Chapter 23 Apartment
A/N: Thank you for all the comments I have gotten on this story, the follows, likes, and kudos. Thank you once again to my amazing beta JayHawkWrites, for understanding what I mean to say, even if it comes out wrong.
Blaine woke up for the first time in weeks to Sere crying. She usually just woke him up with laughter coming from the baby monitor. Sere was always a happy baby even when she first woke up, but this time she was almost screaming. Blaine threw the covers back and jumped out of bed, for once not worrying about waking Kurt up, he ran to Sere's crib and picked her up.
"What's wrong, Sere, baby, are you ok?" Blaine asked softly, holding her to his chest, he started pacing the room, slowly rocking and trying to soothe her. In the dim light of the room, Blaine barely made out how she was trying to chew on her little fist. He thought he knew what was going on. Blaine had read every infant book he could get his hands on when they had first gotten Sere. He figured that she was the right age to be teething. He took his finger and ran it across her gums and found the first signs of a budding tooth, breaking the skin of her bottom gum. Blaine went to Sere's diaper bag looking for the Orajel he had started carrying with him, knowing that she could start teething anytime, for once it wasn't there. That's when he remembered repacking her diaper bag right before the trip, and apparently, he had forgotten to put it back in. Shit
"Oh, my sweet baby, I am so sorry. Let me see if Kurt will watch you while Daddy goes to get something to make it better," Blaine said, kissing her little cheek, hating that she was in pain, hating that he forgot something so simple and just wishing he could take her pain away. He knew this was just a normal part of her growing up, but that didn't mean he had to like it.
Noticing that the bathroom door was closed, Blaine walked over and knocked. "Hey Kurt, would you mind watching Sere for me for a few minutes? I need to run to the store and grab some Orajel. She woke up teething this morning." Blaine asked and got no response,
"Kurt, are you in there?" When he didn't get a response again, he opened the door and found the bathroom was empty. Blaine's heart dropped to his knees, after everything that had happened the night before, his first thought was that Kurt had decided to leave him after all. "Come on, Kurt, please don't do this to us again," Blaine whispered. He walked over to the door leading out to their balcony, hoping, but he wasn't there either, Kurt was gone. The only thing that kept Blaine from thinking the worst was the fact that Kurt's suitcase was still on the luggage rack next to his.
Blaine opened his suitcase and pulled out the first pair of jeans and the first shirt he touched, for once not even caring if they matched. He walked over to the bed and laid Sere down long enough that he could get dressed. For now, Blaine decided not to bother changing Sere out of her pajamas. His main priority was getting what she needed to make her feel better, Blaine only took enough time to change her diaper before picking her up, grabbing his phone, wallet, and keys. He was soon walking out the door, stopping only long enough to make sure he had his key card for the room before letting the door close behind him and walked towards the elevator. When Blaine made it to the lobby, he quickly walked towards the exit, still holding a crying Sere.
"Shhh, baby, I know you hurt, daddy is going to get something to make it better, Shhh," Blaine said, kissing her head, now wanting to cry himself. For over a month, he had been carrying that stupid tube of Orajel with him everywhere. He always had a tube in her diaper bag, wanting to be ready. But now that Sere really needed it, Blaine had forgotten it at home. At times like this, he feels like a shitty dad. Too bad he was all Sere had left. He tried, but she deserved so much more.
Blaine walked to the store he had stopped at last night when he picked up diapers and managed to find everything he thought he would need. He got a tube of Orajel, and since they didn't have Baby Tylenol he bought the UK equivalent Calpol, a pack of teething biscuits, a bottle of hand sanitizer, and a small bottle of water. Once Blaine had gone through the store's checkout line, he read the direction on the Calpol bottle, and went ahead and gave her a dose, knowing that the sooner she was able to take it, the sooner she would start feeling better.
