spread jam on two pieces of toast.
"That potion works wonders." Eleanor shrugged as she served up the plates. "This breakfast is to say sorry for last night." She said, ashamed. She handed Draco a loaded plate. The two of them sat on the barstools on the kitchen island.
Draco's brows furrowed as he took a bite of eggs. "Sorry for what?" Draco inquired. He hoped she wouldn't apologize for the kiss. He was torn over whether he wanted to talk about that moment with her at all. He was afraid that she would express regret and forbid it from happening again. Best case scenario was that neither of them mention it so that Draco was left to assume she liked it but has since felt too awkward to talk about it due to her feelings for him and they are both silently pining. Yes, that was the way Draco wanted this to go.
"I was a mess last night. I embarrassed you in front of all of your friends." Eleanor laughed a little, but her face was incredibly red. She buried her face into her hands. "Merlin, did you hear me singing in the pool?"
Draco laughed loudly. Eleanor loved the way Draco's true laugh sounded. It filled her with a sense of joy knowing that she made him laugh, even if it was at the expense of her singing every Ella Fitzgerald song in her repertoire wildly off key in Blaise Zabini's pool with girls she hardly knew; none of whom requested those song choices, or even for her to sing in the first place.
"You were brilliant." Draco continued chuckling.
"I was shitfaced." Eleanor laughed, shaking her head at her friend's amusement.
"It was good to see you having such a good time." Draco smiled. "I, for one, am excited for the next one."
"I did have a good time. Thank you for inviting me, and putting up with me." Eleanor took her eyes off of Draco and looked at her eggs. She pushed them around her plate for a while. All that was on her mind was kissing Draco and how she wanted to do it again, and do it constantly. But she knew that wasn't smart. She would end up hurt and feeling abandoned. This summer had brought Draco so close to her, and it was going to hurt like hell when that friendship began to shift, let alone a real relationship.
"You were a pleasure to put up with." Draco smirked, nudging her shoulder, bringing her eyes back to him. "What are you thinking about?" He asked, almost afraid of the answer but still feeling like he needed to know. Was he on her mind? Would she admit if he was?
"Just trying to piece the night together, some of it is a blur." Eleanor laughed a bit, pulling at her toast.
"What parts?" Draco pressed, putting his fork aside, swallowing his mouthful of food and wiping his mouth, giving Eleanor his full attention. Having Draco be completely focused on her made Eleanor squirm a bit, she wanted to talk about it, she wanted to acknowledge their kiss but she also was fighting against that desire; hoping to bury it.
"Just…" Eleanor sighed and looked away from Draco. "I don't know, I'm trying to remember why I got so mad at the girls when I left. What did they say to me?" Eleanor asked, hoping this was a safe enough topic of conversation. She figured that they had made some rude comments about Gryffindor, or her friends. She hoped that hearing about how Draco's friends disrespected her friends would remind her how Draco also did that and would force her to stop thinking about his lips on hers.
Draco chuckled a little at her question and rubbed the back of his neck with a slight blush. "Well...uh...you said that you didn't like that they were all in love with me." Eleanor went red immediately and got up from her spot to get the tea kettle that wasn't yet whistling off the stove. "You were drunk and over exaggerating, of course." Draco tried to cover, seeing her discomfort.
"Of course." Eleanor repeated, not looking at Draco, focusing on making two cups of tea.
"You seemed really bothered by it though." Draco pressed slightly, trying to get some information on her feelings without being too obvious.
"Oh hmm." Eleanor nodded in acknowledgement. Her entire being wanted to talk about their kiss and how much she liked it and wanted it to happen again, but she was trying to stay strong. She couldn't let Draco hurt her more than he normally did with his distance and coldness.
"El," Draco started, getting up from his chair and walking towards her. "No need to be embarrassed by drunk escapades." He tried to continue to joke, but his heart was beating loudly now.
"I'm not embarrassed, I'm just," Eleanor turned around and was surprised to see Draco standing a few inches away from her, "realizing things about last night."
