Five days.

It had been five days since the last contact. The first day had been spent crying and angry. Second day had been spent in bed despite it being a working day. It had been the third day that a visitor had come. Memories had not surfaced by that point, and even when Gordon had filled on what he had known, Alison had not really processed it at the time. The third day had been spent numb. Having had noticed, Gordon had advised taking a few more days off. The fourth day had been spent thinking—finally thinking clearly about what had happened. There had still been holes in her memory, but… she had remembered a few things. Fifth day had been spent frowning down at her phone.

Alison had, in her fit, shouted for Kurt Bunker to stay away. She had overreacted and had lashed out at him. To be honest, she was surprised she hadn't struck him, too. Still, his lack of contact, for five days, had been unexpected. Before, he had been persistent in approaching her despite the clear nonverbal negative sign she had given. It just seemed so strange that he would comply this time around. No, she understood. He was keeping his distance because of her explosive reaction. He knew what had happened to her, so… it made sense that he wouldn't try to explain his actions so quickly. And there had to be some explanation. Kurt wouldn't… do that to her. He wouldn't just not spare her. Alison narrowed her eyes at her phone and chewed her lower lip. Now, if only he would call her already.

She had some explaining to do as well. But the mere thought of doing that caused her stomach to flop and twist. It was the reason she hadn't attempted to make contact even on day five. Night had fallen some time ago, and yet she was on the couch and staring at her phone, hoping it would ring. She had paced, of course, but only until her legs had begun aching. Meditation had done nothing for her this time around. Alison wondered if Kurt had experienced similar results. She couldn't be the only one mulling and brooding about their last encounter. With what they had been through together, he was probably just as anxious. Still, she wished he would call. At the end of day four, she had begun to miss him…

Day four had brought forth a lot of revelations. About Gordon. About Kurt. About herself. Jesus Christ. How long would she have been in the dark? Ironic how she had lost her memory because of alcohol, but had gained a plethora of knowledge because of it as well. She supposed she was as much to blame as the alcohol, though. If she hadn't run away from him that morning, she wouldn't be in her current predicament. Curled into the fetal position on her couch, waiting on something that… might never come again.

Alison sighed heavily and shut her eyes. Honestly, the reason she had overreacted with Kurt had to do with suddenly remembering something she had thought she would never forget. But she had forgotten. Somehow, being with Kurt had pushed the anniversary, the day she had lost her innocence, to the furthest reaches of her mind. Gordon had unknowingly brought it back. Alison couldn't fathom why she had demanded her friend take her to Kurt's that night, but it had made sense in a way. Maybe subconsciously, her drunken mind realized that Kurt was the better option. In the previous years, taking the day off, meditation, and a whole lot of violent video gaming had done the trick. It had been how she coped.

This year, she hadn't even thought about it. Well, she had, but that had been months ago. Felt like forever. And all of it just came crashing back. According to Gordon, her reaction to him knowing had been less than professional. She had been angry and cold to him. Maybe it had to do with him knowing and not telling her that he knew, or maybe it had been the fact that he had brought it up in the first place—whatever the case, she wasn't upset with him anymore. So she should probably go back to work. And thank him again for getting her some place safe while she had been under the influence.

Some place safe. Right. Maybe that had been the reason. Somewhere down the line, Kurt had become a safe haven. More than just a distraction. And now, apparently, more than a friend. Alison uncurled her body, and then sat up. Another sigh left her mouth. She had come to terms what had happened. That night and the morning after. I took advantage of you, he had told her. At the time, she hadn't been thinking clearly. Not really. Her hungover mind—her scared mind—had translated his words to I raped you. Drastic, but that had been the reason she had shouted at him. Reliving the nightmare in an instant hadn't helped matters.

Alison chewed her lower lip before reaching for her cell phone. He probably thought that she hated him. She pressed the phone hard against her lips, and then pulled it away. Her fingers moved quickly across the screen. Come over. She sent the text before she could lose her nerve. No going back now. This misunderstanding needed to be cleared up. Otherwise… Well, she didn't want to think about that. She couldn't have that. After everything, she didn't want that. Besides, from what she could infer from her hole-ridden memory, she was the one that took advantage of him. Granted, she had been the intoxicated one while he had been completely sober—consent had been a dubious thing. On both sides, if she really thought about it. Another reason to talk.

Her cell phone suddenly chimed, alerting her to a text message. Despite her resolve, the sound had caused her heart to clench inside her chest. Taking a deep breath, Alison read the text. Okay. Be there after shift. From Kurt. Bit informal for him, but it was an acceptable response. She swallowed hard, and then read the message three more times. So today was Thursday, which meant he would work until eleven. So some time after that, he would appear. Alison frowned slightly. Going to work tomorrow seemed out of the question. There was always next week. In the meantime, Kurt's arrival wouldn't be until a few more hours. Realizing that, she set her phone down on the coffee table, and then grabbed the remote. Maybe television would be distracting enough and make the time go by quicker.