Stepping out of the door back onto the sidewalk, Blaine noticed a bench, he walked over to it and sat down, still holding Sere. Blaine dug through his shopping bag until he found the hand sanitizer and the bottle of water. Squirting some of the sanitizer onto his hand, Blaine rubbed it in and then used the bottle of water to rinse his hands off. He didn't like the idea of sticking his dirty fingers into Sere's mouth. Closing the lids on both bottles, Blaine stuck them both back into his bag and grabbed out the Orajel and rubbed probably more than the amount needed on Sere's bottom gum, and at last, she finally stopped crying. He still couldn't believe how stupid he was to leave something as crucial as Orajel and baby Tylenol at home. He could almost kick himself, because of his stupidity, Sere had had to suffer longer than she needed to.
"I'm sorry, baby. Daddy will try to do better, I promise," Blaine said, kissing her on the head. He once again dug through his bag and pulled out the box of teething biscuits he had gotten. Blaine opened one for her, and after she took it, he stood up and started walking back to their motel, glad to see the smile back on his little girl's face. That had been rough. The only thing that came close was when he had to take Sere to the pediatrician to get her immunizations. The nurses always offered to let him wait out in the hall so he wouldn't have to watch, but he figured that if she had to be there to go through it, he could at least be there to comfort her when they were done. Blaine took his time walking back. He was wrung out, first with Sere waking up screaming and then finding that Kurt was gone, Blaine was an emotional wreck.
When Sere and Blaine got back to their room, Kurt was still not there, Blaine started to wonder if he was going to have to learn to live without him again. Shaking that thought out of his head, he once again concentrated on his little girl. She had somehow managed to get her teething biscuit all over her. He couldn't bring himself to care, though, because his little girl was smiling again. With a laugh, Blaine grabbed out the diaper wipes and cleaned Sere off before dressing her in a pair of pink shorts and a matching pink top. He was just fixing her hair when he heard the door open, and Kurt walked in. Just looking at him had Blaine's heart speeding up. You would think after all this time, Blaine would be used to the beauty that was his Kurt, but nope, it still hit him every time.
"Hi," Kurt said softly, walking in with two cups of coffee and a paper bag.
"Hi," Blaine whispered back, trying to keep the uncertainty he was feeling out of his voice. One look at Kurt's face, and he knew he had failed.
"I'm sorry I left. I just needed to take a walk and clear my head a little," Kurt said, walking over to the table in their suite, sitting down the coffee and bag down before walking over to the bed and sitting down beside Blaine.
"Did you get everything sorted out?" Blaine asked, trying to keep the pain out of his voice, having flashbacks of a particularly rainy night in New York.
"Yes," Kurt said with a soft smile on his face, before leaning over and kissing Blaine's lips. "I owe you yet another apology. Every time we have ever been together, the one thing you have always asked of me was that if I had doubts, if I had worries, to come to you, and we could talk it out, that there was nothing that together the two of us couldn't fix. Last night, seeing you with your friends, kind of hit me hard. I was remembering my Blaine. The boy I had loved since the first time I saw you standing on the bottom steps of Dalton when I was sixteen years old. Last night I realized you're no longer that Blaine, my Blaine anymore, and that was all my fault," Kurt said, never taking his eyes off of Blaine. He used to be able to read him like a book, but not anymore. So much had changed, and Kurt still wondered if the change was just too significant.
"Ahh, Kurt, how many times do I have to tell you I am still your Blaine, and always will be. Yes, I have changed, but I think for the better. What hasn't changed, though, and never could is the love I feel for you. I am still the same boy who fell so in love with his best friend. The same boy who sang Teenage Dream to the most amazing person I have ever known. My life began on the steps of Dalton Kurt. Other than Sere, you are my life, my world. Please stop doubting me, stop doubting us," Blaine said, pulling Kurt to him, kissing him, "Oh, how much I love you," Blaine whispered before attacking Kurt's lips again.
Sere starting to fuss was the only thing that pulled Blaine away from Kurt. "I think she might be getting hungry," Blaine said, leaning in, kissing Kurt one more time before standing up.
"While I was out, I picked us up breakfast. I figured we could eat in here before heading to the apartment this morning if that's ok," Kurt said, standing up and walking over to the table. He pulled out two muffins and a small container of scrambled eggs and buttered toast. Walking back over to Blaine, Kurt reached for Sere, and could only smile when she happily came to him.