"Things like?" Draco wondered, taking a step closer. He was gentle, he didn't want to push himself on her, but with every second he wanted to be closer to her.
"Things like I kissed you." Eleanor breathed out shakily.
"And?"
"And I'm going to do it again." Eleanor lost self control then. She filled her hands with Draco's face and kissed him. It was slow at first, but quickly turned into a culmination of every feeling she had been bottling up. This was a completely sober kiss, and it was amazing. Merlin, she loved kissing him. Her heart was bursting with strange new emotions that were brought on by this new element to their relationship. She was confused and scared and overjoyed and at peace all at once. She hated not knowing how to process her feelings about this. She had never experienced such a cloud of emotion hanging in her brain.
Lost in the moment, Eleanor put her hand on the counter to brace herself against Draco's lips. She placed her hand on the boiling teakettle and shot away quickly. Her hand removed from the heat, and her lips removed as well.
"Damn it all to hell." She hissed, holding her burnt hand. Draco sighed inwardly, disappointed the kiss was over, but working quickly to make sure Eleanor could heal her hand.
"You gave me a salve at the beginning of summer, where is it?" Draco asked calmly, turning on the cold water so that Eleanor could run her hand under it.
"Medicine cabinet, in the bathroom." Eleanor instructed. Draco disappeared quickly into the bathroom off the kitchen and was absent for a few moments. "Should be top shelf!" Eleanor called. "Oh, and don't forget-"
"Wrappings." Draco finished, waving the salve and wrappings at her. "Got it."
"Thank you, Draco." Eleanor smiled at him. She took the salve and applied it herself, and went to work on the wrappings. Draco rolled his eyes at her apparent stubbornness and need for independence and started wrapping her hand himself. "Thanks." Eleanor said quietly as Draco gently wrapped her hand. "So…" Eleanor trailed off, not sure of what to say next.
"So?" Draco asked.
"...So." Eleanor looked away.
"You're a chicken shit for a Gryffindor, you know that?" Draco asked abruptly.
"What do you mean?" Eleanor demanded, her eyes snapping to his.
"For someone who is supposed to be all courageous, you sure do shy away from a lot of conversations and confrontations." Draco scoffed. "Are we never going to talk about it?"
"That's not fair." Eleanor shot back. "It's only just happened."
"You've been avoiding it all summer, El. I need to know where your head is." Draco sighed, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms, waiting for Eleanor to talk. He was usually the more stoic and hidden in a relationship, but Eleanor was always so guarded and she didn't like to talk about her feelings. She let things bother her, she let them fester and nothing ever got resolved with her. Draco didn't want to wait forever to hear her what she was thinking about her feelings towards him. The conversation was going to be uncomfortable but he had come to the conclusion that it had to happen.
Eleanor began calculating in her mind then. What was she supposed to say? What was she supposed to do? What was she feeling? She couldn't tell. She didn't have answers for him.
"We're just going to yell." Eleanor let out quietly.
"Okay. Then let's yell. Let's scream at each other. If that helps you." Draco pressed.
"It doesn't help me." Eleanor huffed out shortly. "I don't like yelling. It makes me angry and anxious but all we ever do is yell."
"That's not all we ever-" Draco began to protest
"During the important talks, yes. Whenever we talk about our feelings we just end up angry because we are both too proud to recognize either of us holds any blame."
Draco let out a breath and prepared himself to try to not be too proud during this conversation. "Do you want to go sit down somewhere? Maybe we will be less angry if we were more comfortable."
The two made their way up to Eleanor's bedroom. Draco sat on the foot of her bed and Eleanor laid down, her head resting on the foot, near Draco's body.
"Okay." Eleanor breathed, terrified of where this conversation would lead. "Where should we start?" She felt awkward asking, but it's what Draco wanted so she went along.
"Do you want to be with me?" Draco asked, not wasting any time.
"Yes." Eleanor answered without hesitation. Her own firmness shocked her a bit, but she did not qualify her statement.
"So what's the problem? Why aren't you with me?"
