No.
No. No. No.
This was not how things had been supposed to go. Alison bit her lower lip and squeezed her eyes shut. She had not meant to blurt it out that way. Something like that hadn't been meant for blurting in the first place. She had meticulously gone over how she would tell him. For hours. Nothing she had come up with compared to the real thing. Jesus Christ. None of these confrontations were going as expected. But it was far too late to take it back. She swallowed hard, willing herself to open her eyes and face the consequences. In her defense, Kurt had gotten her riled up. She had lost her composure and logical thought in the presence of his anger. Anger… Why was he so angry in the first place? He had been the one who had-
Lowering her head, she looked down at the floor for a few seconds. She didn't care anymore. He had made the decision about their relationship already. In the two years that they had been separated by distance, he had come to a conclusion when it came to them. She… had accepted that decision and had moved on. There was no need to think on the matter further. Here, and now, though, he had a different decision to make. Alison had been supposed to calmly tell him, and he had ruined it because he had worked himself up. Still, she should have had better control.
She clasped her hands in front of her, fingers curled tightly. Slowly, her gaze focused back on the father of her child. His expression was stunned, and that had not been a surprise. She had essentially dropped an unexpected bombshell on him without any hints. Eyes wide and mouth hanging open, he continued to stare, but he wasn't exactly focused on her. Alison cleared her throat before parting her lips to speak. "You're a father," she repeated much more steadily. "I left Banshee… because I found out I was two months pregnant. By the time I left, I was three months. I couldn't risk anyone spreading rumors because it wasn't just myself that was in danger. So before I started really showing, I left town and didn't tell anyone about my condition."
"Y-You…" Kurt trembled, eyes darting downward to her stomach area. Alison bit her lower lip, trying hard not to lift her arms and wrap them around herself. Kurt furrowed his brow. His head shook slightly in disbelief. Alison had expected that, too. "We… We al-always used pro-protect-protection," he stuttered.
"Not the first time," Alison replied. "Or the morning after…" She hadn't realized herself that she had missed her period for so long. Her relationship with Kurt must have been too distracting. She had scolded herself many times for it. Yes, they had used protection—condoms—every single time because it had been expected, but it hadn't been expected the night their relationship had altered. Alison had never felt the need to have a prescription for birth control either. So… lo and behold, nine months after that, a child—their child—had been born. "I know this isn't exactly what you were expecting. I wasn't expecting it either, but… I never intended to keep your child a secret from you. I always intended to come back and tell you. That's why I came back so that you can decide if you want to-"
Kurt suddenly breathed in sharply. The noise had interrupted her and had caused her to flinch. She had expected certain things, and hoped for other things. But this would be the real thing. His true reaction to finding out about the life he had created. Kurt had believed himself a monster. He had done so many awful things in his past, and she knew that he had felt guilty about those things. Alison thought he deserved to know that despite all those bad things, he had still created something beautiful—maybe something worth all that sin.
"Are you…? You can't just-"
"I am sorry for springing this on you," Alison cut in. "But there's no point in debating this. You have a child. And it's up to you on what you want to do now. You can walk away from this—and that's fine. I've been raising her this entire time without struggling needlessly, so don't think I'm trying to trick you out of a few paychecks. Or… you can choose to become a part of your daughter's life. Either way, you know now."
"… Daughter?" Kurt repeated. He visibly swallowed, but Alison recognized the expression. He was… awed. Realizing that, she felt herself relax somewhat. She hadn't known how wound up her body had become in the first place. "You said daughter?"
"Yes," Alison replied. "She… She has your eyes." An almost inaudible shuddering choke left his mouth. He furiously rubbed his jaw with his hand. Alison licked her lips and looked down. Then she sighed out. "Do you want to see her?" she questioned cautiously, lifting her gaze again. Kurt opened his mouth, but no other sound left. "I know this is a lot to take in at one time. I'm not forcing you to make a decision right now. I didn't want to tell you like this, but here we are. I came back because you needed to know."
Kurt seemed at a loss now. His mouth opened and closed, but no words managed to leave him. Finally, he turned sharply and left the office. The weight of his presence gone, Alison found that her legs had been shaking the whole time. She breathed out, a bit harshly. She squeezed her eyes shut, biting down on her lower lip. That experience had been more jarring than expected, but at least it was over. The worst had been dealt with. Now, it was truly up to him.
Alison sighed again, lowering herself to sit back down. She hunched over, pressing her palms against her face. But wasn't it a little twisted…? That moment he had grabbed her by the arms, when they had been so tantalizingly close, she had wanted him to kiss her. Even as he grit his teeth and squeezed her tightly, she had wanted to close the gap between them. Had wanted him to make the hurt go away again. Two goddamn years, and her body—her mind—still-
No.
