Chapter ten

Falling isn't the easiest thing

Natalie didn't hear much from anyone, she didn't go back to her flat when Tosh showed up. She didn't even hang around to have a conversation with her, Natalie just wanted to leave.

A hand held onto her locket, she had walked towards the church. She couldn't say she ever believed in god, but with everything going on she needed to come here.

Natalie sat in the pew bowing her head, she couldn't think of anything.

"Is this seat taken?" A Scottish accent caught her off guard.

Natalie turned her head to the right to see The Twelfth Doctor sitting with her. "Doctor..." Natalie felt her eyes drawn to his.

The Doctor smiled, "I'd thought I'd pop in and check on you..." He glanced over her. "Still Natalie."

"How can you tell?" Natalie asked, but her face kept studying over him, trying to work out the secrets behind his eyes.

The Doctor looked forward to the alter, "I know..." He glanced to her, "Because if you was her, you would be very mad at me." He now could see a confusion on her face. "I had to do something, and now I am trying to find a way to..." He stopped talking.

Natalie didn't know what to say to him, "Do you need help?" She asked trying to welcome a distraction.

"Not right now," The Doctor quickly looked to her face, "I have a feeling you need to be here." He turned on the pew to study over Natalie. "Why didn't you open the biodata module?"

"First I wanted to live the human life, and now..." Natalie stopped talking, she couldn't think of how to explain herself to him. "Have you ever done this?"

The Doctor was quiet for a while, he thought back to when he was hiding from the family of blood, "Yes," He watched her face, but he knew Natalie was listening to him. "What do you want to know?"

"Do you still remember being..." Natalie started.

"John Smith," The Doctor laughed.

Natalie raised her eyebrow, "John Smith?" She laughed with him.

"I don't judge your name," The Doctor stopped, "I do remember him," He said while watching her. "Natalie would never be forgotten."

"But do you?" Natalie started, but she didn't know how to finish her question.

The Doctor was studying over Natalie, "Does it have to do with Owen Harper?" He asked her. "Because I think I know what you want to know."

Natalie started to look forward, she couldn't bring herself to look at him, "Am I that transparent?"

"I brought you here to be safe," The Doctor muttered, "Not to fraternize with the locals..." He felt her gaze on him. "You are so young." He reached over to touch her shoulder. "And I need to fix my bloody TARDIS."

"What!" Natalie felt taken back, "Fraternizing?"

The Doctor took a deep breathe in, "With opening the biodata module, you will release the essence of... Well you." He found it hard to explain to her simple mind right now. "Natalie would be a memory, but you'll know once you regenerate for the first time..." He turned to see her face had fallen. "Simply saying that the things you are feeling now will pass."

"So I wouldn't love Owen anymore?" Natalie asked, she sighed, "But it would break his heart."

The Doctor sighed, "Human hearts are complex things, but fragile they are not." He tapped her knee standing up. "Now if you don't mind me, I have a roman civilisation to help colonize." He laughed, "Also my TARDIS mistaken your heart ache for cardiac arrest." He grunted, "I get a feeling while you are human, my TARDIS is going to worry about you." He walked away leaving Natalie in the church alone.


Pain was starting to become to frequent to Owen, he couldn't bring himself to believe the things he did that day, but Gwen and Rhys had left, and he was cleaning up the medical bay after fixing up Rhys gun shot wound.

The sound of the entrance made Owen jump, he turned to see her standing at the top of the stairs. "Busy day?"

"You missed it," Owen watched her walking down the stairs towards him, "Alien being used as a source of meat." He could feel Natalie was watching him. "I did what I thought was best for the poor thing." He stopped talking, watching Natalie standing still. "Nat..."

"What did you do?" She finally joined the conversation.

Owen studied her face as he took a step towards her, "It was suffering, and in pain." He took a deep breathe, "I did what I had to do to end that suffering."

Natalie kept still in front of him, "You killed it." She said bluntly, "Because it was the humane thing to do."

Both of them stood still staring at each other, Owen didn't know what to think. "Why did you leave?" He asked feeling nervous about how she was watching him.

"I needed to think and I can't think when all I can." Natalie closed her eyes, she couldn't understand her own mind. "I want you, I do..."