Eleanor huffed out a sigh, this question was a little harder. "It's a lot, Draco. My parents are dead. My family is gone. I'm discovering things about myself that I didn't know before and it's throwing a lot of things into the air for me."
"Things like what?" Draco wondered, careful not to overstep but still feeling as though he was asking a fair question.
"Lots of things, Draco." Eleanor responded. "Mostly, I'm learning how to function alone."
"You aren't alone, though."
"You know what I mean." Eleanor shot him a look.
"So you want to be alone?" Draco tried to clarify, her answer didn't make much sense to him.
"No. I hate being alone." Eleanor shook her head. "But a romantic relationship won't replace a parental one."
Draco scrunched his nose. "I'm not trying to replace your father." He scoffed a little. To his surprise, Eleanor cracked a smile and laughed a bit. She shoved his shoulder playfully.
"No, obviously you aren't. I know that." She chuckled, Draco felt relieved to see her smile. "I don't know how to explain it, Draco. I feel like after all of that, I'm still emotionally unavailable." Eleanor sighed and began playing with the hem of her sweater, trying to distract herself. "You're right. I'm just a chicken shit."
Draco waited quietly for her to elaborate. He felt she was finally getting somewhere worthwhile and he didn't want to screw it up.
"I guess I'm just afraid of loss, on any level. After losing my parents, I don't think I could lose anyone else without it wrecking me. Especially you."
"Why would you lose me?" Draco questioned, tentatively playing with a strand of her hair. He knew this usually calmed her down.
"Friendships are easier to maintain than relationships." Eleanor offered simply. "What if you don't like having me for a girlfriend? Then what?"
"You'll still be my best friend." Draco promised.
"Bullshit." Eleanor rolled her eyes at that. "I knew you were going to say something like that. This is the point in the conversation where you stop understanding."
"Enlighten me." Draco offered. "And remember, no yelling."
"You forget me. You are ashamed of me at Hogwarts. You blame it on our different houses, on Harry, on anything. But you have your group and you are afraid of bringing me around. So if I were your girlfriend, and things went south, you really wouldn't put in the effort to be my friend afterwards. You barely put in the effort now."
"And you put in so much effort? Do you forget that your friends hate me too? They hate my parents. They think my father is a Death Eater, they try to convince you to stay away from us. In second year they thought I was trying to unleash a monster on the school. You stand in the middle of us and pretend to be blameless but you don't defend me to them." Draco let out, taking extra care to keep his voice even, but finding it very difficult.
"I do." Eleanor nodded. "I tell them that I don't like it. I tell them you are good."
"Do you? Or do you just change the subject? You know, you do that a lot."
"Do what?"
"Change the subject, when things get uncomfortable." Draco was getting frustrated now. He didn't want to yell, and he wouldn't. But, Merlin, he could have.
"Oh please. I don't ever do that. I actually face my problems, Draco. It's you who doesn't want to stand up and be accountable for your feelings and the way you behave, and that's why you leave me in the dust every year."
"El," Draco sighed.
"Hm?" Eleanor inquired, taking a deep breath to calm herself.
"You just changed the subject."
Eleanor's mouth made a perfect little 'O' as if she just realized what she had done. "I didn't mean to." She said quietly.
"I know you didn't." Draco nodded in understanding. He used this pause in conversation to collect himself once more.
"I just…" Eleanor trailed and took a deep breath. "I'm just scared, I guess. But I don't want you to think it is because of you, it's not. I don't know, Draco. I'm confused about what I want and I only just started feeling this way and it is a weird time for me to be getting romantically involved with anyone because of my parents. Please be patient with me. I'm still figuring this all out."
"I am too." Draco assured, laying a tentative kiss on her forehead.
"I don't know if you are capable of taking things very slow, but do you think you could try?" Eleanor asked. "Slow and awkward and -"
Draco put his lips on hers to shut off her rambling (and because he admittedly just wanted to kiss her again). "Can I still do that if we take it slow?" Eleanor smiled at him, her heart was so grateful that he was halfway understanding and was willing to try with her.
"I encourage it."