Those days were done. Those memories had faded, and she was fine. Just fine. What had happened had only been a few instances of falling off the wagon. That was all. It wouldn't happen again. She had so much more to think about. An old flame was not one of them. He… It—what they had had—didn't matter anymore. Alison breathed in deeply before exhaling. It was enough to still her rattling heart, at least. Good thing, too. The Sheriff had opened the door only a few short seconds later. He had a curious look on his face and beige folders in his hands. However, Alison had already composed herself and stared stoically.
With a slight shrug, Lucas wisely chose not to comment on whatever confrontation Alison and Kurt had had in his absence. He set the files down on his desk, giving her a nod of permission to peruse. "This is only dating back six months," he told her as she reached for a file on top. "Everyone at the DA's office has been involved in these cases, and in every single one, we've had to throw out our arrest. No one's stepping forward either to give us a valid reason why."
"Maybe they're being threatened?" Alison murmured, eyes skimming the words in the file. Then she moved onto the next. "Hell, it's not even my first day and the DA decided to tell me to stay away."
"Did he, now?" Lucas leaned forward. Alison glanced up from the file. The Sheriff gave her one his boyish grins. She only narrowed her eyes. "Clearly, he's hiding something and it has a connection to The Brotherhood. You just might be in the right position to find that something." Alison remained quiet, although she knew immediately what the man was getting at. "What do you say, Alison? Help me out, for old times' sake."
Help. How simple he had made it sound. Had she been younger, Alison would not have needed much convincing. Her young, reckless self would not have given it a second thought. Putting away monsters was the most fun she could have without getting physically violent. That had been what she had told herself, anyway, and it had turned into a twisted game for her at the beginning of her career. Every case she had won, every monster that glared at her as they were dragged away, had been a rush. Not nearly as effective as using her own hands, but it had done the trick for many years.
Now, though, involving herself in prosecuting the monsters of Banshee seemed… careless. She had come here to get a confirmation—only to see what type of roadblocks would impede her job. This was it. This was her confirmation. But this particular roadblock—The Brotherhood having their way with this town was too big to leave alone, but… Did she have to be the one to knock it down? Before, she had been by herself when she had started the twisted game. Had no need to fear retaliation. Cowards like them always went after loved ones. Her parents had been gone by the time the game had started. Lena had been too far away to hurt. But now, she had a daughter. A daughter that she had unknowingly brought into the den of monsters.
If Alison tried to play her twisted game again, her daughter would suffer. And she could not allow that. Alison pressed her lips together, swallowing thickly. But at the same time, if The Brotherhood continued to grow in power, her daughter would be in danger, live in fear, for the rest of her life. The product of a black woman and a white man would not know peace with that type of influence circulating throughout Banshee. Jesus Christ. Damned if she did. Damned if she didn't.
Alison shut her eyes for a few seconds, lowering the file back on the stack. "Let me think about it," she said, finally breaking the silence. Lucas opened his mouth, eyebrow puckered. "Let me settle," Alison continued firmly before he could protest. "I've only been back since Saturday, okay? You're asking me to help you in tackling a mountain, which has been growing for the past two years, and I don't know if I'm ready for that." For more than a moment, Lucas didn't speak. Then he sighed.
"Okay," he agreed. The Sheriff reached for one of the many business cards on his desk. Then he pulled out one of the drawers and grabbed the pen. "I know it's a tough decision," Lucas said. Alison almost scoffed. He had no idea. "But we could really use you." His blue eyes looked her way, finished writing on the back of the card. He slowly slid the card over to her. "I remember a woman who wasn't afraid to push buttons. I remember a woman who didn't back down."
"None of us are the same as yesterday," Alison retorted. "Don't try to manipulate me." She could tell that Lucas wanted to roll his eyes. Unaffected, she snatched up the business card and tucked it into a pocket of her wallet. "I assume you wrote down your personal number?" Lucas nodded his head. "Then I'll get back to you."
"When will that be?" he questioned.
"When I feel like it." Again, it seemed that the man wanted to roll his eyes. "I'll take as much time I need. With or without me, I'm sure you'll eventually come up with an efficient way to deal with The Brotherhood." Lucas frowned then, looking older than his age. He almost looked worn down. This man had not been the most by the book type of guy. Perhaps in recent years, he had begun to take his job seriously, only to now face a backroom deal he knew nothing about. Honestly, the moment she had realized he was still the Sheriff, she had had a fleeting thought as to why that organization had been left to flourish. It would seem that she hadn't been the only one to change after all.
"Fine," Lucas murmured. "Take as much time as you need."
