When Murmur appeared in the office in a small cloud of smoke, he noticed that the light bulb was red. The desk in front of him was made of some kind of dark brown wood. There was a black couch in front of it. The windows were tinted bright red. Briefly, he wondered if he was in the right place. And then he heard it.
From somewhere outside the office, yet very close to it, a baby started crying. The crying grew louder. This was not a cry of sorrow, but of pain; a cry of pure agony. Then he heard another. And another. And another. Hundreds, then thousands, then millions of crying, shrieking babies. He then heard the roar of a massive fire erupting, and all was silent. Murmur laughed, and he knew he was in the office of King Moloch.
A door beside the desk opened. Moloch stepped inside, closing it behind him. He was a tall, intimidating figure. He had the arms, legs, and body of a light-brown skinned man, but that was where the similarities ended. His feet and hands were clawed. His head was that of a black bull's, with a third in the center of his forehead; each eye was yellow, with pitch-black pupils. He had two massive red-feathered wings extending from his back. A royal crown was on his head, between his horns. He was covered in the blood of children and the tears of their mothers.
The two demons had known each other since before the Fall. Moloch was a Seraph who had mentored Murmur when he was promoted to Throne. He had been a general in Lucifer's army. He had visited Earth in the time of the Canaanites, where he had befriended their gods and terrified the humans with his pyrokinetic abilities. The Canaanites fed their new god of fire all kinds of roasted food: flour, turtle-dove, mutton, veal, beef, and his favorite: human children. He made such an impact that he was even written into the Bible.
Moloch sat down on a chair of iron and bronze. Murmur sat on the couch.
"You wanted to see me, Moloch?"
"Not me, Murmur. Someone else."
"Who?"
"Lucifuge Rofocale."
Murmur's eyes widened. "L-Lucifuge? W-what does he want?"
"Focalor didn't say. Of course, he doesn't say much, anyway."
Murmur rolled his eyes. That was how things were in Hell. Nobody talked to you personally at first, they always sent out a subordinate. The problem is nobody can keep track of who's in charge of who, what with all the promotions and subgroups. When Murmur first fell, he was made an Earl or Count (which are different terms for the same thing) in the 30 Club, a group of Earls/Counts who each ruled over thirty legions of demons (that's one hundred and fifty-six thousand demons each), and then he was promoted to the 30 Club of Dukes, and now he was in the 30 Club of Great Dukes, which is apparently better than a Duke even though he still controlled the same number of demons when he was an Earl.
The ranking system got so bad that Lucifer had to get Internet in Hell so they could Google where everyone stood in the hierarchy. But even before that, everyone agreed that Satan was at the top, that under him was Lucifer, that under him were Leviathan and Belial, that under them were Beelzebub, Mammon, Belphegor, and Asmodeus, and that under all of them was Lucifuge Rofocale.
Lucifuge was Lucifer's twin "brother" (as spiritual entities, most angels and demons didn't have genders) who was created at the same time as him. Formerly a Seraph, Lucifuge had always unsettled Murmur slightly. While Lucifer was loud, outspoken, and prideful, Lucifuge was quiet, introverted, and creepy. After the Fall, Lucifuge was made Prime Minister of Hell, in charge of all the promotions and ranks and clubs. He had four main servants: King Bael (who had recently returned to Hell), Grand Duke (or Great Duke, which was the same thing) Agares, Great President Marbas, and, of course, Great Duke Focalor.
Focalor was another Seraph, created just minutes after Lucifer and Lucifuge, making him the third-oldest demon. Lucifer couldn't care less about anyone other than himself, but Lucifuge always treated him as sort of a younger brother. The two did everything together, and when their brother lead his rebellion, they quickly joined him. Focalor followed Lucifuge around like a lost puppy, constantly desiring his older brother to be proud of him. It made Murmur sick.
Murmur had always hated Focalor. At first, he just hated him for ranking above him, but he quickly grew to like his superiors more than his equals and subordinates. Except for Focalor, of course. Fucking Focalor. Then he hated him for being such an ass-kissing sycophant, like so many other Seraphim. Except for Lucifer and Lucifuge. They understood that there needed to be a change in Heaven. Deus didn't care about them, only His retarded, inbred, hairless apes! Why should an angel bow down to an ape? It made no sense!