"Are you ready for breakfast, sweet girl?" Kurt asked her, kissing Sere on the cheek before sitting her in the high chair the motel had supplied them and he strapped her in. Once he knew she was secure, he put the bowl of scrambled eggs and toast in front of her, and could only laugh as she completely ignored the spoon he had placed in front of her, choosing to use her hands instead.
Kurt grabbed one of the cups of coffee and turned around to hand it to Blaine, noticing the look on his face. "What?" Kurt asked, wondering if he had just done something wrong.
"It's nothing, you are just so natural with her. You just picked her up and fed her as if you did it every day. Bryce wouldn't do that. He never wanted to have anything to do with her. He was supposed to be her father, but you are more natural and caring with her than he ever was. You just jumped in like it was the most natural thing in the world to do. God Kurt, you amaze me," Blaine said with a smile, taking his coffee from Kurt before placing another kiss on his lips.
"Oh," was all Kurt could say, smiling back. He was already falling in love with that little girl, but how could he not, she was a part of the man he loved.
"You remembered," Blaine said after taking a sip of his coffee, looking at Kurt. He tasted the hint of cinnamon, and cream Kurt had added to it.
"Of course, I did. When I woke up this morning, I had all these thoughts running through my mind about last night, but then, I started thinking about all the special things you did for me when we were together. I thought about the coffee you would show up with at school. Like somehow you just knew I was having a bad day, without me saying a word. Our special dates that you planned, and then all the mornings you woke up early so that you could make me breakfast in bed once you got to New York. I know I didn't always show you how much that meant to me, how much I appreciated every single thing you did. I was a bratty kid who took the most important thing in my life for granted."
"You know, I really don't remember saying thank you most of the time. It was almost like I just took everything you did as something you were just supposed to do, I don't know how you put up with me the way you did," Kurt said with a slight smile looking at Blaine, and for the hundredth time since they got back together, he was so glad Blaine was back in his life, that Blaine was once again his.
"I decided this morning I wanted to do something for you. I didn't have a kitchen available to cook for you, so I did the next best thing. While I was walking around, I found this cute little coffee shop that reminded me so much of the Lima Bean. I ordered our coffee and then saw these," Kurt said, handing Blaine one of the muffins he had brought back with him.
"Lemon, blueberry?" Blaine whispered after taking the first bite. That brought back so many memories of the mornings they had spent together in the Bushwick apartment. Blaine had found out how much Kurt loved lemon blueberry pancakes and used to get up early almost every morning just to cook them for Kurt. Once he had moved into Mercede's apartment with Sam, he was only able to do it on the weekends, so Blaine tried to make them even more special by serving them to Kurt in bed. Blaine had just assumed Kurt had forgotten about it.
"Thank you," Blaine said for more than just the muffins. He was so thankful to have Kurt back in his life again. To be able to love him, and hopefully share the rest of his life with him.
"I wanted to do something special for you for a change. My way of saying thank you for everything you always did for me, and what you still do. I also need to apologize. I know we said if there was ever a problem, we would talk about it then, instead of letting things build up. That might take me a while, but I promise I will continue to try. I also wanted to say how much I love you, and if it is ok with you, I don't plan on ever letting you go again," Kurt said, walking up to Blaine, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a tight hug.
"I have no problem with that at all," Blaine said, wrapping his arms around Kurt, leaning in for a kiss.
When they finished eating, Blaine cleaned Sere off. Somehow she had managed to get egg in her ear, laughing, Blaine was able to get it out, placing a kiss on her cheek before sitting her down on the towel he had spread on the floor for her. Grabbing her diaper bag, Blaine added a few more diapers, a few changes of clothes, and made sure he put the Calpol, Orajel, and a teething biscuit back in the bag. Lesson learned.
"She might be a little fussy today, she is cutting her first tooth," Blaine said to Kurt, turning around to pick Sere up, only to find Kurt had already picked her up and had her in the stroller ready to go.
Blaine stood there a moment, watching as Kurt walked to the front of the stroller, and knelt down in front of Sere. "I'm sorry, Re, did daddy make it all better?" Kurt asked before placing a kiss on her cheek.