"Thank you," Alison replied, standing from the chair. The Sheriff stood as well, moving towards the door so that he could open it for her. She nodded in thanks and then began to make her leave.
"You know, this room is supposed to be soundproof," Lucas remarked. Alison froze in her tracks. Eyes wide, she stared into the hallway, mind whirring with a thousand thoughts per second. "Everyone downstairs heard the yelling." Jesus Christ. Alison sharply turned her gaze on the Sheriff. He, in response, held up his free hand in an effort to appease her. "No one could hear the exact words, though," he assured her. Alison swallowed, and then silently breathed out in relief. Honestly, she hadn't realized they had been shouting. "But this thing with you and Bunker, whatever it changed to—I hope it doesn't affect your choice," Lucas persisted.
Alison decided not to dignify that with a response. She continued on her way out of the office. She heard Lucas snort behind her, quietly commenting that it was good to have her back. It had been sincere despite the terse back and forth. Not expecting it, Alison nearly faltered in her strides towards the top of the stairs. The door to the office had already shut, but she looked back anyway. A sigh left her lips, feigning annoyance, but inwardly, it had been nice to hear. She felt heat flare in her cheeks because of it. Biting her lower lip, she resumed walking.
She tried to ignore all the stares being aimed at her as she made her way through the police station. Some weren't even being subtle about it. Alison highly doubted that it had been the first time someone had gotten loud with Kurt Bunker. She hoped with everything in her that the Sheriff hadn't lied. There was no need for every employee here to know that- Jesus Christ. How could she have been so uncontrolled? To shout out the one thing she had wanted to keep away from speculation for as long as possible—it had been foolish. Then again, apparently, when it came to Kurt, she had always had a knack for going against her nature.
Keeping a long suffering sigh to herself, Alison headed for the entrance. She hadn't had a long fucking day in a long time, it seemed. Being back in Banshee meant that there were going to be plenty of long days ahead of her, whether or not she got involved. Before she could make it to the doors, a voice called out to her. She turned her gaze to the left, noticing Alma had stood behind the giant desk. The older woman waved her over. Pursing her lips, Alison switched directions and walked towards the desk. "Hey, are you okay?" Alma questioned. "You met Kurt. That was probably a tense encounter, right?"
"Tense isn't the word I'd use," Alison muttered, bitterness creeping into her voice. She looked down at the floor. "I'm fine, though. It's nothing."
"It didn't sound like nothing," Alma said, expression as if she had been in the room herself. Embarrassment bloomed in her chest, and Alison found herself looking away. "Listen, pretty much everyone here had a hard time accepting Kurt. There was a lot of outrage coming from both sides—in here and out there. But underneath all the ink, he's… he's okay. He's not like them anymore."
Good. Good. She hadn't known, after all. Alma assumed that Alison had been upset because of his tattoos. On the outside looking in, it was only reasonable. Hopefully, everyone here had this assumption as well. Perhaps the older woman had forgotten the roles each of them had because of Chayton's siege. "I… I know, Alma," Alison said softly. "I just—it was surprising to see him." Her fingers tightly gripped the wallet in her hand. "I let my… history get the better of me." Flashes of Saturday night filled her mind for more than a few seconds. Alison grit her teeth, hoping to will them away. "Sheriff Hood wouldn't keep him employed otherwise."
"So you have faith in our Sheriff?" Alma asked, slight smile tugging at her lips.
"Sure," Alison replied. "I recall that he's gotten us out of a bad situation… Kurt was there, too. I know he helped."
"Yeah," Alma agreed with a nod of her head. "As long as you're fine."
"Really, I am. Thank you for your concern." Forcing a smile, Alison gave the older woman a farewell before turning to leave again. When she crossed the threshold of the police station, the smile dropped. Immediately, her eyes began searching for a familiar pickup truck. After a few moments, she did not find it. She hadn't seen any sign of it. Scolding herself, Alison quickly strode to her own vehicle.
Once inside, she only sat. Her fingers curled around the steering wheel. She pressed her forehead against the top. A long sigh left her mouth. Only a few days in her hometown, and already it seemed like there was an uphill battle, and it all depended on what type of decision she would make. Alison breathed deeply as she sat back in her seat. She shook her head before pulling her keys from the wallet and tucking the wallet inside the purse she had left on the passenger side seat.
"Okay," she breathed out. "One thing at a time." Alison slid the car key into the ignition and started up the engine. It only took a few seconds to back out of the parking space and begin the drive to her home. Her new home. This morning, she only had an interview to worry about. Things had just escalated from there. A hunch of conspiracy in her workplace. A massive confrontation with her ex. A proposal from a Sheriff, whom wasn't supposed to be the Sheriff anymore. Jesus Christ. She felt more exhausted in the span of a few hours than she had felt in her entire life. Maybe that had been an exaggeration, but she really did feel weary all the way down to her bones. And she couldn't let it show.