It wasn't until her head snapped back that Alison realized she had dozed off. She blinked several times at the television to see an infomercial about some type of cleaning product. She couldn't remember what she had been watching, but it certainly hadn't been that. With a sigh, Alison stood up from the couch and stretched. Once done, she looked towards the glowing blue numbers of her DVR. It wasn't really surprising that she had woke up just before 11:30. Her sleep patterns had changed. She cleared her throat, and then picked up the remote to turn the television off.

She then set the remote back down before walking away, heading for the kitchen. Outside, she could hear the rumbling of thunder. She frowned, not being able to recall hearing about a thunderstorm. Alison flipped on the light. A glance outside of the kitchen window told her that the thunder wasn't equipped with rain. Not just yet anyway. She wondered if she could still expect a visit from Kurt if it started to rain. He didn't very much like the rain. Especially since she had accidentally told him he smelled like a wet dog. It had happened once after a downpour, and he would not let it go, glowering every time it had rained. A bitter smile worked its way on Alison's face as she opened the refrigerator door. She wondered if the teasing times between them were done. Because of her drunken actions.

Just as she was about to grab a bottled water, she heard the doorbell ring. Her entire body went rigid, right down to her toes. It's him, her mind supplied in a whisper. A strange type of apprehension flowed through her. A mix of dread and anticipation. Or maybe it was what true anxiety felt like. Alison bit down on her lower lip and swallowed. The ringing came again, and so she shut the refrigerator door. With each step she took towards the front of the house, the volume of her heart seemed to increase.

A few steps away from the front door, she halted. A shaky breath left her as she attempted to compose herself. Subconsciously, she combed fingers through her hair as she took several breaths. Once steady, she continued on to the door. Her right hand lifted to turn on the porch light as her left reached to disengage the lock. She swallowed hard again as she twisted the knob and pulled the door open.

Despite the mental preparation, her heart still stuttered in her chest at the sight of him. Kurt Bunker. There he stood, just a few inches away. He wore a light blue long-sleeved buttoned shirt, along with dark jeans and a brown belt. Buttoned all the way up to his neck as if it would hide his tattoos. It suddenly occurred to Alison that she had never seen him in anything else. Except for that morning where he took off his shirt. He was always attempting to hide the ink. Always. For her benefit. For others' benefit. Because that's the type of man he had become.

It took all of herself not throw her arms around him. Five days seemed like such a long time. But that reaction obviously would be inappropriate. Because of how they had parted. Alison hadn't anticipated having to push down such a strong reaction that had become normal for her. Greeting him with a hug. Her line of sight dropped down for a moment before rising to meet his gaze. "Bunker…" Her greeting sounded hoarse to her ears. She cleared her throat.

"Alison…" His reply sounded hesitant, but sent shuddering ripples through her body. Jesus Christ, it had only been five days. Hearing his voice shouldn't have caused her body to react like that. She shifted awkwardly before moving to the side. Kurt nodded his head, understanding, and then stepped over the threshold. Alison didn't look as he passed. She only quietly shut the door and locked it. Once more, she had to steady herself. She then turned to face him. Kurt wasn't looking at her. He faced her, but his gaze was on the floor. "How… How are you?" he questioned.

It felt like a million answers rushed through her mind all at once. If she had been any less prepared, she would have started rambling about anything and everything, completely ignoring the one thing that needed to be said. "I didn't ask you over for small talk, Bunker," Alison bit out, crossing her arms. Kurt visibly flinched. She tensed, realizing her tone had come out harsher than she had wanted. Hell, she hadn't wanted it to come out harsh at all. She sucked in a sharp breath, and then spoke again. "Just… Just come with me." Without waiting for his response, she walked pass his stiff form, down the hallway and into the living room.

Alison immediately took a seat on the couch, lowering her hands to her knees. Another sigh left her as she waited for Kurt to follow and do the same. He eventually did, but he chose to sit on the loveseat instead of the couch. She clicked her tongue in annoyance, but made no comment on his choice. He had every right to be wary of her at the moment. His eyes had yet to make contact with hers. This meant that she would have to initiate the conversation. Opening her mouth to do so, she hadn't expected him to cut her off. "I know why I'm here," he said. "And I…" He lowered his head. "I'm not resisting. I'll sign anything you want and stay away from you."

