Welp, I'm really sorry folks. I had the entire chapter set up and ready to go, and I accidentally deleted it the night before I was planning to post it. I was cleaning out the old documents that were jamming up my doc manager... I totally had to start aaaalllllll over again! Fortunately, I remembered a lot of it so it didn't take too horribly long to rewrite... but I had done goofed big time.
Snowcrystal of ThunderClan It is sad when the gods decree that all of you greatest and happiest moments are behind you and you will never rise to glory again. Sometimes you just gotta defy the gods.
Old and Useless Account My previous chapter was just filler... gross, I know.
BrynxieLeaf Nope.
Alice D Yup.
The Venom Symbiote Hello Dory.
The pebbly slope up to the leader's den seemed to take Jayfeather longer than usual to climb as the conversation he was about to have weighed him down. He hadn't wasted a single moment after returning to the camp with Lionblaze since he was afraid if he hesitated, he might change his mind. He knew exactly how Bramblestar would react and that also made him nervous. This was very different from when he had proposed his plan on fixing Briarlight; there had been an obvious and just reason to do that. This time, Jayfeather was asking for something entirely different that could be viewed as reckless and pointless as well as a betrayal of the Clans. To his knowledge, Leafpool was the only medicine cat to have ever tried to run away from her Clan for any reason other than a StarClan prophecy- and she had hadn't been gone for long.
Jayfeather made it to the top of the leader's ledge and stopped. It was getting late and even though the stone beneath his paws was still warm from the day's heat, the chilly wind from the forest had begun to sift through the bracken barrier and ruffled his fur. He could hear his Clanmates below talking and moving about in the clearing, enjoying the plentiful boons of newleaf. The evening patrol was back and it sounded like most of the cats were returning to their dens for the night. The three kits were already tucked away in the nursery and Graystripe and Sandstorm had given up trying to find a patch of sunlight to bask in and were padding back to their nests as well.
With a painful pang in his chest, Jayfeather suddenly wondered how many of his Clanmates would even miss him when he was gone. He was entirely aware that he wasn't the most popular medicine cat the Clans had ever seen; with his prickly and dismissive attitude. Leafpool had always been vastly more compassionate so maybe the Clan would rejoice after they found out she was replacing him. She herself would be thrilled. Even though the former medicine cat was adapting well to her new role as a warrior, she belonged in the medicine den where her skills were most keen.
As for the cats he knew would miss him, he could count them on one paw; Lionblaze, Leafpool, Squirrelflight, and Briarlight.
"Were you going to stand outside my den all night, or where you planning to come in at some point?"
Jayfeather flinched in surprise at Brambelstar's meow from inside the den. "Sorry, I was just thinking about what I wanted to say. How did you know I was here?"
Pawsteps approached from inside the den and Bramblestar's rumbling purr met Jayfeather's ears. "I could smell you. My senses may not be as sharp as yours or Dovewing's but I can tell when I have visitors. What did you want to speak with me about?"
Jayfeather shuffled his paws uncomfortably, dreading the conversation he was about to have. But it couldn't be avoided, he was going to find his real destiny. He wouldn't blindly follow the seemingly inexorable destiny StarClan had made for him. "Can we talk in your den? I don't want any of the others to know what I'm about to say. At least not yet."
He felt a flicker of surprise from Bramblestar, but the leader only responded with, "Sure, come on in. Squirrelflight isn't here this time so whatever you have to say won't be overheard."
Jayfeather nodded, following his leader through the opening in the side of the rocky wall, and braced himself for the argument that was about to come.
They stopped once they were far enough inside and Bramblestar turned to the medicine cat. "The Clan has been without hardship for many days now, but from the look on your face, I fear that is about to change. Has StarClan sent you an omen of something terrible that is coming?"
Jayfeather shook his head. "It's nothing like that." He took a deep breath. "It's about me. I can't be ThunderClan's medicine cat anymore. I'm leaving the Clan."
There was a moment of shocked silence following his words as Bramblestar digested what he had said. "What in StarClan are you going on about? What happened to make you come to such a drastic decision?"
There was no easy way of saying it so he didn't see a point in trying to tiptoe around the issue. "I've been troubled ever since the fight against the Dark Forest. StarClan said it was my destiny to help defeat Tigerstar and all of the other evil cats, but they never told me what to do after that. I've felt lost knowing my greatest moments are behind me and it feels unfair that I should live the rest of my life as a normal medicine cat without a real purpose."
"And you think you will feel better abandoning the Clan that still needs you?" Bramblestar meowed incredulously. "That makes no sense. Where would you even go if you weren't living with us anymore? How would you feed yourself? Have you forgotten that you are blind or did you expect me to send one of my warriors into the unknown to protect you?"