Within ten minutes, Alison pulled up to her driveway. Lena's vehicle—well, a rental—had been in the driveway as well. Alison parked her car beside it, and then hurriedly moved to get out, grabbing her purse as she did. Coming home, a bit of the exhaustion lifted. But only because of the anticipation. Chances were, she wouldn't be able to relax for another few hours, but maybe it was worth it.
The backdoor to her new home had been unlocked, so Alison quite easily pushed it open. Lena always had been lax with keeping doors unlocked. It had been… unnerving the first few months that they had lived together, made worse by the hormone imbalance. Her nerves had been stretched thin by some other quirks that her best friend had as well. Honestly, it was a bit of a relief that Alison could now live on her own again.
"Lena…?" she called out. Footsteps were heard, coming from the top floor. Alison rolled her eyes as she shut the door and placed her purse on the nearby counter. Of course she was upstairs. Hopefully, she hadn't had the first door unlocked, too. Alison moved through the house, aware that the footsteps had reached the top of the stairs. She, however, continued moving towards the front door to make sure it was secured. Fortunately, it had been locked, so Lena had only used the backdoor as instructed.
"Hey, how'd it go?" the voice of her friend caused Alison to turn. Lena Bella walked towards her, arms around the child perched on her hip. Despite the exhaustion, Alison felt herself smiling at the sight. Dressed in light blue denim overalls, a purple t-shirt, and dark blue socks, her daughter's face lit up and a tiny hand stretched in her direction. Eagerly, Alison reached for her child. Snorting in amusement, Lena handed the girl over to her mother.
Alison sighed in content as her little girl wrapped her arms around her neck. She kissed her baby's temple and held her firmly. It was so good to see her, especially after today's events. "How's mommy's little demigoddess? Were you good for Auntie Lena?" Alison questioned, positioning her daughter on her hip. She smiled brightly, showing off her front teeth.
"No!" she replied, hazel eyes twinkling and head bobbing. Her dark brown curls bounced enthusiastically with the movement. Clearly, she was proud of herself. Alison chuckled. 'No' had been one of several words that her daughter spoke confidently. Unable to help herself, Alison kissed her forehead, earning a pleased giggle from the toddler. She was so darn precious. Without a doubt, Alison could understand how parents looked at their children like they were the whole world. Her beautiful daughter. Her heart. Her soul. She never thought she could love someone so much until she heard the first time her daughter had cried.
Alison pressed her nose against her offspring, and then rapidly rubbed their noses back and forth. More giggles erupted. Once satisfied, Alison lowered her child to the floor. The toddler immediately scurried away in search of one of her many toys to play with. She was a bit spoiled, after all. Lena did most of the spoiling. Speaking of, Alison returned her attention to her best friend as she stood to her full height. Lena appeared to be smothering a mirthful grin. Her arms were crossed over her chest.
"What?" Alison asked.
"Oh, nothing," Lena replied with a shrug. "It's still kinda weird how affectionate you are. You're like a different person when your daughter's involved." Alison returned the shrugging gesture, and the moved to sit on the couch. Lena did not stop staring even as Alison made a show of removing her heels. Finally, her eyes lifted again. "You know, you never really told me why you call her that."
"Call her what?"
"Demigoddess," Lena supplied. "You're not so full of yourself."
Alison shrugged again, shifting her line of sight to the demigoddess in question. The little tyke had chosen the giant rainbow-colored xylophone, and was now smacking at the keys with gusto. Playing her own song, she seemingly ignored the rest of the room's occupants. "It doesn't mean anything," Alison found herself lying. She pressed her lips together, and then sighed. "You know how much I like Loki."
"Loki…!" The toddler repeated the name without looking up from the masterpiece she was creating. Alison bit her lower lip to stop from grinning. Maybe she should had allowed one too many viewings of Thor. The name had been another word she had learned to say in recent months.
"Right, right," Lena muttered, plopping down on the couch beside her. "How'd it go?" she repeated, eyebrow furrowed in concern. "You seem… off."
"I… I got more than I bargained for," Alison stated. She leaned back, clasping her hands together in her lap. "But I'm fine. I'll figure it out."
"Alison," Lena said her name in warning. "You said you were going to keep your head down—not get into any more trouble. You know I could stay."
