A/N:

This is still un-beta'd, so as usual, any mistakes are mine to claim. Thanks for the reviews I have received.

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Chapter 5 Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Blaine only drank one glass of liquor while he was at Cooper's, knowing he needed to apologize very badly to someone that didn't deserve what had happened. Blaine's feeling's had still been so raw, he had taken his emotions out on the wrong person, and he knew he needed to apologize for it soon. He needed to fix it if that was even possible.

Blaine talked to Cooper until 9:30 knowing it was late, he still needed to talk to Bryce, to try to make up for what he had done, still not even sure where that had come from. Blaine had never lost his head like that before, not even with Kurt. The closest thing had been when he had almost gotten into a fight with Sam in the McKinley choir room when he had first transferred in. Blaine didn't have a temper. Cooper drove Blaine back to the fox lot so that he could get his car, and then wished him luck.

Blaine pulled up outside of Bryce's apartment, thankfully he had been here a few times, so the guards at the security desk in the apartment complex recognized him. Blaine was glad when they just waved him on instead of calling Bryce to be buzzed up. He didn't want to give Bryce time to know he was coming up, not wanting to give him a chance not to want to see him. Blaine needed to apologize and see if he could fix what he had done.

He rode the elevator to the fifth floor, got out and turned left and stood in front of 504, just standing there, not yet having built up the nerve to ring the bell. He stands there for ten minutes before he is finally able to raise his hand and push the button. Blaine waits for ten more minutes waiting to see if Bryce would answer, almost afraid that he won't, that he'll decide that Blaine wasn't worth the trouble. When Bryce still doesn't answer, Blaine tries it one more time, figuring that either Bryce wasn't home or he was standing behind the door, looking through the peephole, not wanting to see him.

Blaine hopes that it is just he isn't home, that he isn't just ignoring him, not that he would blame him if he were. Blaine slides down the wall and sits down beside Bryce's door the way Bryce had done the second time he had come over, and Blaine hadn't been home yet. He sits there for about thirty minutes and is about to give up and go home when he hears the elevator beep, letting him know someone was getting off the elevator on this floor.

Blaine just waited and hoped, his head leaned back against the wall, eyes closed. He opens them when he hears Bryce say, "Hi."

"Hi," Blaine said in a low sad voice, looking up at him. "I was hoping I could talk to you a minute. I know it's late, and I promise I won't stay long, I just really needed to talk to you."

Bryce stands there for a few minutes looking at him, his head tilted sideways before making his decision and opens the door, and then stands back and lets Blaine stand up and walk in. Blaine had picked Bryce up from here for their dates before, but hadn't been inside. Looking around, he loves it. It just looks like somewhere Bryce would live.

Bryce led him over to the couch, and they both sat down, Blaine sitting on the very edge of the cushion elbows bent resting on his knees, he rests his head on his folded hands, trying to figure out where to even start. He had thought about it from the moment he had blown up at Bryce, and still hadn't thought of a good excuse. So he just decided to tell the truth.

Blaine took a deep breath and then released it with a sigh, looking at Bryce before reaching out and grabbing his hand, and then looking him in the eyes. "I owe you an apology. From the video you saw, I guess you could tell Friday would have been our fourth anniversary, and even though we had broken up once before, somehow we were always together on that day, always, this was the first year we weren't."

"I'm not going to try to make excuses for how I acted, because there is no excuse. You didn't deserve that. You didn't do anything other than watch a video. I need to apologize for that. We had been doing so well, I felt we were heading towards something, building something, and I just hope you can forgive me so we can continue to move forward. I feel like we can have something special between us. I just hope you can still give me a chance."

"I know you are probably as tired of hearing about Kurt as I am talking about him. I am going to try to make this the last time we ever talk about him again. I only want to talk about us," Blaine said, quickly leaning in and kissing Bryce before he continues.

"So, Friday started off bad anyways. I knew the whole day would be off, that is why when I finished my last shot of the day, I left. I couldn't be around anyone then, I needed to be alone and process everything I was feeling."

"Last week, because I had a feeling how Friday would go, I had asked Cooper to buy me a bottle of Jack Daniels. I have never been a big drinker, I have already told you how it went the last time I got drunk, but I hoped this time it might just help me forget. I had drunk half the bottle before something happened, and I threw it against the wall and smashed it into a million pieces."