"Then why are you pulling away from me?" Owen took this moment to take her hand, he knew what Tosh said was plaguing his mind. "We both know what we do here, there is no secrets."

"Owen," Natalie placed the palm of her hand to his cheek, she could see his eyes closing to try and stop himself from feeling anything bad, if he couldn't see her face. "This will never end well." Her voice trying so hard to keep together, "I don't know how long I will be like this. I might get hurt, and I could end up dying."

"You won't die!" Owen's opened his eyes, he took her hand from his face holding it close to him. "I'd never let anything hurt, or kill you."

Natalie tried to not smile, but could feel Owen pulling her closer. "If anything happened to you." She shook her head, "I would open this thing in a heartbeat." Natalie pulled the locket out.

Owen's eyes snapped from her face to the locket. "You took it?" He felt lost in her eyes. "Did you take it, to open it?"

"I can't open it..." Natalie stated while dropping it back to her chest. "The Doctor said it would only open when I wanted to." She could see Owen's face lighting up.

"You don't want to open it..." He felt himself getting excited, but stopped himself. "You're still scared?"

Natalie took her hand back from Owen, "I am warning you, this with us will end very bad." She was cautious.

"It would be fucking amazing!" Owen felt himself pulling her closer to him. "Have you not thought of that?" He asked trying to hide that he couldn't stop his feelings, and he was done with trying.

Natalie knew the look in his eyes, she could tell that her own face was falling, she didn't want to hurt him, but with that she was hurting herself. "You really are jump in without thinking what's at the bottom?"

"Sometimes it's better to not look, but say fuck it and go..." Owen pulled her into his arms, he knew she wasn't fighting it, but he felt a hand over her face. "We enjoy the now, we live now." He ran a hand into her hair. "Because I won't stop."

Natalie felt herself giving into her smile, leaning up into him, her lips touching his softly, but feeling his arms now holding her tight. The simple kiss turning into more than that.


"So what are we going to do about Rhys..." Ianto stepped into Jack's office seeing him standing by the window. He stopped glancing to where Jack was looking. "That's why you like this office..." Ianto could see Natalie and Owen kissing passionately.

Jack stopped watching, his attention on Ianto. "For now, we let it be." He knew it was a mistake, but he didn't want to lose Gwen in the process. "It's been a hell of a day Ianto..." He gave him a flirtatious wink.

Ianto felt himself blush subtly, but then he knew Jack would always have that affect on him. "You know Tosh is leaving, Owen and Natalie should be going..." He gave him a grin. "We'd be alone..."

Jack gave a bigger grin, "Why wait." He pulled Ianto into him, his hand holding onto his face before kissing him deeply.

Ianto's eyes closed feeling Jack on him, he felt better about the day already.


Natalie opened her eyes, the sun was shining through her curtains, but today wasn't the same as yesterday. She focused on the brightness coming into the room, the beam of light making it easier to see the dust particles floating in the air. She held her hand out to swish her fingers through them, she felt relaxed. She didn't know she could feel this calm, but she stopped moving her fingers feeling Owen's hand running up her arm to hold onto her hand. Natalie couldn't help but break into a smile feeling him hugging onto her back. "Someone is way too happy for six in the morning..." Owen whispered into her ear pulling her in closer, he lightly kissed the side of her neck feeling her relaxing into him.

"I," Natalie muttered feeling Owen's other hand wrapped around her waist. "Don't think I've ever had that kind of feeling..." She felt flustered.

Owen smirked, "You mean orgasm?" He asked feeling himself getting hard, and it wasn't unusual for him.

"No!" Natalie let go of his hand, she rolled on the bed to be face to face with him. "Waking up and feeling as if I have a purpose..." He fingers brushed against his face. "But the sex was good..." Her eyes locked onto his. "So I call that a plus."

Owen laughed with a smile, it was strange for him to feel genuinely happy for once, but Natalie did that to him, she made him feel like he was alive again. "We can go for round two." He push himself on top of her, his hands brushed down her waist to her hip.

Natalie felt her heart race, her eyes never left Owen's face, but both of them stopped hearing the ringing of Owen's phone. "Rain check?" She said feeling Owen getting off her, he knew the only person ringing him, and he knew that the person wouldn't stop.