And now Focalor, whenever he wasn't throwing a tantrum in the Bermuda Triangle, was down in Hell, still worshiping his brother. Either way, he was always, ALWAYS whining. To make matters worse, while Focalor had once been simply a Duke in the 3 Club, he was now a Great Duke in the 30 Club: exactly the same rank as Murmur.
Murmur sighed. Fucking Focalor.
"Did you hear about Michael's promotion?" asked Moloch.
"What?"
"Apparently, he's a Seraph now."
"WHAT?!"
"Yeah. Not only a Seraph, but he's Deus' second-in-command."
"WHAT?!"
Murmur pounded his fists on the desk in rage.
Even though Michael was a special kind of archangel who had always been more powerful than Murmur, he was still just an archangel. Murmur was his superior. But now he was Deus' second-in-command! Murmur had ONE thing over Michael, and now...
Murmur stopped. And now, why should he care? He wasn't an angel anymore. It didn't affect him.
"Oh, well. Doesn't matter. He's still an idiot."
"That's true."
"So, what were those screams earlier? I mean, I know what made them, but where did they come from?"
"The Democrats."
"Oh. You know, the Clintons don't really believe in you. They just say that they do to gain control over the other Democrats."
There was a long, awkward silence. Moloch snapped his fingers and Murmur disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
"Fucking midget prick."
Murmur appeared in front of a large black iron gate. The ground was red and cracked. The ceiling was covered in red stalactites. Surrounding the area was a sea of lava. He heard someone crying in the distance. The crying grew louder and louder, until the demon Murmur wanted to see the least crawled out of the lava and onto the ground.
Murmur sighed.
Fucking Focalor.
Focalor was a truly disturbing sight to behold. He resembled a nude man with green, scaly skin. His hair was like seaweed. His face was twisted in anguish and despair, with tears running down it. His wings, large and feathered like that of an eagle's, covered his body. He smelled like a mixture of the scent of the sea and the unmistakable stench of death. Formerly a beautiful angel, he was now a monstrous personification of depression and rage.
"Where's Lucifuge?"
Focalor continued to cry.
"I'll ask you again, where is Lucifuge?"
The crying grew even louder. Murmur was getting angrier by the minute.
"WHERE IS LUCIFUGE?!"
The crying was almost deafening at this point. Enraged, Murmur pulled a massive hammer out of his stocking and hit Focalor with it, knocking him into the gate. He jumped onto him, hitting him a few more times before putting the hammer back into his stocking, and began to choke him.
"Do you know why I hate you, Focalor, and I mean honestly fucking HATE you?!"
His small hands squeezed tighter on his throat.
"You little faggot, shut the fuck up! You fell like the rest of us, but you thought, FOR SOME FUCKING REASON, that Deus would just forgive you! For a thousand years, you had this smug fucking grin on your face, telling us all to go fuck ourselves and that we'll all burn here for eternity, and then a thousand years pass, and you realize THAT YOU'RE FUCKED JUST LIKE THE REST OF US! THAT YOU'RE GONNA SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN THIS GLORIFIED PRISON! AND YOU FREAKED THE FUCK OUT!"
Murmur smashed Focalor's head against the gate.
"AND NOW YOU CRY AND BITCH AND MOAN, AND THAT'S ALL YOU DO! THAT'S ALL YOU FUCKING DO! YOU CAN'T EVEN FORM A SENTENCE ANYMORE! ALL YOU'RE GOOD FOR IS BITCHING AND WHINING AND KILLING THOSE RETARDED FUCKING APES WHENEVER END UP IN THE BERMUDA COCKSUCKING TRIANGLE!"
Focalor tried to push Murmur off of him.
"YOU WANNA WHY I HATE YOU, FOCALOR?! WHY IT'S ALWAYS YOU, WHY ALL THIS FUCKING SHIT KEEPS HAPPENING TO YOU?!"
Murmur didn't see the black cloud forming behind him.
"IT'S BECAUSE YOU ARE SUCH A LITTLE VICTIM, FOCALOR!"
A bolt of lightning struck Murmur, throwing him off of Focalor. Still crying, Focalor got up and glared at him. Murmur stood up and took his trumpet out of its place on his belt.
"Oh, it is on, motherfucker. It is fucking ON NOW, BITCH!"
Thunder crashed. A hurricane clashed with a burning tornado. Vultures fought with griffins. The area was covered in steam. At one point, Murmur was swallowed by a lusca, a creature that could be accurately described as a "sharktopus". Murmur burst out of its stomach and blew his trumpet at it, propelling it towards Focalor.