Jayfeather's heart plummeted. This conversation was going as awfully as he had feared it would. "I guess I would find my own food. I'm not the greatest hunter, but I have caught mice in my garden before that were damaging my herbs. I wouldn't starve. And I know the way to the mountains so I thought I would stop there first. Maybe that's where I'm meant to be."
"So let me get this straight," Bramblestar sighed. "You want to leave the Clans forever because of your own feelings and not because StarClan told you too."
Jayfeather gave the tiniest nod. "It sounds bad when you say it like that, but yes. I hope you understand I don't want to do this but I feel I need to."
"You know I can't allow it, Jayfeather," Bramblestar meowed with cool authority. "You might feel like you don't belong here anymore, but you really do. As ThunderClan's sole medicine cat, you have a responsibility that surpasses any whim or want you might have. This is the way of the Warrior Code and I can't give you permission to go against our traditions."
Jayfeather's eyes grew wide in disbelief. "But I have to go! Even Rock said I wouldn't find happiness by the lake."
"Who is Rock?"
"One of our oldest ancestors," Jayfeather mewed hastily. "The point is, I need you to reconsider. Maybe-"
"I forbid you from leaving the Clan," Bramblestar growled, padding up to the medicine cat until he towered over him. "You will remain ThunderClan's medicine cat. And it's not up for debate," he added when Jayfeather opened his mouth to retort.
Jayfeather took a step back, eyes narrowing with hot fury, but he didn't say another word. He knew better than to argue with his leader at that point. He turned and stormed out of the den. He flew down the stony path down into the clearing, not saying a word to any of his Clanmates as he rushed past, in fear that he would say something he would regret.
He stomped into the medicine den and stopped with his head bowed miserably. I can't believe Bramblestar would dismiss me so quickly. Just because I'm not being sent by StarClan doesn't mean it's not important! He raked his claws through the dirt floor imagining it was his leader's pelt. Was it so impossible to let him get one thing his way after he had done so much for the Clans? He had dedicated his whole life to serving the Warrior Code and the one time he wanted something more, he was denied.
If the Warrior Code is supposed to be so great, why do I feel so miserable right now obeying it? He tore more viciously at the ground, feeling dirt spatter into his face and off his whiskers. It wasn't fair! Every other cat in the Clan could choose what they wanted to be, but he never had a choice. He had been a prisoner to the destiny StarClan wanted for him since the moment he was born. He suddenly froze, his paw hovering above the dirt about to carve another gash in the floor of the den. I don't need Bramblestar's permission to leave if I'm not a Clan cat anymore. He thought the idea over in is head. If he denounced himself as a Clan cat, he would be free from StarClan and the Warrior Code. He could do whatever he wanted in search of his true purpose.
But that would mean leaving everything I have ever known behind. He sat down in the soft earth his claws had chewed up, thinking about the life he had there in the Clans. When he really considered it, there wasn't all that much keeping him there. He had his brother Lionblaze, his duty as a medicine cat, and maybe a few other cats who kept him company. The Clan didn't need him right now since there were no battles or sicknesses, and Briarlight didn't need him since she was training to be a warrior again.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to steady his pounding heart. His mind was made. He would escape the Clans and find his own destiny somewhere else. From this moment onward, I'm a rogue not bound to any rules or code. He stood up and paced to the back corner of the den where the herbs were kept. He would need some traveling herbs to get him started on his way. He didn't know when he would eat again on his journey and his stomach grumbled just at the thought of starving to death in some distant land.
He was scared, but also excited to be traveling alone into the unknown for the first time. He hadn't been lying when he told Bramblestar he knew the way to the mountains, but in the past he had always had warriors escorting him. He didn't know what he would do after he got there; maybe he could live with the Tribe of Rushing Water and find Half Moon again. He still vividly remembered the face of the ancient she-cat he had met when he had been sent back in time through a vision. He had fallen in love with her but his dumb destiny had dragged him back to the Clans. As he added the final ingredients to his herb packet, he wondered what she would think of him leaving his Clan in search of something more.
He placed the traveling herbs on a wide oak leaf and dragged them over by the den entrance. All he had to do now was wait for his Clanmates to fall asleep then he could make his escape.
:3
Jayfeather sat patiently in his nest, listening to an owl hooting in the distance. His body was tired, but at the same time, his mind was racing faster than the wind during a storm. His former Clanmates had to all be asleep by now, but he cast his awareness through the camp one last time to make sure. Not a single cat stirred. Even Cloudtail had dozed off by the bracken barrier where he was supposed to be keeping guard.
He stood up and braced his hind legs against the back of his nest in a huge stretch. The moment had arrived. He padded towards the den entrance and stooped down to eat the herbs he had left there. They were as disgusting as always but he lapped them up with his nose crinkled against the vile flavor. As soon as he they were all gone, he cleaned up the scraps and stepped out into the quiet clearing.