"No, Bunker, that's not it," Alison told him. For the first time since he had arrived, Kurt looked at her, a spark of hope in his eyes that almost immediately faded. Had he been thinking she would actually have a restraining order? She sighed heavily. "I didn't mean it—what I said… What you said to me came at the worst possible moment." She fidgeted a bit and shifted her gaze down. "That morning happened to be the day after I… wasn't spared. When you said you took advantage of me, I instantly remembered what happened when I was sixteen… and I, for a moment—a long scary moment—I didn't see you. I didn't hear you. It was the monsters that had beaten my dad and changed my life forever. As well together as I seem, on some level, I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to get over what happened to me."

"Alison, I didn't know-"

"Of course not," she cut in. After a beat of silence, she looked up and focused on him. Kurt looked ashamed. "I didn't tell you when it happened. Honestly, I had forgotten about it until you said you took advantage of me. I'm sorry I shouted at you." Nervously, she chewed her lower lip. "But… you still said it. That you took advantage of me." Kurt dipped his chin and averted his gaze. "And I know that you couldn't have meant it the way I took it. You couldn't have done something like that to me, to anyone—I know that. I know you. So there must be a good reason why you felt the need to say that."

"I did take advantage of you."

"Stop…"

"I did!" Kurt exclaimed, sharply turning his eyes on her. Clearly, he had been beating himself up over that night. "You were drunk, and I should have had better control! I shouldn't have…" He visibly swallowed, too guilty to keep his gaze on her. "If you didn't pass out…" He shook his head. "I would have… not spared you."

"You are not that monster!" Alison retorted. "It was a mistake—my mistake. Because of that, you made a mistake. That's all it was." Kurt shook his head again. Alison frowned, and then stood up and headed over to him. He shied away when she sat down next to him, but she paid no mind. Her hand lightly touched his, and he flinched. "Bunker." He flinched harder, moving his hands from underneath hers. Like he didn't deserve to touch her. "Look at me." Slowly, he turned his head, but his eyes were still lowered. "Listen… I initiated what happened. You just reacted. I understand."

"It was still wrong."

"Maybe…" Alison admitted. "But I'm telling you, you don't have to feel guilty. I know you, and I understand." He chose not to respond to her. She sighed lightly, angling her body away from his, gave him a bit of space, though they were still close together. "You're looking for forgiveness, and I can't give that to you. Because you don't need it—not for what happened that night." Still, Kurt didn't say anything. "You feel guilty because you think you're still a monster—that you can't afford a mistake." A scoff left her mouth. Yes. The more she thought about it, the more it made sense. She had forgotten how alike they were. Kurt was just at the stage in his life where he felt he deserved nothing. It had been the first year of college for her. Maybe even half of the second year. Before she had met her best friend. Lena had been a godsend. "Don't be stupid."

"I hurt you."

"I'm fine."

"You weren't."

"That's not your fault!" Despite her urging, Kurt hadn't seemed convinced. Another sigh left her mouth. This was frustrating. Had she been this bad? Alison squeezed her eyes shut. "I… I was a monster, too. I know how it feels, but this isn't the time for your guilt, Bunker."

"How could you ever be a monster?"

"I was young," she whispered, opening her eyes. "Young and foolish, truly thinking I could forcibly take back my power." Alison had told him that before, but never in detail. She was still mortified by her actions. It wasn't as bad as it had been so many years ago, but the shame still lingered below the surface. "It was a year after my father was beaten into a coma. I had a part-time job at a gas station, only as an excuse, really—to explain the drop in my grades. My mother said it was best to… pretend to be normal after what happened. To uh… make it seem like what happened didn't affect me. My mother's idea. For the sake of my father's feelings. He was very depressed after what happened, so I had to be strong for him."

At that time, she had resented such a thing. Why should she have hidden how traumatic the experience had been? She had been depressed, too… But as an adult, she understood where her mother had been coming from. Her father just might have done many rash things in the wake of his only daughter's stolen innocence. A good man like her father might have done many bad things in retaliation. Things that he hadn't been built for. Things that would have killed him. She understood the secrecy. How devastating would it have been to watch his little girl spiral into depression alongside him? No. She and her mother had agreed that he couldn't know. He couldn't know how empty she felt inside nor could he know about the little trips to that wide open field.

Alison let out a strained breath, and then swallowed. "But I couldn't control everything, so when my grades starting dropping, we told him it was because of the job," she continued. "I was still a bit of a husk at that point, despite my mother's… teachings, so it was inevitable that I stopped caring about things. That wouldn't do for the persona I put on for my father, so I put an effort into my grades and job. Or so the story we told him goes." Her fingers intertwined, clasping hard. "Anyway, the job had various hours, but normally, I worked afternoons. And then walk home. It wasn't that far away, and cutting through a park was my shortcut." She licked her lips before continuing. "I was seventeen when they came for me again. I read the schedule wrong or something and I showed up to work two hours late. My boss told me to stay longer because of that, so by the time my shift was over, it was completely dark outside. That night… I tasted power."