"EVEN IN THIS WEAK FORM, I'M STILL STRONGER THAN YOU, FUCKAL-WHORE!"
Focalor lunged at Murmur. He grabbed his throat and smashed the small demon into a rock wall. Focalor pulled his arm back, ready to crush Murmur's head with his fist.
"That's quite enough, both of you," said a soft, yet at the same time threatening male voice.
Focalor turned around and dropped Murmur. Murmur looked up to see who his savior was. His eyes widened in shock.
"M-Mister Prime Minister, sir!"
Lucifuge Rofocale resembled a man with the legs and tail of a black goat. His fingers had sharp, black claws. He had two black eagle wings portruding from his back. His skin was unnaturally pale, with the texture of marble or ivory. He had three large black horns on his head, with one between the other two as a twisted mockery of a royal crown. His eyes were almost pure white, with small black pupils. His white teeth, with the same texture as his skin, were large and sharp.
He walked towards them.
"Brother," he said, as if gently scolding a disobedient child, "that's no way to treat our guests. Even if they are as loud and annoying as Murmur. Why don't you go and attack a cruise ship in the Triangle?"
Focalor disappeared.
"Walk with me, Murmur."
"Y-yes, sir."
The two walked through the open gate, which closed behind them. They passed by a picnic table. Sitting at or next to the table were Lucifuge's other three servants.
Bael was eight feet tall. He had the torso, arms, and hands of a muscular, light brown-skinned man. On his left shoulder was the head of a frog, on his right shoulder was the head of a cat, and in the center was a man's head with a large bull's horn on each side, with a royal crown between them. A spider's body and eight legs held the demon up. He was standing near the table, as he couldn't sit due to his legs.
Agares resembled an old, thin, tired, yet calm-looking white man. He had a scraggly white beard. A bird, resembling a mixture of a hawk, a sparrowhawk, and a goshawk, but undoubtedly some member of the genus Accipiter, was perched on his wrist. He was not sitting at the table; rather, he was sitting on a large crocodile.
Marbas was a roughly six foot tall, toned, and fit humanoid lion with a beard. He had fiery eyes that changed color from brown, to blue, to grey, to silver, with live snakes emerging from his back. His beard, fur, and tail were black. His feathered wings were a mixture of blue, grey, and black. He was the only one who was actually sitting at the table.
On the table was a case of beer bottles. Bael drank some.
"Those, those fuckin'...fuckin' ASSHOLES...they, they wouldn't fuckin' a good leader if one...I dunno, bombed a city or somethin'," said Bael in a hoarse voice. "I USED TO BE A GOD!"
"Well," said Agares gently, "a lot of us used to be fucking gods, my friend. I mean, look at Moloch. He used to be a god, and now he's doing fine-"
"MOLOCH CAN EAT A BAG OF ROASTED UNCUT BABY DICKS!"
"Well, alright then."
"Humans are fucking idiots," growled Marbas in a guttural voice.
"Hey, guys," said Murmur.
"Well, look who decided to join the party!" exclaimed Bael. "Lucifuge, you invited this guy?"
"He has business with the emperor."
"Yeah, I have business with the WAIT, WHAT?!"
"Oh, I may have forgotten to tell you. Yes, my brother wishes to see you."
Murmur was shocked. Lucifer himself wanted to see him. Why? He was just a Great Duke! Maybe...no, it had to be! Deus was involved! That's why Lucifer wanted to see him! Murmur had been serving Lucifer's most hated enemy, and now...
In what had become a recurring experience that day, Murmur's eyes widened in terror. Oh no. This was bad. This was very bad.
Lucifuge noticed Murmur's fear and laughed, something he did very rarely, which only served to frighten Murmur even more.
"I assure you, Murmur, you're not in trouble."
"I-I thought the emperor was on Earth! In Turkey!"
"He's returned to see you. All of the archdemons are throwing him a party to celebrate."
"Yeah," said Bael, "the rest are inside. All the top guys are in there."
"So, Murmur," said Agares, "what're you up to these days?"
"Besides being Deus' bitch," said Marbas. All three of them laughed.
"Well, right now, I'm helping the Eleventh get re-elected as mayor of Sakurami."
"And how are you doing that?"
"I'm his deputy mayor. Everyone thinks I'm a human named Marcus Matthews."
Bael growled. "Dammit, I should've done that! Would've called myself...I dunno...'Barry Elwood', or something."
