The gang had finally gotten home through a series of elaborate carjackings. It was nightfall by the time they reached the house.
"Are you still mad at me, Yuki?"
"I can't stay mad at you, babe. Just don't tell my dumbass friends about our sex life, okay?"
"Okay~"
"Like, I don't mind if they talk shit about me, 'cause I don't give a fuck, I just don't want them talkin' shit about you. And if they do talk shit about you, I'll knock their fucking teeth out."
Karyuudo's absurd amount of dogs started barking at them from the backyard.
"I swear to God, I'm going to kill all of those dogs one of these days," said Takeo.
"You can try, but Karyuudo would definitely kill you," said Keigo.
The gang went into the house. As Minene was about to step inside, Nishijima stopped her.
"Minene, wait. I need to talk to you about something."
"What is it?"
He pulled out Minene's ankle bracelet out of his coat pocket.
"Keigo gave it to me."
Minene sighed. "Fine, just-"
Nishijima threw it on the ground and broke it.
"Keigo and I had a discussion a while back. After you saved me from Hiyama the day we met, I knew there was a good person somewhere in you. I brought up to Keigo the possibility that you could be rehabilitated. He said that if you ever proved you weren't a complete psychopath, he'd let me try to reform you. You risked your life to save Yuno. I think that proves me right."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying from this forward, you're no longer under house arrest. You're a free woman."
"I-I don't know what to say..."
"Say you'll go on a date with me."
"No."
Back in the house, Kamado, John, and Karyuudo were sitting on the couch watching TV. John had stolen some of Yuki's weed and was dressed in red, white, and blue. He had an upside-down cross drawn on his forehead.
"Hello, everyone," said Kamado.
"Hi, Miss Ueshita!" said Rei.
"Good evening, children," said John.
"Um...hey, there, John," said Tsubaki.
"What is good, my niggers?"
"So, uh, I'm gonna assume you're celebrating the election?" asked Ai.
"There was an election?" asked Tsubaki.
"Yeah, it was like all over the news," said Marco. "How could you not know?"
"Dude, I don't even know what reality I'm in half the time. So what happened?"
"The guy from The Apprentice, with the help of a pedophile named Weiner, the magic of dank memes, and an Internet pseudo-cult of racist conspiracy theorists- who, it turns out, might have been right about everything- who invoked the power of an ancient Egyptian chaos god, became the president of the United States."
"Oh."
"The Trump train can't be stopped!" John cheerfully declared.
"Dude, you're an Italian living in Japan celebrating an election on the other side of the world," said Yuki. "Just let that shit sink in for a second. And I swear to fucking dick, if you touched my weed, I'm gonna kick your ass."
"'Swear to fucking dick'?" asked Keigo.
"Look, it's hard comin' up with new combinations of swear words."
"I'm just saying, it sounds kinda gay."
"Speaking of gay, my daughter called me-"
"NOT A FUCKING WORD, KARYUUDO," said Yuki.
"Really, a horse-"
"Seriously, if you keep talking about this, I'm going to fist two of your dogs to death and use their corpses as boxing gloves to beat the shit out of you."
Minene walked into the house. As soon as she came in, Aru appeared in a cloud of smoke.
"What's up, queers?"
"What the fuck are you doing here?!" asked Yuno.
"YOU EYE-BURNING PRICK!"
"Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot. I wasn't in my right mind. I'm sorry about the eye, Ninth. Anyway, Deus wants me to live here to keep an eye- I mean, to watch you guys."
"Well," said Yuki, "Yuno's been sleeping with me ever since we moved in. You can stay in her room if you want."
"Thank you, First."
"Please, all my friends call me Y2K."
"Nobody calls you that, Big Brother."
"Shut the fuck up, Carrot Top."
"Oh, I've just realized we haven't been properly introduced. I'm Aru Akise."
"Nice to meet you, Aru," said Kamado.
"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Eighth. By the way, Twelfth, I recovered your car for you. And I put gasoline in it."
"You are my new favorite person in the world."
"Yeah," said Yuki, "anyway, so me and Yuno are gonna go to bed now. Night, fags."
"Goodnight, First."
"Are you and Big Sister going to play with the horse toy?"
"I hate you so much, you Ron Weasley-looking cunt."
"Baby, be nice~"
"What's this about a horse toy?" asked Aru.
"Nothing," said Yuki.
"I'm just asking-"
"IT'S NOTHING."
Author's Note: A new chapter because I love you guys!~3 Also, I'm hosting an AMA right now!~ All questions will be answered in the next chapter!~ Also, I've figured out theme songs for everyone!:~
Yuki: Black Eyed Peas - I'mma Be~
Yuno: Britney Spears - Toxic~
Takeo: Morrissey - Jack The Ripper~
Keigo: Toby Keith - Beer For My Horses~
Rei: Harry Chapin - Cat's In The Cradle~
Tsubaki: Eminem - Drug Ballad~
Marco: YG - I Just Wanna Party~
Ai: Halestorm - Freak Like Me~
Kamado: Julie Andrews - A Spoonful Of Sugar~
Minene: Dope DOD - Master Xploder~
Karyuudo: DMX - Party Up~
John: The Who - Behind Blue Eyes~
Yomotsu: Five For Fighting - Superman~
Murmur: Ozzy Osbourne - Mr. Crowley~
Aru: Disturbed - The Vengeful One~
Hinata: 50 Cent - Straight To The Bank~
Mao: Simon Curtis - Super Psycho Love~
Ouja: Spose- I'm Awesome~
Deus: Powerwolf - In The Name Of God~
