ACT V
(FADE IN. EXTERIOR RADCLIFFE HOUSE, daytime. A carriage pulls up in front of the house. MURDOCH alights from the carriage, and quickly moves to the other side of the carriage to help OGDEN alight. MURDOCH and OGDEN walk to the front door. CUT TO: INTERIOR RADCLIFFE HOUSE, sitting room. RADCLIFFE and MURDOCH and OGDEN are seated in chairs, sipping tea.)
MURDOCH
And so, Mrs. Radcliffe, I wanted to stop by personally and thank you for your assistance.
RADCLIFFE (modestly)
Not at all.
MURDOCH
Your analysis certainly was helpful to the local constabulary. And thank you for the tea.
RADCLIFFE (modestly)
My pleasure, Detective.
OGDEN
And thank you for taking the time to meet with us. We would have telephoned ahead of time, but I understand you have no telephone.
RADCLIFFE
A cursed invention, the telephone. An intrusion on our privacy! And yet the lying inventor continues to garner acclaim.
(MURDOCH is momentarily shocked, OGDEN is surprised.)
MURDOCH
Wait, the inventor was a liar? Do you mean—?
RADCLIFFE
Alexander Graham Bell, that's who I mean. Disagreeable man. Did you know, Detective, Doctor, that I lived for several years in Brantford, Ontario, and that Bell was one of my neighbours? When I say he was disagreeable, I speak from experience. (under her breath) It doesn't help his cause that he's a Scot.
MURDOCH (confidently)
As it happens, Mrs. Radcliffe, I too have met the man.
RADCLIFFE
Did you?
MURDOCH
I did not find him to be disagreeable. And to the best of my knowledge, he was not a liar, as it relates to his invention of the telephone.
RADCLIFFE
Did he tell you the truth about the events that occurred when the first intelligible words were spoken over wire? His account is rubbish, if you ask me.
OGDEN (with a trace smile)
I wasn't aware his account is in dispute.
MURDOCH (puzzled)
As far as I know, it is not.
RADCLIFFE
Well, it is disputed by me! It is ridiculous on its face! (matter-of-factly) Listen, Detective: on the day when the first words were carried by wire, there is no question that Bell and Watson were very close to achieving intelligible conversation over wire. Furthermore, there is little question that they achieved this goal, and were able to repeat it.
MURDOCH
Then why do you say Mr. Bell lied about it?
RADCLIFFE (deliberately)
What were the first intelligible words spoken by Bell over wire?
MURDOCH
Mr. Bell said, "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you." Mr. Watson heard those words clearly, and came and so notified Mr. Bell.
RADCLIFFE
Rubbish.
MURDOCH
Rubbish, why?
(OGDEN covers a small smile.)
RADCLIFFE
What was the SECOND intelligible message over wire?
MURDOCH
I— I don't know.
RADCLIFFE
What was the THIRD intelligible message over wire?
MURDOCH
I don't know.
RADCLIFFE
Nobody cares about the subsequent messages, do they? History only cares about the FIRST intelligible words by wire. I do not know what the FIRST intelligible words by wire were, but I can say with a good degree of confidence that they were NOT "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you."
OGDEN (intrigued)
You say this because you knew Mr. Bell personally, and therefore doubt his honesty?
RADCLIFFE
No. I am basing it upon the fact that the story is preposterous on its face.
MURDOCH (puzzled)
I don't see how. Mr. Bell himself told it to me.
(OGDEN smiles surreptitiously.)
RADCLIFFE
First, let's look at the words of the message itself. Bell calls his partner "MISTER Watson." That is itself is somewhat suspicious: it's rather formal under the circumstances, wouldn't you say? But forget about that for the moment. Why would Bell say, "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you," if he did not know that Watson would hear him and understand his message? Do you see? The message itself PRESUMES that Watson COULD hear, and this suggests that it was NOT the first intelligible message.
MURDOCH
That is hardly—
RADCLIFFE (interrupting)
What had happened to prompt Bell to say the thing he supposedly said?
MURDOCH
Mr. Bell had battery acid nearby. He had spilled some of the acid upon himself, upon his trousers.
RADCLIFFE
Yes! And that part of the story is corroborated. Battery acid WAS most certainly present!
