"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS!"

"Look, Yuki, I just thought-"

"WELL, YOU THOUGHT FUCKIN' WRONG!"

"Hey, don't get pissed at me! You...wait, are we having our first fight?"

"...Yeah, I guess we are."

"What are we supposed to do about this?"

"Well, when my parents fought, they usually just screamed at each other and threw things."

"So did mine."

Outside the house, Aru, Rei, Tsubaki, Kamado, and Karyuudo were waiting for Yuki and Yuno to calm down.

"Should we...do something?"

"We should probably just stay out here. Big brother sounds really mad."

"They'll chill out eventually."

"Tsubaki's right, we just need to give them some time."

"This is going to be a long wait, isn't it?"

About an hour later, Karyuudo was proven right.

"I'm gonna ask them if they can stop," said Tsubaki. She walked up to the house, opened the door, and poked her head in the doorway.

"Hey, guys-"

A plate broke above her head.

"Never mind." She walked back to the others. "Yuki threw a plate at me. I don't think they're chilling out."

"Oh, fuck this!" said Aru. He walked into the house, barely reacting to the glass that hit him in the chest.

"Yuki! Yuno! Both of you STOP IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" He shouted. He fired a beam of light from his right hand into the ceiling, surprising the two fighting lovers. "Yeah. I can still do that. We have been out there for an HOUR freezing our asses off because of your bullshit!"

"Well, it's not MY fault that Yuno-"

"Well, it's not MY fault that Yuki-"

Aru glared at both of them. "Clean this up. Right. Now. When you're done, you can both sit down and TALK through this like NORMAL FUCKING PEOPLE!"

Later, when they had cleaned up the living room, Yuki and Yuno agreed to at least give Yuki's father a chance. It was almost Christmas Eve. Minene walked into the room.

"Did you guys say Kurou Amano? Kurou 'K' Amano?"

"Yeah," said Yuki. "Why?"

"Well, I once a met a guy named Kurou in a bar a few years ago. You have a picture of him?"

"I got one on my phone. Here."

Minene looked at the picture and started laughing. "Oh my god!"

"What?"

"Well, see, Kurou was kind of a prick when I met him."

"Yeah, he's an asshole."

"You're an asshole, and we put up with you. Anyway, I was sexually frustrated-well, not as much as I am now, but still pretty frustrated-and he was a good-looking prick."

"...Wait."

"And he had a good-looking prick, if you catch my drift."

"Wait, no."

"I."

"No."

"Fucked."

"NO."

"Your dad!"

"NOOO!"

A few hours later, Kurou pulled up to the driveway in his black 1964 Impala. He walked up to the house and knocked on the door. Yuno let him in. He was wearing black pants and a white shirt. Yuki was wearing the exact same outfit.

"...Well, this is all kinds of disturbing," said Tsubaki.

"Hey, Yukiteru! How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Your dating such a nice girl, son. Honestly, I thought you were gay for the LONGEST time. I mean, like, no offense, but you're kinda what someone would call...queerbait, I think is the right word. Hiyama, how are you?"

"I've been better."

"Inspector, long time, no see!"

"I would've preferred if it had remained that way, Amano."

"Minene, how are you today?"

"I'm alright."

"Mayor Bacchus, it's an honor to meet you."

"Hello, Mr. Amano."

"Yuki, aren't you gonna introduce me to your friends?"

"Sure. The ginger kid is Rei, the anorexic bitch is Tsubaki, the guy with the retarded hair is Marco, the slut is Ai, the fat one is Kamado, the asshole is Karyuudo, the blind guy is Yomotsu, and the albino is Aru."

"Cool, cool. You guys got any booze?"

"In the kitchen."

"Thanks." Kurou walked into the kitchen.

"Yuki, I don't see why you got such a problem with him," said Yuno, "He seems nice."

"Give him a few minutes," said Yuki, Takao, Keigo, and Minene. Yuki looked noticeably uncomfortable, as if he was making sure his father didn't hear that.