Lightning stuck, followed by a loud boom. Her heart jerked in her chest, and she might have flinched. The lights flickered several times before remaining on. Alison frowned, hoping the lights didn't go out because of the storm. Parting her lips, she continued. "It wasn't real power, of course, but… close enough to make me do what I did," she said.

"What happened? What did they do?" Kurt questioned. She shifted her eyes to him. He had been staring, attention clearly rapt. She wondered if she had had the same expression on her face when he had told her what had happened to him when he had been seventeen. That night at the diner seemed so far away now. To think that it had only been a couple of months. Alison averted her gaze again, focusing on her hands. She inhaled sharply.

"There were two of them," she stated. "They followed me through the park. It was dark, but the lampposts were bright enough that I could see their tattoos… Their faces were the same as the ones that came for me when I was sixteen—the same faces as the ones from that night at the diner. I knew what they wanted… even before they opened their mouths. It's like they can sense it." A derisive, bitter chuckle left her mouth. "They sensed it at the wrong time that night. They cornered me, herded me away from the path, into the dark. Well, they thought they did." Alison licked her lips as images from that night appeared in her mind. "I don't remember the conversation—there might not have been one—but one of them ripped my shirt, and I… lashed out. Took them by surprise, but they hit me back. My body didn't care. By the time it was over, there was so much blood—on all sides, but I wasn't withering in pain. I wasn't the victim. I walked away… smiling because for the first time in a long time, I felt alive. I felt power. And I reveled in it. Do you know how that feels?"

"Yeah…" Kurt admitted, causing her eyes to shift in his direction. He held her gaze, and a crackling understand passed between them. She had asked rhetorically, not even really thinking about it, but of course Kurt knew how it felt. Under the burden of an abusive father—finally coming from under it had to be freeing for him. She had broken free from a victim's mentality. However wrong it had been, she had still broken free, and it had been a catharsis like feeling. "But it wasn't enough, was it?"

"No, it wasn't," Alison confirmed. "I think it was partially due to not being caught for that. Those two had been beaten so severely, according to police, that they couldn't remember what happened. Couldn't remember their intentions or how they had ended up in the park in the first place. After that, I saved up enough money to buy a car. Because I was smart. I realized that I couldn't target the monsters in Banshee because then that would eventually make me a target. I used that car to travel to cities and towns around Banshee. Sometimes, I would even go out of the state, looking for them. I sought them out and destroyed any monster I came across. And… It. Felt. Good. From the time I was eighteen to the time I was twenty…" She paused for a moment, sucking in a deep breath. She had admitted to herself a long time ago, but never out loud. She might have implied it before, but it had never been blatant. "I was a monster—a vicious heartless monster."

"Alison-"

"I was…!" she interrupted before he could deny it. "I beat them down. Made it as painful as I could. No matter their pleas. Justifying what I did by telling myself they were monsters and that they deserved it. I was out of control, spiraling down, being consumed by my hatred. My anger. My thirst for power that I thought I could just take. By going after them, showing no mercy, and reveling in their pain, I became a monster. And I didn't even know it… until the end."

"What happened?"

"I was… walking one day—just walking—not thinking about anything in particular," Alison continued, frowning. "I don't even remember where I was, but the neighborhood wasn't exactly populated. There was… a kid, playing with rocks on the sidewalk. He was by himself. Couldn't have been no older than twelve. He looked up at me as I came towards him. Stared like… I was completely foreign, all wide-eyed and… cautious. I ignored it, of course… But then I walked by, and he… said something to me that I couldn't ignore. Didn't even try to ignore it." She nervously chewed her lower lip. "You ever hear of Pavlov's dog?" Kurt stiffly nodded his head. "Well, I guess I did it so much that my reactions became instantaneous. Certain words became a trigger. One word, and I completely lost my head. One word, and I…" She took a deep breath. "He called me nigger… Probably just parroting someone else, but that didn't matter. I, without thought, beat this little boy. Me, twenty years old, causing so much pain to this twelve year old…" A scoff left her mouth. "And I didn't even feel bad about it after I was done."

Out of all the emotions she had felt that day, remorse hadn't been one of them. She had been afraid because she realized she had 'hunted' in Banshee. The Brotherhood hadn't been as large as it was now, but if they had caught wind of the beating, it would have been a devastating retaliation against anyone with darker skin. If that boy had said anything. But he hadn't. Not a peep, as far as she had been concerned. The Brotherhood never reacted to the news. Hell, it had never made the news in the first place. "I… realized that my actions would have terrible consequences, but I didn't know what to do, so I ran home… told my mother everything," Alison continued. She furrowed her brow, remembering the disappointed expression her mother had given her. "She told me I had gone too far, and told me to pack my things."