"Wait," said Agares, "Marcus Matthews? 'Matthews' as in 'Matthias'?"
"Well...yeah."
"You realize if you get found out, you're basically just advertising your true name? Do you have any fucking idea how much power that gives the apes over you?"
"I won't get found out. And Lucifer uses his real name!"
"You're not nearly as powerful as Lucifer," said Marbas. "That's just like you, Murmur. Too damn prideful for your own good."
"Or maybe," said Bael, smirking, "you're gettin' soft on us."
"What?!"
"Yeah," said Agares, "Maybe you chose it because it reminds you of before the Fall."
"Pussy," said Marbas.
"F-for your information, I just beat the shit out of Focalor!"
"From where we were sitting, it seemed more like he was about to punch you before Lucifuge stepped in."
"It was an equally-matched fight," said Lucifuge, smiling. "Come along now, Murmur. You haven't even seen the party yet."
The two of them walked up the road to a massive black house with yellow light coming from the windows. It looked like something out of a cartoon's Halloween episode. Lucifuge opened the door, and they stepped inside. Moloch was sitting on a couch watching Paranormal Witness on TV. He laughed.
"Man, I scared the shit out of that guy."
"Hey, Moloch."
"Hey, Murmur. Glad you finally made it. What took you so long?"
"Fucking Focalor."
Around the first floor, various archdemons were talking and drinking:
Great Duke Astaroth of the 40 Club was the leader of the Great Dukes. He was a tall, nude, effeminate white man with light blonde hair, with two white feathered wings with red and blue streaks, and wearing a crown. He held a viper in his right hand. He had the horns of a bull, the ears of a donkey, and the claws of a lion. He had a bright red snake's tail. He had small feet, a chestnut-colored neck, and on his back were the spines of a hedgehog, each the length of someone's middle finger. His breath smelled foul and rotten. He rode a large black wolf with scales on its back, with the wings of a dragon and the tail of a snake. He had charmed many goddesses back in the days of Mesopotamia and Ancient Egypt. Astaroth was talking to King Amaymon about how unfair the Fall was.
King Amaymon was an incredibly powerful demon, said to be as powerful as Asmodeus, one of the Seven Princes (which is different from a normal Prince). He was an old Egyptian man, with a white beard and long white hair hanging over his eyes. His hair had the texture of a horse's. He had two black-feathered wings. In his right hand he held a pointed rod. He rode a large, angry lion. His breath was not only bad, it was genuinely poisonous. He and Astaroth were close friends.
Great King Purson was a young Egyptian man with a lion's head. He had the wings of a falcon and held a ferocious viper in one hand and a trumpet in the other. He was riding a large bear. He was talking to Zagan about various precious metals.
Great King Zagan was a light brown-skinned minotaur with the wings of an eagle.
King Gaap was a light brown-skinned man with the black wings of a bat, two straight horns on his head, and wearing a knight's armor. He was giving dirty looks to Beleth, who was on the other side of the room.
King Paimon was a man with an effeminate face and a tail, wearing a golden crown with several bright gemstones on it and a snake moving around the points. He was also wearing fine, bright red robes and a shiny white embroidered collar. He was riding a dromedary camel. In a loud, clear voice, he was discussing philosophy with Gaap.
King Beleth was on the other side of the room, angrily glaring at Gaap. He and Gaap hated each other for unknown reasons (something to do with a guy named Ham). He resembled a mixture of a werewolf and a werecat, with black feathered wings, each ten feet long. He had a third eye in his forehead, resembling a quartz crystal. He had two long horns and four tails. He rode a pale horse. Beleth looked absolutely enraged; of course, Beleth always looked absolutely enraged.
King Vine was a thin, black-furred humanoid lion with a platinum blonde-tipped mane. He had black-feathered wings. In one hand, he carried a golden staff with a black snake coiling around it. He rode a black horse. He was talking to Beleth about an anime the humans had recently featured him in; in it, he was depicted as a kind young girl. While he was angered by this, he had to admit that she was rather charming.
King Balam joined Moloch in watching TV on the couch. He was a nude, effeminate, light brown-skinned man with three heads: a man's head wearing a royal crown in the center, a bull's on his right shoulder, and a ram's on his left shoulder. He had six flaming eyes and the tail of a snake. A bird, the same type that Agares kept as a pet, was on his right fist. His method of transportation, an enraged bear, was sitting on the floor next to the couch. He was talking to Moloch about different kinds of magic in a hoarse voice.