"Bloody hell," Owen rolled getting out of the bed, he knew his phone was in his jeans pocket somewhere in the hallway.

Natalie rolled to her side watching Owen walking away, she titled her head admiring his arse. "Someone likes to clench." She joked watching him bend over to pick his phone up.

"Ha, ha, ha..." Owen joked taking the phone out of his pocket and pressing the answer button. "Jack, this better be serious!"

Jack laughed, "Good morning Owen..." He spoke quickly, "Just checking in." He then glanced around the hub, it seemed Gwen took an impov trip to France, and Ianto and Tosh were going through rift activity.

"Checking in," Owen grunted, "And now you've checked in..." His words drifted off seeing Natalie was out of bed wrapping a dressing gown around herself. He placed his hand over the phone. "Please," He pleaded with her, "Back to bed..."

Natalie walked up to him, she placed a light kiss on his lips, "I have too much work," Her voice was gentle, "And a lot to think through."

Owen didn't know how to take the comment. "please don't think..." He pouted.

"I'm gonna go shower, and smell reasonable for work." Natalie brushed a hand against his stomach catching his eye, "My head will always overthink this, and I'm not saying I don't care. I just want to be cautious." She walked into the bathroom closing the door behind herself.

"Fuck!" Owen then remembered the phone in his hand. "Sorry Jack."

Jack was trying to think how to act, he heard the whole conversation. "Just get into work when you can, we've got a lot of backlogs to get through."

Owen glanced to the door of the bathroom, he was listening the sound of running water. "Yea, will see you when I get in." He hung the phone up, he placed his hand onto the door handle, but let it go picking up his clothes and heading to the bedroom to change.


Owen walked into the hub, he had gone home to shower and shave, he walked passed the Computer station to see that Natalie and Tosh were deep in conversation. He didn't even stop going right into the medical bay to start his work.

Natalie glanced up from the conversation to see Owen, she didn't know what to think as when she got out the shower he'd already left the flat without even a note. Part of her wasn't surprised with how hot and cold she was, but it didn't change the fact that it still hurt.

"Are you listening?" Tosh was watching how Natalie had turned her head away from her to watch Owen coming into the hub with the sour expression on his face, and Tosh could see a flash of pain on Natalie's. "Are you alright?" She placed a hand to Natalie's shoulder.

"I'm fine." Natalie swiftly turned back to Tosh, "Data translation to be done manually to stop mistakes." She repeated what Tosh told her. "I've been here long enough to know." She pointed out trying to shake the feeling off. "Just thought today was going to be..."

Tosh felt her eyes going to the medical bay, she didn't know what was going on, but she could tell that it wasn't a simple problem. "I feel like you've got a lot on your mind."

"I don't want to be rude Tosh, but I don't think you'd understand what I am feeling..." Natalie tried to not look towards the medical bay, she didn't want to get into it, she just wanted to get her work done.

Tosh could see Natalie starting to head over to her computer, "I've been broken hearted before." She said a little too loudly making Natalie stop and turn on her heels. "So you can talk to me about it." Her voice shrunk.

"This has nothing to do with heart ache, and I doubt your problem involved you being an alien that can live for thousands of years in the body of a simple human, that I have the potential to be a goddess among men!" Natalie calmed herself, "And I am keeping this human form because I am falling in love, and I know it's wrong because I can't bare to lose him, but I am sacrificing everything, but can't accept anything." She waved her hands to feel worse about knowing that Ianto and Jack were watching her, so she knew Owen could hear. "I'm going to get myself a fucking coffee!" She turned away from Tosh walking towards the kitchen with a feeling that she'd messed up badly.

"You need to have something stronger than coffee..." Jack stood in the doorway, and he could see Natalie standing by the coffee machine, her body tense.

It didn't take Natalie long to turn to face Jack, "What do you have in mind?" She asked placing the coffee pot back into the machine.

"Come with me to my office dear," Jack held a hand out feeling Natalie's gaze. "I think you'll need to talk about this, or drink yourself into not being so worried." He took her head walking out and dragging her with him.

Natalie had no choice but to follow, and while she could tell this was going to be one of them awkward conversations, she just wished for anything to happen to distract her from Owen.