"I said it's fine," she replied. "You have your own life, and I know one of these days you're not going to come back. I can't keep relying on you." Lena pursed her lips. This was a conversation they had had many times, especially after Alison had decided to come back to Banshee. "Go, or you really will miss your flight." Lena sighed heavily, and then she wrapped her arms around Alison in a tight embrace. "I love you."
"I love you, too," Lena said, squeezing just a bit tighter. "Please be safe. Don't let this stupid town hurt you more than it already has." Alison squeezed her eyes shut, choosing not to reply. Lena released her hold on her, and then stood up. "I'll call you as soon as I touch down."
"Different time zones," Alison reminded her. "Do not call me." Lena chuckled playfully before turning to take her leave. "Tell Jenna I said hi." Her best friend agreed with a nod her head.
"Bye, gremlin," Lena said, pausing to lower herself. She affectionately patted the little girl's head. "I'll miss you."
"Bah," she said, striking a note with unnecessary force. Still, she did not look up. Lena chuckled again and straightened her legs. She gave a wave, and then departed. The backdoor shut, and within a few moments, Alison could hear a car start up, and then pull away. It would be fine. It had to be. Alison turned her eyes to her daughter. She felt her teeth grind. It had to be.
"Don't worry, my demigoddess," Alison whispered. "Mommy's going to figure it out and keep you safe."
"Mommy love."
"That's right, baby girl," Alison said. "Mommy loves you."
"Bunka," she said. Alison's breath hitched, as it had every time her daughter uttered the name. Unknowing of its effect, the toddler went on playing the xylophone. Honestly, that single word mixed with other baby talk had been the biggest reason for their move to Banshee, Pennsylvania. No, she hadn't been planning to come back to this town—not for a long time. Actually, she had had thoughts of not coming back until her daughter was nearing eighteen. But… that would not have been at all fair to Kurt. It would have been borderline horrible to both father and daughter. So, in the end, what choice did she have?
"… Yeah… Maybe your daddy will, too."
0-0
This was a dangerous endeavor, Kurt realized. But he did not stop. Fingers tapping at the steering wheel to the police cruiser, he continued to drive blindly. He was not focused on his actions at the moment. Had been that way for a while now. Ever since he had left the precinct. Alma had noticed his demeanor and had tried to stop him from leaving, but it hadn't worked. He had to get away from that place where she had invaded. He was driving around aimlessly, minded clouded, and sight unseeing of the road ahead of him. In the silence of the cruiser, his thoughts were loud and repetitive.
A child.
He had a child. He had unknowingly created something that was his. Half of him lived on in another. A little girl, who had his eyes. Would someone else be able to see him in her? Christ. What was he supposed to do with that information? At the moment, he could think of not one thing. He couldn't think of a solid next step that wouldn't lead him to a state of blubbering despair. All this time, and he had fathered a child. A child. A daughter. Was she really his, though?
Kurt was not a stranger to having things ripped away from him. Most of his life consisted of losing things… and people. He really should just expect it now. But a child… Why would Alison lie about something like that? She wouldn't. He had a child. But he didn't know what to do with that. His emotions were not clicking with the fact. His body was numb to it. His mind was just stuck on a child, and showed no sign of stopping the loop.
The vehicle came to a stop. Still feeling disconnected, Kurt barely registered himself shifting the gear to park. He pulled the key from the ignition and pocketed it. He sat there, staring blankly out beyond the windshield. Then, after minutes ticked by, awareness slowly came to him. Kurt blinked a few times, recognizing where his aimless driving had taken him. He had been in this particular neighborhood only a few times since he had returned to Banshee. Whenever his coworker had car troubles, he had always volunteered to go pick him up. It had happened once or twice, but he still recognized the street. It was a family-friendly neighborhood, quiet and away from the downtown area.
Apparently, in his addled state, Kurt had parked right outside of Billy Raven's home address. Pressing his lips together, he moved to get out of the cruiser. Before, he hadn't gotten out of the car when he had picked up Billy for work. It had been an unspoken rule that the man's family should not see the cop with all the ugly tattoos, especially his two little girls. How old were they now? Probably a bit older than Hank. Billy had spoken of them a lot back when he and Kurt had been… friends. Yeah, his little girls were only a year older than Hank.
Despite the unspoken rule, Kurt found himself walking the cement pathway up to the two-story house. It was a traditional home with side grey panels, accented with white. It had a very small porch, but it was decorated with plants and other things. There was a distinct presence of his coworker's heritage in the decorations. Probably had more of it inside the house. To think something like this would have been looked at in disdain in another life. Kurt was glad that mindset had faded. Actually, it was intriguing, and he had asked Billy about some things back when they had begun their friendship.
