Chapter 4
Bottom Of The Bottle
Bella
The next morning I wake up with the same headache from the night before, just a bit dulled, and I know that today is likely to suck. The sun is too bright, my body still feels weird, and my anger is still boiling underneath the surface, just waiting for me to slip up. I sigh deeply and swing my legs over the side of my bed. The bottle still sits on my nightstand and after a brief thought I take a couple quick shots. My head starts to numb up a bit more and I pop 3 Tylenol down with another shot. Satisfied I stand up on only slightly shaky legs and head to the bathroom for a shower. I wash up and dry off quickly, brush my teeth, brush out my too long brown hair and get dressed. I'm feeling unapproachable today and decide my clothing should match that. I throw on a black long sleeve t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and my typical black Converse. I slip on a dark jacket over that, it used to be too big but with my recent high gain it's fitting pretty well. I'm glad, the jacket belonged to Charlie and I'm happy to have it even if it doesn't hold his scent anymore. The ride to school is uneventful but as I get closer and closer my heart beat begins to pick up. I'm nervous, for a number of reasons, mainly that I'll phase in class and hurt someone or that those vampires will start shit with me. I try taking deep breathes, repeating a little chant over and over in my head. In through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Breathe Bella, breathe.
I don't think it's working but I pull into my normal parking spot and hop out of the truck while still chanting in my head. I pop my headphones in but don't put any music on, I just doesn't want to be bothered today and headphones are the best way to let people know that. I walk past my friends and give them a brief smile, hoping they won't want more than that. They seem to get the picture, Jess and Angela smile back at me but stay where they are. I think I'm lucky to have friends that understand me well enough to leave me alone when needed. I make my way through the hallways and find my way to math class. My back row space by the window is open and I plop down into it gratefully. I don't pull the earbuds out yet, just watch as everyone else finds their way into the room. I'm just beginning to relax when a smell hits my nose hard enough to make me physically lurch back in my chair. It's not a bad smell per say, it smells like earth, like the woods after a big storm, with a sickly sweet undertone. Like a dying flower almost. It's not the worst thing I've ever smelt but it's driving the wolf inside of me insane. I'm beginning to shake when a tall blonde frame walks into the room and our eyes meet. The girls lips curl up into a grimace and if looks could kill, I feel like I'd be dead on the spot.
Rosalie. The name comes to me after a moment, I remember it from lunch yesterday. The blond Rosalie dates the big one, Emmett. She's gorgeous, like runway model gorgeous, but the cold look in her eyes as she stares back at me is definitely scary. She's intimidating, which makes a lot of sense knowing what she is. Finally, our eye contact breaks as the blonde sits in a chair near the door. I'm still shaking and I start the chant up again. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Breathe Bella breathe. The teacher walks in and calls everyone to attention. I don't pay her any mind, I don' t even take my earbuds out, I just keep my eyes locked on the back of Rosalie's head, trying my best not to let the wolf inside of me do what it wants. I've never really felt the need to hurt anyone before, never mind kill, but my brain is screaming for the blonde ones head.
The hour drags on endlessly, and when the bell finally rings Rosalie is out the door first, with a still shaking me hot on her heels. Second period goes smoother, I calm the shaking and start to breathe more easily though I'm still on edge. Third period proves to be twice as difficult, as I sit at my desk the earthy smell hits me again and two more vampires walk into the room. I think I should be grateful that they're so easy to pick out but at the same time the smell is burning my nose and I'm back to square one with the shaking. Over the course of the hour I figure out their names. The big one is Emmett as I already knew, and the skinny one who looks like he's in pain is Jasper. They only eyeball me once or twice, not with as much venom as Rosalie but still not exactly friendly. When the lunch bell rings I'm not sure if I should stay or go home. I make my way to the cafeteria and linger outside the door for a moment, lost in thought. A couple people pass in front of me and as they push the door open I can smell the vampires again, unbearably strong. They must all be in there, and I know that even though I should get a look at the last two it's probably a better idea to leave. I take a deep breath, trying to hold the scent for a moment, trying to build up some resistance, when something else hits my too sensitive nose. It's mixed with the bloodsucker scent, but it's different. Like strawberries and bubblegum and rain when it hits warm pavement. It smells like freshly mown grass in the summer and the crisp scent of the wind in winter. It throws me off for a moment, makes me want to push the door open and sniff out the source of this tantalizing scent but then the dead flower smell hits me once more and I turn tail and run.
I make it to my truck, hop in and speed away. I don't get too far before I pull off to the side of the road, shut the truck off and get out. I make my way into the forest, and once I feel deep enough to be away from prying eyes I begin to strip. I pile my keys and clothing under a bush and then let the beast that's been roaring for hours out.