"Maybe we could even invite your mom over to see him. I'm sure she-" Yuki glared at her, causing her to drop the subject.

Kurou walked back into the room. "That's probably not a good idea, Yuno. Stupid bitch got a restraining order on me, can you believe it? Also, there's no vodka there."

"U-um, yeah, I-I drank it..." said Yuki quietly.

"Figures. Anyway, Yuno, don't fuckin' invite the slut, alright?" Kurou laughed.

"Uh...okay, I guess I won't invite her."

"You'd better not."

"...I'm sorry, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothin', chill out. I'm gonna go buy some more booze, see you later. K Amano is OUT!" He walked out the door, got in his car, and drove off.

"Yuki, are you seriously gonna let him talk about your mom like that?" asked Aru.

"Yes."

"But usually you get pissed when-"

"Look, just drop it."

"But-"

"I SAID FUCKING DROP IT!"

"Alright. Jesus."

A few hours later, Kurou came back. "This is some good fuckin' vodka! Hey, dipshit, come over here!" Yuki walked over.

"What-" Kurou put him in a chokehold.

"Oh, this is gonna be satisfying to watch," said Minene.

"You know why I had to go buy more booze?"

"N-no...!"

"You know why I had to more booze?!"

"No, I don't!"

"Because SOMEONE drank all the vodka, and left behind all that shitty whiskey that he KNOWS I don't like!"

"St-st-st-stop it, d-d-d-dad!" said Yuki with tears in his eyes, surprising everyone except for Kurou.

"...What the hell was that?" asked Minene.

"Oh, it's his stutter. He gets it whenever he's bein' a pussy." Kurou released his grip on Yuki, who was struggling to breath. "Little fag probably pissed himself, too."

"I-I-I didn't-" Yuki pulled his shirt down over the crotch of his pants. He ran up to his room crying.

"Fuckin' queer. I'm gonna go sleep in your basement. Later." He walked downstairs.

The room fell into an uncomfortable silence.

"Christ," said Takao, "Even I found that hard to watch."

"Y'know," said Minene, "this really explains a lot."

"Poor Yuki," said Ai. "Can you imagine having a father like that? No wonder he's such a jerk."

"I'll go talk to him," said Yuno. She walked up to her and Yuki's room, and slowly opened the door. "Baby? Are you alright?"

"Go away! It's your fault he's here!"

She closed the door behind her. "Yuki, I had no idea he was this bad. I'm so sorry."

"I should've told you more about him."

"Let's just agree we were both in the wrong." She kissed him. "You need to stand up to him."

"I-I can't do that!"

"You have to, or he'll just keep acting like this."

"I'm not gonna stand up to him!"

"Why not?"

"BECAUSE IT'S MY FAULT HE LEFT MOM IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

"What?"

"It wasn't the gambling, it was me! The only reason he never tried to get back together with mom is because I'm not the son he wanted! That's why mom's in that shitty house with that shitty job! It's all my fault!" Yuno hugged him tightly.

"Yuki, that's not true and you know it. The only person to blame is him. Who cares what he thinks? Your mom loves you more than anyone else, and I love you, too. You have a lot of friends that love you."

"No, they don't. They hate me. I'm always an asshole to them."

"Maybe you are, but they're still your friends. They care about you, even Takao and Minene."

"Are you sure?"

"I know they do, baby."

The two of them walked out of their room and back into the living room. Rei ran up to Yuki and hugged his leg.

"Hey, uh, Yuki, are you okay?" asked Minene.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"That's good to hear," said Kamado.

"My father was a bastard, too," said Takao.

Kurou walked back upstairs. "Will you shut the fuck up? I'm tryin' to sleep down there!"

"Yuki, is there anything you'd like to say to him?" asked Yuno.

"N-no..."

"Just come out and say it, pussy!"

"Hey, don't talk to him like that!"

"He's my fuckin' son, you retarded cunt, I'll talk to him however the fuck I want!" He raised his hand. "Why don't you shut up before you really piss me off?"