Sighing to himself, because he and Billy hadn't been friends for a while now and he wondered if he should even be here, Kurt raised his hand. His knuckles rapped against the door. But he was here now. He had come here for a reason. Even if he didn't know what that reason was at the moment. Kurt knocked a few more times before he heard the lock sliding out of place. The door opened and he was greeted by the sight of a little girl. With dark brown eyes, the girl stared at him. Kurt swallowed nervously.
"Hi," he greeted. She continued staring, expression completely unreadable. "Are your parents home?" It had been an innocent enough question, so Kurt was quite surprised when the little girl opened her mouth wide and screamed for her mother. All the while still staring. Christ. This was a bad idea. He should probably back away up in surrender. Too late, a woman appeared behind the girl. With her tan skinned and long dark hair, she appeared almost the spitting image of the little girl. Kurt recognized her, of course. Billy had liked to gush over his beautiful wife and had often showed pictures.
"What's wrong? Why are you-?" Her questions halted the moment the woman got a good look at him. Immediately, the woman yanked the little girl back and put herself between her daughter and the large tattooed man. Even now, strangers' reaction to him were all the same. "Can I help you?" Her voice barely indicated her wariness, which was impressive considering what seeing tattoos like his normally meant.
"I understand that my physical appearance may be unsettling, but I can assure you that my ties to the movement were severed long ago," Kurt began his disclaimer. The woman, Leotie, if he remembered correctly, flinched, but then, to his surprise, relaxed her shoulders.
"You're him…" she said. "The Nazi-cop. You're Kurt Bunker."
"Yes, ma'am," he confirmed with a slight tilt of his head. It was slightly chagrined that the nickname had stuck throughout the years, though. "I apologize for stopping by unannounced and uninvited. It was not my intent to startle you or your child, Mrs. Raven." Leotie shook her head a bit and crossed her arms.
"I'm sure you startle a lot of people," she remarked. Kurt pursed his lips, lowering his gaze. "I guess you're here to see Billy? He's out back. You can go around."
He hadn't thought he would be given such a liberty. Moving around the house unsupervised. Then again, maybe she just didn't want to remain in is presence. Kurt nodded his head in thanks before turning to leave the porch. The soft click of the door closing entered his ears as he moved. He breathed in deeply. He still didn't know why he had come here, but his feet kept moving towards the backyard anyway.
Kurt found Billy inside the garage. The giant door was open, and he could see Billy focused on carving something. It was a hidden talent, and hobby, for his coworker. Animals, cars, bizarre shaped people—he could carve a lot, and he was good at it. Kurt stared for a moment, trying to identify the shape of what Billy worked on now. From the side profile, it looked a like a banana to him. Maybe Billy was nowhere near done with it. Kurt examined him for a moment longer before curling his fingers around his wrists, holding his hands in front of him, and then clearing his throat.
Billy lowered his carving tool and the object he had been working on. Then he turned, and nearly jumped a foot in the air. Kurt almost felt some of warped satisfaction from that. "Bunk…!" Billy exclaimed, clearly surprised to see him at his residence. "What are you doing here?" He still didn't know the answer to that. Then Billy's eyes narrowed. "You doing okay?" The very same question he had asked after years of not talking.
"No," Kurt gave the very same answer.
"Okay," Billy nodded his head. "I'd offer you a beer, but…" He trailed off, eyeing the uniform. Right. He was still on duty. Also, he hadn't taken a swig of any kind of alcohol in a long time, and Billy knew it. However, something on Kurt's face must have given him away. Maybe he had looked as though he needed to turn to liquor. Christ. If there was ever another situation where he would drown himself in alcohol, this would be it. Billy gestured behind Kurt, causing him to turn his head. Behind him, there was a porch deck with an overhead—wooden. Maybe Billy had built it himself. It was large enough to have outdoor furniture. A table and chairs.
Keeping the sigh to himself, Kurt walked towards the deck, taking the three steps up. Billy followed. Together, they sat down at the table. And then they sat in silence. Kurt knew the silence was a waste of time, but he couldn't get his mouth to work. He was still trying to figure out why he had come here of all places. He was now sitting opposite of a man that he had believed hadn't cared enough to visit him in the hospital. Apparently, Kurt had gotten a lot of things wrong two years ago.
"Is this about the woman with the cell phone?" Billy asked. It was an obvious attempt to draw the reason for Kurt's visit out. Of course, he had been correct. Billy had a knack for seeing the anxiety inside him, and it usually pertained to Alison. She had disrupted the balance of his life more than once. Four times. The first time he had let her because it had been new and… wonderful. He had wanted it—happily changed to accommodate her. Then she abruptly left without a word of goodbye. The third and fourth times happened less than forty-eight hours apart from each other. "She show up again?" Billy prodded.