It feels weird to shift, it's not painful and it's pretty much instant but there's still a moment of weirdness where you don't feel human but you don't feel like an animal. It's surreal. I take off running into the forest, loving every second of the wind flowing through my fur. I can see everything, smell everything, hear even a leaf drop to the ground. This is the most freedom I've felt in pretty much my entire life. I could go anywhere, do anything, I was unstoppable. This is amazing.
"I think graduating high school could also be amazing."
I stop running at the voice in my mind, knowing it's just Jacob. A moment later he comes bursting through the trees with a large white wolf and a slightly smaller russet brown one. Jacob walks up to me and we touch noses briefly.
"This is Seth and Leah, you won't be able to hear them or them you since you aren't officially in the pack."
"Why can I hear you then?" I ask, slightly confused.
"I'm different, I'm in the pack but technically due to my grandfather I should be the alpha. I just don't want to. So since I consider you part of my pack we can hear each other. Or at least that's what my dad thinks, I asked yesterday."
Jacob finishes with a sheepish grin that seems too expressive to be on the face of a giant wolf. I nod my head at Leah and Seth in greeting and they nod back. I know them both, have since I was young, Leah amd I used to be very close until Leah started dating Sam Uley from the reservation. After they broke up, Leah still didn't seem to want to hang out with me anymore and we'd pretty much faded apart. Seth was like the younger brother I never had, he was always smiling, always excited to tell me about some new thing he'd done or saw. I was thrilled to see them, even if it was a little awkward not being able to talk.
"Why'd you leave school early Bells?"
I was expecting the question.
"I met the bloodsuckers. Or at least I had classes with a few of them. It was…overwhelming"
"Yeah figured as much. You up for a run to blow off some steam?"
"Of course." I raise my head and give the three of them a wolfish grin. "Race yah."
With that I take off running, and after a moment Jacob, Leah, and Seth are right behind me. We run for hours, me feeling the most carefree I have in ages. I have an incredible time running and play fighting with the them, it's exhilarating and oh so peaceful to not be so caught up in my thoughts. I even beat Seth in a mock fight, much to his displeasure. Eventually we begin to make our way back as the sun sets around us, sending crazy shadows across the ground. When we split ways at the treaty line I tell Jacob to warn Billy that I won't be attending school tomorrow. I'm going to use the day and the weekend to try and prepare to deal with the Cullens. Jacob agrees easily and tells me to call if I want company. I know that I most likely won't but I tell him okay anyway. Seth and Leah give me one more nod before they head back to the reservation. Jacob looks back once and nods to me, something like a smile on his face. I send back my own toothy wolf grin and head off to find my clothing bush. I find my stuff easily enough, shift back and get dressed before heading back to the truck. It's a short ride home and I'm glad for it, I'm feeling pretty tired. Once I get inside I plow through a couple of leftover slices of pizza and then take a quick shower. The bottle on the night table is almost empty but I've got a stock of new ones in the kitchen so I quickly finish it off and let the booze send me off to dreamland.
The morning comes quickly and I waste no time in grabbing a new bottle and taking a few shots. I'm not really sure what led to all this drinking. Charlie passed only last year just before my 16th birthday and at that point I'd only drank a few times at parties and never really too much. It wasn't until after Charlie's death that I felt the need to drink more often. I liked how it numbed me, took away all my worries and fears. Once I was drunk I was happy again, a feeling I didn't get too often these days. I know for sure Charlie wouldn't approve, even Jacob, who drank here and there himself, wouldn't understand my near constant need to have a drink. So I made sure to hide it pretty well, brushing my teeth 6 times a day and always chewing gum when I knew I had to interact with people. No one even suspected, I was damn good at keeping things low key. I didn't really enjoy being drunk anymore, I just wasn't sure how to get through all the shit life kept pulling without it.
And that's why I spent all of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday in a drunken stupor on my couch. I get a few texts and calls but I ignore them, only taking the time to text Jake back and tell him he doesn't need to come by. I want to be by myself, I want to wallow in everything. As if life wasn't shitty enough, now these leeches had to move here and fuck my whole situation up. How was I supposed to get through another year of school when I could barely be in a room with them without almost losing my shit? Mind you, I wasn't even sure if there were more in my other classes as well. I mean Forks is a small school, too small to avoid anyone really. This was going to take too much focus, too much self control, and I just don't really want to have to deal with that. Of course I could move down to rez, but I didn't really want to do that either. This was my home, when Charlie died I found out he had money put away for me so I didn't have to give up the house. I was set for a long time without even needing a job and I felt like getting rid of our home would be like a smack in the face to Charlie. He worked so hard so that I would be set if something happened to him and I just couldn't throw his efforts away. All weekend I floated back and forth, trying to decide what to do. By the time I crawled into bed Sunday night I'd made my decision, I would stay and deal with the bloodsuckers. They wouldn't push me out of my own school. They could coexist, it was possible. With that I drifted off to sleep, trying my best not to worry about what tomorrow would hold.
