Demoralized

She couldn't believe it. Was it really him? Lili clenched her jaw at the sight of her motionless father. He seemed too peaceful on the cot with a pillow propping his head up. Compared to the blank expression and glazed eyes he had in the Rhombus of Ruin, her dad appeared perfectly normal. There wasn't any sign of stress in his face. With no wide eyes, pursed lips, or stiffness in his body, she felt like she could have pretended that he had never been tormented by Dr. Loboto or poisoned with near-deadly psilirium.

But that wasn't a forgettable nightmare. It happened. It wasn't something she could ignore like she frequently did with classes at Whispering Rock. Her dad had been captured, brutalized, and all she could do was watch him rest, the slow rise and fall of his chest making her bite back a hiccup.

She stepped closer and glanced at her hand. The new fingerless gloves she had would have made him smile. He had once joked that gloves were in fashion among Psychonauts, which made the Lesser Head roll her eyes.

Lowering her gaze, she touched his hand. She wrapped her fingers around his palm and frowned at the looseness of his grip. It was a sharp contrast to the strong hands which would have helped her garden or push her on the swings in their backyard. She knew he was sleeping, or perhaps unconscious, but there was always strength in his hands even when he relaxed.

The whole situation still mystified her. She had been through two dangerous events, each of them happening over the course of a day. The first one threatened to end the world while the second nearly took his life. For any regular child, that was enough shock to last them a lifetime, but she was Lili Zanotto. She was the Grand Head of the Psychonauts' daughter and a powerful cadet who mastered herbaphony and earned all of her merit badges without special treatment. If anything, what happened over the span of the last couple of days had her thinking about what she wanted to do with her future.

She had been discouraged with the Psychonauts. She felt like the world didn't need them anymore. Times had changed while people stayed the same, but her dad didn't believe that. He championed the idea that the Psychonauts were heroes and wanted to reform the agency to suit his vision. Lili was proud of him when he succeeded as the Grand Head, but when the years wore her down, she started to think with indifference towards the Psychonauts.

But then Raz broke into Whispering Rock. The boy who rekindled her passion for the Psychonauts and single-handedly saved everyone in Whispering Rock wanted that same glory. Raz earnestly believed the world still needed them even though he knew nothing about the inner workings of the agency, and for him to become the youngest person accepted into the agency inspired her to work harder just like her dad had done.

Guilt gnawed at her stomach. Her dad would have been shocked to hear what she had actually thought about the Psychonauts. He put his heart and soul into the agency while she had slowly drifted from his ideals, and all it took was an energetic boy with a drive for change and a helping hand to make her think otherwise.

Raising her head, she stared at the long row of books in front of her. They were her dad's personal collection. Stories filled with legendary psychics recalling their battles before the agency was formed lined the wall. He was an avid reader and passed down those stories to her when she nestled in her bed, a memory of her dad smiling as he flipped open a hardback to tell her about the adventures of the 18th century psychic Maria the Mystifying making a ghost of a smile appear on her face.

Pulling her hand back, she hoisted herself onto the cot and kicked her legs out. She rubbed her thumb against her palm, the coldness of her dad's touch lingering like phantom pain. Chewing on the inside of her mouth, Lili stayed by his side and wished she could tell him how much she loved him, but one glance at his face told her she would be waiting for a long time.