The gang was in the living room. John had called them all there for, in his words, "something amazing".

"So, what do you think the cracker's gonna tell us?" asked Yuki.

"Something stupid, probably," said Kamado.

John walked into the room holding a stack of papers.

"Ladies, gentlemen, faggots of all ages," he began, "I've done it. I've bought the rights to Sam Raimi's Spider-Man, and I'm going to remake it. And not as a part of the cinematic universe thing Marvel's doing, it is entirely a separate entity, co-written by Aru and I. Aru, I must thank you for keeping this a secret."

"No problem."

"Okay, so why should we care?" asked Minene.

"Well, that's the best part! You, my friends-"

"We're not friends," said Tsubaki.

"-are going to star in it!"

"Fuck yeah!" said Yuki.

"I'm glad you feel that way, Yukiteru, because you get the lead role!" John put the papers on a small table. "Yuno, you get Mary Jane."

"Nice.

"Karyuudo, you get Green Goblin."

"Seems appropriate."

"Aru's playing Harry Osborn."

"I was originally going to cast myself as Spider-Man, but I thought that would've been too easy. I mean, if you want to keep the audience's attention, what better way than to take it from the hero?"

"Keigo's playing Uncle Ben."

"Hooray, I play the dead guy."

"Kamado, you're playing Aunt May."

"That could be fun."

"Yomotsu, you're playing J. Jonah Jameson."

"But I don't have a mustache, I've been told he has a Hitler mustache."

"Grow one. Marco, you're playing Flash Thompson."

"Makes sense that I'm playing the popular guy."

"Rei, you're playing Robbie Robertson."

"...What in the fuck...?"

"Tsubaki, you're playing Dennis Carradine, the guy who kills Uncle Ben. I mean, you don't have any lines anyway, so who cares if you're playing a man?"

"I really just wanna see how this trainwreck unfolds."

"Minene, you're playing Betty Brant."

"Alright."

"Ai, you're playing Dr. Stromm. Like Tsubaki, you're a very minor character, so nobody cares."

"And also like Tsubaki, I wanna see how badly you fuck this up."

"And Takao, you're playing Bonesaw."

"BONESAW IS FUCKING READY!"

"Alright, Jesus. Calm the fuck down."

"Yeah, um, John," said Keigo, "I have a few questions about this script."

"Okay, go ahead."

"Yeah, it's about my lines. Well, several of them. All of them. I have a lot of problems with Ben saying this shit."

"Well, what's one line in particular you have problems with?"

"Alright, let's see..yeah, here it is: 'You know, Peter, with great power comes great responsibility. Rudyard Kipling called it 'White Man's Burden.' Myself, I just call it as I see it: the responsibility of the master to discipline the servant.' And then I look directly at the camera: 'The niggers, the spics, the chinks...it's our responsibility to civilize them. And if we can't? Then they shall dangle from the elm tree. The Day Of The Rope is near, Pete. We'll have every nigger in this country dead or in chains in ten years, and may God have me shot in a carjacking this very night if I'm wrong. God bless the American Nazi Party.'"

"Yes, and your problem?"

"It, I mean...what the fuck?"

"It's an important scene and I'm not changing it."

"Yeah, I got a few questions, too," said Yuki.

"Alright, I can see some of you have problems, that's fine. I'm an open-minded and I am okay with constructive criticism."

"Okay, first of all, you're not open-minded at all, and here's a line I got a problem with: 'Of course I've got good aim, watch me web this Boeing right in the cockpit window.' And then Yakety Sax plays as the towers fall."

"And the problem is...?"

"Well, why Yakety Sax? It's so overdone."

"Hmm. Good point."

"Well, I have no problems," said Karyuudo.

"Good. I think the, 'DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY NIGGERS I SACRIFICED?!' line is the highlight of Norman's character."

"Yes, that one's amazing. I also love his little monologue here: 'A word to the 'not-so-wise' about your little girlfriend. Do what you need to do with her, then broom her fast. They don't keep giving blowjobs forever, son. Do it before you find yourself sitting alone on a chair in some seedy hotel room. You're looking over a queen size mattress with the mother of your child getting fucked from behind, doggy style, from a black guy from Jamaica, Queens. All you can do is bury your face in your hands while listening to her moan uncontrollably, calling out the name of a stranger. You try to make eye contact with her, but she doesn't even turn her glance towards you. No, her eyes are shifting towards the back of her skull while you plead with her to just go home. After about an hour or two, you finally leave, and on the drive home, you say, 'Well, we can put that behind us and forget that ever happened.' She turns and says, 'I'll never forget, Norman, and even if I could, I wouldn't want to.' Every night after that she sleeps with her back turned to you, and you just go to bed weeping, hoping you won't wake up the next morning.'"

"Thank you."

"It's great, very relatable."

"I also have a problem," said Yomotsu.

"Fine, just come out with it. What line is it?"

"First off, thank you for the Braille script. And here's the line: 'I remember 9/11. Sat right at that window and watched people on the top floor take swan dives. Took bets on how many would wind up looking like spilled lasagna. I shit you not...I was only two jumpers away from winning the office pool. Then the damn thing collapsed. Anyway, let's get back to Spider-Man.'"

"I'm not changing a goddamn thing."

Yuno raised her hand.

"What line is it?"

"Actually, it's a scene."

"Which one?"

"The one where Spidey trampolines on a penis-shaped web on Ground Zero."

"It's to symbolize how the gays are destroying civilization. Do you not see the skinny little cumbucket suckboy I cast?"

"I'm straight!" said Yuki.

"Well, you don't look straight, you fucking twink!" said John and Aru at the same time.

"I'm glad somebody finally said it," said Tsubaki. "So, when are we shooting this?"

"Sometime during Spring. Yuno, go help Yukiteru into his costume. I've put it on the kitchen table."

Yuki and Yuno went into the kitchen. "I think you look sexy just the way you are~" said Yuno. They came out a few minutes later, with Yuki wearing a Spider-Man costume.

"Well, what do you guys think? Also, Tsubaki and Aru, stop stealing glances. If you wanna check out my bulge, go ahead and do it. It's not weird, we're friends."

Note: Well, that was...something~ I don't know what it was, but it was something~

Name: Marco Ikusaba/The Seventh

Age: 25

Species: Human

Ethnicity: Japanese (some Italian ancestry on his mother's side)

Sexuality: Hetero

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Born on August 6, 1991, Marco was orphaned at the age of eleven. He was then taken in and raised by Kamado. While visiting the Sakurami Observation Tower one day, he met the ten year old Ai, who had been abandoned by her parents. Kamado took her in, and the two have been inseparable since that day. Marco is cocky and hot-headed, and loves to fight. He would do anything to protect Ai. He and Yuki dislike each other; ironically, they have similar personalities (much like Yuki's relationships with Ouja and his father). He likes Yuno because she reminds him of Ai when she was younger. He dislikes Takao. He is friends with Keigo, Rei, and Tsubaki. He loves Ai more than anyone else. He sees Kamado as a surrogate mother figure. He is friends with Minene. He dislikes Karyuudo, not for being a bad father, but because he's a dick. He dislikes John. He is friends with Yomotsu. He thinks Aru is annoying. He is friends with Hinata, Mao, Moe, Ouja, the family members, the orphans, and Nishijima. He has a neutral opinion of Deus and Murmur.