"She kicked you out?" Kurt asked, disbelief clear in his voice.

"No… Well, yes, but…" Alison sighed heavily. "She gave me a choice. Either leave Banshee or leave Banshee for school. No arguments. No room for protest. Just one or the other. I wasn't even aware that she had the funds. Neither did my father, I think. Within a few days, I had chosen college… It was only after I started meditating that I realized how twisted and wrong I had become. And that revelation almost ruined me. I felt so guilty about what I had done—not just to that boy, but to the monsters I sought out. That first year… I didn't deserve anything. I accepted the bad, and pushed away anything that might have been good. I wasn't living… I was just a cross between-"

"Monster and man…? Lost and without power?"

Alison nodded her head. "You understand then?" She turned to him, slowly relaxing her body. Bringing forth the memories had caused her body to tense so badly her insides had whined in protest. Now that her past was laid bare, and Kurt understood, she felt… relieved. Hesitantly, she reached for his hand again. This time, he did not pull away from her. "You don't have to feel guilty about what happened, Bunker. You don't have to feel guilty for wanting what happened. I…" She pressed her lips together, hesitant. After all, the insight was easy to think about. Saying it out loud to him was proving to be distressing. "… I understand."

"I shouldn't have let it come that," Kurt whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, and then let out a soft breath. "Guilty or not, I shouldn't have done that to you."

"I did it to you first," Alison said. To her slight surprise, Kurt's cheeks colored and his gaze dropped down to her lips. Jesus Christ, how had she not noticed before? A pleasant heat whirled within her chest before rapidly spreading throughout her body. She could remember what had happened. But the feelings involved were disassociated from the memory. She… wanted to know how it had felt. Alison silently took a deep breath and shut her eyes. When she opened them, she hoped the want didn't show on her face. "So…" she murmured. "You can apologize for your mistake, I can dismiss it, and we can both move on. Deal?"

"… Deal," Kurt agreed quietly. He shifted a bit, angling himself more to her. He lowered his gaze to their clasped hands for just a moment. "I missed you." Alison was half tempted to run the fingertips of her other hand across his face. She had missed him, too. Jesus Christ, she had missed him. Maybe even before day four. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and get lost in his scent again. However, she slowly pulled away and stood up. She bit her lower lip in a nervous manner, feeling his confused stare on her person. Facing him, she crossed her arms over her chest

"Tell me, Bunker…" Alison began, keeping a steady gaze on his form. She licked her lips, ignoring the way her insides trembled. "Why did you kiss me back?" As expected, Kurt's eyes widened and he immediately constricted, drawing in on himself. He licked his lips, too, appearing panicked. However, he did not answer. He pursed his lips, looking keen on not answering the question. "Okay…" Inhaling through her nose, she shut her eyes for a moment. Then she opened them and continued. "How long have you wanted to kiss me?" Her next question caused him to avert his eyes as though he was embarrassed. Alison bit her lower lip. "Do you regret it?"

"Alison-"

"Are you going to answer any of my questions?" she pressed. Again, Kurt chose to remain silent. She swallowed hard, trying to push down feelings of uncertainty. "Did it repulse you that much—kissing me?" At his almost vehement denial, Alison raised a brow. She hadn't expected such a response. At least, not a quick one. "Then answer me…!" she retorted, taking a small step towards him. "We all have our secrets, Bunker, but this isn't a secret I can ignore… We can't pretend it didn't happen. I need to know why."

"Why did you kiss me?" Kurt blurted out, quite defensively. She recognized it well. She had enough clients to know that she had touched a nerve. Asking questions was her job, though. Friend or not, she wouldn't let his tone deter her. For a brief moment, Alison turned away. It was a chance to compose herself before telling the truth. Once calm enough, she faced him again and dropped her arms.

"Because I trust you," she told him. Kurt blinked, clearly taken aback by her response. She bit her lower lip, and then sighed lightly. Her gaze lifted to the ceiling. It was proving to be harder than expected to compose herself. Her eyes looked back at him. "As… fucked up as that seems, that's my reason. I trust you. I haven't… trusted anyone enough—not for that." There had been no one after what happened that could get that much trust. Not those ridiculous men in college. Though she had tried. Bursting into tears hadn't exactly been a mood setter. Not Gordon—honestly, she hadn't tried. Married man and whatnot. Not even Lena—her best friend who she loved more than anyone alive. She had realized that as her reason prior to this night. She had thought of it before, but those thoughts had always been fleeting. She would have taken such thoughts to her grave. Worked hard to keep those thoughts from her mind. Had it not been for the whole lowered inhibitions thing that the wine had caused, she would have continued on in ignorance. "Despite how you look, despite how we started, I trust you. You've become someone safe to me. That's why I came over that night. That's why I could kiss you. I trust you, Kurt."