"Yeah… She… She was at the station, talking to Sheriff Hood," Kurt answered. "Today," he said as an afterthought. "I-I couldn't… stay there."
"Did you talk to her?" Billy leaned forward. Kurt nodded. "Well, what did she say?"
"I… She said… she was pregnant when she left." There. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. He had finally said it out loud. To the only person that he could. Sheriff Hood had known about the relationship, but Billy was different. Maybe that had been the reason for the aimless driving that had led Kurt here. His coworker was a confidant… that had two daughters of his own. Maybe that had been another reason. Insight. "She said she was three months. Told me that I have a decision to make and-"
"Fuck me!" Billy interrupted. Kurt furrowed his brow. Until now, Billy had only stared. That type of vulgarity from the man had been completely unexpected. At moment, he could count the number of times Billy had used vulgar words on his hand. But clearly, the news had thrown him for a loop. It was a bit comforting to realize that Kurt hadn't been the only one. "Wait, I'm sorry—did you-? A child?!" Billy clamped a hand over his forehead. "Oh, that's- Wow! You're a dad." His hand slid down his face and gripped his chin. "Um…I guess congratulations! I'm happy for you."
"Congratulations?" Kurt repeated incredulously. "An hour ago, I didn't know she existed! I don't know what to do with that."
"… What do you want to do?" Billy asked, appearing perplexed.
"I don't know," Kurt retorted. He looked down at the wooden table. "Alison disappears for two years, and then out of blue comes back and tells me that-that I-"
"Created a bundle of joy?"
"I feel like you're not taking this seriously."
"And I feel like you are taking it too seriously," Billy replied. Kurt felt himself glaring. "Or-Or focusing on the wrong thing here," Billy amended, throwing his hands up in surrender. Kurt forced himself to relax in his seat, but his insides were still clenched and churning in confusion. "Look—I'm gonna level with you, Bunk. When I found out that my wife and I were having twins, it was the best and most terrifying day of my life. Because everything changed. My world expanded, and it was a whole new frontier. Faced with something like that, of course I didn't know what to do—what was expected of me. Suddenly, there's this big responsibility thrown in my lap. I have the power to shape a part of the next generation—my legacy."
"Power…" Kurt repeated.
"Real power," Billy confirmed. "But like they say, with great power comes great responsibility."
"Voltaire," Kurt cited.
"… I was thinking Spiderman's uncle, but okay," Billy corrected. Kurt tried not to roll his eyes. "The point is: parenthood can be overwhelming the first time around. In your case, it's probably worse because you didn't know it was coming, and now you're stuck on just that aspect of it. But have you thought about what comes next? The woman with the cell phone—Alison—told you for a reason. I mean, she could have kept this to herself, and then when people starting asking questions about her child, she could have just said some other guy knocked her up in the two years she was gone. There's gotta be a reason for that, right?"
"She said… I could walk away or choose to be in the kid's life," Kurt admitted. "Thing is: I don't know how." He could he possibly walk away? He couldn't just ignore that he had a child. That he had created a life. On the other hand, he didn't know how to be a dad. Two days out of the week with Hank was a blessing and an eye-opener. But he was only an uncle, not a full-time parent. And it wasn't as though he had had an adequate upbringing himself. A good example of being a father had never been in the cards.
"How to choose…?" Billy asked. "Well, me personally, I would jump at the chance, but I like being a dad. Some people… don't. But like I said, I think you were just stuck on one instance instead of the next. Do you even want to meet your child? Get to know her? Do you even know what she looks like?"
Kurt clenched his jaw. Those hadn't been questions that had crossed on his mind, but now that they had been presented to him, he couldn't help but think. A little girl who had his eyes. What other physical traits had they shared? What traits had she shared with her mother? And just like that, a jolting urge to see the blend of traits formed and spread within him. A daughter with his and her likeness—he wanted to see her. Alison had told him that she had been three months when she had left Banshee. If she had carried their child for the full nine months, then… their child must have been around eighteen months by now. Was she walking and talking now?
"No," Kurt murmured. "I-I don't know anything other than her gender."
"But you… wanna find out?" Billy ventured. Slowly and hesitant, Kurt nodded his head. "Okay then. Start from there. Did she tell you the name?" Kurt pursed his lips. Maybe Alison would have if he hadn't practically run away. Again, the answer must have showed on his face because Billy sighed heavily, and then mumbled something about a perfect match. Then he cleared his throat and spoke louder. "Here's some advice: The next time you talk to Alison, talk to her." Kurt couldn't say he liked the patronizing tone, but couldn't necessarily dispute it either. Both he and Alison hadn't exactly had a decent conversation since her return. "Find out more about your daughter. Who knows? Maybe this is your chance to reconcile."
