No One Special
Half the names on the list had already been crossed off. Ford steepled his fingers by his chin, watching Sasha drag his pen through another name. He felt the psitanium pulse on his back, the familiar violet glow emanating around his neck. He gave it a quick tap, ensuring it was securely strapped on to him. The last thing he wanted was to fall back into one of his other selves during such a crucial meeting.
"Cadets Bubai and Athens seemed promising," Sasha mused before crossing their names out, "but they haven't shown any resolve. All they do is make bracelets and apply lipstick."
"And I don't wanna deal with any lawsuits from those prissy kids," Ford added, earning a dry chuckle from his companion. He shook his head. "That girl's an Aura Wrangler in name alone. She's incredible with confusion and some other techniques, but she doesn't wanna chip a nail." He dug his knuckles into his bony cheek, setting his elbow on the picnic bench. "What a waste of confusion grenades."
Sasha raised his head. "And Cadet Athens is painfully standard. Basic telekinesis and levitation. It's a miracle that she managed to attain a Psychic Scout rank."
"And she has the nerve to skip class, too." Ford slapped his hands down, grimacing as splinters pricked his fingers. "Hangin' around with that rich girl is puttin' a real damper on her potential."
"Well, you saw how inseparable they were last summer. I fully doubt that they'll pay attention to any special training you or I offer them."
Nodding, Ford gestured for Sasha to hand him the clipboard. He took the pen and tapped it against the list, counting how many campers they had already deferred to regular classes. Much to his chagrin, it was almost everyone.
The Tender Brains were set aside for obvious reasons. They were beginners, having barely tapped into any potential they might have had. Even though a couple of them had seniority in Whispering Rock, they hadn't improved enough to be called Psychic Scouts.
But one of them had stood out. Cadet Barge was a newcomer with a telepathic range unheard of for a child. Her mother sent them a lengthy email claiming her daughter believed she was an alien and that the voices she heard were from her "real parents in another galaxy." With that knowledge, Ford and Sasha had agreed that she needed generalized training before they could offer her advanced classes. Though, that had not stopped Sasha from putting a question mark by her name, and Ford knew he would be asking her if she wanted some private training sooner than later.
Ford skimmed through the Psychic Scouts who had their names blackened. Cadet Phage was new to camp, and her invisibility astounded them. They were told she could stay invisible for up to three days, but she hadn't shown any other psychic talent. She needed to be examined in Basic Braining before they moved forward with her training.
Similarly, Cadet Doom's precognition was improving, and unlike most campers, she always attended her classes. She hadn't plateaued with her training, but she hadn't improved either. They also didn't want to listen to her lamenting about her tumultuous relationship with Cadet Lutefisk when they wanted her to focus on training, so like many other cadets, she was crossed out.
The remaining Psychic Scouts hadn't proved themselves. Cadet Fir was like Cadet Athens except with the ability to speak with fish. His meekness caused him to deny any opportunity for private lessons. He meandered and whimpered in combat classes, earning Oleander's explosive ire on far too many occasions. Ford knew for a fact that he wouldn't survive a day with Sasha.
Despite being a veteran camper, Cadet Zilch refused to obey. He was fine in classes where he could show off, but otherwise, he was a living nightmare. Neither of them wanted to deal with him. They knew he could have been an Aura Wrangler if he put some time into perfecting his lockpicking or levitation skills, but all he wanted to do was rob kids of their arrowheads.
"Who are we left with? The Astral Warriors?" Sasha asked, rubbing his temples and bringing Ford out of his contemplation.
"Yep," Ford said, smacking his lips together. "We got, let's see here, Cadets Love and Hedgehog-"
"I think you mean 'Hedgemouse.'"
"Same difference!" Ford waved away his correction as if it were tangible. "There's that Cadet Bulgakov, the new transfer from Russia." He hummed and cocked his head. "Wait, why is he here again? Didn't he attack someone?"
Sasha leaned back in his seat, saying, "In a way, yes. Agent Lebedev informed me that he had been defending another child, but it seemed he had nearly killed the bully. I believe his application said something about a 'Half-Deadly Nelson.'"
Ford sucked down a breath. "Yeesh. We're gonna hafta keep a close eye on that one. Vigilante justice ain't gonna get him anywhere in the Psychonauts." He marked Cadet Bulgakov's name with a question mark. "You wanna take 'im or should I?"
"To my knowledge, his prowess is telekinesis, so he might be better under your care." Sasha leaned forward, tapping his foot under the table. "Aren't there any cadets who have some firepower in them? Some of them who won't complain about unauthorized testing?"
Cackling, he smacked the clipboard on the table and jeered, "Oh, come on, Sasha! You got two good young'uns left. Milla said that Love kid was doing wonders with her training."
"But she'd rather play drums or play therapist for the other kids, and Hedgemouse is almost the same." Sasha groaned and dragged his hand down his face. "It's another disappointing roster this summer."
Ford hummed and glanced back at the list. None of the cadets had given them any reason to be interested in them. Certainly, he was going to look after them and make sure they didn't kill each other, but other than that, Ford didn't have any reason to be invested in their progression. Taking one glance at Sasha gave him the same impression, and his heart sank into his stomach as his companion sighed.
He checked the roster again, and his eyes lit up when he spotted two names free of any ink. He quickly pointed at them, asking, "Oh, hey, what about Lili and Boole's grandkid?"
Sasha glanced away and quietly said, "Well, as you and I know, Dogen is a...special case."
Ford shivered. Clicking his tongue, he said, "Oh...right. Poor Shellenberger, that intern didn't stand a chance. Shouldn't have gotten so angry when the kid took too long to answer." He rubbed his neck. "I had to mop up all of her blood and skull bits, too, right here in this very lodge. I think it made Cadet Hoofburger vomit-"
"Yes, I know I was there," Sasha interjected, shaking his head. He drummed his fingers on the table."As for Lili, she's already taken my classes and passed. I could make a new extracurricular activity for her, but…" He shrugged. "...she isn't interested in this camp anymore."
His blunt tone struck a nerve in Ford. Narrowing his eyes, he said, "Well, maybe I should teach her somethin'. Get that girl outta the flowers and into the-"
The glow on the psitanium faltered. He was silenced as if his speech was stripped from him. His eyelids drooped, and a yawn escaped him followed him by a moan which echoed in the still lodge. Rubbing his jaw, Ford glanced at Sasha, a bitter smile creeping onto his face.
Sasha stood up and took the clipboard, which was slipping out of Ford's grasp. He smoothed out any wrinkles on his coat and said, "I'll get you a new batch of psitanium, sir."
By the time Sasha returned, Ford was dressed in his chef's outfit nudging at cold hamburgers on an unlit grill and complaining about campers who hadn't arrived yet.