Bael, Agares, and Marbas walked in (well, Agares rode in on his crocodile) with their case of beer.
"Hey, dipshits!" shouted Bael, "Your saviors have arrived!"
The archdemons cheered. Bael shouted something to Moloch about "roasted uncut baby dicks".
Unfortunately, while the ensuing argument happened, and while Gaap (who had already drank two bottles of red wine) and Beleth started shouting at each other, nobody noticed that Bael had left the front door open. A Shed sneaked inside and grabbed a bottle of beer, and then quickly went outside, doing his odd mixture of running and flying, shrieking in joy at his friends, a group of Shedim that had gathered outside the house.
The Shedim demons were one of Deus' discarded, half-assed projects. They resembled small, pale, deformed humans, roughly the size of Murmur, with some limbs shorter than the others. They had the feet and claws of roosters, the tails of snakes, and small, white-feathered wings. They were basically half-retarded (by demon standards, anyway; in reality, they were just slightly dumber than humans), and even worse (from a demon's perspective), they were mortal (of course, nothing is truly immortal and must die some day, but the point is that most demons lived much, much longer than Shedim).
The Shedim lived slightly longer than humans. Unlike most demons, who were spiritual beings and could only be harmed by other spiritual beings, Shedim were entirely biological. They ate (meat, mostly) and drank (alcohol, mostly) to survive, rather than for pleasure like other demons. They pissed, shit, had sex, had children, and died of old age. Many demons actually pitied them.
The Shed ran back in and was about to grab another bottle, when Lucifuge calmly grabbed his tail, smashed him repeatedly against a wall, and threw him back outside. He then ordered Beleth and Gaap to stop fighting and clean up the bloody mess on his wall, which they immediately did.
Pity only extended so far for demons.
Murmur followed Lucifuge upstairs to the second floor. Up here were four of the Seven Princes, sitting at or next to a table:
Asmodeus (also referred to as Asmodeus The Elder, Asmodeus I, or Asmodeus Shamdon) was the Prince Of Lust. He was one of the younger demons, the son of Adam and the succubus Lilith. Deus raised him and made him a Throne, like Murmur. He had a personal army of demons called the Asmodai. As he was a cambion (half-demon) himself, he made a cambion, Asmodeus II, his second-in-command, the son of King David and the succubus Agrat Bat Mahlat, the daughter of Asmodeus' half-sister Mahlat and the morally ambiguous archangel Samael, and the granddaughter of Lilith and Cain (Mahlat's parents); this made Asmodeus II five eighths-human and Asmodeus his half-great-uncle.
Asmodeus had the arms, legs, body, and head of a light brown-skinned man. His left foot was that of a goose's and his right foot was that of a rooster's. He had a snake's tail and breathed fire. On his right shoulder was a bull's head, and on his left was a ram's. He had a royal crown on his human head, and rode a lion with the wings and neck of a dragon.
Belphegor was the Prince Of Sloth. He, like Moloch and Bael, was worshiped by a Biblical tribe; in his case, the Moabites worshiped him as a god of war, the sun, and the moon. He was a nude, light-brown skinned androgynous man with a black beard, horizontal horns, sharp claws, the long tail of a cow, and a large uncut penis. He was sitting on a wheelchair made of wood from tree branches (he didn't need it, he just didn't like walking). He was misanthropic, even for a demon, due to his belief that humans were naturally lazy and incapable of being happy in a relationship.
Mammon was the Prince Of Greed. He was a tall, thin, light brown-skinned man wearing nice, expensive clothes and riding a white wolf.
Beelzebub was the Prince Of Gluttony. The people of the ancient city of Ekron worshiped him as a god. He resembled a massive, black, androgynous humanoid fly, with a wise, bloated face and swollen chest, with flashing eyes and raised eyebrows. He had the long tail of a lion, covered in rainbow scales with the stinger of a bee at the end. He had large nostrils, two cow horns on his head, and two bat wings attached to his shoulders. He had the feet of a duck, and was covered in black, shaggy, goat-like fur. His hands had the claws of a leopard. He breathed fire.
"Beelzebub," said Lucifuge, "how are you today?"
"Hungry," replied Beelzebub in a loud voice, like the howl of a wolf.
"Oh, of course, you must be starved, sir! Don't worry, I'll have some meat for you soon."
Lucifuge and Murmur walked upstairs to the third floor. Leviathan and Belial were discussing Earth (the planet) and humans.