"I need you to know I am not a violent person, and I don't just lose my temper like that. To be honest, other than the two arguments Kurt and I had after we got back together and I moved in with him, we had never really fought. We had minor disagreements, but no real fights. That is why when it happened, when he had exploded the way he did, I was so very unprepared."

"That wasn't how our relationship had been, we talked through everything, we had calm conversations, and maybe a few tears, but we never raised our voices, we had never needed to. I'm not saying we always got along, we had the normal couple spats and disagreements, but never a fight, even with the first break up. We never even raised our voices; we just both cried and went our separate ways."

"Like I was saying, when I came in from work Friday I was having a really bad time of it. I had thought of a video I wanted to see. I pulled up my laptop and ended up getting twenty email alerts from my friends from The New Directions and the Warblers group I was in high school with. Every single one of those emails had a YouTube link to that video you were watching when I walked in."

"To be honest, I felt like I was hit in the gut. Friday was already bad enough, but for each one of my friends to send me an email with that link, it was almost like everyone reminded me of how much I lost, what I had walked away from. I know how that sounds, and I still stand by that decision as something I had to do for myself. The thing is, they all know we broke up again, but none of them, other than Rachel, knows why. Kurt told her when he followed her to Lima. I heard from Wes on Saturday. He was one of my friends from the Warblers. He said that he just thought it was a lovers' quarrel, and maybe if I saw the video, it might help us settle things again. None of them could believe it when we broke the first time."

"You have to understand, when Kurt and I were at Dalton, if you saw Kurt, you saw me, and vice versa. As far as everyone thought, myself included, we were perfect for each other. We were the only couple that never fought. We were the only high school romance that they just knew would make it until we didn't. Sunday, I heard from Kurt's stepbrother Finn. He and I had become friends when I transferred to McKinley. He told me that Kurt really had it bad, that he was crying all the time. He said he didn't know what happened, but could I possibly try to forgive Kurt. He knew how much we loved each other."

"So, I had Friday, a day from hell with every one of my friends reminding me just how bad my life sucked, sorry," he said quickly, looking at Bryce. "But then with Wes and Finn calling me, it was just too much. The bad thing was that all weekend I kept just waiting for today, because today I was going to be able to see you, today I would be able to hug you again, and instead I just blew up at you. It seemed like everything piled in on me, after the emails, and Wes and Finn calling me, I was on edge fighting my feelings. I broke down and told Finn, why we weren't together, what had happened. The only thing I could think of to get me through the weekend was that I was going to be able to hold you again, that is what got me through this weekend looking forward to just being able to put everything behind me and just be with you, and then I saw you watching that video. It was like it hit me all over again."

"I am so, so sorry Bryce and I just hope you can forgive me, I can promise you that nothing like that will ever happen again, I want to try to make what we started work, I just hope this doesn't push you away, that you can give me another chance to show you." Blaine finally gets the courage to look at Bryce and saw that he was smiling.

"I'm sorry to Blaine, I had found that video and thought about showing you, but then was worried that if you knew he was fighting for you, you might decide to go back with him, to get back together, I should never have played it on set, I should have just watched it in my trailer, that was personal, even though it was on YouTube, it was between you and him. I should never have played it in a public area, that wasn't fair to you."

"I had actually brought my laptop in because I had found a lot of videos of you, including the cheerleading ones you talked about and figured that would keep me occupied while you were shooting your scenes." He said with a small smile before leaning over and placing a soft kiss on Blaine's lips

"You are forgiven, as long as you promise never to let it happen again," he said, trying to make a scary face.

Blaine just smiled really big before pulling Bryce into his arms, the one thing he had looked forward to all weekend "That is a promise I will gladly make" Blaine said softly before standing up, pulling Bryce with him and back into his arms, holding him tight for a minute before kissing him once again, slowly sliding his tongue into Bryce's mouth deepening the kiss, cupping his face in his hands, standing as close to him as he could, so enjoying the warmth from his body.

"I need to head home," Blaine said, placing another soft kiss on Bryce's lips. "I will see you tomorrow for the production meeting, and maybe if you are interested, we can spend some time together after work, so I can really make it up to you," Blaine said kissing him again, sliding his hands down his sides and then pulling his hips closer.

"I would like that," Bryce said with a smile.

Blaine reached out and hugged him one more time before whispering "thank you for giving me another chance" in his ear

"You have nothing to thank me for, I will see you in the morning, be careful driving home," Bryce said, walking him to the door.