MURDOCH
And—
RADCLIFFE
And Bell's words seem overly POLITE in such circumstances, don't they? Yet this was supposedly an EXCITED utterance, in which principles of formality and sentence structure tend to be suspended! To put it another way: Detective Murdoch, if YOU had spilled battery acid on YOUR trousers, thereby ruining your clothes and risking serious painful injury to your person, would YOU exclaim, "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you"?
MURDOCH (starting to wonder)
I don't know.
RADCLIFFE
Would you not be more LIKELY to exclaim something profane? Something such as "God DAMN it!"
(MURDOCH is momentarily speechless, partly shocked by the language from this lady's mouth. OGDEN is stunned at first, then begins to laugh, although it is not clear whether her laughter is due principally to amusement or to embarrassment. OGDEN covers her mouth.)
RADCLIFFE
I can say with some confidence, Detective, that ANY man who has spilled acid on his clothing would say something impolite. And knowing Bell as I did— so too would he, in all likelihood.
(MURDOCH ponders this. OGDEN is greatly amused watching MURDOCH and RADCLIFFE discussing.)
RADCLIFFE
It would be likely, then, that Watson heard Bell's profane exclamation, and came to tell Bell that he heard the utterance clearly. Bell and Watson at once knew that they had made history! (holding up an index finger) And they also knew that history would want to record the first intelligible message by wire.
MURDOCH (getting it, but still shaky)
And they would not want to have a profanity recorded for all posterity as the first intelligible message.
RADCLIFFE
So, they concocted an innocuous message as the first words.
MURDOCH (still shaky)
And, if I remember correctly, they made notes, but their recorded notes do not agree on the exact words.
RADCLIFFE
But the notes do agree that Bell made a polite, formal, measured utterance, in a complete, composed sentence; not an excited utterance that any normal man might make.
(MURDOCH ponders silently some more. He nods. OGDEN can't help but grin: RADCLIFFE has surprised MURDOCH again!)
RADCLIFFE
And that is why I say, "Balderdash!"
MURDOCH (almost stammering)
If I ever chance to meet Mr. Bell again, I may ask him—
RADCLIFFE
Oh, don't expect him to give you a straight answer, though. Do you think he would admit to you that his first words by telephone were an obscenity? What would that do to his reputation? To his place in history? No, he and Watson have their lie, and they will continue to tell it to their dying days.
(MURDOCH is somewhat at a loss. OGDEN is still amused.)
OGDEN
Mrs. Radcliffe, thank you so much for the tea, and for the delightful conversation! Rarely do I get to see my husband rendered speechless!
RADCLIFFE
Oh, and thank you for coming, Doctor. (to MURDOCH) And thanks also to you, (stressing the word a little) Detective.
(MURDOCH smiles uncomfortably. CUT TO: EXTERIOR RADCLIFFE HOUSE. MURDOCH and OGDEN walk back to the carriage. OGDEN has spring in her step, but MURDOCH seems a little shell-shocked.)
OGDEN
As you say, William, a charming and insightful lady. Very insightful.
MURDOCH (shaky, lost in his own thoughts)
But it's— it's history. I'd read it, but I'd never questioned the account. Could the history books be wrong? Did Alexander Graham Bell lie to history? Did Alexander Graham Bell lie to me?
OGDEN
Yes, this Mrs. Radcliffe was quite a remarkable lady.
(MURDOCH and OGDEN reach the carriage. MURDOCH proceeds to the driver's spot and makes no effort to help OGDEN into the carriage.)
OGDEN (amused)
William, are you going to help me? Or are you still "off-balance"?
(MURDOCH takes a moment to realize what he's missing. OGDEN laughs out loud. MURDOCH rolls his eyes and goes to help OGDEN into the carriage. FADE OUT.)
THE END
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: The notion that Alexander Graham Bell's first intelligible words by phone were an excited utterance, in response to the spilling of acid upon himself, is a notion that is still widely reported as historical. Some historians, perhaps recognizing that such words were an inappropriate response to the spilling of battery acid on Bell's trousers, have questioned the historicity of the story, however. Some have said that Bell's utterance was not excited at all, and that the account of the spilling of the battery acid is the mythical part. –DH)