Blaine just stood there with his mouth open. He was so used to doing everything for his little girl. He never expected Kurt to just step in the way he did. Blaine fell just a little more in love with him. He reached into his suitcase next and pulled out the pack of papers his dad had sent him with him to give to Shey's lawyer and placed them inside Sere's diaper bag. He looked around to make sure he didn't forget anything before walking out the door of their room. Blaine pushed Sere's stroller with his left hand and held Kurt's hand with his right. He thought back to all the dreams he used to have about himself and Kurt. The life he had hoped they would have.
Blaine had looked forward to marrying Kurt and spending the rest of their lives together as husbands, raising a family together. Now he just couldn't see that happening anymore. Blaine would spend the rest of his life with Kurt happily, but he couldn't see himself getting engaged or married again. Blaine had tried both, and neither had worked out for him, and he just couldn't risk losing Kurt like that again. Maybe he just wasn't meant for that life. Blaine thought as he pushed the button for the elevator and waited for it to take them downstairs.
When they got down to the lobby, Blaine was happy to see the taxi he had requested was already there. They climbed in, Blaine gave the driver the address, and they were soon on their way through the busy London traffic. As they passed places, Blaine was familiar with, he would point them out to Kurt, wanting to share as much as he could with him.
When they finally got to the apartment and got inside, Blaine took a minute and just looked around. He had almost forgotten what it looked like, he had been so focused on getting Sere and Bryce out of there, he really hadn't paid that much attention, they had been the only thing there that had been important to Blaine, now though, knowing that this was his sister's apartment, her things, he wanted to take more time. Blaine let Sere out of her stroller, and sat her down on the floor, and walked to her old room.
"Is there anything you want me to do to help?" Kurt asked, walking up to Blaine, rubbing his hand up and down Blaine's back. Kurt could only imagine what Blaine must be feeling right now.
"I'm not even really sure what to do with all this, to be honest. I know I want to take a lot of Sere's stuff with me, and I need to make sure there aren't any important papers that were left behind and go through her pictures, but other than that, I'm not really sure," Blaine said at a loss. He had known this would be hard, but he didn't know how hard. Sure Blaine had never met her, but she had still been his sister and Sere's mom.
"Let's do this. Let's go get some boxes. We can set one up for things you know you want to keep, one for things you know you don't and then one for maybe. That way, most of the stuff will only have to be handled once, and maybe it won't be as overwhelming for you that way too," Kurt said, looking at Blaine.
"Thank you, have I told you yet today, just how much I love you," Blaine said, walking up to Kurt, wrapping his arms around him, holding him tight.
"I never get tired of hearing it," Kurt said, placing a kiss on Blaine's cheek before wrapping his arms around him.
They left the apartment long enough to go find boxes and set them up the way Kurt had suggested. Blaine didn't worry about packing anything in the kitchen. Bryce had paid a company to come in and get rid of any food that might have been left behind before he had died. Blaine decided all the dishes, would be given to whoever opted to purchase the apartment, and they could do with them what they wanted to.
Blaine put Sere in her portable crib, he had thought to bring with them. She had fallen asleep while they were in the taxi on their way back from getting the boxes and tape. He started in Sere's room first. He knew most of the things he would want to keep would be in there. Blaine and Kurt carried three boxes in, and Blaine started going through everything. The first thing that went in the keep box was the quilt that had been in Sere's crib. It was beautiful, and Blaine was thinking about putting it on Sere's crib at home. That way, she would have something in her room that had been picked out for her by her mom.
Blaine next went through Sere's closet, putting all the clothes hanging up, in the box that he would not be keeping, those he would donate. The only thing from the closet that made it into the keep box had been the outfit Sere had been wearing in the picture he had at home. The picture had been with Shey holding Sere, not long after Sere had been born. Next, Blaine went through her little dresser. Everything in there, went in the box he would be donating. He wished he could keep it all, send it all home, it was stuff that Shey had picked out for her little girl, but he knew that wasn't practical. Blaine hated that Sere would never get to know her mom, who, judging by everything he saw, really loved her little girl.