"Night sweetheart" Blaine said, leaning over to place a kiss on Bryce's cheek, rubbing it with his thumb looking him in the eyes, knowing he would never get enough of him, placing one more quick kiss on his lips, before walking out the door and heading home, feeling ten times better than he did when he walked in.

oOoOo

Blaine went home after talking to Bryce and pulled up his laptop again. He just needed to see that video one more time before he could move on, he was so ready to move on, put everything behind him, close that chapter of his life, for good this time. He had honestly thought he had. Blaine liked where things were heading with Bryce, the relationship they were building. He figured seeing Kurt's video one more time would help get him off of his mind. What he wasn't expecting was when YouTube pulled up; it wasn't on Kurt's page.

Apparently, in the midst of his breakdown, Blaine had created a page of his own. He had named it "What Do You Want From Me?" and in the description of the page, it simply said.

So what do you want from me

What do you want from me

Just don't give up

I'm workin' it out

Please don't give in

I won't let you down

It messed me up,

Need a second to breathe

Just keep coming around

Hey, what do you want from me?

What do you want from me?

The bad thing is that standing here now looking at it, Blaine doesn't know who he had posted it for Kurt or Bryce. He didn't even remember setting up the page, recording himself playing that song on his keyboard, singing into the camera, before uploading that video. Blaine didn't remember any of it. The song could have been for both, but in his heart, he knows, he just knows who he had been thinking of, and Blaine wants to cry. The one good thing he can say about his voice was that even though he was drunk, you couldn't tell it listening to him. Blaine could see the tears that had been floating in his eyes; he could also see the sadness, the pain, wondering again when the pain would stop if ever.

Blaine hoped no one else saw it, that no one found this channel. He hated that he had felt at the time a need to do it, to set this page up, to post what he posted, but he just couldn't pull it down. Until he was able to figure things out, until he was ready to say goodbye one way or the other, it would stay up.

He then made the mistake of re-watching Kurt's video, listening to what he said, listening to the words Blaine SO wanted to hear. Hearing that voice, Kurt's beautiful voice saying "I love you" one more time, and that he was missed. Blaine had thought watching it again, that he would be able to move on, it hit him just how wrong he was. Instead, he just cried for things lost, things missed, for the love of his life. He still loved Kurt, and he knew it, he was just scared. Blaine had been hurt twice by the person he loved the most in the world, could he handle it if it happened again. He honestly didn't think he could. This last time had almost destroyed him. But honestly, could he live without him. That was a question he needed to work out.

Blaine watched through a lot of the videos that Kurt had posted. There were several of their old duets. When he saw "Perfect," he could do nothing but stare. They had looked so in love Kurt had looked so in love. All of a sudden, he has memories flashing, back, things he has almost forgotten.

The day he had convinced Kurt he was ready to go, he was meant for New York. He didn't belong in Lima. Looking back on how that had turned out, Blaine knows he would have still done the exact same thing, would have encouraged Kurt to take that leap, to go where they both knew he had always been meant to be. Blaine had always wanted the best for Kurt, even when the best thing for Kurt turned out not to be him.

Blaine laughs as he remembers singing "I'm never changing who I am" for Kurt, doing the cups with the cheerleaders, back when he had still believed Kurt when he had said "I'm never going to say goodbye to you," Blaine had believed that they would be ok. Kurt hadn't technically said goodbye. He had just pulled away and left Blaine floating and lost, feeling numb for so long he had just wanted to feel again, and he had messed up.

Blaine smiles, remembering when Kurt, Mercedes, Mike, and himself had had coffee at the Lima Bean when they were still broken up but were working on being friends again. He had looked at Kurt and told him "You look cute today, and I mean dirty cute, " Blaine can only laugh now because he doesn't even know what that had meant, but he had remembered that one of the issues they had had Kurt's senior year was that Blaine didn't compliment him anymore. At that moment, it had just felt right to say that.

Blaine remembers the look he had seen on Kurt's face at Scandals when he had told him he was dating someone else, only to then have to tell Kurt that that someone was Dave. The sadness on Kurt's face before he was able to bring his emotions under control, and act like he was happy for him, but Blaine had seen the look of devastation he tried to hide as he walked away to the bathroom, and a little part of Blaine's heart had broken. He might have still been a little mad at Kurt, still might have been hurt by what had happened, by what he had done, but Blaine still loved him, that hadn't changed, and the thought of him hurting had hurt Blaine more than he would have ever admitted, to anyone, even himself.