"What?" Kurt frowned, not understanding. He shook his head. "Reconcile…?"
"You know, get back together," Billy elaborated. "I'm even more convinced now that she still has feelings for you." Flummoxed, Kurt could only stare. "Think about it, Bunk. From what I'm hearing, the only reason she left was the pregnancy." Admittedly, Kurt found himself not following. "She left to protect her child," Billy went on in a slow voice. "It's common for a parent to choose a child over a lover if presented with that choice."
"No," Kurt shook his head again. "She-She left. That was the end." Billy only gave him a dubious look. "She could have called, but she didn't. Two years, and not one attempt to reach out to me. Least of all to tell me I've got a kid!" He could feel anger slipping in. The more he thought about it, the more Billy's theory didn't make sense. Clearly, she had moved on before she had left. "She could have explained. I could have gone to her. I could have been there from the beginning. But she didn't want me anymore. I was reckless, and I paid the price for it. She didn't want that. There's no reconciliation for us."
"Would you be so opposed to that if she wasn't it? Because from where I'm standing, it doesn't seem like she would be."
"…" He didn't have an answer for that. His mind conjured up images from Saturday night, and he could distinctly remember Alison pressed against him. Frowning deeply now, Kurt stood up. "This isn't about her. This is about my kid." Billy stared up at him, seemingly not faltering in his opinion. Then he shrugged, letting the matter drop. Kurt wondered why he even cared about it. Why did Billy Raven care about any of this? Maybe the answer to that had been the same reason Kurt had driven here. Billy suddenly made a bad attempt at keeping the grin from his face. The tension in Kurt's body faded, the reaction from his coworker managing to disarm him. "What?"
"You said it," Billy said. "You said 'my kid.' You're already claiming her. I guess that means you've already decided."
A bizarre and pretty unexpected heat went through him, settling in his chest and fluttering his heart. Kurt couldn't explain why a giddiness had both put a weight on him and alleviated him at the same time. My kid—he hadn't even realized he had said it. It had felt so natural to say. That was strange, though, right? He didn't even know the girl's name at this point. That didn't stop the beginnings of a smile from touching his lips. While he had liked calling Hank his nephew, there was something fundamentally different about claiming an actual offspring.
"So what are you going to do now?" Billy questioned.
"I'm… I have to meet with her again," Kurt stated, sobering quickly. He would have to confront her again, but the next time, it wouldn't be about them—about her departure. No, the only answers he cared for right now pertained to their daughter. That was it. "I'll find out where she's staying and… and talk."
"Is that a good idea—ambushing her like that?"
"I don't have a choice," Kurt explained. "I doubt she left any contact information behind. We can't meet in public. We've never been able to, and now that…" he trailed off, realizing abruptly that, yes, it was even more dangerous now than it had been. A child. If anyone from the Brotherhood found out that he and Alison Medding created life together—unknowingly or not—none of them would be safe. "We have to be more careful."
"Discreet, huh…?" Billy rubbed his chin. "Maybe talk to Job then." Kurt made a face. The man known as Job tended to be as discreet as an atomic bomb. Dressed like one too, according to Alma. Noticing, Billy chuckled. "I meant his computer skills. He can find out things a normal person couldn't." Right. Of course he had known that. Maybe if Job and Kurt had been amicable back then, he wouldn't be dealing with this lack of knowledge about his own daughter right now. Not that they were exactly cordial, though…
"I'll try," Kurt murmured. Then he sighed. "… Thanks… Billy. I appreciate you talking to me about this."
"Don't mention it," he replied before standing. The man held his hand out, initiating a handshake. Swallowing hard, Kurt returned it. This was a man that could have turned him away, based on how he looked, but especially on how he had behaved in the two years following the home invasion that had almost taken his life. Still, Billy Raven seemingly understood and had accepted. It was a good feeling knowing that Kurt had been wrong about him. Maybe he had been wrong about Alison, too. It was something to consider, at least, though it didn't matter regardless. The only thing that truly mattered right now was his daughter.
And the methods he would use to keep her safe.
0-0
Yes, I am aware how long it's been since I've touched this piece of fanfiction. As I've said before, I am not abandoning it. I just promised myself to focus and complete my Supernatural fanfiction, which I have done. So from this point on, I will set my focus on this story until its completion. I quite look forward to the journey. I have mapped out the route, after all. I knew what the ending would like just not the road ahead. But now I have it clear in my mind where the story will go. Perhaps that will be quicker updates. Anyhow, please enjoy the continued efforts to keep Banshee alive.