When Blaine had everything out of the closet and dresser, he moved to the little bookcase that was in the corner of Sere's room. On top, there was a little book, that from the look of it had been read more than any of the others, like it had meant a lot to Shey. She had wanted to share that book with her baby girl. That book had apparently meant a lot to Shey, so Blaine would make sure he read it to Sere so that it would become important to her as well. What Blaine found next broke his heart. On the first shelf was Sere's baby book. Looking through the pages, Blaine saw that Shey had journaled every moment of her life from the time she found out she was pregnant through the day before the car crash that had taken her life. That was what Blaine had hoped to find. Something he could show his daughter to let her know just how much she had been loved.
Blaine folded the boxes closed, marking them as to whether they would be going with him or left to be donated, before making his way next into Shey's room. This one was easier. Everything went into the donate box except the paperwork he found. That he would be taking to his dad to be looked over. Blaine wanted to make sure nothing important was thrown away. The only thing from Shey's room Blaine decided to keep except the papers was a silk scarf that Shey had left hanging on her dresser mirror. Blaine neatly folded it and put it on top of the box of things that would be going home with him, once again wanting to save it for Sere. Blaine looked around thinking, the last time his sister had been in this room, the last time she walked out, she would have had every intention of coming back, it hit Blaine how your life could change in an instant. One moment, his little girl had had a mother that, from all signs, had loved her daughter very much, to her next just being gone.
When they were done in Shey's room, they went to the only room Blaine hadn't entered the last time he was there. Blaine had concentrated then on Sere's room, getting the things they would need for her until he and Bryce could buy what she might need. He had gone through Shey's room only to get the documentation she had talked about in the letter she had left behind for Bryce. Opening the door for the first time, Blaine was reminded of who his sister had really been. Around the room, inside a curio cabinet, and on every inch of shelves in the room was all the awards she had earned in her lifetime of acting. She had Emmys, Tonys, People's Choice awards, and one he didn't know about, on the top of her curio cabinet sat her one and only Oscar award.
"Shit Blaine," Kurt said behind him. "What are you going to do with these," Kurt said, walking around looking at all the awards in the room.
"I have no idea. With Bryce, getting rid of his stuff was easy, I have no idea what to do with all of this. Hang on a minute," Blaine said, pulling out his phone and calling his dad.
"Hey dad, I have a situation here," Blaine said when his dad answered his phone.
"What's up?" Michael asked, a little concerned by the tone of Blaine's voice.
"Dad, I am at Shey's apartment, cleaning it out, and she has a room that has nothing but awards in there. I don't know what to do with them." Blaine answered his dad.
"When you say full, what do you mean?" Michael questioned.
"Hang on a Sec dad. I am going to facetime you real quick," Blaine took his camera and panned it around the room, making sure he showed his dad everything in there.
"Ok, son, I have no idea what to tell you to do with those," Michael said in complete shock. When he had found out that Shey was Sere's mom, and that she had been an actress before she died, Michael had checked out her history. He had been aware of some of her awards, but had no clue she had that many. "Have you hired a shipping company yet?"
"No, because I really didn't know if it would be needed," Blaine answered his dad
"I'll get someone hired and they'll be there tomorrow. They can get all that packed up, and we can figure out what to do with it all later," Michael said, he knew he hadn't been able to watch his little girl grow up, but he still loved her and wanted something that was her's.
"Ok, we'll save this room for later then," Blaine said, glad his dad would be handling that room because he had no clue.
"Well, I guess that just leaves the living room, then," Blaine said after hanging up with his dad, and turning to look at Kurt. He honestly doesn't know how he would have handled all this without Kurt. He doesnt think he could have gotten through today without him.
Blaine made quick work of the living room, the only thing in there really besides nik-naks which would be staying in the apartment, was her picture albums. Blaine went into the kitchen, grabbed the trash can, and started throwing pictures away of people he didn't know. The only pictures he kept were the ones of Shey or Sere, and one he knew his dad would want. In the picture was a very young MIchael with a little girl who might have been two, sitting on his lap. Looking at the picture, without having to even ask, Blaine knew it was Shey. With everything she had gone through, she had saved the one picture she had of her dad. A dad she never even got to know.