Monday morning came and I couldn't help but take a few shots of liquid courage before getting myself ready for the day. I put on an older t-shirt and jeans, reasoning that if things got to be too much I could leave and phase without worrying about my clothes. If they got ripped, they got ripped, I had bigger things to worry about. When I parked and got out of my truck I could smell them in the air and my senses were instantly on hyper alert. Math dragged, Rosalie gave me a withering look before taking her seat and I tried my best not to breathe too deep. I made it through second period and third, and by lunch I felt like maybe this wouldn't be so bad. I could avoid them, and when I couldn't, I could control myself.
I entered the cafeteria and made my way quickly through the lunch line. I didn't sit at my usual table, just gave my friends a quick nod and made my way to a table across the room. I wanted to get a good look at the Cullen's table, I could tell where they were from the smell and positioned myself so I could observe. I still hadn't see the final two bloodsuckers and I thought it'd be best if I knew what they looked like. Know your enemy and all that jazz. I stuffed my earbuds in again to keep people from trying to engage me in conversation and began to eat. I could only see Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper's backs, the other two were on the opposite side of the table. It frustrated me but I figured once they stood I'd be able to get a good look. I tried to eavesdrop but they were speaking too low for even my ears to pick up. The delicious smell was back, it was definitely coming from the Cullen's table but I couldn't figure out why. Surely they must all smell the same, why would one smell different from the rest? Why was the smell so appealing anyway? It still had that earthy tone to it, but it seemed different.
I let my eyes scan the caf and listened as closely as I could. People were still talking about the mysterious new kids, a week hadn't made them any less interesting to the general student body. I listened intently, hoping to pick up the names of the last two Cullen's. It didn't take long, the name Edward kept coming up. He must be the third boy, now who' s the last girl? I knew the last was female, I'd gotten enough of the gossip from Jessica to know at least their genders. Three boys, two girls, plus they had a father and mother. Seven vampires running around the tiny sleepy town of Forks. It was like the place was a trouble magnet, just like myself.
As I mused the big one called Emmett and the blonde stood up. They're moving, finally. I keep my eyes glued to the table as Jasper also rises, a moment later the three vampires turn and walk away, leaving behind the elusive last two. Edward and someone. My eyes finally fall on him and I can instantly see why it's his name being whispered by every girl across the room. He's just as gorgeous as the rest of them, with tussled bronze hair and the face of a god. I'm not too impressed though and let my eyes drift to the girl beside him. In that moment everything freezes. My vision tunnels until all I can see is the tiny dark haired girl across the room. Every sound goes silent and becomes background noise, muffled and nowhere near as important as this tiny pixie of a girl. She's got short spikey hair and a petit face, she looks like a ten year old could break her in half but I knows that isn't the case. Her eyes meet mine and I feel like I'm melting, melting away into this crappy plastic chair because the angel is looking at me and my god she's smiling at me. That smile could melt million year old icebergs in seconds, that smile just melted my rock hard heart in no time at all. I understand the smell now, this sweet goddess has to smell as she looks, it makes perfect sense really. Suddenly, as I watch, the dark haired girl drops her eyes to her table as they lose focus and glaze over. Edward watches her with a knowing look on his face and as he does his expression changes to one of shock. He looks up at me, confusion clear in his honey colored eyes and I snap out of my trance. I need to get out of here. Now. So I do. I jump up from the table and race from the room. I don't even bother getting into my truck, just throw my backpack in the bed and run to the forest. As soon as I'm under the trees I shifts, my clothes shred around me and I race deeper and deeper in. I stay away from the reservation, I don't want company and Jake won't cross the treaty line with the Cullen's around. I'm not sure how long I run for, just that eventually I come to a stream and plop down in front of it. I sit there for a moment and before I know what's happening I throws my head back and howl. It's a sad howl, a confused one, I can hear the pain in each note. I don't stop for a full minute, the howling feels like yelling would and that's what I need most right now, to yell at the sky. What is going on with me. My heart hurts and I'm not sure why this time.
Eventually the sun sets and the forest is covered in shadows. I make my way back to the school parking lot and, very grateful for the darkness, I shift back. I dig gym shorts and a t-shirt out of my backpack and slip on my gym shoes as well. I get into my truck and drive home as quickly as I can. I don't stop once I'm in the front door, I just head straight upstairs and fall into my bed. I grab the Jack Daniels bottle and drink half of it before I can even taste it. I fall asleep with the bottle cradled to my chest and my shoes still on. My last thought before sleep consumes me is that I never even learned my angels name.
xxxx
AN: This chapters a little longer than the last few but this is the kind of length I'm planning on using from here out. Hope you guys like it, I think the next chapter is gonna be from Alice's POV. Thanks again for the reviews, you guys rock. If there's something you don't like let me know that too, I'm down with the constructive criticism.