The camp was different at night. Without the cats lounging around and sharing tongues, it didn't even feel like a camp- it was no different from any other place in the forest. If he hadn't been blind, he would be able to see the stars and the thin claw-moon above his head. I wonder if StarClan can see what I'm doing. They probably can but they can't stop me. You hear me StarClan? You can't control my life anymore!
He took in a deep breath and let the familiar taste of the camp wash over his tongue. There was only one more thing he needed to do before he left so he headed over to the the Warrior's den. The gentle snoring of many sleeping cats met his ears and he took a moment to picture in his mind where all the curled up bodies lay- if he accidentally woke a single one, his journey would end before it started.
He wove a path through the nests, navigating by scent and the touch of his whiskers. He passed Lionblaze who slept near the front. Then he passed between Leafpool and Squirrelflight's nests- they had been close together ever since Leafpool had been made a warrior. But the one cat he was interested in now was Briarlight who slept soundly in her own nest near the middle of the den.
He stopped in front of her, aware of his racing heart but he forced it steady and lay down in the dirt next to her nest. There was no way he could leave without saying goodbye, but he couldn't tell her in the waking world. He didn't have much time. At any moment a cat could wake up, He slowed his own breathing until it was in harmony with hers, closed his eyes, and willed himself into her dream.
He opened his eyes and found himself in a lush, sunlit forest with oaks soaring over his head and moss and mushrooms growing at their roots. The air was warm and birdsong filled the air around him. It reminded him of StarClan's hunting grounds but this place didn't sparkle. He looked among the surrounding ferns for Briarlight but he couldn't see her. He was surprised since normally when he entered other cats' dreams, he found them right away.
There was a grinding of claw on wood and he looked up. With a yelp, he stepped to the side to avoid the ball of brown fur fell as it plummeted into the grass.
"Oh hi, Jayfeather," Briarlight meowed happily, noticing him from where she lay on her back with her legs sticking in the air. "Why are you upside down?"
Jayfeather let out a meow of laughter. So she was just as much of a goof in her dreams as well. "I see you are climbing again. When will you learn that trees are dangerous?"
"You just love to complain about everything." The she-cat rolled over onto her paws and looked back up into the branches. "They don't seem to care what I do."
He followed her gaze and was startled to spot two other cats staring down at them from the branches. They were too high up for him to identify by scent, and he didn't recognize them as any cats he knew. One of them was a pale gray tabby tom and the other a tortoiseshell she-cat. "Who are they?"
Briarlight bounded past him, her tail whisking over his ear as she made a flying leap at the tree again. "They are Bumblestripe and Blossomfall, of course! Can't you use you mystical StarClan powers to figure that out? You are so weird."
Jayfeather nervously watched her scramble up the tree again. "I have never seen them before," he reminded her. "I'm blind."
But his response was left unnoticed as the she-cat was already scrambling along a branch many tail-lengths above his head. Her brother and sister raced after her, their legs moving confidently across the bark as if they had been doing this for many seasons. Is this a joint dream between all three of them? he wondered. But when Blossomfall stopped and glanced down at him for a moment, he realized even though her jaws were agape with excitement, her bright green eyes were blank and hollow. She was just a figment of Briarlight's dream.
"Come join us, Jayfeather!" Briarlight called down to him from her perch. "I want to show you how far I can jump in this forest. I bet I could make it to that other tree over there." She flicked her tail at a golden maple a dozen fox-lengths away.
Jayfeather's eyes widened in shock. "No cat could make that jump! You'll hurt yourself again!"
But the she-cat flashed him a 'I can't take you seriously' look and bunched her hindlegs like she was about to pounce. "Watch and be amazed." She sprung through the air, and instead of falling, glided like a bird until she landed safely in the branches of the maple.
"How-" Jayfeather started but remembered this was her dream. Why wouldn't she dream of her favorite thing to do with her siblings? A tiny grin cracked his lips as he thought about how happy she was. But it wasn't his place to enjoy it with her and he needed to wake up before any cat spotted him in the Warrior's den. He watched her dream siblings leap through the air and they laughed together high above him. It was time for him to go. "Goodbye, Briarlight!" he called to her. "I'll miss you."
"I'll see you back at camp after I'm done here!" came her bubbly reply, obviously not understanding the meaning in his words.
Jayfeather sighed. She didn't know he was the real Jayfeather, she thought he was just another character in her mind. Perhaps it was better this way. He had said his goodbye so he closed his eyes and willed himself awake.
He was blind again and back in the quiet warrior's den. He quickly checked to make sure all the other cats were still asleep, and only stood up when he knew for sure.
He padded past all the nests and out into the camp clearing. He tried to convince himself that this wasn't his home anymore, but it wasn't working. This place was almost everything he knew. But he couldn't get cold paws now so he made his way to the camp entrance where Cloudtail was still sleeping. Farewell, cats of ThunderClan. I will never forget about all the memories I had here, no matter how many seasons pass. Without looking back, he fled through the thorn tunnel and out into the woods.
