everyone else: genuinely wonderful art for psychonauts' fifteenth anniversary.
me: kee chi made a tweet that mikhail is still searching for the hairless bear fifteen years later, so here's this. happy fifteenth anniversary psychonauts!

Fifteen Years Later, A Realization

"You know, never did get to wrestle hairless bear."

"Wait, what?"

Mikhail and Maloof stared at each other. Maloof's phone slipped out of his hand, somersaulting to the carpeted floor of Mikhail's cubicle. It clattered on Maloof's shined shoe, scuffing the tip of it and making a wrinkle form in Maloof's brow. He blinked and quickly shook his head, his curly locks twisting with him. He crossed his ankles as he sat across from Mikhail, his brows furrowing. Raising a finger, he let his mouth hang open, questions forming in his head while Mikhail resumed filling out his paperwork on his work computer.

"I-you-did you just say you never got to wrestle the hairless bear?" Maloof managed to sputter, his pitch squeaky.

Without slowing his typing, Mikhail nodded. He tapped the enter key and submitted his report about his latest mission. Nudging the computer aside, he set his elbows on his desk and cupped his face, sighing as if longing for an old friend. "Heard so many rumors about hairless bear, yet never had chance to wrestle and claim victory. Searched and searched and found no sign of it."

Summer was around the corner, so Maloof assumed Mikhail was feeling nostalgic. But he made no sense. Everyone in camp realized the lake monster, or in Mikhail's case the hairless bear, was none other than Linda. She had quickly been adopted into the camp as a pseudo-counselor and mascot, having been adored by PSI cadets for many summers to come after they had graduated.

Maloof had seen Mikhail interact with her many times during that summer. Their conversations usually consisted of Mikhail asking to tussle and Linda declining each time. He remembered Mikhail launching a sneak attack on her, lunging at her from the branch in a tall tree, only for Linda to swat him to the side with her lure. She hadn't even realized she was under attack and lumbered off with Dogen, forcing Maloof to drag his unconscious body back to camp with his pitiful telekinesis. With that memory in mind, Maloof thought Mikhail would have known Linda was the hairless bear. But the faraway look Mikhail gave his ceiling told him otherwise.

"Would have been title match of the camp. It feels like a missed opportunity," Mikhail said, drumming his fingers against his cheek.

"I-I mean…" Maloof pinched the bridge of his nose. Lowering his hand onto his armchair, he leaned forward and asked, "Misha, are you being serious right now?"

"Have no reason not to be," Mikhail replied, sitting back and crossing his arms.

Mikhail's computer pinged, alerting them to a new email. As Mikhail opened it, Maloof tugged at the collar of his suit. He dragged his tongue around the inside of his mouth, Mikhail muttering under his breath as he read.

"You know...you know, Linda was the hairless bear, right?" Maloof asked, setting his elbow on Mikhail's desk and waving his hand.

"Eh? No, cannot be true," Mikhail said, and he shifted the mouse to an attachment under the email.

As Mikhail clicked it, Maloof hunched his head forward and said, "Yeah, she was. She was the hairless bear, and she was the lake monster, too. Everyone figured that out. It was like putting two and two together and getting four."

Glancing at Maloof from of the corner of his eye, Mikhail's mouth twitched. "No. Would have known if she was hairless bear, which she is not. She is-"

"-the hairless bear and the lake monster," Maloof insisted, his interjection deepening Mikhail's frown. He sunk lower in his seat, idly tapping the side of his phone and leering at Mikhail. "I'm telling you, Mikhail, they're one in the same."

"Impossible. I would have known much sooner."

Maloof pursed his lips and groaned. He stuffed his phone into his pocket and rubbed his temples. He knew Mikhail was stubborn, but this was ridiculous. He searched for ways to refute him, but anything he said would have been denied or ignored, Mikhail's insistence bordering on irritating.

But an idea suddenly struck him as Mikhail glared at the attachment on his screen. Maloof straightened, his eyes wide with glee. Catching the change in Maloof's expression, Mikhail squinted at him, suspicious as Maloof laced his fingers together and leaned on his desk, his grin too pleasant to not be cynical.

"Mikhail, what characteristics did the hairless bear have?" Maloof asked, his lip curling into his cheek.

"Hm, larger than Russian bear. Had skin where hair should be." He imitated Maloof's posture and scrutinized him. "Why ask that?"

Fidgeting with his Rolex watch, Maloof snickered. "Remind you of anyone?"

Mikhail pulled back and itched his scalp. Fixing his hat, he thought about what Maloof meant. The bear he sought that summer had skin where hair should have been. It was also around the same size of the regular bears found in Whispering Rock. He imagined the hairless bear having a towering disposition who lurked in the woods, perhaps too shy to come out and wrestle with him.

But as Maloof grinned at him, and he imagined his deceptive hairless bear, he blinked. He dropped his hands to his shins, hunching forward as his mouth fell open. He drew back and gripped his elbows, keeping his wide-eyed stare on Maloof, who continued smiling at him.

If he thought about Linda, then she certainly had a lot of similar characteristics to the hairless bear.

"Wait," Mikhail whispered, his pupils dilating.

She did not have fur. Rather, she had leathery scales.

"Oh," he crooned, suddenly grabbing his jaw.

She was also around the same size as the bears in Whispering Rock.

'This is-" He bit his tongue.

She also tended to hide in the woods, much like the hairless bear.

"WHAT?" Mikhail screamed, shooting out of his chair and slapping his hands on his desk, his computer tumbling off.

As Mikhail's computer crashed in more ways than one, Maloof burst into laughter. He slapped his knee and clutched his phone to his chest. Small tears pricked the corners of his eyes as Mikhail went through an existential crisis, and he shed them when Mikhail dug his fingers into his scalp, throwing his hat off his head.

"I need to go to camp. I need re-match," Mikhail blurted, pounding his fist into his chest, his heart thundering in his ribcage.

"The camps-the camps don't open for a few more weeks," Maloof piped up, chortling.

"Will volunteer as counselor and wait for time to strike. Just learned that I'm on probation for vigilantism, so is perfect timing," he swiftly retorted, throwing his hand out to his fallen, and more likely than not, broken computer. He flashed a wide small and rubbed his hands together, the friction causing a small flare to form between them. "Perfect time to have a good match! Linda cannot escape Mikhail now!"

"Well, I'm sure that will work out for you," Maloof said, checking his phone and smirking as Mikhail laughed.

(A few weeks later, a gaggle of campers found Mikhail unconscious in a stream in the middle of the woods. The outcome of his battle with Linda was obvious.)