"Alison…" Kurt stared at her, understanding creeping into his eyes. She pursed her lips together and narrowed her eyes. By the time she might have been ready for something like that—intimacy, kisses, companionship in that sense—she had been too focused on her career. And now… Because of alcohol, the possibility invaded and spread, and the eagerness nearly choked her. Alison swallowed the lump down as she watched Kurt stand from the loveseat. He walked towards her, and her chest hummed with his proximity. "Don't…" He exhaled through clenched teeth. He stood so close to her now that she had to tilt her head up to hold his gaze. "I can't…" He had said the same thing that night. Alison recognized it as a plea to not give him hope. She had stomped on his plea previously by kissing him. This time, she stomped on his plea by lifting her left hand, curling her fingers around the fabric of his shirt. Kurt responded by lowering his head. A hair's length away, his breath blended with hers. "Tell me to stop," he urged in a whisper. "Push me away."

It was a last ditch effort. But not really. If she had told him to stop any point in time, he would. She knew that. She bit her lower lip, watching his eyes become fixated with the action. Swallowing, her grip on him increased. "Why… did you kiss me back?" Alison asked again, less controlled than the last time. In the silence that followed, she heard his strained breaths. Hers, too. Heard the storm rage outside, but she hadn't paid attention to that until the lights had flickered again. Rain fell hard, accented with lightning and thunder.

"… I dream about it," Kurt answered. "I've been… dreaming and thinking about it for so long that when… you kissed me, I couldn't hold back anymore. I couldn't… Truth is, I wanted to kiss you back. I like you, Alison." Out of all the emotions she thought she would feel with his confirmation, relief hadn't been one of them. She sighed out, lips nearly brushing against his, but at the last moment, she tilted her chin down and pressed her forehead against his chest. She sighed out again, curling the fingers of her right hand around his shirt.

"I missed you, too," Alison confessed. "… But we can't go back to how we were. It won't be the same." She felt him suck in a breath and hold it. A peculiar sound rumbled in his throat. Like a growl and a whine. Biting her lower lip, she lifted her head and stared into his eyes. Face as stoic as ever, but his eyes were filled with disappointment. He had misunderstood. Alison uncurled her fingers and slid them up. "After that, I don't want the same." Hands on his shoulders, she stood on the tips of her toes. Her lips pressed hesitantly to his. He gasped slowly, lips parting in surprise. Feeling him tense, she reared back. The lights flickered, and so did her resolve.

"Alison, are you sure-?" Kurt asked. She swallowed hard. Was she sure about this? If that night hadn't changed everything, this night certainly would. But she had meant what she had told him. They couldn't go back. They could only adapt and move forward. She wanted to move forward. With him. Alison inhaled slowly, and then licked her lips.

"I trust you," she replied. "Now stop talking." He lowered his head, and she rose to meet his lips again.

They didn't talk for the rest of the night.

0-0

Kurt was exhausted, but he hadn't slept at all. He couldn't risk it—the fact that last night could have just been a dream. It had been so unexpected, really. After a stressful week, getting that text had only increased his stress. He had assumed that text had been the end. He would come over, as instructed, his clothes would be given back to him, and he would be forced to sign some type of restraining order. Why else would he get to see her? But she had surprised him. More than once.

Now, he watched her as she slept beside him. Lying on her front, facing away from him with her arms tucked underneath her pillow, she was unaware of his stare. Her back was partially exposed because the bedspread had been kicked off in her sleep. More than once, his hand had slid up and down the ridges of her back. She had quite a few scars. Old scars. From a time when she had to fight. Or when she had thought she had to fight. A sigh left Kurt's mouth as he continued to watch her. That had been the second surprise of the night. Hearing how she had viciously lashed out. She had basically gone on a rampage. And yet… hadn't been caught?

Surely, the Brotherhood would have caught wind that someone had been targeting them. But Kurt, himself, had never heard of it. That meant… the incidents had never been brought to light. Strange, but not unexplainable. Pride must have stopped anyone from going to the police. A child, though. That should have gotten attention, meaning the Brotherhood would have gotten involved, whether or not the child had been associated in the first place. The payback would have been bloody for the whole of Banshee.

Kurt had been thinking about it as he lied awake. His eyes shifted to the ceiling above him. Things didn't add up. Either Alison had lied—which seemed highly unlikely—or something had been missing. Something behind the scenes that even Alison hadn't known about. Almost nothing would stop parents—even the worst of them—from reporting the incident. So what had stopped them? Kurt had become convinced that something had. Another thing that bothered him had been the reaction of Alison's mother. The woman had acted fast and had immediately gotten her daughter out of town. And telling her daughter that she had gone too far implied that she had known about the… hobby. Those two pieces weren't adding to the whole thing, though. At least, not yet.