"Try it, asshole!"

Kurou's hand was about to slap Yuno's face, when Yuki grabbed him. "Get out of my house."

Kurou laughed snidely. "What was that, you fuckin' pu-"

"GET OUT!"

"You little shit! After all I've done for you these years?"

"YOU HAVEN'T DONE A GODDAMN THING FOR ME! NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND NEVER COME BACK!" Yuki punched Kurou in the face.

"You..FUCKING LITTLE-"

Keigo walked up behind Yuki and put his hand on his shoulder. "It's time for you to leave. Piss off, or I'll arrest you for attempted assault."

"...Whatever." Kurou opened the door. "Merry Christmas, assholes."

"Merry Christmas, Kurou," said Yuki, who slammed the door in his face. He turned towards Keigo. "Thanks, man. That really meant a lot to me."

"No problem. I wouldn't want anyone to treat my son like that."

On Christmas Eve, everyone's family arrived for dinner. They had a small party afterwards. Rea talked with Naoko, Ai, Kamado, Minene, and Maken.

"So my husband really threatened to arrest him?" asked Naoko.

"Yeah," said Rea. "I wouldn't blame him, Kurou's a prick. It's why I left him. Well, that and the gambling."

"My husband would just try to beat him up," said Maken.

"Mine, too," said Ai.

"Normally, I try to give everyone a chance," said Kamado, "but that man was just awful!"

"Nice dick, though," said Minene.

"Well, you're not wrong," said Rea. The women laughed. "Six inches!" They laughed harder.

"His son's is bigger," chimed in Yuno, much to Yuki's embarrassment. Everyone laughed. They were all having a great time: Hinata, Mao, Karyuudo, and his wife were baking a cake in the kitchen (with Yuki's recipe; without the hair, of course), Rei and Yoi were playing with the orphans, Takao, Keigo, Marco, John, and Yomotsu were talking about their jobs (Takao was talking about his favorite and least favorite students, Keigo was walking about his most memorable arrests, Marco was talking about being unemployed, John was talking about the dirty secrets of various politicians, and Yomotsu was talking about the most expensive comics he ever sold), Moe and Ouja found themselves under the mistletoe, and Yuki, Yuno, Tsubaki, and Aru were getting drunk.

"Yuko-uh, no, Yuni-uh, no, nevermind, this-this is some good fuckin' eggnog right here," said Tsubaki.

"Yeah, my mom made it."

"Exactly how much have you had?" asked Yuno.

"I-I dunno 'bout her," slurred Aru, "but I'm-I'm drunk enough to do this!" He kissed Yuki while flipping off Yuno, and then walked away.

"...Well, now I'm pissed off."

"Same here," said Yuki.

"Oh yeah?" Tsubaki called out to Aru, "Well, I'm drunk enough to do THIS!" She kissed Yuki, and then French kissed Yuno. "Okay, I-I gotta throw up now. Not-not 'cause of you guys, you're amazin', I'm just so. Fucking. DRUNK!" She walked away.

"...Well, now I'm pissed off and turned on," said Yuki.

"Same here," said Yuno.

"Angry sex?"

"Hell yeah."

"I love you so much."

"I love you, too." They kissed and went to bed. On Christmas morning, Yuno went to Aru's room and opened the door.

"Yo, pole-smoker, come get your presents-" She noticed that Tsubaki was on top of Aru, both of them completely naked and only covered by a blanket.

"Um...hi, Yuno."

"Guess I'm not as much of a pole-smoker now, huh?" said Aru, trying to remove the awkward atmosphere with humor. It failed.

"I...guess not, so, uh, this, I mean...this is a thing now?"

"We're still kinda workin' that out."

"Yeah, we're still...doing that."

"...Okay, well, good for you, good...for you. Good for both of you."

Yuki poked his head in the doorway. "So, what are you two gettin' me for my birthday on Saturday?"

"I really wish I had a plate right now," said Tsubaki.

"Same here," said Aru.