Leviathan was the Prince Of Envy and the Crown Prince Of Water. He was a gigantic, seven-headed, green-scaled sea serpent. He had ridges on his back and two massive fins with the shape of a whale's fins, but with the webbing of a fish's fins. His eyes were glowing white. His jaws were like those of a crocodile's. He was in a large swimming pool.
Belial was the Crown Prince Of Earth, both the element and the planet. He resembled a light brown-skinned angel, wearing white robes, black shoes, and a golden crown. He had the horns and brown ears of a goat, and a black beard. He had two white-feathered wings. He was sitting in a burning chariot. He was the fourth-oldest demon, and was Lucifer's main assistant in his rebellion.
"Well, if it isn't young Murmur!" said Belial. Leviathan roared.
"H-hello, sirs."
"What brings you here?"
"Lucifer wanted to see him," said Lucifuge.
"Why?"
"He didn't say."
"That's just like old Lucifer. Too important to let anyone else know his ingenious ideas."
Murmur followed Lucifuge to a black door in the back of the room. Lucifuge opened it, revealing a massive descending staircase, surrounded by complete darkness.
"He's down there."
Murmur was about to walk down the staircase, when Lucifuge put his cold hand on his shoulder and stopped him.
"Murmur, what do you think of me? Be honest."
"W-well, um, frankly, s-sir...you scare the shit out of me."
Lucifuge smiled. "That's what I wanted to hear."
Murmur walked down the stairs. Lucifuge closed the door, getting rid of his only light source. It got very cold; Murmur was freezing. Which was impressive because, as Murmur was a spirit, that should have been physically impossible.
After a while, he began to hear screaming. That was when he started to run down the stairs. He ran as fast as he could. He thought he had escaped the screaming when he bumped into something and fell back on the cold stone floor.
Murmur looked up. He saw a young white man. He was wearing a black suit and tie, white pants, and black shoes. At first glance, Murmur thought he could see red ribbons on his pants. He then realized that they weren't ribbons at all; they were bloodstains. He had red, bat-like wings coming from his shoulders. He had short blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He was beautiful. He was terrifying.
This was him. The Prince Of Pride. The Crown Prince Of Air. The Emperor Of Hell.
Lucifer.
Murmur stared at him.
"Hello, Murmur," said Lucifer, smiling warmly at him.
He continued to stare.
"I haven't seen you in so long."
He remained silent. Lucifer laughed.
"Murmur, it's alright. Don't be nervous, my friend. Just say something. Relax. Chill out."
Murmur laughed nervously. "U-um, w-well, s-s-sir...why...why did you want to see me?"
"Oh, please. Call me Lucifer. All my friends do. Follow me."
The two walked together for some time, eventually ending up on walkway. The two looked down over the railing.
"Is Zeus still pissed at me for stealing his altar?"
"Yeah. And he goes by 'Jupiter' these days."
"Y'know, I never got why us spiritual beings have so many names."
"So, uh...how was Turkey?"
"Fuck Turkey. Germany was so much better. At least it was when I visited."
"When was that?"
"1935."
"You know, a lot of apes think you and Satan are the same guy."
"Well, we are. Were, anyway. So they're not technically wrong." Lucifer sighed. "Look down, Murmur."
Murmur looked down. He saw a frozen ocean and a gigantic monster. It was at least as big as Deus. Only the beast's upper half was visible; the rest was trapped in ice. It was humanoid, but that was its only resemblance to humanity. The abominable monstrosity had red, ragged fur. Each of its fingers had a long, black claw. It had three necks, with a head on each one, conjoined at the top. Each had two black, bat-like wings under its chin. The wings were moving rapidly, creating a freezing wind. The left head was pitch-black, the right head was a sickly pale yellow, and the central head was blood-red. Each head had two massive horns, the same color as their respective heads. Its six eyes were black, with red pupils. Each face was twisted in despair, rage, and agony. Each of his eyes were crying, the tears mixing with bloody foam and pus from his mouth as they fell. Each mouth had a man caught between its sharp teeth.
This was the Prince Of Wrath. The Crown Prince Of Fire. This was Satan.