Alison suddenly shifted and groaned lightly. Kurt turned his head as her body grew tense. She recognized her own bedroom, so she hadn't jolted awake. After she had fallen asleep, Kurt had carried her here, tucking them both under her comforter. After a moment, or two, Alison turned her head towards him. She blinked sleepily, and then shifted closer to him, sliding her leg in between his and laying her head on his shoulder. Her fingers rested above his navel. A slight huff passed her lips as she settled into a comfortable position. Honestly, Kurt was surprised by the easy way she had snuggled up. He shouldn't be. But a part of him still believed he didn't deserve this. A part of him was still expecting disgust. Most of him, though, eagerly accepted and took comfort in her trust. Kurt wrapped his arm around her.

"You're awake…?" Alison whispered.

"I didn't sleep," he replied. She hummed lightly, not asking for an explanation. "Are you okay?" It took a moment for her to respond, but she slowly nodded her head. For a few moments, they didn't speak. In the silence that followed, he could only hear her steady breathing. "… The power went out for a little while because of the storm," Kurt told her, breaking the silence. "Not long enough for your food to spoil. I could… make you something?"

"No…" she murmured. She breathed in, and then lifted her head, eyes meeting his. The drowsiness had completely vanished. Her hand slid up from his stomach to his chest. "We have to talk." Kurt swallowed. He felt his body tense in apprehension. Still, Alison didn't make a move to leave his side, so maybe his unease was unnecessary. She bit her lower lip and turned her eyes away for a moment. "I'm not going to change what I said, Bunker," she said. Her eyes found his again. "I meant it. I trust you, and I don't regret last night… Do you?"

"No," Kurt answered with a shake of his head.

"Okay… I just meant… We should talk about what this means—what we want," Alison explained.

"It doesn't matter what I want."

"Don't be stupid."

"It doesn't," Kurt insisted. Alison frowned and raised a brow, silently demanding an explanation. "If it's not what you want, then what I want is irrelevant." She pressed her lips together, and then sighed through her nose. Then she sat up, wrapping the comforter around her. Kurt sat up as well. Alison let out a heavy sigh.

"… That's true," she admitted. "But that goes both ways. If I don't know what you want, then we can't decide what this means. So tell me what you want." Kurt swallowed hard. Truthfully, he had gotten more than he had expected. Friendship. Trust. Affection. He hadn't expected any of those when he had worked up the courage to thank her three months ago. And now, she had given herself to him. Because of that trust. What he wanted—and hadn't realized until now—was… more. It was greedy and selfish, but it was the truth. He had been content that she had allowed him so close, but now he wanted it all. How could he possibly tell her that? No. "Bunker…" His last name left her mouth like a warning. Immediately, his eyes looked back up. He hadn't realized that he had looked down. "You have to be honest with me about this. Look me in the eye and tell me what you want."

Kurt pursed his lips, clearly hesitant. At her unwavering gaze, he cleared his throat, then breathed slowly. "I want…" he began. Alison tilted her head towards him, simply waiting. "I want… to talk to you." Her brows rose as though she hadn't expected that answer. But he wasn't finished. "I want to see you smile. Hear you laugh. I want to stay up all night with you—listening, watching… learning. I want… I want to cook for you." She remained silent as his insides tightened. After a moment, he continued. "I want to… touch you—no matter how insignificant those touches might be to you. I want them. I want to hug you. I want you to hug me. I want to wake up holding you." Kurt dropped his eyes to his lap. "I want to kiss you. I want to kiss you all over." Kurt licked his lips, remembering how it felt last night. Smooth and ragged. Soft and hard. The fascination with finding her sensitive spots with his lips. "I want your bite. I want you to ride me…" he breathed out.

A startled laugh erupted from her mouth, causing Kurt's eyes to snap up. Alison covered her mouth, but her several giggles leaked through. She couldn't hide the surprised mirth in eyes. He hadn't meant to confess that. But hearing her laugh because of it brought a slight smile to his face. Kurt was glad she hadn't recoiled from him. In fact, she leaned forward, removing her hand from her mouth, and pressing her forehead against his. Once her giggles faded, and her eyes shut, he pressed on. "I want to know you. The good. The bad. Anything in between. I want to protect you. Keep you safe." She smiled again, and then shut her eyes, taking a deep breath. "I want your… everything." It may have come off as obsessive. Hell, it probably was. But he had never had something like this. Not this. And now that he had it, he didn't want to give it up. "I want to be with you… more than what we were."

