Yomotsu sat down on the couch across from Satsuki. He was wearing his usual outfit: skintight black spandex, with a white linen bag tied around his head. The bag had a symbol of a bloodshot eye on it, with red "veins" and a black "pupil" in the center.
"Mr. Hirasaka, please state your age and birthday."
"Thirty-six and April 27, 1980."
"Thank you. Why have you decided to run for deputy mayor?"
"Well, Satsuki, I've lived in Sakurami all my life. I've seen more injustice than I can believe. For Christ's sake, teenagers now need guns to protect themselves." He sighed. "You know, I've always believed that the world was never a safe place, but it's even less safe today. I want to help make a change to our city's judicial system. No parole. Ever."
"I see. You mentioned this city's gun problem. Are you a supporter of gun control?"
"No," he replied without hesitation.
"That's surprising. Why not?"
"Frankly, it doesn't work. Criminals don't get guns legally. They simply steal them or buy them from other criminals. Not naming names, but I think you know who I'm talking about."
Karyuudo opened the door to his room, poked his head out and glared at him for a few seconds, and went back in, closing the door.
"What are your opinions on the criminal accusations being thrown at the other Diary Holders on Ms. Kasugano's side? Inspector Kurusu has been accused of police brutality in the past, Ms. Kasugano herself has had both drug possession and underage drinking accusations, and we can't forget the Observer Incident."
Yomotsu paused, surprised by this sudden attack on his friends. He quickly regained his composure and replied.
"There is no evidence for the accusations against either Keigo or Tsubaki, and Aru was mentally ill at the time of the Observer Incident."
"So you're saying that if I went into Tsubaki's room, I wouldn't find any illegal drugs or alcohol?"
"Yes. And if you were to go into her room, that would be against the law."
"...Alright. There are also the more serious accusations against other members of your team."
"Like what?"
"In 2008, ten teenagers, five boys and five girls, went missing. Their bodies were found sometime later, all violently mutilated. At the time, all ten students were attending Sakurami High School. Also attending were Marco Ikusaba and Ai Mikami. When the police interviewed the students of the school, a recurring theme was that the girls were bullying Ms. Mikami, and that the boys were dating them."
"Satsuki, if you're implying what I think you are, let me remind you that no evidence was found connecting either Marco or Ai to the murders."
"Alright. What about the fire at the Omekata Temple? Thirty people died, and Tsubaki admitted to starting the fire-"
"That was ruled as self-defense."
"Okay, what about the murders of Saika and Ushio Gasai?"
"What about them?"
"There are some people who feel that Yuno Gasai might have-"
"Those people are wrong. And I thought this interview was about me?"
"It is, I'm just-"
"Trying to slander my friends."
In Yuki and Yuno's room, Yuki had overheard Satsuki's comment.
"That bitch! Yuno, where's my gun?"
Yuno gently put her hand on Yuki's shoulder. "Yuki, I can take care of myself. And you can't just shoot people on TV!" She was silent for a minute, and started to speak again. "Baby, I love you. But you gotta stop being so impulsive, it'll get you in trouble one day."
"...Fine. I'm sorry."
Yuno hugged him. "It's okay."
In John's room, he was nervously looking at his watch. "Goddammit! Where is that fucking midget sandnigger?!" He remembered that his Diary, a highly-advanced tablet, had a video chat function. He wondered if it could connect to Murmur's phone.
In the living room, Satsuki was talking into the camera. "Well, that's all the time we have for Mr. Hirasaka's interview, but don't go away!"
"Shit!" muttered John under his breath, as he tried to connect to Murmur's phone. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!"
"Up next, out interview with John Bacchus' choice for deputy mayor: Marcus Matthews!"
"COME ON, YOU FUCKING TRANNY FAGGOT!"
Back in Hell, Murmur was still doing karaoke.
"Okay, for real now, though. Here's Wonderwall."
The other demons groaned, but were interrupted by his phone ringing. "Who the fuck?" He took out his phone and turned on video chat.
"GET THE FUCK UP HERE!" shouted John.
"Fuck, alright! Damn." Murmur turned off his phone and put it away. "Sorry, everyone! Eleventh wants me up there."
He disappeared and everyone celebrated not having to listen to Wonderwall. From that day on, John Bacchus was considered a hero in Hell.
Back in John's room, Murmur appeared, and was about to shapeshift into his human disguise, but they were interrupted by Satsuki out in the living room.
"Oh my God! Ladies and gentleman, I'm sorry, but we'll have to cancel the rest of today's interviews. A freak hurricane is forming off the coast of Florida, and is headed this way!"
Satsuki and the cameraman left the house, got in their news van, and drove away. John turned to Murmur. "Did you have anything to do with that?"
"I think I did," he replied. Fucking Focalor.
"You can go back to whatever you were doing."
"No, I'm good. Demons really don't like listening to Wonderwall."
"Yeah, me neither. I mean, it's not that it's a bad song, it's just so overdone."
Tsubaki knocked on the door. "Hey, dipshit! Open up!"
Murmur disappeared and John opened the door.
"Let me guess, you paid the bitch to piss me and Yomotsu off so we'd look bad?"
"Surprisingly, no. Reporters really are just that awful."