When Sere woke up and started to fuss, Blaine realized how long they had been there. "Are you ready to get out of here for tonight? I don't think there is anything else we can do until the shipping company comes tomorrow, and I met with the real estate agent my dad has been talking to."
"Yeah, I think it is time to grab something to eat," Kurt said and could only laugh when his stomach growled.
"I think both of you might be right," Blaine said, laughing before pulling Kurt into a hug.
Blaine called a taxi to take them back to the hotel. He wanted to drop off the portable crib and paperwork he had taken with him to the apartment and what he had found today at Shey's. Blaine had hoped they would be done with the packing today. He had wanted them to be able to spend their last two days in London playing tourist again. Instead, tomorrow Blaine would be meeting with the real estate person who would be selling Shey's apartment for him. Blaine would then need to meet with Shey's lawyer, so he could drop off the paperwork Michael had sent with him, and now he would also need to wait on the packing company Michael was going to hire to pack up Shey's awards.
When they got back to their room, Blaine changed Sere, rubbed some more Oragel on her gums, and gave her another dose of Calpol. She was starting to get a little fussy, which could either be from hunger or her mouth was starting to hurt again. He didn't want to take the chance that it was the later when he had something that would make her feel better.
"Do you have anything, in particular, you would be interested in for dinner?" Blaine asked Kurt, walking up to him, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug.
"Not really, you know what would probably sound crazy to you?" Kurt asked looking at Blaine
"Ok, now I am interested, what would sound crazy to me?" Blaine asked, leaning back a little so he could look at Kurt.
"Breadstix," Kurt said with a laugh which had Blaine laughing too.
"Sweetheart, we are in the wrong country for that," Blaine said, continuing to laugh, leaning in and kissing Kurt. Oh, how he loved that man.
"I know that silly. I just meant something along that line," Kurt said, kissing Blaine back.
"So, cheap Italian, huh, let's see what we can come up with," Blaine said with a smile before putting Sere in her stroller, and then grabbing Kurt's hand, and walking out the door.
They found a little Italian restaurant just up the street from their hotel. They both fell in love. It had the same vibe of Breadstix, reminding them of their date nights, back when they were still in high school. Back when things were still so new, before they had both made mistakes that ended them.
Kurt sat in silence for a few minutes, watching his wine as he swirled it around in his glass, before looking up into Blaine's eyes that held so many questions, and a hint of nervousness. "Have you ever regretted us? Our meeting I mean? Kurt asked the question he had wanted to ask for a while.
"I regret a lot of things Kurt, but meeting you, falling in love with you has never been one of them," Blaine said looking at Kurt
"What do you regret?" Kurt asked, looking at Blaine
"My biggest regret is cheating on you. I regret not manning up, getting on a plane, flying to New York and making you talk to me before I did the stupidest thing I could have ever done and cheated. I regret that I only got on that plane when it was already too late to change anything. I regret so much hurting you, destroying your trust in me, destroying us. I regret saying no when you asked me to get back with you after we kissed at Rachel's party. I regret Bryce to a certain extent. I can't regret everything with him because I wouldn't have Sere in my life. But meeting you, Kurt, that is one thing I will never be able to regret," Blaine said with a tear rolling down his cheek, reaching out to grab Kurt's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.
"What about you, do you regret us, our meeting?" Blaine asked, needing to hear Kurt say yes or no.
"Never, I too have some regrets, but not about you, or us. I regret that I got so busy trying to build a career, that I forgot to take care of us, or our relationship. I regret that when you came to New York, I didn't really give you a chance to talk, or for me to listen. I regret when I went back to McKinley to see Grease, that I wouldn't give you a second when all you wanted to do was explain, and I didn't give you the time to do so. But my biggest regret is breaking up with you, breaking our engagement, breaking your heart. That will be a regret I will live with for the rest of my life, but us, no, that is something I could never regret," Kurt said, squeezing Blaine's hand back.
They had both made mistakes and hurt each other in the past. They both had battle scars. Hopefully with time and patients, they can heal, they can get back to where they were, but this time around better than ever.