Alison chewed her lower lip, eyebrows pinched together. Kurt frowned as he continued to watch her pensive expression. Finally, she opened her eyes and reared back. "That… That sounds good," she said. For a moment, she dropped her gaze. Kurt swallowed, uneasily waiting for the inevitable but. "But… I have a friend—a best friend—who's like family. I love her." He didn't understand where she was going with that. It wasn't the but he had been expecting. "She's in a loving, supportive, and completely healthy relationship… with another woman." Still, Kurt didn't understand why she was bringing that up. "If you… If you can't accept that, this—whatever we are—can't happen. Won't happen. What we want won't matter. You understand?"

Inwardly, Kurt jolted at the realization. He understood now. If it came down to it, she would choose her best friend. The threat was clear. Hate the friend for her preferences and they would have problems. No, they wouldn't even have that because there would be nothing between them. Despite knowing Alison for three months, she didn't really know how he felt about homosexual relationships. In the Brotherhood, they were hated just as much as anything not considered normal. They were beat down just as much. If not more. Truthfully, there had been times that he had participated in the violence. Just one of the many things he felt guilty about. He would continue to feel guilty about it, but he would never do it again. He didn't judge. He wouldn't. Especially if it meant he couldn't have... "I understand," Kurt told her. She visibly relaxed. "You don't have worry about that. I'm not that… monster anymore."

"I know that," Alison stated. "I know you." She had said that a lot last night, and just like before, he felt pleasant chills spread across his skin. Kurt didn't think he would ever become tired of hearing her say that. Even the first time she had said something similar had caused a reaction like that. I know everything about you, she had told him the first night they had met. She had judged him because of his exposed ink without hesitance. And now she was saying it because it was true. She did know him. For a long moment, Alison stared back at him. Then her lips parted to speak. "Then… What you want… That sounds like something I want, too."

"Are you sure?" Kurt asked, even as his thoughts lifted to elation. Alison dipped her chin in a nod before her hand reached for him. Her fingers gripped the back of his neck while her thumb pressed against the skin behind his ear. He groaned through clenched teeth as he was pulled forward. His question was answered with a small kiss to the corner of his lips. Then his cheek. Her lips slid towards up. Kurt swallowed, feeling her nose rub against the crown of his ear. His arm locked around her and pulled her on top of him. She responded by wrapping both arms around his neck. Her inner thighs clenched around his sides. He did his best not to slide the cover from in between their bodies.

"I trust you," Alison echoed. Her whisper sent shivers coursing from his ear down to his arms and back. "I want all those things, too. I want you." Her lips met his, and they were kissing again. A long addictive kiss that honestly sealed the deal more than what had happened last night. Crooning moans filled his mouth just as her tongue did. He lazily circled beneath her, his erection pushing against the fabric that separated their bodies. She didn't flinch or recoil from him, but she was still tense. Her not being completing relaxed was expected. He understood it. Despite her trust, memories lingered. Maybe they always would, but for now, this was fine.

Admittedly, before all this, Kurt hadn't thought he craved it. Kissing. Sex. All around closeness. He hadn't missed it when he had run away from the Brotherhood. Maybe had been too drunk to fully comprehend what he had given up. Too numb to even bother wanting it. Years later, no one had wanted him, anyway. But Alison… Christ, Alison Medding…! The lack of intimacy might have something to do with it, but Kurt was certain he was now hooked on it. He wanted the kissing, sex, and closeness so badly that, going forward, he might break without it.

Kurt moved his hand from her side in order to fist the comforter that kept him from her. The slight tugging caused Alison to rear back. She panted against his lips and slowly opened her eyes. Her pupils were dilated to the point he could barely make out the deep brown of her eyes. A smile spread across his face as he watched her. He didn't know when or how, and really he didn't care, but Alison had become beautiful to him. Not just in the physical, but in her entirety. All of her. Even the part that had inflicted pain. Even the part that had been a monster. She was radiant. And she was… No, he couldn't even think it. Not now. Maybe not ever.

"You okay…?" he asked her.

"I'm… still a little sore," Alison admitted. Kurt released his hold on the comforter and lightly kissed her chin, murmuring a soft apology. He kissed lower, lips finding her vein. He felt her shuddering breaths. "You have work today?" He paused, having had forgotten about his work obligations. Hands on his shoulders, Alison curled her fingers. "You should go—to sleep, I mean." Kurt nodded in his in agreement, and then kissed her soundly. "… Jesus Christ…!" she gasped, pulling back. Her breaths came out hard.

"Just… Just one more time? I'll be quick." Alison's jaw tensed at his suggestion. She chewed her lower lip in that tempting way she sometimes couldn't help. Then slowly she tugged at the comforter until it no longer hid her from him. Kurt shut his eyes as she copied his earlier circled movements. A sigh rumbled in his throat and leapt from his lips like a growl.

"No, you don't need to be," Alison told him.

He spent the rest of the morning worshiping her.

0-0

Yay! It didn't take a whole month this time~