Jack closed the door to his office, he reached into his desk taking out a bottle of brown liquid, he poured it into two small glasses handing one to Natalie. "Cheers..." He watched her tap her glass to his, but then quickly shot the drink. "That is a fifty year old scotch." Jack's stared at her, "From a planet three light-years from our solar system."

"And I am pretty sure it tasted like an old penny." Natalie placed the glass on the table, "Hit me again!" She pointed out looking to Jack pouring another drink, and she shot that one back quick too. "Keep it coming..."

"I am guessing you are having a hard time with your feelings." He said watching her knock the third drink back.

Natalie felt the warmth of the alcohol, she finally sat down on the chair on the other side of Jack's desk. "Life's so simple, why do I think that is the biggest pile of shit..." Her finger pointed to Jack, "I have been going over memories of Nisnoierungurlumimid," Natalie pushed her glass towards Jack, "And she is a bitch." She added while pointed towards Jack.

"So you know more about it than you let on?" Jack asked pouring her another drink. "And that is why you don't want to be her."

Natalie nodded, then shook her head. "I think she's pissed..." She now laughed, "Because it's not like I can ignore the drumming." She placed the locket down. "But when it's away from me I feel empty." Natalie picked up the glass playing it over with her hand. "You know, I know about you and Ianto..." Her finger pointed taking a small sip of her drink. "I saw you in the green house once." She laughed, "Looked like you was having a good time."

Jack took a sip of his drink, he was watching Natalie's face. "So I'm guessing you're not as prudish as I..."

"You thought I was a prude?" Natalie laughed, "I don't know if I should be offended, but that wasn't my point. I was thinking how you can love someone, and know that they will grow old and die, and you'll just..." She made a puffing noise with her mouth while stretching her arms out.

Jack placed the glass down, "You know you will age like a human right?" Jack pointed, but stopped himself. "So you will wait until Owen dies, open the locket."

"I think at this rate, I am pushing him away because it's like she is bleeding into my mind." Natalie placed the glass down, her elbows on the desk holding her chin in her hands. "It's like I can feel her in my mind..." She laughed, "But it's her mind, and I am the mask."

"I knew The Master as The Professor," Jack started, he took a sip of his drink, "And The Professor was a caring old man, the Master..." He pointed to Natalie, "Well you know about him..."

Natalie drank more, "Nisnoierungurlumimid, I see flashes of her life, and I feel emotions of that memory." Her hands rolling the glass between them, she focused on Jack. "She saw things, things that have corrupted her so much." Her eyes going to the glass draining it again.

"You know what Post traumatic stress disorder is?" Jack asked filling her glass again.

Natalie nodded, "Mostly, but why do you bring that up?" She felt him watching her, but she could only feel the alcohol working on her.

Jack filled his own glass up, "Maybe the fact that the persecution filter is broken on the locket,"

Natalie shook her head, "I saw the dreams long before Torchwood, before you saw me in that elevator." She felt her finger running around the rim of her glass. "Funny how meeting you soften the nightmares, but doesn't change the fact that I sleep and see horrific thing." Natalie drank more, "Have you ever been in a war?"

"A war..." Jack laughed, "Not just a war." He stopped seeing her face fall, "If I don't laugh about it, I..." He stopped to try and not dwell. "But you never forget what you had to do."

"The Time war, it's not like other wars, but then kinda is." Natalie tilted her head as to recall her dreams. "I mean, on the scale of thinking of two powerful forces. The Daleks, just wanting to end everything." Natalie bit her lip feeling a tear. "So many deaths, too many caught in the cross fire. So much suffering and pain on both parts." Natalie drank, "It's like the universe crying in pain for no one to hear it."

Jack lent forward, "And you saw all of that?"

"I don't think you know, but..." Her eyes went behind Jack to her reflection in the glass. "Every time I sleep, it's like I am opening myself to the feelings, and I brushed them off as just nightmares, but they're not just nightmares."

"No, they're not..." Jack reached over the table to take her hands. "You need to understand that it's okay to be scared, but if you keep pushing Owen away..." He squeezed her hands in his. "You need to let yourself be open, you have to." He let her hands go.