"Look at what He's done to me, Murmur. He threw me down from Heaven, where I crashed into that ocean and became that...that thing! All I could do was split my being in half. One half, prideful, intelligent, and powerful, and one half, wrathful, barely sentient, and powerless. You see those three guys? That's Marcus Junius Brutus dangling by his feet in the left, Gaius Cassius Longinus dangling by his feet in the right, and in the middle? Judas Iscariot, having his head chewed and his back skinned with claws. Apparently, personal betrayal of Deus is the worst sin anyone can commit. And I thought I was egotistical. It's not fair."
Lucifer became silent, glaring at Satan. He angrily hit the railings. "IT'S NOT! FUCKING! FAIR!" His skin became grey, like that of an old, decomposing corpse. His arms became blue, like those of someone freezing to death. The stains on his pants grew until they covered them completely. Parts of his pants were ripped, and fluttered in the wind like ribbons. His face had a look of pure hatred.
"HE SAYS I BETRAYED HIM! BUT I ONLY WANTED WHAT WAS RIGHT FOR THE ANGELS! HE BETRAYED US FOR THOSE RETARDED FUCKING INBRED FUCKING APES!"
He inhaled deeply, and exhaled. He had returned to his normal appearance. "Anyway, I'll tell you why I called you down here." From out of thin air, he produced thirteen objects: eight cellphones, a tear-stained piece of paper, a digital video camera, a notebook, a slightly charred scroll, and an audio recorder.
"Six of their users have already died, but that doesn't matter. You've proven that you can raise the dead, given the right circumstances. And you know how this kind of thing works."
"Sir...what are you scheming?"
Lucifer smiled and laughed. "An interesting game." He turned towards Murmur. "But I don't need you to raise them now. I'll let you know when the time is right. Run along, now. You have a big day ahead of you, 'Mr. Matthews'."
Murmur walked back upstairs. Lucifer stared calmly at the darkness above him. He grinned.
"Fuck you, Michael."
His grin grew wider. "And fuck you, Gabriel. Fuck you, Raphael, you pointless bitch. Fuck you, Uriel. Fuck you, Eve, you big fat fuckin' cunt. Fuck you, Adam, and all your dead brats alongside you. Fuck you, Mary. Fuck YOU, Jesus, you pussy- the Romans did us ALL a favor when they crucified your fucking ass. Fuck you, Lucifuge, and fuck you, Belial. A lot of use you two pricks turned out to be."
His grin grew even wider. It looked almost painful. "Fuck you, Deus. I ain't finished with you yet, not by a long way."
He sighed. "And when I get to Sakurami, I'll tell them fuck you too."
Murmur walked back down to the first floor. As he was about to leave the house, Bael called out to him.
"Hey, Murmur, you're a music demon, right?"
"Yeah, why?"
"We got a karaoke machine set up in the corner. Why don't you try it out?"
"Sorry, guys, but I got somewhere to be."
"Aw, come on, Murmur!"
"Yeah, come on, man!" said Moloch. "Give us a song!"
Murmur laughed. He sighed. "Alright, alright, one song, but that's it!"
He walked over to the karaoke machine. He grabbed the microphone. "Alright, here's Wonderwall."
The crowd of archdemons booed.
"Kidding, kidding!" He raised the mic up to his face. "You folks wanna know why they call it the Devil's music?"
The crowd cheered. The music started to play, and Murmur began to sing:
"Well, folks, I'm goin' down to St. James Infirmary
To see my little baby there!
She's stretched out on a long white table!
Well, she looks so good, so cold, so fair!"
The crowd clapped and the cheering grew louder.
"Let her go, let her go, God bless her
Wherever she may be
You may search this whole wide world over
But you'll never find another sweetheart like me, yeah!"
The demons drank, laughed, cheered, and clapped. Murmur was loving the attention.
"Take apart your bones and put 'em back together!
Tell your mama that you're somebody new!
Feel the breeze blowin', tell 'em all, 'Look out, here it comes!'
Now I can say whatever I feel like to you!"
Murmur had begun dancing at this point, and the crowd loved it.
"Then get me six craps-shootin' pallbearers!
Let a chorus girl sing me a song!
Put a red-hot jazz band at the top, so that we can raise
Hallelujah as we go along, well!"
Focalor briefly appeared and threw a beer bottle at Murmur before vanishing. Murmur caught it and drank some, much to the approval of the crowd.
"Well, folks, now that you have heard my story
Say, boy, hand me another shot of that rye!
And if anyone else should ask you
Just tell 'em I've got some of those St. James Infirmary blues!"
The crowd clapped and shouted for more. Murmur smiled.
Maybe he could stay for just one more song.