His next thought was of the time he and Kurt had been trapped in the elevator at McKinley when Sue had tried to "help" them get back together. When the stupid Sue doll had come back in riding a tricycle Blaine's first instinct had been to jump up in front of Kurt, he had always wanted to protect him, always needed to make sure he was safe. He had finally slid further down the wall, realizing there was no reason to protect him anymore Kurt didn't need or want him to. Kurt didn't need anything from Blaine now. That thought had hurt, and if he was perfectly honest, it still did. He didn't know if he wanted to be in a world where his Kurt no longer needed him.

Another memory had him standing up and heading into his bedroom. He pulls out a box from the top shelf of his closet that he had brought with him from Westerville. It was all the stuff he still had from his senior year at McKinley all his old memories, there, on the bottom of the box was his scrapbook. The one he had started putting together when he and Kurt had first become a couple.

Blaine carries it into the living room and sits down with it on the couch. He had never shared it with anyone, no one but him had ever seen it. Blaine remembers when he had come home from New York after telling Kurt what he had done, that he had been with someone else, Blaine had put in a napkin from CallBacks where he sang his song that had made Kurt realize there was something wrong. He had the receipt from the valentine's day they had spent together; he had bought Kurt a coffee and a cupid cookie that they had shared at the Lima Bean remembering how shocked Kurt had been that Blaine had remembered his coffee order. He had put it into his wallet and kept it, unlike every other receipt he had thrown away, he had held on to that one for some reason.

On the next page was the first note they had ever passed during one of the many classes they had together at Dalton, rereading it with a smile. Remembering the beginning stages of their relationship, sometimes wishing they could just go back. Also in the book are some of their pictures, them at both proms, them on their first official date as boyfriends. A copy of the black and white picture he had left in the loft in New York. A picture of them standing side by side, Kurt in his cap and gown and Blaine standing beside him looking so proud.

A picture that had been taken of himself and Kurt when he had said yes. Sam had managed to snap a picture of him, sliding the ring on Kurt's finger. He still had some of the rose petals in his hair that had drifted down from above them.

Blaine had put in a playbill from grease. Even though he had, had a small part, Kurt had shown up, he had been there. Not for Blaine per se' for every one of his friends, but he was there. Blaine had put in it the receipt where he had bought Kurt his engagement ring. Remembering back, thinking about how happy he had been then, and putting in that receipt only after Kurt had said yes, it makes Blaine wonder what Kurt did with the ring when he broke up with him. Did he keep it or throw it away. The thought of that makes him sad, yes, they were no longer engaged or even a couple, but that ring had meant something, stood for something important, even if only to him.

The last thing he had ever put in that scrapbook was the receipt from the Strand, the motel he had stayed at the night Kurt had broken up with him, that and his ticket home from New York. After that, there had been nothing else to put in it. There was no longer a Kurt and Blaine to keep memories of. There was nothing left to save. Blaine quietly closes the book, stands up, and carries it back to his room, once again putting it in the bottom of that box and putting everything else on top of it, then putting it back on the top shelf of his closet, closing the closet door and walking away.

Before he realized it was midnight, and he had to be at the lot in the morning at 4:30 for a pre-production meeting, wondering what this one was about. Usually, those were scheduled on Fridays. Even though he knew he should be going to bed, Blaine knew he wouldn't be sleeping tonight. His feelings were still so raw again.

Blaine pulls his keyboard out again, sets up his camera one more time before posting one more video to his channel. Words floating through his head that he had to get out if he had even a prayer of sleeping at all. Hearing the song "Say Something" by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera. In a way saying goodbye.

And I

Will stumble and fall

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something. I'm giving up on you

And I

Will swallow my pride

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye

By the time Blaine finished the song, he had tears running down his face, but he felt better. He felt like he was ready to try to move on. He was going to concentrate on him and Bryce, on trying to build a relationship with him. Yes, Blaine knew he still very much loved Kurt, but just like that scrapbook, he needed to close that book again, put it back on the shelf where it belonged. No more memories to add to it, nothing left to save.

People in love, break up, move on, and find someone new. He knew what he needed to do, he did, but why did it have to hurt so very much.

Before heading to bed, Blaine set his computer to upload his video, the last one he will post, and then went to bed to sleep for three hours. Ready to close out that chapter and move on.

A/N Two: I don't own the writes to the songs in this chapter they belong to Adam Lambert and Pink for "Whataya Want From Me", and A Great Big World,and Christina Aguilera for "Say Something" (if you have never heard this song before check it out on YouTube, it is beautiful). I just really love both of them